Author kendallawaits Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 I just feel hurt, you know? I'm not someone who has problems meeting men. I get asked out but not by guys looking for a long term thing. He seemed like was worth getting to know. I just feel like I wasted so much time and emotion for nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Relax kendall. The two of you created a work friendship. You can continue maintaining that friendly work relationship but with concrete proof that anything more, isn't plausible. I would turn this around and play with him a bit, with zero intent to take it further. It might help to make your workday go faster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 I don't really see much point in playing with someone who isn't interested. I mean I think what he did was pretty mean if anything. I have never been anything but nice and friendly to him. I'm the only one here that even speaks to him on a personal level, so it really is a slap in the face. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I think it is very possible that he was interested, but being that he's so passive he lost interest with the cold shoulder ordeal. I'm not trying to rub in the mistake you made, but I think it affected his perception on whether or not he wanted to go out with you. Link to post Share on other sites
45Reverse Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I don't really see much point in playing with someone who isn't interested. I mean I think what he did was pretty mean if anything. I have never been anything but nice and friendly to him. I'm the only one here that even speaks to him on a personal level, so it really is a slap in the face. Hey...sorry it worked out like that. You can probably chalk this guy up as being super shy b/c he completely lacks confidence. If that wasn't clear before, it certainly is now. Good on you for trying to set something up with him. I still think it was the right way for you to handle it. Now you know for certain that it isn't you and never was...Maybe you even learned a little more about yourself in the process(?) Even though this guy turned out to be a dope I would suggest you not play games with him as Trial suggested. It would reflect baddly on you. You have the high ground right now, why give it up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 I don't think he was interested in me, in that way. I think he enjoyed the attention. I'll get over it. Thanks for the kind words! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 LOL! I love this thread. Why don't you just relax and ask him out another time in the next week or two and have everything prepared- a date and time at least a few days in advance. I don't understand what the big deal is. He likes you; you like him. Don't let a misunderstanding ruin the prospect for another date! And if he's not interested, well at least you know and then it's time to quit your job and hide in a corner somewhere to save all the embarrassment. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 LOL! I love this thread. Why don't you just relax and ask him out another time in the next week or two and have everything prepared- a date and time at least a few days in advance. I don't understand what the big deal is. He likes you; you like him. Don't let a misunderstanding ruin the prospect for another date! I'll have to disagree with the bolded words. He's not interested enough. She's chasing something that doesn't want to be caught. Also, note that she's got other options. I wouldn't waste anymore time on this guy, except, as previously mentioned, to have a little fun at his expense. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Guy outting? Well, if he didn't go to the movies with you just to hang out with some beer bellies, then maybe he's just not interested. I think any guy would ditch the friends for a person he was interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'll have to disagree with the bolded words. He's not interested enough. She's chasing something that doesn't want to be caught. Also, note that she's got other options. I wouldn't waste anymore time on this guy, except, as previously mentioned, to have a little fun at his expense. I'm just trying to base this on what the poster has told us: "For the last month a male coworker of mine, has been throwing out very obvious hints that he liked me." I guess a bad judgment call? Or maybe he is just too shy to really commit to anything. Just move on and be mature about this. Who knows what's wrong with the guy! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'm just trying to base this on what the poster has told us: "For the last month a male coworker of mine, has been throwing out very obvious hints that he liked me." I guess a bad judgment call? Or maybe he is just too shy to really commit to anything. Just move on and be mature about this. Who knows what's wrong with the guy! She basically asked him out twice. The first time, he didn't bother making alternate plans. The second time, he lied about being busy on the weekend. This boy is jacking with her, for whatever reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'm not going to quit my job over this guy. wtf? I'm only embarrassed that I chased him. I made myself look too eager, that is my fault. But I'm certainly not going to go hide in a hole. I know better than to ask out a guy. I know this now. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'm not going to quit my job over this guy. wtf? I'm only embarrassed that I chased him. I made myself look too eager, that is my fault. But I'm certainly not going to go hide in a hole. I know better than to ask out a guy. I know this now. lol! I was only trying to make you laugh. The only person who knows about this is him anyways, so there is really not much to even stress over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 I guess I'm not much in a laughing mood, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I guess I'm not much in a laughing mood, sorry. This is why I never make the first move. I guess that makes me a sissy, but I can imagine how tough it must be for men as a lot of them get rejected often. I think the guy has little experience with women and you just happened to get him at the moment where he was willing to take a risk. But now sadly, he's back in his hole. I know some say he might be fooling with you, but shy people don't generally think that way. How many times did I lie about being "busy" or having a boyfriend just because I was too afraid to go out with someone... granted I was in high school. But this guy might just not be socially mature enough to date. Don't be too upset about it, but it seems the guy really is an oddball for 24 years old. He's just too damn shy; him telling you his weekends are always boring only validates this fact. I doubt he was any designated driver either. Hell, if he has so much free time on weekends, are his weekdays going to be booked? These kinds of men who keep to themselves usually have strange phobias too. Who knows why he didn't want to go out late at night or maybe he was afraid that it would wind up you asking to spend the night or going to your place and of course he knows he wouldn't be able to handle that either. I'm just assuming that if he wasn't interested or really didnt want to go in the first place, he would have came up with the "busy" excuse or not ask to see it with you at 8:15. