D-Lish Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I would really need for him to make a move, as far as going out as friends or more. I'm thinking about apologizing in private sometime tomorrow, just for my own conscience. nah- no apologizing- trust me! Don't do it.... Just be friendly and open- flirty and receptive. If you truly NEED him to ask u out next- that is your best bet. Apologies give them the control. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 nah- no apologizing- trust me! Don't do it.... Just be friendly and open- flirty and receptive. If you truly NEED him to ask u out next- that is your best bet. Apologies give them the control. I'm so confused. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
SpikeyChick Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I'm so confused. lol. Frankly I think that you should at least make a big girl attempt to smooth things over. IT is YOUR job to do it because you kinda messed it up in the first place. I know that my advice contradicts the mindset of the others women here who seem to believe that it is OK to do whatever, and then expect the guy to "make the next move " .. This is not adult thinking. Secondly he is now "spooked" a little ,so suggesting that it is his move just ain't gong to happen. IT is your next move - you may WANT him to take the initiative but what are the chances. However,SC to the rescue here...Why not combine an "almost" apology with another 'smooth' invite - make it light and easy....and HUMOROUS. Humor dissolves anxiety, and this guy his high level of unbound anxiety. Say , " Hey 'Shy Guy', too bad things did not work out like I planned with the movie and all. Did your friends all get home alive with you driving that green minivan around at 2am ? Perhaps you could drive me home after we get a drink ? You up for that soon ?" ( and this time pay attention to times and places - get clear with all the details ..) (You can invite me to the wedding party too as payment for this big sister guidance ) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 frankly I Think That You Should At Least Make A Big Girl Attempt To Smooth Things Over. Why Not Combine An "almost" Apology With Another 'smooth' Invite - Make It Light And Easy....and Humorous. Humor Dissolves Anxiety, And This Guy His High Level Of Unbound Anxiety. Say , " Hey 'shy Guy', Too Bad Things Did Not Work Out Like I Planned With The Movie And All. Did Your Friends All Get Home Alive With You Driving That Green Minivan Around At 2am ? Perhaps You Could Drive Me Home After We Get A Drink ? You Up For That Soon ?" Great Idea!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 Frankly I think that you should at least make a big girl attempt to smooth things over. IT is YOUR job to do it because you kinda messed it up in the first place. I know that my advice contradicts the mindset of the others women here who seem to believe that it is OK to do whatever, and then expect the guy to "make the next move " .. This is not adult thinking. Secondly he is now "spooked" a little ,so suggesting that it is his move just ain't gong to happen. IT is your next move - you may WANT him to take the initiative but what are the chances. However,SC to the rescue here...Why not combine an "almost" apology with another 'smooth' invite - make it light and easy....and HUMOROUS. Humor dissolves anxiety, and this guy his high level of unbound anxiety. Say , " Hey 'Shy Guy', too bad things did not work out like I planned with the movie and all. Did your friends all get home alive with you driving that green minivan around at 2am ? Perhaps you could drive me home after we get a drink ? You up for that soon ?" ( and this time pay attention to times and places - get clear with all the details ..) (You can invite me to the wedding party too as payment for this big sister guidance ) I know you are trying to help Spikey and I appreciate it. I have no clue what the next step is to take because I have NO CLUE how he feels about me, before of after my rude behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 If I knew how he felt, plantonic or otherwise, It would make the next step 10 times easier. Link to post Share on other sites
freedom8 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Funny I'm going through a similar situation with a colleague. Not knowing kinda drives you nuts and you get confused and moody at work. It shows cause sometimes you are doing it unconsciously. So I revealed some feelings and got the response I was after and we were happy but later, any beginning was tarnished by external influences not wanting her to date outside her race. Now that is a whole other story so now I am forced to accept this fact and deal with my emotions to see her as just a friend. I'm not back at work yet to see how awkward it may be. I agree with you, now that he kinda knows that you made the first move, you might just want to wait. Even if a guy is shy, he can always return the favour if he knows that you gave him a sign. Just be normal at work and try not to show that it all affects you too much. In the end it has to play out for the better or worse and if he wants to take it another step, he will let you know. Whatever you do, don't ignore him because you didn't get the response you hoped for. Hope it works out well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
SpikeyChick Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I know you are trying to help Spikey and I appreciate it. I have no clue what the next step is to take because I have NO CLUE how he feels about me, before of after my rude behavior. Take the next step BEFORE you think about his feelings. You can FIX this by taking action . Do what I suggested in my previous post. Girls need to take control sometimes and this is one of those times. STOP THINKING and AGONISING -it is women's greatest flaw. Just do it ! It WILL work .. Two people who are standing still is a recipe for paralysis. Link to post Share on other sites
SpikeyChick Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 If I knew how he felt, plantonic or otherwise, It would make the next step 10 times easier. Your taking CHARGE will shape his feelings. He is MORE anxious than you,BUT he does not dislike you or resent you . Men are much tougher that that. He is spooked and confused and he has retreaed into his shell. GO get him out . We all talk "woman power " ,but we collapse into a quivering, shivering mess at the first obstacle of this kind. Get tough,and get the man Link to post Share on other sites
Gawdess Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 He can be a man, take charge, and ask her out then. I don't think he's that interested to be honest. Your taking CHARGE will shape his feelings. He is MORE anxious than you,BUT he does not dislike you or resent you . Men are much tougher that that. He is spooked and confused and he has retreaed into his shell. GO get him out . We all talk "woman power " ,but we collapse into a quivering, shivering mess at the first obstacle of this kind. Get tough,and get the man Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 Things seem to be back to "normal" today. I'm no longer being ignored. I have not said anything about my "episode" and neither has he. I will wait to see if he brings it up. He had been very sweet all day. I guess we will see what happens. Kendall Link to post Share on other sites
