Bar chicks worth banging, not worth dating

[luvmy2ns]

I'm sorry, and I'm not going back to look, but someone said something about the way a woman carries herself and feels about herself. There is a HUGE difference between a woman who will occasionally choose a guy for a ONS because it's been awhile and she's not in a steady relationship and JUST WANTS TO GET LAID and then there's the gal who will go home with a guy every single time she goes out because that's the only way she can feel good about herself; if she convinces herself she's desirable to some man - any man - and he proves it by being willing to "do" her.

 

Gal #1 is sexually confident and simply takes what she wants while gal #2 is really rather sad and pathetic - probably loaded with emotional problems that no man - OR WOMAN - would want to be involved with.

[whichwayisup]

would you dismiss a man who slep with you on a first date then and treat him as a douche bag who must do with all the women?

 

I don't think many women do that - It's just not in our genes to f**k and run away. Maybe some women are capable of that but most need to feel a connection and some sort of intimacy.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

that is a good conclusion I can totally see that.

 

In regard to the second part of your post, would you dismiss a man who slep with you on a first date then and treat him as a douche bag who must do with all the women?

 

Yeah, right, I get you. So no. First of all, how would I know what he has done with women? Maybe he hasn't had sex in a year after a horrible breakup and I'm his first? Maybe he's moving to Vietnam and since we had an awesome connection, we wanted to have the ultimate feeling with each other? (Hmmm...that one has a grain of truth to it). Or maybe yeah, he hooks up with a different chick each Saturday. The point is, how would you know?

 

BTW it is INSANELY hot here and I'm going to melt into my couch soon.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Carolyn Hax didn't tell you the whole truth.

 

A portion of those guys are as you say. However, the vast majority do not view all women as lesser beings... just the slutty ones. Do you catch the difference?

 

 

Yeah, but how do you define slutty? Doesn't everyone have their own definition?

[Tomcat33]

I'm sorry, and I'm not going back to look, but someone said something about the way a woman carries herself and feels about herself. There is a HUGE difference between a woman who will occasionally choose a guy for a ONS because it's been awhile and she's not in a steady relationship and JUST WANTS TO GET LAID and then there's the gal who will go home with a guy every single time she goes out because that's the only way she can feel good about herself; if she convinces herself she's desirable to some man - any man - and he proves it by being willing to "do" her.

 

Gal #1 is sexually confident and simply takes what she wants while gal #2 is really rather sad and pathetic - probably loaded with emotional problems that no man - OR WOMAN - would want to be involved with.

 

 

Yeah that is all fine and dandy but if she happens to sleep with the type of guy who says "two kinds of women, 1. datable 2. fckable and chuckable" it doesn't matter if this is her first one night EVER and she happens to be at a bar that particular night and decides to go for it the guy that is pegging women as such is just going to put her in the # 2 category regardless of how good she really is. She can carry herself immaculately all night but if her panties end up on his bedroom floor by the end of the night that is what she is pegged for and she lost her chance at getting to know him possibly for good.

 

And I am sorry but a lot of guys say they are totally cool with women being sexual etc but I think some of these guys are still closet chauvenists..:laugh: sorry guys....

[Tomcat33]

I don't think many women do that - It's just not in our genes to f**k and run away. Maybe some women are capable of that but most need to feel a connection and some sort of intimacy.

 

Yeah, right, I get you. So no.

BTW it is INSANELY hot here and I'm going to melt into my couch soon.

 

 

Exactly my point ladies, women don't do that if we don it is because we are genuinely not interested in a relationship with the man but he looked really yummy and was good for sex but women would NEVER say "fck and chuck all the men that you have until you find the right one" we are not so quick to dismiss a man because he wants to have sex early on. Where as some men are. and yet they turn around and tell other men to do the exact same thing!?! WHY?

