How is it possible to feel in love with two people simultaneously?

[fiveohsix]

Okay, I am going to try to make this short and sweet:

 

Senior Yr H.S.: Became involved w/ a boy..we stayed together for five months until...

 

Freshman Yr. College: I was having a hard time having a both friend and didn't feel like coping with the interracial relationship thing in college (he's white), so I basically gave him the boot..in a not-so-good way. I met another boy (black) who I fell in love with.

 

Freshman - Sophomore Yr. College; My ex keeps calling. We talk every now and then not to my boyfriends knowledge. We both know we have feelings for each other....I vow to never speak to him again b/c it's interfeing with my curent relationship.

 

Now (Summer before Junior Yr): My boyfriend has moved away. We are trying the long distance thing. But it's hard. He was jealous before he left and now he's even more jealous. He expects me to call him every minute of the day, just to say "I'm waking up"...."Now I'm going to the refridgerator to get milk"...okay maybe I'm exagerrating but thats what it feels like.

Meanwhile, I am enjoying the space. I get to do fun stuff that I have no busienss doing. I never dated...ever...so for example when this guy at work asked me out for dinner, I went (he's white too..).

 

Most recently: My ex just happened to call me. We coudln't resist the temptation of hooking up to see each other (it's been 2 years) so we did. He seemed irresitible. I was attracted to him the same way I was on our first date. I missed him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to say " I still love you". But I couldn't b/c both of us are in relationships, of course. We talked for hours and hours and even still talked when I got home. We talked abt our past, memories, and unfortunatley we even talked abt our great sex life.

 

The dilemma: My long distance bf is going bananas. He doesn't trust me at all (okay i know the date thing doesn't make me seem credible, but i have never GIVEN him a reason not to trust me and this has been a problem our WHOLE relationship). He does little things like, hang up after we get off the phone, then call back and say "that's exactly what im talkin about. you dont even care enough to call me back". Meanwhile, I'm thinking, why doesn't he just GET IT??? That's not me. I'm not the type to call 8 million times a day. and whatever needs to be said I say it instead of hopign that you'll call back so I can say it then. It's frustrating and irritating. In the beginning, I would say "Oh baby, I'm sorry...." and baby him up. But that **** is played out. I could hear the nonchalant tone of my voice as I spoke to him " I'm sorry but you act like I didn't call you all day...etc etc...etc.." Conversations end constantly in "fine, I love you and I'll call you tomorrow" or "Well just call me whenever you get the time".

 

The real dilemma: How is it possible to feel in love with two people simultaneously? How is it possible to feel so strongly for my ex...like nothings changed over the past 2 years; yet, still feel like I want to make things work in my LDR? How is it possible for me to profess my love to my bf, but still have desires to go "out" and date others, when I know I wouldn't want him to do the same?? I mean, yes there are factors playing into the whole ex thing. He's not in college and he's a job hopper with very short term goals. Meanwhile, I am a college student with hopes to be an investment banker and my current beau has a high chance of going pro football and if that fails, wants to do sports marketing. My ex has a sense of laziness that I just can't understand sometimes? But my question (among others) is, is it possible fore me to have grown tired of his laziness much in the way that I am growing tired of my bf's jealousy, insecurity and neediness? When you find THE ONE YOU LOVE....is there just ALWAYS going to be somethign that makes you think twice abt the love?

 

Please help me. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I just know that I have to cut off relations w/ my ex (for the millionth time) or things are going to get ugly(er). But the thing is, I don't want to. I feel so lost...confused...

[jalexy]

i read most of this, but what i get is that your current man is irritating you. so why dont you dump and him and then date your ex and then dump him too, because it will happen.

you always want what you cant have. im glad you didnt cheat, i respect you for that, alot.

but i think that you need to grow up just a little. pick the one you want, go for it. if your ex is your ex, hes that way for a reason. also he has no drive? how will he be able to support a family in the future?

you already know what you need to do, do it

[fiveohsix]

I told my ex we can't talk anymore. We both know we can't do it....however, we both know we've said this b4. So we told each other that we will always stay in touch, no matter what. Call every now and then, etc. Is this bad? My friend says I'm just holding on when I need to let go. But if we both just want to stay in tocuh what's the problem?

 

Also, my ex has been on my mind ever since the night when we went out. I think abt how happy he makes me when we talk. How different it feels to talk to him and not my bf. When I talk to my bf I feel annoyed and irritated, like it's a "chore" not something I want to do. He's coming back in town this weekend and I'm scared I'll act different and he'll notice. Why am I having these feelings? I mean, does it necessarily mean that I really still love my ex and these feelings will never go away...and that I'll just have to live with that?

[jalexy]

like i said, why are you staying witha guy who you feel is a chore? why are you feeling this way about your ex? why did yall break up?

[Tony T]

You are some kind of confused lady. Back off of all men for a while. Take a break. Then go find a guy who you're happy with. You don't need a guy in your life constantly. A break from them will do you good...and hopefully clear up your confusion.