WTF? He's not that into me?

[45Reverse]

A figure of speech, oh, well then, here's my take on it. If a guy doesn't have the balls to pursue me, I never bother. It takes interest to generate a reciprocal interest in me. Right or wrong, that's the way I'm wired.

 

Heh heh... Just WTH would you know about "having balls" anyway?

 

But whatever...you seem to prefer playahs.

 

....Or more likely that's what you'll end up with more often than not. But that's cool if it's what you dig.

 

Peace.

[45Reverse]

Great words to live by. I'm learning!

 

 

Right...Living by those "great words" very likely won't get you hooked up with this particular dude.

 

But if that's the way you want it, then have at it.

[Trialbyfire]

Heh heh... Just WTH would you know about "having balls" anyway?

 

But whatever...you seem to prefer playahs.

 

....Or more likely that's what you'll end up with more often than not. But that's cool if it's what you dig.

 

Peace.

I've been pursued by both players and real men. You learn to sift through them, making some mistakes along the way but then, don't we all learn from experience?

 

Speaking of, are you a shy guy, afraid to pursue?

[Stockalone]

Great words to live by. I'm learning!

 

I would say he definitely is interested but giving him the cold shoulder for no reason at all (from his POV) has probably put a demper on his interest. Shy guys usually don't look for unnecessary drama in their lifes.

 

 

Things seem to be back to "normal" today. I'm no longer being ignored. I have not said anything about my "episode" and neither has he. I will wait to see if he brings it up. He had been very sweet all day. I guess we will see what happens.

 

It seems like he is already coming around though. There is nothing wrong with wanting/needing him to make the next move. But how about giving him some positive reinforcement.

 

Drop some hints that you are up for another try.

 

He was trying to set up something else. But instead of using something along the lines like "Too bad we can't catch the movie tonight. How about we do "___" tonight instead and go see the movie next friday", he was using this:

 

"well I do want to see the movie still, so we can go another night"

 

Depending on how shy he is, that is an offer for a date. If you agree with TBF, and you need a more agressive man, you should simply wait and see if your shy guy makes a move. If he does, great. If he doesn't, he just wasn't the kind of man you are looking for.

[45Reverse]

I've been pursued by both players and real men. You learn to sift through them, making some mistakes along the way but then, don't we all learn from experience?

 

Speaking of, are you a shy guy, afraid to pursue?

 

Yep, we all tend to learn as we go so I feel ya there.

 

Nope, I'm not really the shy type...I had moments of it back in High School but that was a long time ago.

 

Just got back into the dating scene a year ago (divorce) and have been loving it. I've done the vast majority of the pursuit to be sure. In spite of my posts in this thread I do understand that many women have a similar perspective as you so what choice do I have?

 

...but I have to say that the chicks who had the courage to approach me first were by far the most interesting. Can't explain it other than it's a serious turn on to meet women who have the 'nads to chat me up....Says something about their individuality I guess.

 

FWIW- A lot of my buddies (the ones who are single anyway) say the same thing. They love it when a girl makes the first move.

[Trialbyfire]

Nope, I'm not really the shy type...I had moments of it back in High School but that was a long time ago.

As a non-shy guy, do you think you would react and feel the same way as a shy-guy does and would?

[kendallawaits]

Right...Living by those "great words" very likely won't get you hooked up with this particular dude.

 

But if that's the way you want it, then have at it.

 

 

 

I have expressed interest, he knows I'm interested and where to find me. It was difficult enough the first time.

[kendallawaits]

I would say he definitely is interested but giving him the cold shoulder for no reason at all (from his POV) has probably put a demper on his interest. Shy guys usually don't look for unnecessary drama in their lifes.

 

 

 

 

It seems like he is already coming around though. There is nothing wrong with wanting/needing him to make the next move. But how about giving him some positive reinforcement.

 

Drop some hints that you are up for another try.