refurb Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Your taking CHARGE will shape his feelings. He is MORE anxious than you,BUT he does not dislike you or resent you . Men are much tougher that that. He is spooked and confused and he has retreaed into his shell. GO get him out . We all talk "woman power " ,but we collapse into a quivering, shivering mess at the first obstacle of this kind. Get tough,and get the man I agree 100%. I doubt he's mad at you, just confused. The idea about smoothing things over with humor is a great idea. If I were you, I'd give it one more try and then if it still doesn't work out, move on. RF Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Things seem to be back to "normal" today. I'm no longer being ignored. I have not said anything about my "episode" and neither has he. I will wait to see if he brings it up. He had been very sweet all day. I guess we will see what happens. Kendall Perfect. Keep it that way. His supposed "confusion" is advantageous to you. It will keep his attention on you. I'm taking a page out of the player's book! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 I think I got so upset because I really felt that he was bailing on me and I really felt that, the mix up gave him an out. Whether or not his reason was true..who knows... Link to post Share on other sites
45Reverse Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 He is a SHY guy by nature, and your first post says that it took two months to get him past some 'one word ' answers. THis is a man who lives in his own internal world behind an invisible shield. That is HIS personality. So, to your credit, you warm him up by persisting, and eventually he opens up a little and converses with you in a more flowing manner. Then you ask him out to a movie without nailing down the times . Confusion breaks out, and he has made prior arrangements to drive his friends home later and your 'date' plans all goes to shyte. You get hissy without a legit reason and now the inevitable has happened. HE has retreated behind his shield again. THis guy will NOT ask you out EVER under the currebt circunstances because he does not see you as stable. Your actions said so. If you want this guy to step forward you need to start over and rebiuld your cred by acting a lot more maturely. No hissy moments ,, Shy guys NEVER fall for flighty emotional woman - they too risky . Shy men (and woman ) like stability and predictablity. They are not risk-takers and right now you look like too much of a risk because of the way that you REACTED . Some of the advice you have received here is juvenile. Do not play 'hard to get' or play" Miss Too Cool ". you need to be "Ms Calm and Efficient". To him you are currently a suspect, not a prospect. However, on a positive note , shy people still do have an underlying need for excitement, but they want it without RISK. Right now you are RISKY because you reacted to the events of that night like a brat when things did not turn out to your liking. So show him your fun and playful side OCCASIONALLY but without any dramatics or girly threatrics.. Wow...great post Spikey. Having a few shy friends and having gone through a shy spell myself many years ago I can tell you're dead on here. OP...playing 'hard to get' with this dude will only make it certain that he never asks you out again. Link to post Share on other sites
45Reverse Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Loads of drama attached to someone like this who can't be open with you. Personal preference I guess. Seems like a whole lotta' work when there's more than enough men around who will pursue, who aren't dirtbags. Ahhhh...you gotta love the stereotypes. Why is it so important that you be pursued as opposed to doing a little pursuit yourself? Ladies...This is no BS. Guys do like it when you are willing to be a little proactive in the dating game. And contrary to popular belief, you will not lose points with most guys out there for doing so. Truth is you'll bank serious points with the dudes that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
45Reverse Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 If I knew how he felt, plantonic or otherwise, It would make the next step 10 times easier. Heh heh...now you know how a lot of guys feel when they have to play the dating game according to the 'established rules'. Fun, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Ahhhh...you gotta love the stereotypes. Why is it so important that you be pursued as opposed to doing a little pursuit yourself? Ladies...This is no BS. Guys do like it when you are willing to be a little proactive in the dating game. And contrary to popular belief, you will not lose points with most guys out there for doing so. Truth is you'll bank serious points with the dudes that matter. The loss of the perceived "points", don't matter to me. Sorry but I don't agree that the men who believe in the "point" system, are all that worthwhile. Link to post Share on other sites
45Reverse Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 nah- no apologizing- trust me! Don't do it.... Just be friendly and open- flirty and receptive. If you truly NEED him to ask u out next- that is your best bet. Apologies give them the control. "Control" ...wrong thing to focus on. JMHO Link to post Share on other sites
45Reverse Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 The loss of the perceived "points", don't matter to me. Sorry but I don't agree that the men who believe in the "point" system, are all that worthwhile. It's just a figure of speech Trial...but suit yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 He didn't ask me out. I asked him out. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 It's just a figure of speech Trial...but suit yourself. A figure of speech, oh, well then, here's my take on it. If a guy doesn't have the balls to pursue me, I never bother. It takes interest to generate a reciprocal interest in me. Right or wrong, that's the way I'm wired. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kendallawaits Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 A figure of speech, oh, well then, here's my take on it. If a guy doesn't have the balls to pursue me, I never bother. It takes interest to generate a reciprocal interest in me. Right or wrong, that's the way I'm wired. Great words to live by. I'm learning! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Great words to live by. I'm learning! Thanks, although I'm very stereotypical when it comes to dating. I can't seem to change that wiring but realistically speaking, more that I don't choose to change that wiring. I have a def. preference for a man who knows his mind, knows what he wants and isn't afraid to pursue it. Once again, neither right or wrong, it just is. Link to post Share on other sites
45Reverse Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 He didn't ask me out. I asked him out. I know...I was speaking to your dilema on following up with him after the misunderstanding you two seem to have had. Link to post Share on other sites
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