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'm not going to quit my job over this guy. wtf? I'm only embarrassed that I chased him. I made myself look too eager, that is my fault. But I'm certainly not going to go hide in a hole. I know better than to ask out a guy. I know this now. I am sorry to hear that it didn't work out. To bring up the movie passes and then not take the opportunity you gave him is at best stupid, at worst pretty mean on his part. I have no idea why he would mention the movie passes if he had no intentions of going with you. However, there is no need to feel bad or embarrassed about it. I know, that is easy for me to say and not much consolation for you right now. Sometimes taking that risk is going to be worth it, other times it doesn't pay off. Unfortunately, your first experience was a bad one. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I also want to say that the men I rejected I felt were attractive and cute. But here I am comparing a 16-17 year old with a 24 year old. I don't know if it would make sense to this situation, but I'm just trying to offer a differing opinion. Good luck and just let it go. If he's interested and one day works up some courage, he'll be there a few cubicles away or whatever. He'll know where to find you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mahatma Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Ok.... First: Quit reading books with relationship advice and realize no one man is the same, so advice about how to get a man in a book will only work on some men. I have had girls ask me out on dates and some of those girls turned out to make fine girlfriends, others not so much. Second: You are WAY over analyzing this situation. Just because he didn't set up a new specific time and date doesn't mean anything at all. I wouldn't personally do it because it would come off like I was becoming needy and attached. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 This is why I never make the first move. I guess that makes me a sissy, but I can imagine how tough it must be for men as a lot of them get rejected often. I think the guy has little experience with women and you just happened to get him at the moment where he was willing to take a risk. But now sadly, he's back in his hole. I know some say he might be fooling with you, but shy people don't generally think that way. How many times did I lie about being "busy" or having a boyfriend just because I was too afraid to go out with someone... granted I was in high school. But this guy might just not be socially mature enough to date. Don't be too upset about it, but it seems the guy really is an oddball for 24 years old. He's just too damn shy; him telling you his weekends are always boring only validates this fact. I doubt he was any designated driver either. Hell, if he has so much free time on weekends, are his weekdays going to be booked? These kinds of men who keep to themselves usually have strange phobias too. Who knows why he didn't want to go out late at night or maybe he was afraid that it would wind up you asking to spend the night or going to your place and of course he knows he wouldn't be able to handle that either. I'm just assuming that if he wasn't interested or really didnt want to go in the first place, he would have came up with the "busy" excuse or not ask to see it with you at 8:15. I appreciate you all trying to make me feel better. But I really think this is just a case of "He's just not that into me", lol. Link to post Share on other sites
refurb Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I wanted to ask him but we were interrupted by another coworker and I had to step away at that exact moment. I thought he may bring it up again during the day, but he didn't. God, I'm bad at this, lol. The lol is the key. It's not always easy, but try to approach it in a light hearted way (it kinda sounds like you are, a bit). I like daphne's suggestion. Tease him a little. Act like you're hot ****. If he drops a hint about movie passes, say "so when are you picking me up?" One thing I like to do is say chicks "owe me" me when they screw up. It shows you aren't mad, and it gives them a way to flirt back. So if he mentions movie passes, just say "you owe me a movie considering how you've been treating me!". Say it with a smile on your face. RF Link to post Share on other sites
pr-girl Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I don't think you handled the situation very well. You are going to turn him off from you completely by snubbing him simply because he could not make the movie time you wanted. I completely agree. He may have had plans with friends prior to you asking him out. He may have been so excited that you did, so he fit you in. I think by you brushing him off the way you did, he took it as rejection. He didn't reject you from what it sounds. (I haven't read any more of the thread, but the first couple responses. I'm not sure if this has already been rectified.) Link to post Share on other sites
Mahatma Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I appreciate you all trying to make me feel better. But I really think this is just a case of "He's just not that into me", lol. I completely disagree. I don't know how many days ago you made this thread and if you've had some time in the office together and still seem to be ignoring each other, but to me it seems more like a misunderstanding. I think purposely making that call right in front of your friends was unnecessary. So what if he didn't add in time after the movie? Maybe he already had those plans with his friends before you asked him out. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 (I haven't read any more of the thread, but the first couple responses. I'm not sure if this has already been rectified.) He mentioned that he had movie passes. This is what happened after that: Well, I mentioned it today. I said by the way "when are we going to see the movie? I said I was waiting for you to get back to me", and he goes "Oh I didn't know that, I can't go this weekend" He was just saying that he didn't have plans this weekend! What the hell? I just think he likes the attention I have been giving him. I'm so over it. I feel like a moron all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
refurb Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 This guy is either very socially awkward or isn't interested. Don't take it personally though, it's only one guy! Look at it this way, instead of spending your time wondering if he was interested, you know now! Now you can move on and find someone else. RF Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Ok. I really don't believe this guy. He made a comment about how he got has some passes to go see a movie. Almost right after he said that, I had to go help another coworker with some paperwork. He's pulling that "hinting" crap again. I don't understand why he can't/won't ask me. This is getting a little weird. yeah WEIRD WOULD Be the word! Link to post Share on other sites
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