WTF? He's not that into me?

[Mary3]

wtf? whatever lady.

 

It was supposed to be satire. Funny . I guess you didn't see any humor in it...I was not really calling you a dummy. Its a euphamism. You know like " What a dummy I am for leaving my car lights on ".

 

Lighten up

[forrest]

Yep, we all tend to learn as we go so I feel ya there.

 

Nope, I'm not really the shy type...I had moments of it back in High School but that was a long time ago.

 

Just got back into the dating scene a year ago (divorce) and have been loving it. I've done the vast majority of the pursuit to be sure. In spite of my posts in this thread I do understand that many women have a similar perspective as you so what choice do I have?

 

...but I have to say that the chicks who had the courage to approach me first were by far the most interesting. Can't explain it other than it's a serious turn on to meet women who have the 'nads to chat me up....Says something about their individuality I guess.

 

FWIW- A lot of my buddies (the ones who are single anyway) say the same thing. They love it when a girl makes the first move.

 

lets see, ~3 billion women in the world. 2.99 billion expect a guy to ask them out. 1 does the asking. Gee, doesnt take a genius to figure out that the 1 asking the guy out is different then the other women.

[Krytie TV]

Amazing. All of the things that women complain about doing and that they refuse to do are all of the things they expect men to do because "it's their job". That's fine, to each their own. Some men in your life will fit that role swimmingly. However, a large portion of men who have gotten tired of doing a lot of work with no investment from women will not be so willing to do all the work.

 

Whatever the case, if you date only those that pursue you, then don't complain that you're not getting asked out (not that I'm saying you are). If we expect a certain behavior from the opposite sex, then we get only those people and personalities that are willing to exhibit that behavior, for better or worse.

 

I just think more people should engage interactively with the opposite sex and those we're interested in rather than sit back for people to do their job. Relationships without this interaction are usually pretty lame. We reap what we sow, I suppose. If you like, pursue... otherwise, relax and don't expect anything to fall in your lap.

[Stockalone]

I may drop "hints" and try not to look like a complete idiot.

 

What I meant, was to do whatever you women do to show a guy that you are interested, and want him to pursue you.

 

You already asked him out, now it is his turn to ask you out. The only thing that bothers me was you being rude. That could have made him rethink.

 

Trialbyfire thinks some men are just too much work, the same thing can be said from a male POV about some women.

 

I don't think you should apologize but you should be as flirty-friendly as always, at leat for the time being. That way, he might be reassured that it was a one-time gaffe, not some pattern he can expect from you. If he is still interested, he will ask you out.

 

Set yourself a time-frame to remain flirty-friendly. If he doesn't ask you out by then, it's his loss.

 

 

 

I just figured him saying he still wanted to see the movie, was just to be polite.

 

That is also possible. I can't tell you for sure that he is interested, we all can only guess. I can assure you, it's not any easier from the other side of the fence. Not all men know and understand the signs that are meant to signal a us that a woman wants to be pursued.

 

I myself are an introvert person (and still mostly shy around women) that takes his time to open up to people. If it would have been me saying the things he did, that would have meant that I am interested. Especially the part about you dating younger men, at least I wouldn't ask that if I weren't interested. Then again, that could only be me. So I will try and explain how I would have felt in his shoes, assuming I am interested in you. If you think that he was simply looking for a way out and didn't want to go out with you, there is no need to read any further.

 

 

The thing is that you said he is a shy guy and he doesn't talk to anybody else in the office. You also mentioned that he is kind of awkward and has no game.

 

He also accepted your invitation to see the movie without hesitation. Sure, that could all be seen as two co-workers going to see a movie, but I don't think that is very likely. If he was so desperate to see the movie, he could have gone alone. Going to the movies alone doesn't kill him. Why keep "whining" about the movie in front of you if he wasn't testing the waters?

 

How did he react when you asked him out, besides blurting out yes a second after you had finished your question? Excited with a smile on his face or more business-like, friendly with a "o.k., when should we go"?

 

 

So when I did, he said he couldn't go to the 10:30 show because he was the designated driver for his friends. So he was pretty much planning on seeing the movie with me and thats all. I don't know if that was the truth or not

 

Is it possible that he already had agreed to the designated driver role before you guys were planning to go to the movies? I mean, you asked him out on Thursday for a movie on Friday.

