iwish Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 That's what i thought my ex was. The most gorgeous amazing person i have ever met. Now, i'm no longer with her, i don't think i can ever be with someone so beautiful again. I don't think i will ever find someone so attractive again. On a deeper level, she wasn't that great to be honest. She did tend to treat me like crap.. as a last choice sort of thing, always putting everyone else first. Especially guy mates and weed. and that pissed me off!! But i miss kissing her and holding her and of course the sex. I know i can meet another girl, but will i ever find someone who i thought was so attractive and sexy? I'm sure i can find someone who'll try harder at a relationship, but i'm scared i wont get that spark again and it bothers me!. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I feel exactly the same way. My ex was very very good looking - to me, anyway (turns out, not everyone shared that view!). Unfortunately, he didn't have many other redeeming qualities, but I fear I will eventually have to settle for a fat ugly troll who has all the other qualities I need (kindness, sensitivity, curiosity). In my saner moments I know I'm just being melodramatic, and several people have assured me I will have great chemistry (with the right guy) again. That good looks and good character are not mutually exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwish Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 Yes people that know and care about me say that she wasn't all that. But she was. She (for me) was so beautiful on the outside with an amazing body. I loved kissing her and holding her.. But i don't want an ugly troll either!! damn it!! And like you said the chemistry was amazing, even she agreed with that!! I just can't help but feel that i am doomed to settling for a dull fire, when what i want and had was the spark of a lifetime.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Now, i'm no longer with her, i don't think i can ever be with someone so beautiful again. I don't think i will ever find someone so attractive again. My signature line... it is so true.. your time will come, I know it isn't much right now for relieving the pain but you will see one day that the ex will be someone that was just a stepping stone to someone better and more beautiful ~~ One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else.. ~~ Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Listen, as other people have said and as I know, looks can only take you so far. They're going to fade eventually, and if there is no deeper bond or substance to the relationship, then what are you going to have left in 5 or 10 years? This is the logic you (and I) must use to fight these panicked feelings of never having great chemistry again. To be honest, I felt very attracted to all of my previous boyfriends, none of whom were as good looking as this one. So I guess that's the hope I have to hold onto, that I will be attracted to other men - and that those other men will also have better character and be a better fit for me than this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 This is something else I'll never understand, wanting someone solely for their looks. To me, people become more or less attractive, from the inside. If the core is rotten, the external shell is garbage. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I know. I'm with TBF. The superficiality displayed here is appalling! Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 This is something else I'll never understand, wanting someone solely for their looks. To me, people become more or less attractive, from the inside. If the core is rotten, the external shell is garbage. This is what has thrown me for a total loop, as well. I am not a shallow, superficial person and in general I am very distrustful of people who are "too" good looking. People's personalities make them more or less attractive, and usually the really hot ones become decidedly less interesting/attractive to me because, as you say, their core is often rotten. So what the heck happened to me this time around? I think it must be that I finally decided I was ready to have sex in my next relationship, and BOOM. The ex was right there, interested in me, wanting me, being this beautiful man who seemed so innocent and wounded by his ex-wife's cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 As you know sunshinegirl, cheating does strange things to people. It's how people recover from it, that defines their foundational core. Some, like your ex, break from the experience, choosing to allow personal weakness to dominate their actions. In essence, revenge cheated, regardless of who the victim is. Others won't stoop to this. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I know. I'm with TBF. The superficiality displayed here is appalling! Thanks for the honesty, Touche. I'm coming to terms with what it is that really drew me to my ex, and for better or worse it is boiling down, sadly, to some superficial qualities. I ignored a lot of red flags as far as his availability, forthrightness, and ability to communicate were concerned. I threw out the window a lot of character qualities I really want and need in a mate - or I superimposed them on him, hoping he actually had those qualities when I didn't really have evidence of it. To be honest, if I had met my ex in a bar or online, I probably would have passed him over because I would have been more able to objectively evaluate his character/personality. This relationship was a real departure for me, then, in the sense that I really got hooked because of his good looks. In some ways this has served as a real siren call, a wake-up call to my destructive patterns in choosing men. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 As you know sunshinegirl, cheating does strange things to people. It's how people recover from it, that defines their foundational core. Some, like your ex, break from the experience, choosing to allow personal weakness to dominate their actions. In essence, revenge cheated, regardless of who the victim is. Others won't stoop to this. Yes, it certainly does. I know that I would never revenge cheat on someone else because of what my ex did to me. Yet I still find myself making excuses for him, not allowing myself to just settle into the truth that he showed me his real character - that of a weak, scared, selfish man. I still carry around this idea that he has now gotten the revenge cheating out of his system and is going to be a strong man of good character for whoever's next in his life (hooch or otherwise). That he has realized his wrong and has/will overcome his hurt and weakness. Man, do I ever suffer from "justification syndrome"!! Very sorry for the t/j. