WTF? He's not that into me?

[MrsHellnoFire]

maybe he's afraid of older women! LOL! he might be used to dating teenagers, you never know

[MrsHellnoFire]

I don't have any clue. I want to flirt with him and see if that helps BUT I don't want to look desperate. I already asked him out. He made a totally random comment today about having movie passes and didn't say anything else. He was very attentive today, asking me to come over to his desk to make random conversation, coming by my desk to make more random conversation. Keep in mind we our desk are side by side. There is a cubicle wall so we can't see each other but we can have conversations just by sitting at our own seats and talking over the wall. He doesn't have to come over to my desk to talk to me or vice versa.

 

he sounds interested in you. i guess he's waiting til you force yourself on him again

[MrsHellnoFire]

I wanted to ask him but we were interrupted by another coworker and I had to step away at that exact moment. I thought he may bring it up again during the day, but he didn't. God, I'm bad at this, lol.

 

you're bad at this? i've never seen so much complication over a movie ticket.

[kendallawaits]

you're bad at this? i've never seen so much complication over a movie ticket.

 

 

That made me laugh. It's ok I'm too annoyed to be interested anymore.

[kendallawaits]

I completely disagree. I don't know how many days ago you made this thread and if you've had some time in the office together and still seem to be ignoring each other, but to me it seems more like a misunderstanding. I think purposely making that call right in front of your friends was unnecessary. So what if he didn't add in time after the movie? Maybe he already had those plans with his friends before you asked him out.

 

 

So what if I made plans? Big freaking deal.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Don't be embarrassed. No way. You have confidence in yourself and that's never embarrassing. He gave you obvious hints and you made a move. Good for you for having the confidence to do so. This guy's a weirdo, or jacking you around, whatever. The point now is, who cares if he is interested or not? After all his shenanigans, you're not! And why should you be?

 

I've had a couple of incidents similar to this one. Two guys who were giving me very obvious clues that they were attracted to me. I thought maybe they were shy, so I casually mentioned we should do something. Both freaked out and backed off. Turns out the one guy already had a girlfriend! The other one? Still don't know his deal.

 

Pissed me off, though! Like, why flirt with me and act like you're interested if you're not? Are you trying to make me look like a jackass?

[kendallawaits]

Don't be embarrassed. No way. You have confidence in yourself and that's never embarrassing. He gave you obvious hints and you made a move. Good for you for having the confidence to do so. This guy's a weirdo, or jacking you around, whatever. The point now is, who cares if he is interested or not? After all his shenanigans, you're not! And why should you be?

 

I've had a couple of incidents similar to this one. Two guys who were giving me very obvious clues that they were attracted to me. I thought maybe they were shy, so I casually mentioned we should do something. Both freaked out and backed off. Turns out the one guy already had a girlfriend! The other one? Still don't know his deal.

 

Pissed me off, though! Like, why flirt with me and act like you're interested if you're not? Are you trying to make me look like a jackass?

 

Maybe he is weird. I don't know. I have met some strange men before but he takes the cake. I don't show interest a man unless I plan on doing something about it. When a guy asks me out and I'm not interested, I than tell him I'm not interested. I don't keep trying to flirt with him!

 

This joker continued to try to play his little flirting crap today, still!

I'm so happy I didn't apologize to him after what happened last week.

[zicke]

So what if I made plans? Big freaking deal.

 

Yes, but, he made plans as well, and you freaked out.

[kendallawaits]

Yes, but, he made plans as well, and you freaked out.

 

 

Did you read the whole thread?

[zicke]

Yes I did, apparently you didn't because I told you earlier that you were being passive aggressive by your rudeness to him. It's OK for you to have plans, but not him???

 

He made plans with you, you got the wrong time, wanted to rearrange to later show, he said he could go to the earlier show, but you couldn't rearrange because for some reason that 1.5 hours was a deal breaker for you, he couldn't see later show (in addition the earlier show would have given you in your own words "45 minutes" to get ready), you freaked out, ignored him, made other plans, so he could hear, and now you are wondering why he won't ask you out???

 

And, you are now saying---big deal, I made plans. Just sayin.

[kendallawaits]

Yes I did, apparently you didn't because I told you earlier that you were being passive aggressive by your rudeness to him. It's OK for you to have plans, but not him???

 

He made plans with you, you got the wrong time, wanted to rearrange to later show, he said he could go to the earlier show, but you couldn't rearrange because for some reason that 1.5 hours was a deal breaker for you, he couldn't see later show (in addition the earlier show would have given you in your own words "45 minutes" to get ready), you freaked out, ignored him, made other plans, so he could hear, and now you are wondering why he won't ask you out???