[luvmy2ns]

Yeah that is all fine and dandy but if she happens to sleep with the type of guy who says "two kinds of women, 1. datable 2. fckable and chuckable" it doesn't matter if this is her first one night EVER and she happens to be at a bar that particular night and decides to go for it the guy that is pegging women as such is just going to put her in the # 2 category regardless of how good she really is. She can carry herself immaculately all night but if her panties end up on his bedroom floor by the end of the night that is what she is pegged for and she lost her chance at getting to know him possibly for good.

 

And I am sorry but a lot of guys say they are totally cool with women being sexual etc but I think some of these guys are still closet chauvenists..:laugh: sorry guys....

 

Well, sure, but you and I are women. We're a little smarter than to dismiss a guy for some stupid notion that having sex with them puts them down a notch lower than a guy we haven't had sex with. Well, unless they sucked in bed, maybe. lol Oh, yeah. I agree with you that men who place a woman on a lower rung because they've had sex are doing themselves a HUGE disservice. I would hope that more of them these days make the distinction between gal #1 and gal #2. I mean, I feel sorry for gal #2, but I wouldn't want anyone like that in my life, friend OR lover. But then again, I wouldn't sleep with a guy like that either. If a guy dismisses all of the gals like #1, he might be missing out on the best companion, lover, and friend they could ever hope to find. Instead, they're more likely to wind up with the third kind. The "good girl" who eventually sleeps with a guy after the "proper" amount of "courting" who turns into the kind who stops giving BJ's after the ring goes on.

[Gawdess]

It's really generalizing. I go to a bar about once a month to unwind with friends. I'm not there to pick up guys or anything, but I'm not judgmental as to think that the guys at the bars are losers and beneath me because they could be just like me, at the bar unwinding.

 

 

Ok so I seem to see this type of advice from men, to other men looking to settle down but who seem to get a lot of easy lays instead, that goes a little something like this:

 

"Don't settle for the easy lays you can get from a bar, steer clear from forming a long term relationship with these types of women BUT until you do meet the right girl, keep banging them anyway"

 

WTF?!?!?

 

 

I am extremely curious to see what the rationale is behind this way of thinking. I seem to see this kind of double standard a LOT and for once I would like to hear a good argument that makes sense in terms of how this type of advice even makes sense.

 

When you as a guy tell another guy to sleep with chicks that he can bang easily at bars until he can get a "good" woman worth keeping but to not plan a long term relationship with "those" types of women, then what exactly is your message here? and What makes men think that a guy that bangs a lot of chicks at bars is what a good woman wants?

 

How do you justify telling a guy to do and BE exactly what you tell him to stay away from in terms of "undesirable mates" for long term potential?

[whichwayisup]

Exactly my point ladies, women don't do that if we don it is because we are genuinely not interested in a relationship with the man but he looked really yummy and was good for sex but women would NEVER say "fck and chuck all the men that you have until you find the right one" we are not so quick to dismiss a man because he wants to have sex early on. Where as some men are. and yet they turn around and tell other men to do the exact same thing!?! WHY?

 

I don't know. People are who they are I guess - Sometimes it's best not to try to figure it out..Especially on a hot day like today!

 

And I am sorry but a lot of guys say they are totally cool with women being sexual etc but I think some of these guys are still closet chauvenists

 

Could be wrong here, but I do believe there are some men who like it when a woman is inexperienced so he gets to be in control and teach her in bed, to try new things and he gets to be the 'first' one in a sense. (OK, we're not talking virgins here, just a woman who may not be comfortable yet with her own body and sexual awareness)

[Gawdess]

I don't know about women you casually screw from the bar being trash or whatever, but it certainly isn't safe behavior considering that many STDs can be spread even with a condom. It is more common than you think. I know a woman who got herpes even though she used a condom. She got the herpes on top of where the condom was on her body. That's where her breakouts are. Scary, huh?

 

 

 

I don't have a problem with you disagreeing but I insist you are completely MISSING the point, your argument doesn't pertain to what am saying because a woman has NO problem forming a long term relationship with a man whom she has a one night stand with IT'S the man who has the problem the other way around.