 

 

What he SHOULD have done was tell me Friday didn't work for him when I first asked him out. What he did (if it was the truth) was make poor judgement.

 

I understand that but I can easily see why he would decide to accept your offer despite the designated driver thing.

 

Most men do not get asked out by women on a regular basis. If he had told you that he can't go Friday and give you the "maybe another day" line, he would almost certainly have blown his chance.

 

And with the 9pm movie, there would have been enough time to function as the designated driver later that night. Say 2 hours for the movie, plus another hour to spend in a bar or somewhere else to conclude the date.

 

 

I don't know if that was the truth or not. But than he said "what about the 8:25 movie" and I told him I couldn't go to the earlier one. So I just let him off the hook and he said "well I do want to see the movie still, so we can go another night". He didn't ask to set something else up though.

 

Why would he be lying about being the designated driver? You approached him to tell him about the mixup with the times. Do you think your shy guy is so quick at thinking on his feet that he decided there and then that this would give him the perfect excuse to get out of your date?

 

It could be possible, but I very much doubt it. And why would he have offered the 8:25 movie if he wanted out?

 

His plan A just went out of the window because the movie didn't start at the time he thought it would, the time you had told him. Now he has the problem with also being the designated driver and can't make the later movie.

 

By then, I am pretty sure that he could already see that you weren't too happy about hearing that he had other plans later that night. To "save" the situation, he comes up with plan B. Plan B being the earlier 8:25 movie.

 

To which you reply that you can't make the 8:25 movie. Then he offers to see the movie another day. Not the smartest move on his part, as that is very unspecific.

 

It would have been better to offer a certain day to see the movie and do something else, drinks, etc., on Friday when you originally had planned to see the movie.

 

 

I just said ok sounds good and went back to my desk. He tryed to make small talk with me before I left but I just gave him a 2 word answer.

 

I than made a phone call to my friend and told her I now had a free evening and made plans to go out with her. Our desks are right by each other so I'm pretty sure he heard this. I felt pretty rejected and disappointed. I usually say bye to him before I leave, but I didn't say a word, I just left.

 

There is a good chance he felt rejected and disapponited, too. Granted, if he is supposed to be the "man" and should have been clearer in his attempt to set something else up, then he failed.

 

On the other hand, you both wanted to go see the movie. You had the wrong time, that can happen. No big deal. But it isn't his fault that you mixed up the times.

 

Then you can't make it at 8:25pm, he can't make it at 10:30pm, that is just bad luck.

 

Giving him the cold shoulder for having further plans with his friends at a time that IMO would not have conflicted with the 9:00pm movie is a bit harsh and uncalled for. I already explained why he might have choosen to agree to the movie on friday despite being the designated driver later that night.

 

I don't know if he is like me, but I would have been put off by your behaviour. IMO you both share equal blame that it didn't work out on Friday.

 

 

 

I still like him,I just lost some respect for him. I spend 40 hours a week with him and we had a good work friendship thing going on, that seemed to blossom into something more.

 

Why did you lose respect? Becaue he didn't react like you wanted him to?

 

Your shy guy could easily say the same. Something went wrong (which was neither his nor your fault) and you were being rude as a result. You at least overreacted and he could think that you are high-maintenance.

[Trialbyfire]

Y'all are blowing out of proportion, a small display of disappointment. I would hope most men aren't so fragile, that they would be permanently put off by this. If you notice by one of her posts, things were back to normal yesterday.

 

So now, the balls are back in his court as they should be, and if he's interested enough, he'll have to pull out his balls and play the game.

[kendallawaits]

Stockalone:

How did he react when you asked him out, besides blurting out yes a second after you had finished your question? Excited with a smile on his face or more business-like, friendly with a "o.k., when should we go"?

 

 

He accepted with a casual "ok". I have never really seen him be excited about anything. You do have some great points and I have thought about the different scenarios. I was in a relationship for 6 years with the same guy so I'm not too good at this.

[45Reverse]

Y'all are blowing out of proportion, a small display of disappointment. I would hope most men aren't so fragile, that they would be permanently put off by this. If you notice by one of her posts, things were back to normal yesterday.

 

So now, the balls are back in his court as they should be, and if he's interested enough, he'll have to pull out his balls and play the game.

 

Ugh...I really wanted to stay out of this after yesterday but some of the advice you guys are giving Kendall ain't gonna help her.