 

And, you are now saying---big deal, I made plans. Just sayin.

 

 

Sorry but I don't think I "freaked out" and yes I made other plans. What was I supposed to do? Moon over him on a Friday night? I don't think so. I left without saying bye, no biggie. I was a little short but I did not "freak out".

 

Now he's playing mind games with me.

[zicke]

OMG---do you have absolute ZERO self awareness? Yes, you freaked out, you IGNORED HIM FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, AND SAID NO GOODBYE. Because you were pissed! You were not "a little short". Oh please, you ignored him and purposely did not say goodbye because you wanted to make him feel bad for having other plans. I have been there! I know exactly what you were thinking because I've done the same thing.

 

You are not a bad person, not at all. Just a bit immature in your reactions...I know, I have done the exact same thing. Until you learn to be OK with other people having a life that doesn't revolve around you, this will always be an issue.

[kendallawaits]

OMG---do you have absolute ZERO self awareness? Yes, you freaked out, you IGNORED HIM FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, AND SAID NO GOODBYE. Because you were pissed! You were not "a little short". Oh please, you ignored him and purposely did not say goodbye because you wanted to make him feel bad for having other plans. I have been there! I know exactly what you were thinking because I've done the same thing.

 

You are not a bad person, not at all. Just a bit immature in your reactions...I know, I have done the exact same thing. Until you learn to be OK with other people having a life that doesn't revolve around you, this will always be an issue.

 

 

Again No I didn't freak out. I have plenty self awareness. I don't say goodbye every single night. He isn't my man so it isn't required. I didn't ignore him. There was only 1 hour left of the shift. I answered him when he talked to me, I just didn't go overboard into conversation, thus being short. I don't expect anyone to revolve their life around me. And I don't believe he had other plans. I think that was a blow off. So looking back I don't feel that bad.

[D-Lish]

OMG---do you have absolute ZERO self awareness? Yes, you freaked out, you IGNORED HIM FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, AND SAID NO GOODBYE. Because you were pissed! You were not "a little short". Oh please, you ignored him and purposely did not say goodbye because you wanted to make him feel bad for having other plans. I have been there! I know exactly what you were thinking because I've done the same thing.

 

You are not a bad person, not at all. Just a bit immature in your reactions...I know, I have done the exact same thing. Until you learn to be OK with other people having a life that doesn't revolve around you, this will always be an issue.

 

Yes, I definetely think it's important to recognize that there was a slight bit of over reaction on the OP's part. And I think Z's assessment of the situation is bang on.

 

It's not an assasination of your character Kendall- it really isn't. I've done the quick reaction thing myself- without thinking things through myself.

 

I think you did what so many of us do... you hear only "rejection" because he mentioned later plans.... but you really didn't hear what I believe to be was POSITIVE about how he handled it.

 

I do think he was confused by the meaning of the date... I really do. I honestly think it was a misunderstanding that has been blown out of proportion.

 

I think you saw the mix up as an act of rejection and got your back up as a result ... and I truly don't think it was rejection.

 

Z is trying to be helpful- and I am trying to be helpful. Not attacking.

 

I'm sticking with what I told you originally- that he was confused about the meaning of the date, but still really wanted to go out with you. I do think the whole thing was just a misunderstanding on both your parts.

 

The words "start over" come to mind.

[zicke]

Whatever. It's like talking to a brick wall.

 

You. Were. Rude.

 

You were not being blown off, you took it as you were. So, in turn, you decided to make him feel bad by giving him one word responses whereas before you were more verbose. But, OF COURSE YOU hadn't changed your attitude at all. Right? Like when you left and did not say goodbye?

 

I give up. You ARE RIGHT. You behaved as every mature adult would when plans changed or didn't pan out as they hoped. Good Job!

[Trialbyfire]

Whatever. It's like talking to a brick wall.

 

You. Were. Rude.

 

You were not being blown off, you took it as you were. So, in turn, you decided to make him feel bad by giving him one word responses whereas before you were more verbose. But, OF COURSE YOU hadn't changed your attitude at all. Right? Like when you left and did not say goodbye?

 

I give up. You ARE RIGHT. You behaved as every mature adult would when plans changed or didn't pan out as they hoped. Good Job!

Did you read any further into the thread? You might want to, before crapping all over the OP by blowing this completely out of proportion.

[kendallawaits]

Whatever. It's like talking to a brick wall.

 

You. Were. Rude.