 

THAT is the point. If you woman is good enough to sleep with why is not good enough to date? And if you are going to advise men to sleep until their diiiicks fall off until they meet a DECENT woman WHAT MAKES YOU THINK that a decent woman wants a man who cna't keep his pecker in his pants.

 

THAT is the point. AND THAT is what is disrespecful CAPICHE? forget about who is disrespecting whom by having a one night stand that is not the point there are two concenting adults who are free to do as they will with their bodies it is that MENTALITY men have that women are not worth dating or considering for long term if they are an easy lay, but men are easy lays and that is advised and pushed amongst men from guy to guy.

 

SO if a man can explain the logic in that it would be great, but it looks like no one can because what it boils down it is ONE HUGE STINKING double standard with no rhyme or reason and a prick's way of making women feel bad and inferior about their sexuality when a guy can go out and be a slut all he wants and HE DESERVES A GOOD WOMAN?

 

what crock of crap!

 

Go ahead give me ONE good reason why you would advise a man to sleep around but to steer clear of woman that sleep with you easily in terms of long term commitment? Go ahead ONE reason, I challenge you!

[Tomcat33]

Sometimes it's best not to try to figure it out..Especially on a hot day like today!

 

 

 

 

Nahh I don't adhere to that way of thinking ESPECIALLY on a hot day it is as good a time as any to figure out the inexplicable. I always search for answers rain or shine.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Exactly my point ladies, women don't do that if we don it is because we are genuinely not interested in a relationship with the man but he looked really yummy and was good for sex but women would NEVER say "fck and chuck all the men that you have until you find the right one" we are not so quick to dismiss a man because he wants to have sex early on. Where as some men are. and yet they turn around and tell other men to do the exact same thing!?! WHY?

 

Yeah, it's funny. If I'm attracted to a guy but I don't see long term potential, I usually just think wow, he is hot and a lot of fun too. Yummy I don't think negative things about him.

 

However, it seems as though some men have to see negative traits in the woman. F**k em and c***k em? Sluts? Not "worthy"?

 

I just find this interesting. And disconcerting.

[Stockalone]

yes they do because you never know when a man is going to blow a gasket if you tell him you had more than 5 sexual partners in your past. I have read many many times a lot of men think more than 2 or three partners is too much or something ridiculous like that. A lot of men dont want to know their women had a heavy sexual past. It's that simple. We women have come to accept it because the double standard has been there for thousands of years.

 

Yes of course there are I never said there were not, but there are also a lot that hold the double standard and it is a russian rullette in that sense though you can tell what types of guys are more chauvenistic then others sometimes the bigger the slut the man is the more chauvenistic he is IRONCALLY enough.

 

It is VERY simple really, it allows a woman to enjoy her sexuality in full splendour without having to be oppressed and made to feel inferior by a typical chauvenist pig. It makes sense really....so it is easier to play the innocent card.

 

I am sorry, but I am still confused.

 

You say that women should be allowed to enjoy their sexuality as much as their male counterparts.

 

And you are complaining about men with double standards (a.k.a. male chauvinists) and prudish guys like me.

 

Here is the part I don't understand. How exctly are women oppressed by those men and their views. If a woman wants to have a ONS or casual sex, what is stopping her from doing exactly that? And isn't she getting the same thing out of it as the man she is having sex with?

 

She hopefully gets the short-term gratification she was looking for when she agreed to the casual sex. The way I see it, the man and the woman got what they wanted. Is there more to it, am I missing something?

 

About the male chauvinists. I agree that they are having a double standard that is very disrespectful towards women. However, the solution to that problem seems simple to me. Don't sleep with those men and date other men that are more compatible with you.

 

But instead, women are "forced" to lie, which I still don't understand. They have to lie, so the chauvinist pigs and prudish guys who you claim oppress women, will date those women. Why would those women in question even want to date chauvinist pigs or prudish guys in the first place?