 

Maybe it's not a matter of a "small display of disappointment"...Maybe shy guy sees it more as a matter of a "small display of immaturity." Big difference.

 

Honestly, some of the advice you and daphne and a few of the other ladies here give is painful to read....smacks of negative feminism. Not that I expect you'd to agree but take it from a man, it totally sounds like plain old bitchy-ness.

 

And again just for the sake of the ladies here...WTH do any of you know about having 'balls'...For that matter WTH do any of you know about "pulling out your balls"? You're female and haven't a clue about the subject. You don't see the guys here telling you ladies to "pull out your cooters" so stop already.

 

Lastly, it's clear that you view the whole dating thing as a "game". I recognize that many times it is...But so long as that is the only perspective you're willing to consider you are ALWAYS going to fetch the dudes that are only in it for the game. TIP- Only "playahs" are in it solely for the game so playahs are what you're going to get....Enjoy!

[Stockalone]

Y'all are blowing out of proportion, a small display of disappointment. I would hope most men aren't so fragile, that they would be permanently put off by this.

 

Not to highjack that thread, but I don't think it has anything to do with being a fragile man.

 

You call it a small display of disappointment, I call it being rude and being irrational/immature. A woman who behaves irrationally/immature for no reason at all, just feels like more drama ahead. The first time, I would consider it a one-time gaff, but I would keep it in mind and make sure to look for other signs.

 

Occasionally such behaviour is o.k. but if it is a pattern, why bother with a woman like this. I wouldn't want to waste a lot of time in a relationship dealing with such behaviour.

 

The way I see it, it's just as much of a personal preference like yours not to get involved with men who lack the balls to pursue you.

 

 

If you notice by one of her posts, things were back to normal yesterday.

 

Yes, I saw that and also mentioned that her shy guy seems to already come around.

[Stockalone]

He accepted with a casual "ok". I have never really seen him be excited about anything.

 

It could be that he is a very reserved person. Are you o.k. with that?

 

 

You do have some great points and I have thought about the different scenarios. I was in a relationship for 6 years with the same guy so I'm not too good at this.

 

As I said, if he is still interested, he will ask you out.

 

If you don't feel like being as flirty-friendly a before, then you don't have to. I just think that he would pick up on that and might be irritated. That's why I think that remaining a bit flirty (thus giving him positive reinforcement) might help.

 

If he doesn't ask you out, then so be it. That is his loss.

[Trialbyfire]

Not to highjack that thread, but I don't think it has anything to do with being a fragile man.

 

You call it a small display of disappointment, I call it being rude and being irrational/immature. A woman who behaves irrationally/immature for no reason at all, just feels like more drama ahead. The first time, I would consider it a one-time gaff, but I would keep it in mind and make sure to look for other signs.

 

Occasionally such behaviour is o.k. but if it is a pattern, why bother with a woman like this. I wouldn't want to waste a lot of time in a relationship dealing with such behaviour.

 

The way I see it, it's just as much of a personal preference like yours not to get involved with men who lack the balls to pursue you.

All she did was to rearrange her plans within earshot and not say Good bye! This isn't a reoccurring hissy fit. I will restate that you guys are blowing this ONE off, out of proportion.

 

Yes, I saw that and also mentioned that her shy guy seems to already come around.

Perhaps so. So now it's time to pull out his balls and ask her out, if he's interested.

[kendallawaits]

He is very reserved. I'm fine with that.

[kendallawaits]

My demeanor is pretty much the same as it always was with him, except I'm backing off a bit.

[kendallawaits]

Ok. I really don't believe this guy. He made a comment about how he got has some passes to go see a movie.

Almost right after he said that, I had to go help another coworker with some paperwork. He's pulling that "hinting" crap again. I don't understand why he can't/won't ask me. This is getting a little weird.

[blind_otter]

Ok. I really don't believe this guy. He made a comment about how he got has some passes to go see a movie.

Almost right after he said that, I had to go help another coworker with some paperwork. He's pulling that "hinting" crap again. I don't understand why he can't/won't ask me. This is getting a little weird.

 

that's some passive aggressive shiz right there, if I've ever seen it. Ugh. If you want something just effing ask for it outright, don't beat around the damn bush. If I'm indirect like that, I sure do hear it from my SO.

 

kendal, I agree with trialbyfire. You need to simmer down and wait for him to just ask you out. You've already made the first move. IMO, if he doesn't get with the program then just write him off.