 

You were not being blown off, you took it as you were. So, in turn, you decided to make him feel bad by giving him one word responses whereas before you were more verbose. But, OF COURSE YOU hadn't changed your attitude at all. Right? Like when you left and did not say goodbye?

 

I give up. You ARE RIGHT. You behaved as every mature adult would when plans changed or didn't pan out as they hoped. Good Job!

 

 

I don't have to say goodbye, he isn't my boyfriend. Have you read about what happened the last few days?

[kendallawaits]

Yes, I definetely think it's important to recognize that there was a slight bit of over reaction on the OP's part. And I think Z's assessment of the situation is bang on.

 

It's not an assasination of your character Kendall- it really isn't. I've done the quick reaction thing myself- without thinking things through myself.

 

I think you did what so many of us do... you hear only "rejection" because he mentioned later plans.... but you really didn't hear what I believe to be was POSITIVE about how he handled it.

 

I do think he was confused by the meaning of the date... I really do. I honestly think it was a misunderstanding that has been blown out of proportion.

 

I think you saw the mix up as an act of rejection and got your back up as a result ... and I truly don't think it was rejection.

 

Z is trying to be helpful- and I am trying to be helpful. Not attacking.

 

I'm sticking with what I told you originally- that he was confused about the meaning of the date, but still really wanted to go out with you. I do think the whole thing was just a misunderstanding on both your parts.

 

The words "start over" come to mind.

 

 

Hey,

 

You have given some great advice. But have you read what has been going on lately? Over the last few days. I know there is alot of crap in this thread but you may change your mind after you take a look. He is totally messing with me. I tried to start over.

[daphne]

kendall,

 

I applaud you for bringing up the movie passes again, that took a lot of guts after what happened. However, I think you're still following your same pattern. You overreact and read what he says as rejection. So what if this guy rejected you? This is a question I had to learn to understand. If you like yourself and know you're a catch, SO WHAT? I wasn't there, but your description didn't give me any reason not to give him a little benefit of the doubt.

 

Your reactions are a bit volatile, and I think a lot of women on this thread can relate. We've all done it. It is something I did in my 20's, and I feel like I may have missed out on a few good guys because I lacked real confidence.

 

You don't really know for sure what he had going on this weekend. He may not have had plans to go out, but may have been super busy or obligations. If you consider it from his angle even, he probably has the same fear of rejection that you have, except his is worse because you've ALREADY REJECTED HIM.

 

I'm not saying that you should pursue him anymore. He's young, and is either uninterested, or afraid of rejection and lacks social graces to suggest another time. I've done that myself, even in my 30's. What I am saying, is that you need to master the art of not reacting so that when the right one comes along you're not overanalyzing things that should flow a lot better and focus on whether the guy's right for you to begin with. That involves flirting without expectation. Hopeful, maybe. But expectations can kill just about any relationship, and particularly early on. We all reserve the right to flirt until we decide if we want to pursue further.

 

Also, if both of you are operating out of fear and reaction, it becomes a pattern where you're just reacting to each other's insecurities. If you set the example (perhaps with someone else), I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the result. Blaming this guy for being a jerk will keep you from learning how to get what you want.

[kendallawaits]

kendall,

 

I applaud you for bringing up the movie passes again, that took a lot of guts after what happened. However, I think you're still following your same pattern. You overreact and read what he says as rejection. So what if this guy rejected you? This is a question I had to learn to understand. If you like yourself and know you're a catch, SO WHAT? I wasn't there, but your description didn't give me any reason not to give him a little benefit of the doubt.

 

Your reactions are a bit volatile, and I think a lot of women on this thread can relate. We've all done it. It is something I did in my 20's, and I feel like I may have missed out on a few good guys because I lacked real confidence.

 

 

You don't really know for sure what he had going on this weekend. He may not have had plans to go out, but may have been super busy or obligations. If you consider it from his angle even, he probably has the same fear of rejection that you have, except his is worse because you've ALREADY REJECTED HIM.

 

I'm not saying that you should pursue him anymore. He's young, and is either uninterested, or afraid of rejection and lacks social graces to suggest another time. I've done that myself, even in my 30's. What I am saying, is that you need to master the art of not reacting so that when the right one comes along you're not overanalyzing things that should flow a lot better and focus on whether the guy's right for you to begin with. That involves flirting without expectation. Hopeful, maybe. But expectations can kill just about any relationship, and particularly early on. We all reserve the right to flirt until we decide if we want to pursue further.

 

Also, if both of you are operating out of fear and reaction, it becomes a pattern where you're just reacting to each other's insecurities. If you set the example (perhaps with someone else), I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the result. Blaming this guy for being a jerk will keep you from learning how to get what you want.