 

He was trying to set up something else. But instead of using something along the lines like "Too bad we can't catch the movie tonight. How about we do "___" tonight instead and go see the movie next friday", he was using this:

 

 

 

Depending on how shy he is, that is an offer for a date. If you agree with TBF, and you need a more agressive man, you should simply wait and see if your shy guy makes a move. If he does, great. If he doesn't, he just wasn't the kind of man you are looking for.

 

 

I may drop "hints" and try not to look like a complete idiot.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I have expressed interest, he knows I'm interested and where to find me. It was difficult enough the first time.

 

Ugh. This shy guy is annoying me. Kendall screwed up the courage to ask him to do something but he can't go out of his way even a little tiny bit.

[kendallawaits]

Ugh. This shy guy is annoying me. Kendall screwed up the courage to ask him to do something but he can't go out of his way even a little tiny bit.

 

 

There is a huge possibility that I read him all wrong and he isn't interested in me.

[kendallawaits]

I would say he definitely is interested but giving him the cold shoulder for no reason at all (from his POV) has probably put a demper on his interest. Shy guys usually don't look for unnecessary drama in their lifes.

 

 

 

 

It seems like he is already coming around though. There is nothing wrong with wanting/needing him to make the next move. But how about giving him some positive reinforcement.

 

Drop some hints that you are up for another try.

 

He was trying to set up something else. But instead of using something along the lines like "Too bad we can't catch the movie tonight. How about we do "___" tonight instead and go see the movie next friday", he was using this:

 

 

 

Depending on how shy he is, that is an offer for a date. If you agree with TBF, and you need a more agressive man, you should simply wait and see if your shy guy makes a move. If he does, great. If he doesn't, he just wasn't the kind of man you are looking for.

 

 

I just figured him saying he still wanted to see the movie, was just to be polite.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

There is a huge possibility that I read him all wrong and he isn't interested in me.

 

I don't know...it sounds like he was giving you signs of interest. Instincts are usually right, and you have been observing him for a couple of months now.

[kendallawaits]

I don't know...it sounds like he was giving you signs of interest. Instincts are usually right, and you have been observing him for a couple of months now.

 

 

Without all you great "advice givers" I would have driven myself crazy analyzing the last few days.

[daphne]

I find it interesting that a certain demographic doesn't realize that spikey is a guy, and a fairly immature one at that despite whatever his age. Kendall, don't take his advice to heart. He has some sort of weird agenda that includes trying to educate women to act in perversely submissive ways for his own amusement. No wonder jct thinks he was a man in a former life.

 

That being said, you made a faux pas. I've done the same. I'm glad you didn't bring it up again because that just puts it out there and makes things uncomfortable. You didn't screw up, you just lost your grace there. Sounds like your'e doing well in just getting some normalcy back. If I were you I'd simply keep in mind not to get too sensitive and expect rejection because you'll overreact and create unnecessary drama. And drama tends to make one look unstable. When possible, just keep your cool and think about it later.

 

I've asked 2 guys out in my life. Both guys seemed to have crushes on me so I thought it was fair game. Somehow, me asking them out changed the entire tone of things and I was rejected. Not good. Men are pursuers. I don't care what the guys say on this forum, I don't think I've ever seen it work out when the female pursued. We can analyze equality all we want, but nature isn't changing any time soon. I prefer shy guys myself, but I won't date a shy guy that doesn't have the cojones to ask me out. If you haven't noticed the natural order of things: a) you sweat whether the one you're interested in will call you and b) the guy you don't want you to call won't stop. It's because they like challenges more than they like capture.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Without all you great "advice givers" I would have driven myself crazy analyzing the last few days.

 

 

That's what we women do. It's ingrained in our brains. It's counterproductive, but hard to resist

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I find it interesting that a certain demographic doesn't realize that spikey is a guy, and a fairly immature one at that despite whatever his age. Kendall, don't take his advice to heart. He has some sort of weird agenda that includes trying to educate women to act in perversely submissive ways for his own amusement. No wonder jct thinks he was a man in a former life.

