Sister Vs Fiance- Im so lost. =[

[iSmiley]

Hi guys, this is the first time i post for help and advise as i am really lost. Sorry if this is a long post, i will try my best to structure it in an organized manner.

 

My older sis (of 2 years) is really close to A through an online game. She is the type of people who do not trust people easily. She trust him alot- tell him all her problems and wail at him when she is down. Me and her used to be so closed to each other but ever since i went overseas for studies, I have changed to be more independent. Our opinions begin to differ and she do not like it. But we are still close but not as close as before.

 

She got addicted to the game (all thanks to me for introducing it to her). We plan to play the game as an activities between me and her, hoping it can bring us closer. Instead, she wants to play have her own circle of online friends and eventually, we become distant again.

 

I feel so lonely and whenever i talk to her, she does'nt even pay attention and jus smile and grin at her laptop screen. I got fed up and turn to my friend, Elvin. Me and elvin become so close, do everything together and he is my god- brother! My sister never even look for me, nor miss our shopping trips nor even wanting to talk to me. Unfortunately, Elvin died in a car crash after sending me home, i was in total shock and in a suicidal mode as we are so close and it is just so hard for me to take. I blame myself for this and worst of all, i miss him terribly.

 

I have also started to play the game again with her and met A. I was skeptical of A in the first place but my sis always tell me how nice he is and how she trust him, thats how my barrier for A drop cos i trust my sis judgment.

 

A month after the accident, I went to UK for my studies again. My sister insist she wanted to come cos she is worry for me. i agreed as she seems to be worry abt me and i hope it can ease her worries. But during that one month of her in UK, it bugs me alot. I have to adjust to my new place + Studies + get used to the system. But, she is annoyed when i used my laptop for my work or for chatting cos she cant play her game! If i do not bring her out, she will looks sad and tell me how bored she is. In the end, i bring her out 5 times a week- to shop, for a short trip and all! Subconsciously, i feel guilty if she stayed at home all the time. My sis actually wanted to come in December but i tell her no as i know if she is here, i will not be able to study at all (december is study period as January is my exam). When she returned home, oh man! I feel so relieved. Although it is abit too late for me to catch up with my studies but at least i have the time for myself to breathe.

 

When my sister is in UK and i feel down, i could not turn to her nor cry in front of her (have to act tough and take my anxiety pill behind her). I realize i could only turn to A who added me to my msn list. I can cry so easily with him and can tell him what i feel. When my sis return to home, me and A talk all the time. To my shock, he is interested with me romantically but at that time i am in a relationship where my bf never treats me right. Me and A gets together in the end.

 

My sis was mad at me when she knows it. She is worried that i will mess A's life up and asked me not to tell her about my progress with A. So i don't. A wanted to visit me in Xmas to see if we have spark in real life. A told my sis that he is coming to visit me with the following phase "i know you are protective over Smiley so i jus want to tell u that i be visiting her this xmas".

 

Turn out to be my sis is totally pissed at what A said. All of a sudden she hates A. I cant talked or mentioned A in front of her at all after that. She logs off when i mentioned A. She acts like as if A do not exist in my life. It is so disrespectful to my bf, A. I told her things will be the same even though am with A. (I am 25 and she is 27!!!) This goes on for months and months, i tried to talk to her all the time but she just pushed me away over and over again. Eventually A proposed to me as he moved to UK to be with me and i agreed as i know he can makes me happy and i truly am in love with him. When i told my sister this, all she said is "sorry but i wont bless u". This goes on for further months, me trying to soften her up and she jus ignore me.

 

Eventually i cant stand her attitude at all. I emailed her with my thought about how distant we are now and how i wished thing can returned to the same. She do not take any notice of it until i changed my password so she can not log into my game account and she got mad. She tell me i have changed and that i never giver her chance to talk about how she feels (which i have doing all this while but she only push me off), tell me my younger sister also do not like my attitude (who apparently is addicted to the game too as my older sis ask her to play for her), tell me i have a stubborn mind and that i am forcing her to like A.

 

I replied her telling her i have been asking her for her opinion all this while but she only replied with all irrelevant talks, said she dun like to talk behind people. She ends the talk with "let me have a good memory of our sisterhood, u better stop what you are doing now". so i did. I don't contact her anymore because i decided to live my life although i be homeless when i returned home. My sister own the house that my family are living now. Since she don't want to respect my other half nor me, i know myself that i have to sleep in hotel for a few weeks until i find my own place.

 

Half an hour before my exam, she msg me and called my fiance names and msg me all sort of hatred message. I ignore it and let her have the last word as i see no point in arguing with her. Another day, at ard 4am, my younger sister sms me and even missed call me, asking for my old laptop password. It annoyed me so much as i spend the whole day reading and it gives me headache. As there is important information in it, i sms her "excuse me, do you have any idea what time it is in UK? Do you even k if i got exam tomorrow? the laptop got important stuff and the laptop is fragile".

 

In turn, my elder sister sms me scolding me, saying i got attitude problem and all. Saying she is deleting me off everything. Keep sms me all hatred msg but i jus ignore it all as i am too tired to fight with her. 2 weeks later, she msg me again, this time with hatred message again!

 

Her attitude is making me so tired. At times, it makes me so close in breaking up with my fiance. I know my fiance has not been talking to her since he come during Xmas as my sis ignored him ever since. My fiance treats me really well, he take care of me all the time and he care for my well- being which i never experienced before. I really love him. I have no idea why my sister is doing this to me. She likes this man before she even met him but why on earth would she despite him so much before even meeting him for real? I am really tired of all this and of her attitude, it makes me feel like pushing everyone of them out of my life. But i know it is unfair for my fiance- as i do not think there is anything wrong to be in love with someone.

 

I am so lost. I do not know what to do.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Um...did it occur to you that maybe your sister liked "A" first? Maybe she had hopes of starting up a relationship with him and then you came along and the two of you got together. That had to be like a slap in the face to her. Like you said - it's not easy for her to trust people and she decided to trust him.

 

What's done is done, I suppose. There's no point to dumping A, IMO. But you really need to be sensitive to what your sister is going through. She obviously feels rejected.

[iSmiley]

thanks Soul =]

 

That is my first thinking too. But at that time, my sister herself is in a relationship and she is really into that relationship (or thats what she claim). Ironic part is that she is the one who asked me to go after A whom in turn go after me.

 

Which is what bring me to here- lost..