 

 

I appreciate the words of wisdom, I really do. I was very casual about it today. I wasn't short with him, I just acted as if it didn't bother me. I don't think he was truthful last week, I really don't. That is why I reacted the way I did. I don't like games. I'm tend to be a little too straight forward at times but I only mean good by it. I think he is a bit of a weirdo and I'm just here venting until I get over it.

[zicke]

Just read the part apparently I've been missing, and I must say, any guy who reacted as you did initially I would not want to go out with. Men hate drama. You may think that you did nothing dramatic, but you did by being rude and ignoring him. His response, was most likely normal for a man who does not want drama. You are bringing on the drama.

 

Drama doesn't always mean screaming and other things, it can also mean passive aggressive behavior--such as: ignoring and shortness.

 

I am not there with you and him. I work with someone with the same behaviors and it drives me batty. I do nothing with this person outside of work. Why bother?

[D-Lish]

Yeah- I went back and read the thing about the movie passes. That's freaking 4 pages babe... I am working on this one!!! Just kidding.

 

I dunno what to say.... By everything you describe he is acting weird.

People act weird when they don't know how to respond otherwise- which means they are uncomfortable. Is he uncomfortable because he doesn't know how to deal with a woman- or is he trying to blow you off?

Let's dissect that.

 

I think if he wasn't interested- but still a shy guy.... he'd stop talking to you and coming to your desk. He probably wouldn't mention movie passes knowing you were listening. A shy guy who was not interested would CLAM UP... and go MIA. Right?

 

Is he uncomfortable because he is shy? Perhaps. You now have to ask yourself if you want to go through the craziness of pursuing a shy guy. You should probably ask yourself what kind of guy you need in your life to make you feel at your best. Is that a guy who pursues you- or a guy you have to pursue? In other words- is this more trouble than this is worth from your perspective...?

 

Guys are awkward- just like we are. Hell, people are awkward.

 

How do you proceed? Ask yourself- is this worth it to pursue? I suspect it is on some level- or you would have exited this post.

 

I am telling you - with a shy guy- you will have to do more work... are you willing to go for that?

 

And stop logging in 5 pages of new info when I go to a job interview okay? It's killing me!

[kendallawaits]

Just read the part apparently I've been missing, and I must say, any guy who reacted as you did initially I would not want to go out with. Men hate drama. You may think that you did nothing dramatic, but you did by being rude and ignoring him. His response, was most likely normal for a man who does not want drama. You are bringing on the drama.

 

Drama doesn't always mean screaming and other things, it can also mean passive aggressive behavior--such as: ignoring and shortness.

 

I am not there with you and him. I work with someone with the same behaviors and it drives me batty. I do nothing with this person outside of work. Why bother?

 

Ok you think I was dramatic. I don't. We disagree. But if he wasn't interested, why is he still messing with me? flirting? throwing out hints? If he was so turned off by my "dramatic behavior"?

[kendallawaits]

Yeah- I went back and read the thing about the movie passes. That's freaking 4 pages babe... I am working on this one!!! Just kidding.

 

I dunno what to say.... By everything you describe he is acting weird.

People act weird when they don't know how to respond otherwise- which means they are uncomfortable. Is he uncomfortable because he doesn't know how to deal with a woman- or is he trying to blow you off?

Let's dissect that.

 

I think if he wasn't interested- but still a shy guy.... he'd stop talking to you and coming to your desk. He probably wouldn't mention movie passes knowing you were listening. A shy guy who was not interested would CLAM UP... and go MIA. Right?

 

Is he uncomfortable because he is shy? Perhaps. You now have to ask yourself if you want to go through the craziness of pursuing a shy guy. You should probably ask yourself what kind of guy you need in your life to make you feel at your best. Is that a guy who pursues you- or a guy you have to pursue? In other words- is this more trouble than this is worth from your perspective...?

 

Guys are awkward- just like we are. Hell, people are awkward.

 

How do you proceed? Ask yourself- is this worth it to pursue? I suspect it is on some level- or you would have exited this post.

 

I am telling you - with a shy guy- you will have to do more work... are you willing to go for that?

 

And stop logging in 5 pages of new info when I go to a job interview okay? It's killing me!

 

 

Sorry about the new info. How was the interview?

[zicke]

He's not being dramatic. You are. I don't see a post from him. You may think he is throwing out hints, but he may not see it that way. Look, this is going nowhere at this point. Find a man who is available and willing to do the work. Me personally, I would want a man who makes an effort.