- Professional question

[Barbie01]

Ok I am a buyer for a mnaufacturing company. I have been doing it for 6 months. I met a vendor and him and I had lots in common. He rides motorcycle as do I. He told me that we should go on a ride together sometime. I am married and he is singe. Well a few months ago I started having problems with my marriage and I am getting a divorce. Well this vendor and I have become very good friends over the past 6 months. He takes me to lunch and we are gone for hours talking. He also calls me about things and talks to me about personal things for 30-60 min each time he calls.

I have gotten some signals from him throughout this time from him that he might be interested in me. He was describing the kind of girl he wanted and she sounded a lot like me. I was recently telling him about how I had to learn CPR for work and how if anything happened to anyone in my area that I had to perform CPR on them. He told me that he would be faking a heart attack or somthing all the time. That really made me wonder. Then he talks to me some about my divorce and things like that.

Well we were supposed to go on a motorcycle ride last Friday and the weather was not going to cooperate. He called me and said we would have to make it for another time. I told him that was alright i was going to take part of the day off anyways and do something. He told me that he had some quotes that he wanted to get to me and wanted to still meet on Friday. I told him that i didn't want to and that we could make it another time. I gave in and told him that i would meet him at a bar and grill. WEll I had to call him about something for work that Friday morning. He had to check into it and call me back. When he did call me back he told me that he was looking forward to seeing me that day for lunch. I am thinking oh my gosh, maybe he does like me.

Well we met at 11:30 and left there at 3:30. WE talked about work for 5 min. at the end of the meet. We had a few beers and I was feeling all these emotions. I mean whenever I think about this guy I have these feelings come over me that i have never felt before. It is like he is the one for me. I don't know how to explain it. Well we parted ways and as we were leaving there I called him and told him that I had to tell him something. I told him that I wanted to kiss him back there in the parking lot. He said I don't know what to say. I am very flattered and he kept saying that. Then he said, but i don't mix business with pleasure. What in the heck is up with that. I was getting signals from him and then this.

I am wondering if he reallly is interested, but said that because i am going through a divorce and he is scared that he could get hurt? He told me that he had met a woman one time and she was going through a divorce and did not want to end up getting shot so maybe that was a little signal to me on that.

Can someone please help me out here and tell me what they think? On one hand I am embarrassed and do not want to talk to him again and then on the other hand I want to show him that the divorce is going through and that he is missing out on a great woman. What do you think?

Thanks so much.

[norajane]

Then he said, but i don't mix business with pleasure. What in the heck is up with that.

I wish you'd called him out on that when he said it, because he has totally been mixing business with pleasure all along. A 4 hour lunch during which you talked about business for 5 minutes is hardly a business lunch. Hour long personal calls are also not business.

 

He may be squeamish about the divorce, or he may not like you in 'that' way. It's hard to tell.

 

I'd say drop it for now. He's not the only guy out there, and you might find others who aren't involved with your company and have no conflict of interest. He might come around after your divorce is final, or he might not if he is concerned about business conflicts, or he might not be into you. Whatever it is, he was clear that he doesn't want to take this forward.

 

Don't wait around for him. Live your life.

[Barbie01]

Well he totally checks me out when I am walking down the stairs to meet him and whenever we are together I see him checking me out. The one day I did catch him staring at my wedding ring. He seems like he has to see me all the time because he always comes up with some reason why we have to meet. I just do not get it. What do you think about that?

Your advice is deeply appreciated.

[Touche]

It's clear he's interested.

 

Are you still living with your H? If so, that's probably why he doesn't want to take this a step further. And you can't blame him for that.

 

I'm sure once you take that wedding ring off and don't live under the same roof with your husband (if you do) he'll feel a lot more comfortable.

 

For now, I'd leave it alone. Don't be flirtatious. Keep in on a business level. He already knows you're interested.

 

End one thing before starting another. It's the classy and right thing to do.

