Nina29 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 After a nasty divorce last year.He had a girlfriend for 8months and she broke up with him.And our dog past away.He got a puppie and ask me to go with him and ever since we became closer and closer each day that goes by.I stop by to see doggie and we talk on the phone all the time.Until last time we where seating in the couch over his house and he started with the whole seduction thing...and we ended up having SEX....(He tried a few times before that but i refused)....After that he called me on a monday and ask me to cook that Chicken Strognoff he loves and I said ok....He came over my house on tuesday had dinner ...and after dinner we lay down in my bed and started watching tv.and it happened again...So I called him on thursday and never mentioned anything about what happened...So we talked for a few minutes and when I was ready to say good bye he said " don't forget tomorrow is friday you can came over so we can watch a movie and have dinner together...I did...But we started watching the movie rsrsrss Shrek the third ( he does not like kids movies,but I do! and he suggested) While married he could care less about what I liked or not.we fell asleep and everytime time I tried to get up he would'nt let me go!So cute!!!I just don't know what to do even because I am not sure about reconciliating with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Sleeping with the ex, never really a good idea IMO- emotionally messy. Is he rebounding from the girlfriend and coming back to you because of that? That's a question I'd be asking myself because I've read of that happening, not fun for you if that's the case. What do you want from him? To be back together? To be friends? To be friends 'with benefits'? You need to think hard about this. You write you had a nasty divorce - has each of you taken the time to deal with your individual issues so that if you were to restart having a 'relationship' you wouldn't just fall back into the old patterns that caused the split in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Sleeping with the ex, never really a good idea IMO- emotionally messy. Is he rebounding from the girlfriend and coming back to you because of that? That's a question I'd be asking myself because I've read of that happening, not fun for you if that's the case. What do you want from him? To be back together? To be friends? To be friends 'with benefits'? You need to think hard about this. You write you had a nasty divorce - has each of you taken the time to deal with your individual issues so that if you were to restart having a 'relationship' you wouldn't just fall back into the old patterns that caused the split in the first place? Mel! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Him wanting to have sex with you is not the same thing as him wanting to reconcile with you. Just as you've been having sex with him without necessarily wanting to reconcile. You need to talk with him about what's going on between you so you are both on the same page. And think very long and hard about what led up to your divorce, the nastiness during the divorce, and whether anything has substantially changed about him or you or what each of you wants out of life and relationships. Keep in mind, a few dates and some sex do not equal any kind of real change in who he is deep down, or who you are. It's easy to have dinner and sex, and to be nice to each other when it's just dinner and sex. It's much harder to be married, so don't assume that his behavior on these dates is an indication of how he'd treat you if you reconciled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nina29 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 I know.You are right.I do think we have to talk about that or just stop with this whole thing. Thank you. Nina Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nina29 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 I don't ask him much.But i just think he is feeling lonely that's right he is acting like that!I have heard of people like that too.Honestly He is the man of my life and would love to go back with him I am just affraid! Thanks for your opinion. Nina Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nina29 Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 I don't ask him much.But i just think he is feeling lonely that's right he is acting like that!I have heard of people like that too.Honestly He is the man of my life and would love to go back with him I am just affraid! Thanks for your opinion. Nina __________________ Nina Link to post Share on other sites
Navin_R_Johnson Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 You say nasty divorce? Who left whom? Can you give more details on the breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 WOW.. he asked you for sex .. and he asked you to cook for him... WOW again.. how cute is that.. Methink he's a player and only wants you cause he has no one else right now.. He cheated on you once.. my bet is that he'll cheat on you again.. the first attractive woman that comes his way.. and you're gone.. This guy is emotionally dependant (and you too)... and he clings to whoever is 'available' at the moment.. he probably can't live alone (a lot of men don't). My advice: move on.. leave him alone.. he's not worth your energy or your time... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 WOW.. he asked you for sex .. and he asked you to cook for him... WOW again.. how cute is that.. Methink he's a player and only wants you cause he has no one else right now.. He cheated on you once.. my bet is that he'll cheat on you again.. the first attractive woman that comes his way.. and you're gone.. This guy is emotionally dependant (and you too)... and he clings to whoever is 'available' at the moment.. he probably can't live alone (a lot of men don't). My advice: move on.. leave him alone.. he's not worth your energy or your time... Damn lizzie, kinda harsh there, this coming from a woman who relishes in dating mm's? funny. anyway's their both single now, there's still attraction on both thier ends, maybe he's changed, maybe he is better than who he was before. I say hear him out find out what his intentions is. But remember men are able to seperate sex from love. Most women cant. Link to post Share on other sites
stbx2007 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 If you had a nasty divorce you should be really careful. Don't sleep with him again and don't cook. I wouldn't trust him. Move on. Find someone you can trust. This is like getting too familiar with a snake. They are beautiful but ... Try asking why he is sleeping with you again (just to put him on his p's and q's). If he gives you an evasive or bs answer I think he is just needing someone till he finds a new girlfriend. Don't do it. If you felt strong enough to get a divorce it should stand. It rarely pays to reconcile after the fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Honestly He is the man of my life and would love to go back with him I am just affraid! Nina, use the information that you already have about yourself, him and the dynamics that occur when you two are in relationship. Have you had counseling? Do you know your role in the divorce? Have you taken your own steps to ensure those dynamics won't play a part in your future relationships (with your ex or anyone else)? Have you worked to make improvements in the areas in which you need to personally improve? Has he had counseling? Does he know his role in the divorce? Has he taken his own steps to ensure those dynamics won't play a part in his future relationships (with you or anyone else)? Has he worked to make improvements in the areas in which he needs to personally improve? I assume your fear is that things will revert back to being exactly as they were -- if nothing significant has changed on the individual levels of wisdom, self-awareness, healthier coping skills, effective communication, etc. then, YES, you are obviously inviting another nasty divorce (or nasty "break-up", depending) if you just remain a passive participant and allow things to proceed along the current path. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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