[Woggle]

I don't place women on a lower rung because they have had sexual partners but I can spot a woman that is just no good and not worth anything more than a quick lay. I just get a vibe from them and when I was single they would quickly filed in the booty call box but I never commited anything more to them.

[underpants]

I don't place women on a lower rung because they have had sexual partners but I can spot a woman that is just no good and not worth anything more than a quick lay. I just get a vibe from them and when I was single they would quickly filed in the booty call box but I never commited anything more to them.

 

I have to say he is a straight talker. You have to admire that.

 

Just the other day a woman's name was mentioned and the guy said..."sure, I'd f her but I have no respect for her". To be honest, she puts herself in that position again and again and again. So I can see the correlation. She has earned the rep by her choices.

 

When I was a bartender there were a select few men and women who came in night after night to 'hook up'. When they found 'fresh meat' some would ask me and I would tell the truth.

 

Honestly, someone having sex with relative strangers again and again are probably not your best bet for a healthy relationship. Gender non specific.

 

Actions have truth telling consequences (if you are lucky). Buyer beware and all that jazz.

[Woggle]

I actually have no issue getting involved with a slut as long as she was an honest slut. If she had sex with 100 guys but was single and did it in an honest manner no problem but if she had a man and she was still screwing around I say she deserves to be treated like a prostitute.

[MaxManwell]

Ok so I seem to see this type of advice from men, to other men looking to settle down but who seem to get a lot of easy lays instead, that goes a little something like this:

 

"Don't settle for the easy lays you can get from a bar, steer clear from forming a long term relationship with these types of women BUT until you do meet the right girl, keep banging them anyway"

 

WTF?!?!?

 

 

I am extremely curious to see what the rationale is behind this way of thinking. I seem to see this kind of double standard a LOT and for once I would like to hear a good argument that makes sense in terms of how this type of advice even makes sense.

 

When you as a guy tell another guy to sleep with chicks that he can bang easily at bars until he can get a "good" woman worth keeping but to not plan a long term relationship with "those" types of women, then what exactly is your message here? and What makes men think that a guy that bangs a lot of chicks at bars is what a good woman wants?

 

How do you justify telling a guy to do and BE exactly what you tell him to stay away from in terms of "undesirable mates" for long term potential?

 

Depends on the type of bar we're talking about and I think it is more a reference to the socialite culture.

 

Bars are a meeting place for people a woman in a respectable bar is as respectable as a woman you will meet anywhere.

 

A woman who works 20 hours a week as a receptionist with a degree in liberal arts who practically LIVES to go out is a bar chick.

 

A woman who works as a waitress and drinks too much after work, goes out to bars, and studies liberal arts at college is a bar chick.

 

A woman who works at the local petshop fulltime and goes out with a group of her girlfriends to have couple of drinks at the local tavern is not a bar chick but a dating prospect.

 

A nurse on a night out with her friends from work would act like a bar chick but would probably (if you could get near enough) a dating prospect.

 

Its more of a persona than actually being a person is a bar or working a certain type of job. Either of those two people described could be considered worthy of dating if they conducted themselves correctly. Its more of a personality thing, respect yourself and other people will respect you.

 

Act like a 'whore' who can do as she pleases and doesn't care about decency, yeah you'll get treated as bangable but not date able.

 

Fair enough ?

[OpenBook]

I seem to see this kind of double standard a LOT... What makes men think that a guy that bangs a lot of chicks at bars is what a good woman wants?

 

How do you justify telling a guy to do and BE exactly what you tell him to stay away from in terms of "undesirable mates" for long term potential?

 

Its more of a persona than actually being a person is a bar or working a certain type of job. Either of those two people described could be considered worthy of dating if they conducted themselves correctly. Its more of a personality thing, respect yourself and other people will respect you.

 

Act like a 'whore' who can do as she pleases and doesn't care about decency, yeah you'll get treated as bangable but not date able.