[Barbie01]

One thing I did after I got off the phone with telling him that I wanted to kiss him, I waited like an hour and called his phone and left him a message telling him that i was very sorry for what I had said and that it was very unprofessional. I told him that I didn't want to put our friendship in jeopardy and that I would talk to him next week about the quotes he had given me. Was that a good idea? I am just wondering if he will call me this week about the quotes. If so, what should I say or do? How should I act? I am just not sure?

[Touche]

I think that was fine. And as I said, I think you should just act friendly and professional as if nothing happened.

 

You never did answer about whether you're still living with your husband.

[Barbie01]

Oh I am sorry about that. Yes i do still live with him and am either moving in with my girlfriend or my parents. I have told him that, but you are right, I am not out of there yet.

The guy just has me so confused because I knew that I could see something in his eyes when we talked and then when he told me that he was looking forward to seeing me I mean what is up with him saying that if he is not interested?

[Touche]

Oh I am sorry about that. Yes i do still live with him and am either moving in with my girlfriend or my parents. I have told him that, but you are right, I am not out of there yet.

The guy just has me so confused because I knew that I could see something in his eyes when we talked and then when he told me that he was looking forward to seeing me I mean what is up with him saying that if he is not interested?

 

In my opinion, based on what you've said here, there's no question he's interested. He just doesn't want to tell you now for fear that it will go to the next level. He's not interested in being the Other Man.

 

Once you've moved out and are separated, he might be more open with you. Or he might not be open with you until you're divorced.

 

He's just trying to protect himself and maybe his reputation too. Dating a married woman is not exactly socially acceptable you know.

[beachlover]

Hi barbie-

 

Your whole story hit way too close to home for me, this guy sounds a whole lot like my ex, so if his name is Mike I'd be careful!

[Barbie01]

What is his last name? This guys name is Mike. Please tell me so I know.

[Barbie01]

Well now he called me and we have set up a day to go riding and that day is Sunday. That is not a working day so I don't know why he picked that. Then he also called me today and said that he wants to stop by my work in the morning and drop off some new quotes to me. He could have just emailed them like he does all of the others.

We did have a great talk on the phone today and I was like much different because I am more relaxed now. We have so much in common that it isn't even funny. Everything seems to be the same with us. It is like we are sole mates. I am just going to keep our friendship going and see what happens. But I still want know the other poster's ex's last name as could it possibly be the same Mike.

[beachlover]

I am more than willing to bet that it's the same guy... I don't know that I want to post his last name on here, that makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

 

Can you give me more details about him? For instance, does he work for a big or small company? His age? What kind of bike he has?

[Barbie01]

Ok his last name starts with a C and he is 43 years old. The company he works for is medium size. He rides a Polaris Victory Jackpot.

[beachlover]

It's not the same Mike! It must run with the name, my ex was way too much like him from what you have written, hopefully this one treats you better than my ex treated me!

 

Good luck with him.

[Barbie01]

I sure hope that things work out. We went for our ride on Sunday and he flirted with me all day. Then on Monday we had a meeting together and we were talking about riding and stuff and he told me that he wanted to get a vest. I told him that i wear one sometimes and I said that sometimes I don't wear anything underneath it and he told me next time we go riding he wants me to wear it.

I told him that i am going for a ride with a vendor this Saturday and he doesn't want to talk to me about it. He changes the subject. Now he tells me that he met a girl on Friday night and they went riding together on Saturday. He never told me that on Sunday. I wonder if he is trying to make me jealous because I am going riding with another guy this Saturday.

I am going riding with my sister in law next week and he asked me where we were going. I think that he might want to go with. My sister in law said that she would do a little prying while I go to the bathroom or something and find out if he is interested. I sure thought he was on Sunday the way he was flirting with me and teasing me. At every stop sign we would stop at he would look over at me and smile. It gave me butterflies.

There is a big part of me that wants to ask him if he would want to date once i am divorced. Would that be wrong to do? I really don't want to scare him off, but yet I would really like to know. I don't want to have all these feelings for him and then be shot down. Then there is a part of me that wonders if he is doing all this just to get the business from me. What do you think?