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 if someone is good-looking but treats you like crap, what is the point of being with them or wanting to? That person is not a good person...end of story. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Attractive people are a dime a dozen... Substance is more difficult to find. Physical attraction can only take you so far in a relationship. I've dated lots of people I have had great sexual chemistry with - only to wake up one day and find we had no connection other than physical. You're idealizing your ex because she was beautiful on the outside- yet admit she wasn't a wonderful, caring gf. Sometimes it's difficult to seperate the sexual attraction from real chemistry. I bet if you made a list of pros and cons.... you'd end up repeating "hot" in the pro column and fill the con list with the real issues one ought to pay attention to when choosing a mate. I think you have to look at this situation in a more positive light. What did you really lose here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwish Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 yes i know it's very shallow of me to miss her beauty. And yes if i made a list of pro's and con's the con's would win. So what the hell is wrong with me??!! I can see the logic, i can see that we just weren't good together. But i still miss her and think that physically she was my dream girl!. And i'm just scared that i wont ever have that super physical bond again.. Damn i have to get her off that pedestal!! i'm just ranting.. thanks everyone.. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 She's not beautiful if she's rotten inside, iwish. Link to post Share on other sites
foxh1234 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 This is something else I'll never understand, wanting someone solely for their looks. To me, people become more or less attractive, from the inside. If the core is rotten, the external shell is garbage. I could agree more. The inside is alot more important for a long term relationship, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 The prettiest chicks are often the bitchiest, most manipulative, selfish, etc. This is because men and the world have spoiled them and inflated their heads to the point that these women think they can do whatever they want. Rare is the really hot chick who is totally put together and wholly considerate. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of such a princess. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I could agree more. The inside is alot more important for a long term relationship, IMO. I can't imagine being in a relationship where you don't respect, trust and like them. Even worse, not knowing who they are and relying on the physical aspect to drive it. Sounds more like an eff-buddy situation, than a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 The prettiest chicks are often the bitchiest, most manipulative, selfish, etc. This is because men and the world have spoiled them and inflated their heads to the point that these women think they can do whatever they want. Rare is the really hot chick who is totally put together and wholly considerate. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of such a princess. kizik, this is full on b/s. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 The inside is alot more important for a long term relationship, IMO.If you feel like OP about the person on the inside of your ex it makes heartbreak much harder to resolve than if your attraction was mostly superficial. Unfortunately I think that is what kept my ex with me at all. I think he just thought I was pretty on the outside and just couldn't grasp that the inside wasn't rotten like so may others. I was going to say so much more about attraction but I have to think of him to do that and I just can't today. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 The prettiest chicks are often the bitchiest, most manipulative, selfish, etc. This is because men and the world have spoiled them and inflated their heads to the point that these women think they can do whatever they want. Rare is the really hot chick who is totally put together and wholly considerate. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of such a princess.kizik - sometimes you say very messed up and sexist things. What's the deal? I'm quite beautiful and I'm not spoiled, manipulative or selfish. I don't even want to defend this. It's this kind of thinking that makes it very difficult for me (and other women as well) to find someone who will both love and trust them. You don't know how often I've had my heartbroken because men assume that I have it easy or that I will toy with them just because I can. Guess what? My life has been very hard too! sorry kiz. just venting... Link to post Share on other sites
serendip Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 My ex was a 5'11" blonde with a super tone body(she is a triathlete) and blessed with a generous bosom. She also had a really pretty face. But I didn't fall in love with for her looks...I fell in love with her for the person she was(she was kind, good and pure...back in 94). When we got back together in 2006...she seemed like she was still the same person...until she cheated on me. Now I realized she became a very selfish person somewhere along the way. My ex before that was considered even more beautiful...but I never loved her. I guess I'm just looking for someone with a good heart and we have chemistry. I thought that was my ex since she was the only girl I ever loved(having had around 12 relationships)but I guess I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I don't think that's sexist. YOU are the rare woman I discussed. But sorry if I offended. Link to post Share on other sites
serendip Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I don't think that's sexist. YOU are the rare woman I discussed. But sorry if I offended. No it's not sexist...it's just generalizations based on your bitterness. I know a lot of beautiful women who are totally not selfish or manipulative. Just like not all good looking guys are d_ouchebags. Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 kizik, this is full on b/s. kizik, it really was a load! There's more than just one of us! Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
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