 

 

 

I've asked 2 guys out in my life. Both guys seemed to have crushes on me so I thought it was fair game. Somehow, me asking them out changed the entire tone of things and I was rejected. Not good. Men are pursuers. I don't care what the guys say on this forum, I don't think I've ever seen it work out when the female pursued. We can analyze equality all we want, but nature isn't changing any time soon. I prefer shy guys myself, but I won't date a shy guy that doesn't have the cojones to ask me out. If you haven't noticed the natural order of things: a) you sweat whether the one you're interested in will call you and b) the guy you don't want you to call won't stop. It's because they like challenges more than they like capture.

 

I've been wondering if Spikey is a guy. Well, guy or girl, he/she clearly has a very negative view of women. You can tell by the gross generalizations and condescending language. Oh, and name calling.

 

I have to say the same thing about pursuing men. I think it changes the tone when you go after them, even if it is clear they have the hots for you.

[kendallawaits]

I've been wondering if Spikey is a guy. Well, guy or girl, he/she clearly has a very negative view of women. You can tell by the gross generalizations and condescending language. Oh, and name calling.

 

I have to say the same thing about pursuing men. I think it changes the tone when you go after them, even if it is clear they have the hots for you.

 

 

But not every guy is in it just for "the chase". So if a guy likes a woman and she responds, he doesn't like her anymore or as much? That is very confusing.

[45Reverse]

As a non-shy guy, do you think you would react and feel the same way as a shy-guy does and would?

 

Hmmm...Tough question.

 

In terms of the feelings:

 

Assuming the 'shy-guy' and myself were similarly attracted to the girl doing the approaching I guess I would have to say "Yes". Perhaps the 'shy-guy' might have even stronger (positive) feelings about it than I would.

 

In terms of the reaction:

 

It's hard to say...Depends on "why" the guy is shy. If he's shy b/c he lacks confidence then his reaction will not likely impress the lady doing the pursuing. Confidence is a serious attractant for women so if his reaction comes off weak then then all bets are off.

 

If he's shy just b/c he doesn't have much experiance with girls then he's probably going to send all sorts of signals that the pursueing woman has grabbed and locked his attention. Girls like attention as much or more than guys so I assume most girls would take this as a good sign.

[spikeydude]

Spike's ma' bitch! She gets all worked up and emotional over nuthin'.

 

Let this dudette chase ya'. Take my man word for that!

[kendallawaits]

I never would have asked this man out if it were not for him making comments like:

 

"I really want to see that movie, but all my friends have already seen it"

 

(I had expressed interest in that exact movie, a few days before, talking to another coworker)

 

or

 

questions like:

 

"What do you think of younger guys dating someone older?"

 

This isn't a man who has any "game"! He was hinting. So I still don't understand how I got it wrong by responding.

[daphne]

Spike's ma' bitch! She gets all worked up and emotional over nuthin'.

 

Let this dudette chase ya'. Take my man word for that!

 

you're a nut job

[kendallawaits]

Spike's ma' bitch! She gets all worked up and emotional over nuthin'.

 

Let this dudette chase ya'. Take my man word for that!

 

 

wtf??????????????????????????????

[daphne]

nevermind...

[daphne]

But not every guy is in it just for "the chase". So if a guy likes a woman and she responds, he doesn't like her anymore or as much? That is very confusing.

 

That's love. It's a game of showing interest, but not too much. Weird, but showing genuine interest without holding back has bitten me on the butt too many times to count. The idea is to get to know someone slowly and let them earn your genuine interest.

[Gawdess]

I still don't think you did ANYTHING wrong. You simply made other plans after he couldn't go to the earlier movie. Then you were quiet and doing your work for a while. The workplace is for...get this...work! So you were doing your work and not having time for friendly, idle chat.

Stop thinking you did anything wrong.

It is true that he will ask you out if he's interested.