 

Fair enough ?

 

Tomcat, I've been asking this question all my life -- and railing against the hypocrisy in it, the huge and totally unfair Double Standard in which women are held to the "conduct-themselves-correctly" decency protocol, and condemned when they do not meet it... but the same does not apply to men. A man's status is actually ELEVATED when he behaves in a promiscuous manner.

 

I have come to the conclusion that I am banging my head against a wall, and have wasted a lot of precious time being angry about it. I can't change the way men are, or the way they think. So I've chosen to concentrate on my own standards for myself... and I don't let anyone else set them for me. I have no idea if this is the best solution. All I know is, it seems to be working.

[MaxManwell]

Tomcat, I've been asking this question all my life -- and railing against the hypocrisy in it, the huge and totally unfair Double Standard in which women are held to the "conduct-themselves-correctly" decency protocol, and condemned when they do not meet it... but the same does not apply to men. A man's status is actually ELEVATED when he behaves in a promiscuous manner.

 

I have come to the conclusion that I am banging my head against a wall, and have wasted a lot of precious time being angry about it. I can't change the way men are, or the way they think. So I've chosen to concentrate on my own standards for myself... and I don't let anyone else set them for me. I have no idea if this is the best solution. All I know is, it seems to be working.

 

Maybe its a double standard because men and women are different ?

 

Same reason women can make money out of sex but men have to pay for it ?

[sally4sara]

I actually have no issue getting involved with a slut as long as she was an honest slut. If she had sex with 100 guys but was single and did it in an honest manner no problem but if she had a man and she was still screwing around I say she deserves to be treated like a prostitute.

 

But I've read you saying that prostitution is at least honest. So what is "getting treated like a prostitute" as far as something deserved? Now it is a negative treatment?

 

And hey, I'll bet its pretty easy to spot a slut once you've decided 99 percent of women aren't worth a damn like I've also read you say in other threads.

 

It is all decided with a level of contempt and I think that is what has been bothering the OP.

If that kind of behavior makes someone unworthy of respect, it stands to reason that it doesn't just apply to women. Men act like it does, but women? Not so much. I think that men ARE internally troubled when they pass themselves out so easily. It just doesn't mesh well with the social programming we receive so they find ways to comfort themselves. They place the shame on the woman for being "cheap" or "easy" and ignore that they were had so easily and cheaply themselves. We all have the urge to be important, respected and hopefully loved by someone. When settling for the ONS, I don't believe men never feel cheapened by that. I think they just shut it out and make the female own it.

[Woggle]

I poorly worded it when I said treated like a prostitute because prostitutes are honest and in no way can be considered players. What I meant to say is that a player deserves to be played whether they are male or female. I don't feel that 99 percent of women aren't worth a damn but there are many that aren't. A smart man can sort out the keepers from the toys.

[Stockalone]

If that kind of behavior makes someone unworthy of respect, it stands to reason that it doesn't just apply to women.

 

It also applies to men, but it doesn't bother me that much since I don't date men.

 

I know men that have that double standard, but it isn't my problem and it isn't my job to correct that behaviour. Besides, they would never listen to the crazy guy who doesn't bang the bar chicks.

 

I think it is the women's responsibility to punish the men that have that double standard by not dating them. However, I see lots of women who aren't concerned about that double standard when it comes to the guy they are dating.

 

 

Men act like it does, but women? Not so much. I think that men ARE internally troubled when they pass themselves out so easily. It just doesn't mesh well with the social programming we receive so they find ways to comfort themselves. They place the shame on the woman for being "cheap" or "easy" and ignore that they were had so easily and cheaply themselves. We all have the urge to be important, respected and hopefully loved by someone. When settling for the ONS, I don't believe men never feel cheapened by that. I think they just shut it out and make the female own it.

 

To be honest, I do not believe for a second that those men are troubled by what they do. But I must also say that I don't think that the majority of men thinks like that. In my opinion, the majority of men don't mind the ONS and they don't think less of the women they have sex with.

