doug Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 my first time here. hey i just found out my sister in law is dating a married man. its been going on for over a year. i wondered why she has been so depressed and moody lately. i thought he was just a boyfriend who didn't want to get serious. it is affecting our entire family. he says he won't leave his wife. he is using all the cliches in the book to keep her in this abusive relationship. i would like to help her and his poor miserable wife and kids to get rid of this jerk. what should i do if anything? doug Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 There isn't anything you can do - the situation is not yours. Does your SIL want out of the relationship? Has she asked for help? All you can address is what directly affect you. If she is doing or saying things that upset you or cause friction in your immediate family, you can tell her that you don't want to interfere in her life, but you would appreciate it if she would refrain from saying or doing the things that hurt you when she is with you, or members of your family. That might backfire and cause more problems tho - only you know how she might take it. There are some very good threads on this board about adultery, with lots of opinions and descriptions. you might even want to find those threads and print them out and show them to her, or let her find them and read them herself. The best thing, in my opinion, would be to be supportive of her feelings and let her know that you are family - no matter what, and let her know that you will help her and stand by her even if you disagree with her choices in life. If you are hurt - let her know that you are saying/doing/feeling these things because you do care about her, and not because she is doing something wrong in your eyes. If she asks for help, then maybe you can try some counseling for her, and maybe some counseling for yourself to find out how you can best help her. In-person counseling with a member of clergy or therapist should help you to find the right avenue for you to take for this particular situation - they will be able to ask you questions based on your specifics and come up with some specific plan for your needs. Not an easy problem, and it may get worse before it gets better, but all things change and so will this situation - with or without your input. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 Well, Doug, unfortunately, you can't. It's not really your business. Your sister has to learn from this, and it's very possible that his wife may even KNOW about the affair. All you can really do, is tell her she deserves better when she comes to you upset. It's ultimately her and his wife's choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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