 

I also don't think you spazzed out at all - hell, I don't say goodbye to my friends at work every day, does that make me a mean, vindictive bitch?

[kendallawaits]

that's some passive aggressive shiz right there, if I've ever seen it. Ugh. If you want something just effing ask for it outright, don't beat around the damn bush. If I'm indirect like that, I sure do hear it from my SO.

 

kendal, I agree with trialbyfire. You need to simmer down and wait for him to just ask you out. You've already made the first move. IMO, if he doesn't get with the program then just write him off.

 

I also don't think you spazzed out at all - hell, I don't say goodbye to my friends at work every day, does that make me a mean, vindictive bitch?

 

I don't know what to think at this point. I'm speechless.

[Trialbyfire]

This is turning into weirdness, plus. I would be so tempted to have some fun with this guy.

 

When he comes back, bring up the passes. Ask him what movie he's going to use the passes for. Then (hopefully it will be a good one) you say that this is a movie you've heard good things about, quickly change the subject to how thirsty you are and up and get a glass of water.

[kendallawaits]

This is turning into weirdness, plus. I would be so tempted to have some fun with this guy.

 

When he comes back, bring up the passes. Ask him what movie he's going to use the passes for. Then (hopefully it will be a good one) you say that this is a movie you've heard good things about, quickly change the subject to how thirsty you are and up and get a glass of water.

 

I so can't do that! OMG. too funny.

[45Reverse]

Ok. I really don't believe this guy. He made a comment about how he got has some passes to go see a movie.

Almost right after he said that, I had to go help another coworker with some paperwork. He's pulling that "hinting" crap again. I don't understand why he can't/won't ask me. This is getting a little weird.

 

Sweetie...that "hinting crap" he is doing is almost the same kind of stuff some of the other posters are suggesting you do. Is it bothering you that he's doing it instead of being more upfront about it? If so, then you are beggining to understand where this guy is coming from.

 

It's abundantly clear that this dude is super shy...It really sounds like he's unwilling to risk rejection so he's dropping hints on you in hopes that you'll ***very clearly*** signal your desire to go out with him. Yes, it's that simple.

 

Now....Are you willing to send him that signal???? It seems that whatever signals you've sent up to this point are not clear enough. If you want to date him, you're going to have to step out of your comfort zone and be a bit more direct.

 

If you're not interested in him anymore then you already know what to do.

[kendallawaits]

Sweetie...that "hinting crap" he is doing is almost the same kind of stuff some of the other posters are suggesting you do. Is it bothering you that he's doing it instead of being more upfront about it? If so, then you are beggining to understand where this guy is coming from.

 

It's abundantly clear that this dude is super shy...It really sounds like he's unwilling to risk rejection so he's dropping hints on you in hopes that you'll ***very clearly*** signal your desire to go out with him. Yes, it's that simple.

 

Now....Are you willing to send him that signal???? It seems that whatever signals you've sent up to this point are not clear enough. If you want to date him, you're going to have to step out of your comfort zone and be a bit more direct.

 

If you're not interested in him anymore then you already know what to do.

 

 

It doesn't get much clearer than me asking him out. Which I already did.

[Trialbyfire]

I so can't do that! OMG. too funny.

Oh come on! Live a little. See if it doesn't stimulate some interesting conversation.

[dreamergrl]

It doesn't get much clearer than me asking him out. Which I already did.

 

But you did this before you gave him the cold shoulder. He's trying to test the water to find out if it's still cold. Your attitude did suck with him and he doesn't know what to do next. Regardless of who should chase who - you put yourself in this situation. If you want to go out with him, you're going to have to do something about it.

[Mary3]

Op's attitude was out of line . The guy will likely not ask her out again , Guys hate drama !

 

Jeeez making a big deal about one 2 hour event....He had plans to be a designated driver. He sounds like a very good guy !

[kendallawaits]

Op's attitude was out of line . The guy will likely not ask her out again , Guys hate drama !

 

Jeeez making a big deal about one 2 hour event....He had plans to be a designated driver. He sounds like a very good guy !

 

Didn't you already say something like that in another post? Moving on....

[Mary3]

Didn't you already say something like that in another post? Moving on....

 

I get a bad vibe off you........

[kendallawaits]

Sorry "Mary" but you are just a little too negative. You don't know me, so I don't care what "vibe" you get.