 

The men with the double standards are another story. My theory is the following.

 

They are proud of what they have accomplished. They got a woman to give them sex. That means they won and now they can look for the next prey to hunt down.

 

Some men are taught (or at least encouraged) to believe that "scoring" as many women as possible is one of the things a man should accomplish. In thay way of thinking, the women decide who gets to have sex with them. So if a man is able to have sex with many women, he is "the man".

 

If the woman gives it up too early and makes it too easy for the man, they are not gf/marriage material. That doesn't make the man easy, because he is the successful hunter that "scored" the woman. The man is not to blame in this, because the woman holds all the power (by deciding who she has sex with).

 

In fact, the man now has managed to take away that power from the woman by sleeping with her and has proven himself.

 

As I said, that is just a theory about the male chauvinists. Maybe I am completely wrong.

[MaxManwell]

Here is a thought.

 

Men won't date women that sleep around.

 

Women will date men who sleep around.

 

Who has the loser standards here ? who is enforcing this double standard ?

[luvmy2ns]

Here's another thought for ya.

 

You meet some gal who puts on the "good girl" persona. When asked about numbers, she tells you what you want to hear. She plays the game well. You get sucked in and play the game with her. She finally consents to sleeping with you. Wow! She's a "real lady" AND great in the sack! After some time, you commit to each other. Finally, you get married or move in together; buy a house together. Whatever. Somehow, some way, you are tied together, emotionally and/or financially.

 

NOW, the REAL girl comes out. And you get NOTHING of what you THOUGHT you were bargaining for. Sex becomes rote, unimaginative, and seldom. She's hooked you with her play acting. You fell for the role playing. GREAT job at finding a suitable mate.

 

Now, that gal you passed up because she occasionally has a ONS because she's single and has a healthy sex drive? She was the best fit for you all around, but YOU passed her up because of some stupid preconceived notion about "that kind of woman." She wouldn't pretend about the numbers. She wouldn't pretend about the person she is just to hook you and then let the pretense fall away. She's real and she's honest.

 

Stupid, stupid men who behave that way. And every single one of you deserves the "good woman" you eventually find yourselves saddled with.

[MaxManwell]

Here's another thought for ya.

 

You meet some gal who puts on the "good girl" persona. When asked about numbers, she tells you what you want to hear. She plays the game well. You get sucked in and play the game with her. She finally consents to sleeping with you. Wow! She's a "real lady" AND great in the sack! After some time, you commit to each other. Finally, you get married or move in together; buy a house together. Whatever. Somehow, some way, you are tied together, emotionally and/or financially.

 

NOW, the REAL girl comes out. And you get NOTHING of what you THOUGHT you were bargaining for. Sex becomes rote, unimaginative, and seldom. She's hooked you with her play acting. You fell for the role playing. GREAT job at finding a suitable mate.

 

Now, that gal you passed up because she occasionally has a ONS because she's single and has a healthy sex drive? She was the best fit for you all around, but YOU passed her up because of some stupid preconceived notion about "that kind of woman." She wouldn't pretend about the numbers. She wouldn't pretend about the person she is just to hook you and then let the pretense fall away. She's real and she's honest.

 

Stupid, stupid men who behave that way. And every single one of you deserves the "good woman" you eventually find yourselves saddled with.

 

Thats not so much a thought as it is a story. Anyway I knew a woman I who regarded pretty well as girlfriend material. The kind you'd love to take home, show the mother and the relatives. The girl next door type of little miss perfect with that charmingly subtle yet overwhelming humility. She slept around ALL the time I know this because I lived with her. Was not unusual after that after she finished work for some strange mans voice to be heard at 4 in the morning. She must have loved moving furniture around because their tea and orange cake certainly made a repetitive thumping sound and boy ! does she love orange cake. By the sound of it anyway.

As I have said earlier it is not so much what you actually do but how you present yourself that matters to most people.