SpikeyChick Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 A truly divine answer. Where did you pick up all this knowledge? And do not say "expierience" because it's like you were a man in your past life, and still remember everthing in this lifetime. No other female that I've met seriously understand men the way you do. Stay tuned - I have more wisdom for y'all. Link to post Share on other sites
SpikeyChick Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I'm this way because of the way men have treated me. Perhaps my expectations are a little higher than yours . Your behavior is a 'choice', moment by moment. Blamimg "men " is pathetic, and more so in this instance because this co-worker has never "hurt" you, but you are acting as if he has. Secondy your "expectations" may be higher than mine but your behavior is much lower. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 Ok. Well you have your opinion and I did ask for opinions. We will agree to disagree. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 "Secondy your "expectations" may be higher than mine but your behavior is much lower" There is nothing "low" about me. I just know I deserve to be treated with respect. I acted a little overboard one time. I'm sure you are not perfect, either. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Get over it girl - he did nothing wrong .You did it all right until you started pulling that stunt calling you G/f so that he could hear you. I disagree. That "stunt" was a very healthy thing to do... and something that GUYS who are on top of their game wouldn't hesitate to do. Plans don't work out? No problem, pick up the phone and make other plans. Wow, there sure seems to be a lot of anger towards the OP. I think maybe she could have handled things a little differently, but really, why do so many feel the need to be condescending? I'm with you, CherryB. I don't get it. This really isn't a big deal. I don't understand why it's triggering such strong (and negative) reactions from other posters. Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Your behavior is a 'choice', moment by moment. Blamimg "men " is pathetic, and more so in this instance because this co-worker has never "hurt" you, but you are acting as if he has. Secondy your "expectations" may be higher than mine but your behavior is much lower. This quote 'your "expectations" may be higher than mine but your behavior is much lower' is OMFGHAX. I am certainly traveling to Bermuda one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 I almost feel you are taking this personally. wow. Link to post Share on other sites
SpikeyChick Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 "Secondy your "expectations" may be higher than mine but your behavior is much lower" There is nothing "low" about me. I just know I deserve to be treated with respect. I acted a little overboard one time. I'm sure you are not perfect, either. How are you going to "fix" this ? It is NOT his call now it is yours. He did nothing wrong or untoward - you got hissy and played some lame mindgames in a pouty fit of frustration because things did not just go your way. Your move sister. Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I almost feel you are taking this personally. wow. Very viable and clever comeback. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I guess I don't see the big deal about him making additional plans that night. Especially with it being a first date. Did you expect that he would want to wipe out a couple of days worth of plans just to spend it all with you? Were you expecting him to sleep over? I don't get it. You invited him for a movie...that's all. And you automatically expected more. I don't feel that it's fair to crucify him for his choice to be there for his friends. If anything - he should get kudos for staying responsible for his commitment to his friends to make sure they get home safe instead of driving home drunk. He sounds loyal. He's probably had these friends longer than he's known you, so of course they'll come first. As somebody else was going along in their line of thinking - maybe he had these plans with his friends awhile back but then you came along with your invitation and he was so excited to get to spend some time with you that he jumped at the first opportunity even if it wasn't ideal. Cut the guy a break. There is always more to the story than you know. I'd just start acting normal. You kind of over-reacted a little. But I do NOT see a problem with making plans to see your friend that night when he canceled. I don't understand why people are making a big deal out of that. I mean really - Oh, no...he didn't hear you bawling on the phone that some guy at work broke plans with you. He instead got to hear that you are in control of your life and can take care of yourself. I think that's admirable. No need for either person to get their panties in a twist. I don't see any need for respect to have been lost on either side. Link to post Share on other sites
SpikeyChick Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 This quote 'your "expectations" may be higher than mine but your behavior is much lower' is OMFGHAX. I am certainly traveling to Bermuda one day. You would be most welcome. Bring a buddy for my single friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I guess I don't see the big deal about him making additional plans that night. Especially with it being a first date. Did you expect that he would want to wipe out a couple of days worth of plans just to spend it all with you? Were you expecting him to sleep over? I don't get it. You invited him for a movie...that's all. And you automatically expected more. I don't feel that it's fair to crucify him for his choice to be there for his friends. If anything - he should get kudos for staying responsible for his commitment to his friends to make sure they get home safe instead of driving home drunk. He sounds loyal. He's probably had these friends longer than he's known you, so of course they'll come first. As somebody else was going along in their line of thinking - maybe he had these plans with his friends awhile back but then you came along with your invitation and he was so excited to get to spend some time with you that he jumped at the first opportunity even if it wasn't ideal. Agreed. Keep in mind we don't even know if it was a date-date. For all we know, he thought he was hanging out with a co-worker by going to a movie. I did this just last week. Cut the guy a break. There is always more to the story than you know. I'd just start acting normal. You kind of over-reacted a little. But I do NOT see a problem with making plans to see your friend that night when he canceled. I don't understand why people are making a big deal out of that. I mean really - Oh, no...he didn't hear you bawling on the phone that some guy at work broke plans with you. He instead got to hear that you are in control of your life and can take care of yourself. I think that's admirable. No need for either person to get their panties in a twist. I don't see any need for respect to have been lost on either side. Agreed again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 I don't think I will be asking him out again. I will go into work and act like I did before all of this happened. I will be nice and professional. I just don't think I can be as "friendly-flirty" as before. If he decides to confront me about my "overboard" behavior, I would more than welcome it. If not, that is fine too. I think he had some interest in me, but not as much as I did in him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 between a "date" and a coworker "outing". His prior behavior more than indicated he was looking for a "date". Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I guess I don't see the big deal about him making additional plans that night. Especially with it being a first date. Did you expect that he would want to wipe out a couple of days worth of plans just to spend it all with you? Were you expecting him to sleep over? I don't get it. You invited him for a movie...that's all. And you automatically expected more. I don't feel that it's fair to crucify him for his choice to be there for his friends. If anything - he should get kudos for staying responsible for his commitment to his friends to make sure they get home safe instead of driving home drunk. He sounds loyal. He's probably had these friends longer than he's known you, so of course they'll come first. As somebody else was going along in their line of thinking - maybe he had these plans with his friends awhile back but then you came along with your invitation and he was so excited to get to spend some time with you that he jumped at the first opportunity even if it wasn't ideal. Cut the guy a break. There is always more to the story than you know. I'd just start acting normal. You kind of over-reacted a little. But I do NOT see a problem with making plans to see your friend that night when he canceled. I don't understand why people are making a big deal out of that. I mean really - Oh, no...he didn't hear you bawling on the phone that some guy at work broke plans with you. He instead got to hear that you are in control of your life and can take care of yourself. I think that's admirable. No need for either person to get their panties in a twist. I don't see any need for respect to have been lost on either side. Is it strange to have learned more from women than men on these forums, even though a male (which I am) usually looks to a more expierienced male for advice to dating? Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 between a "date" and a coworker "outing". His prior behavior more than indicated he was looking for a "date". Don't you think being a designated driver for some friends is a pretty serious thing and would need some priority over a first "date?" Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 between a "date" and a coworker "outing". His prior behavior more than indicated he was looking for a "date". Not that it matters (because I still don't think you should have expected him to give up his entire night for you, seeing as the only plan was the movie), but can you give us some examples of what he did/said to make you believe this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 If that was the truth, than fine. But I have my doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 If that was the truth, than fine. But I have my doubts. If it's not true, then he's just not that into you and it wasn't a date. You have doubts it's true. So you should have equal doubts that it was a date. Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 If that was the truth, than fine. But I have my doubts. Don't worry, I think you are a super cool chick for having balls to ask a guy out. I wish more chicks would be willing to put themselves out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 He was very flirtatious with me for the last 3 weeks. I have friends at work, we are cool and friendly. But this went beyond "platonic" and especially for a person like him. He really doesn't speak to anyone else in the office, other than myself. I wasn't seeing something that wasn't there. Maybe he just changed his mind about me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I think the best take-away for you from posting here is that there are different perspectives on this situation, and his perspective might be very different from yours. If he's a shy guy and doesn't talk to anyone but you in the office, you're probably safe in taking his statements at face value. Shy guys typically aren't big game-players and liars. I don't think he changed his mind about you at all. He had a conflict with the time change, just as you had a conflict with going earlier. And now he's probably sitting around thinking he blew it with you just because he couldn't go to the late show. Instead of making plans to act one way or another, why don't you just go in to the office and behave as you usually would toward him? Suggest another day to go to the movie and have fun. You don't have to turn this into a big drama - just chalk it up to the awkward first steps of dating. It doesn't always go as smoothly as in the movies. Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I think the best take-away for you from posting here is that there are different perspectives on this situation, and his perspective might be very different from yours. If he's a shy guy and doesn't talk to anyone but you in the office, you're probably safe in taking his statements at face value. Shy guys typically aren't big game-players and liars. I don't think he changed his mind about you at all. He had a conflict with the time change, just as you had a conflict with going earlier. And now he's probably sitting around thinking he blew it with you just because he couldn't go to the late show. Instead of making plans to act one way or another, why don't you just go in to the office and behave as you usually would toward him. Suggest another day to go to the movie and have fun. You don't have to turn this into a big drama - just chalk it up to the awkward first steps of dating. It doesn't always go as smoothly as in the movies. I think even a shy guy (that likes you, of course) would ask you out if they were asked out first. Kendall, you have already done what most chicks can't even comprehend. Nice job. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Don't worry, I think you are a super cool chick for having balls to ask a guy out. I wish more chicks would be willing to put themselves out there. Really? I would love to take a more proactive approach with dating but the current wisdom seems to be that men will lose attraction towards a woman who goes after them like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 That was the first time I have ever asked a guy out. I just thought because of his demeanor, he would never ask me out. He kept making comments like " I want to see that movie, but all my friends have already seen it" saying he had no one else to see it with. Than earlier in the week he goes "I don't have too much going on, during the weekends. My weekends are pretty boring." Like I said there is also an age difference of 4 years. Another day he asked me if I was into younger guys. Among other comments here and there. I really felt that he wanted me to know he was interested but he was too scared to make a move. Thats the only reason I pursued him. It really seemed to me those were hints. Maybe I was wrong about that too.. Link to post Share on other sites
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