rachel90 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 hi there, im in a long term relationship and long distance relationship. we've been together 4 years and until now ive never really had a reason not to trust my boyfriend. about a month ago i found out he had facebook, something that he never told me even though we discussed it many times. he told me he thought it was stupid and meaningless and i left it at that. but i found out he had it and he accepted my invitation to be friends on facebook. this has led to many problems as he has hidden the fact that he has hung out with many of the girls that have written on his wall. im so hurt by the fact that he deceived me and lied to me. he tells me nothing happened with these girls but one girl even left a message on his wall saying she loves him.he has now deactivated his account and tells me he does not talk to them anymore. i just dont know whether to believe him or not. id really like some more opinions on this, just another point of view. thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Can I ask you something? When his facebook was active before you sent your friend request, what was his relationship status listed as? The think about all these online social linking networks is even if you have a talk with your partner on not signing up etc or whatever it's very easy for real life friends to persuade you into just making one for the hell of it. Before you know it BAM your sucked in. I absolutely hate Myspace/Facebook but recently I missed out on alot of functions merely because it was discussed on Facebook over good ol' fashion telephone I didn't know until I was emailed about said function and didn't know the details had been planned weeks before hand via facebook and people presumed I knew. I'm not saying it's the same for him but some people don't like to be left out . Why did your boyfriend de-activate his account? Because of the love comment? I would look into that your already suspicious he might of just done that to make you feel better and made another account on the side. Im guessing you don't live with your boyfriend? The think about facebook it can make ones like seem extremely active and exciting then it really is. The real issue here is mostly why didn't he ask you to join him on those occassions? (this goes back to my do you live together or a few hours away) Do they know he's in a relationship? Does he see yourself and him as an exclusive relationship? Talk to him. Try to get more involved in his social circle (if you wish) see what his reaction is to this. It will be the clincher. Best of Luck. I hope others can give some better advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 It's also amazing how many use facebook as a networking site for work contacts these days too - it's not just for college kids Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 First of all a comment on a site like that doesn't have the same meaning & connotation as it would coming form you. Maybe he did this girl a favour, maybe she is just saying she loves him as a friend...who knows, but personally I think you are reading too much into it. It's FACEBOOK- it's a fake online world- it's not real life. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and his facebook profile says he's single. I wouldn't sweat it. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I think those type of websites just allow you to see what is going on with your partner. Especially facebook. Most of the people on facebook know each other somehow in real life. Those comments you see on their page are like bits of conversation you would only otherwise know about if you eavesdropped on phone calls. I wouldn't be mad about you bf being on facebook, I would just ask why this girl said she loves him. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and his facebook profile says he's single. I wouldn't sweat it. If he IS an active user on Facebook, then maybe you should ask why he's not excited enough to change his status to "in a relationship" It takes two seconds... Anyway.. I second Porter and would ask your man why that chick says that she loves him. Your man was new to Facebook, and possibly didn't understand how "open" that site is, until you learn to maximize the privacy settings to your liking. He says nothing happend with these girls, but he de-activated his account as soonn as you made mention of potential problems. Its a coin toss... he may have been exposed, cause he didn't realize you'd see all the comments.. OR.. he realizes that Facebook is the root of many problems in relationships and decided to close it. It may all be innocent.. but if you read a lot stories on here, NOTHING will surprize you.. and him being caught red-handed by you, is NOT all that unrealistic. Monitor him, and definately ask about that girl you're suspicious of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rachel90 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 his relationship status was single and he said a friend set it up for him. he said the girl didnt mean anything but thats not what im too worried about. its just the lying and deceiving. he had an old friend from middle school move back into town and he apparently became very friendly with her and didnt tell me anything about it. i only found out because of facebook and he lied about it for 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
americanrevgirl Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Facebook, Myspace, all these places....are bad news. I had an incredibly bad experience on mspace I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. They are good places to stay away from....and yes, I would have been upset and concerned, too. Link to post Share on other sites
misternoname Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Facebook was the first clue that my wife was cheating. She set one up without my knowledge. I stumbled on it by accident. When I found her profile, it made no mention of her being married. She went as far as posting "family" pictures with me cropped out! One of her likeness matches was some dude I had never heard of. When I confronted her she said he was just a guy she met but never saw him again, etc. Over time I pieced more and more evidence together. Sure enough, she was having a full blown affair with the dude. These are not teenagers. She's in her 40's and he's in his 50's. It's just another way for people to engage in illicit relationships. Your situation should be a big red flag. Be careful! Link to post Share on other sites
Isis1808 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Im going to have to agree with misternoname and americarevgirl. I think its easy to cheat on those sites if yuo really wanted to. Not to say i dont have one, i have a myspace account and i only use it to keep in contact with my friends, i barely go on it. My BF also has one but i think hes using his for something more, i dont have physical proof on this but i have a strong gut feeling because he leaves the room to check it and he has all these "friends", also one night he opened it while i was in the room and i saw that his inbox was full of messages from people, yet when hes done his comment page is no different. I think you should be very careful with this, investigate this a bit further with him and communicate the best you can.. Good Luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I have to disagree with the last few posts. Facebook and such are just an easy way to get caught. If they were going to cheat then they were going to cheat...it is that simple. With facebook, myspace and all of these types of sites now the evidence is publicly viewable. Link to post Share on other sites
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