selena_cat Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 general question, if you havent heard anything from the dumepr in almost 4 months,because youre on NC does that mean that they forgotten about you and will never hear from him. Friends say why wouldyou want to hear from him since he's been a total arse to you,plus he's moved on. I read alot of post that people cant go a week on NC and its kililng them,well i went all this time,i had my bad days in which i want to tell the bugger off but then theres the good days also,when i keep myself busy. I just want someones opinion,and how important is it to not break NC-sometimes i struggle with it b/c unlike him i cant forget people in my life,espiecilly if they were inportant to me lik ei once said i was to him, what a blody lie,=. Also,are there any stories where the ex makes contact,after some months? Thanks!!
kizik Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 My ex-ex contacted me two days ago after 5 years. It happens when you're over it, when you least expect it.
Author selena_cat Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 My ex-ex contacted me two days ago after 5 years. It happens when you're over it, when you least expect it. hi KIZIK, Five years???
Kamille Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 I remember falling to my knees with astonishment when my ex ex contacted me after 18 months of NC. I didn't read the back up to your story, but your ex probably still thinks of you, and, depending on how he is doing with his healing process (and who broke up with who), those memories are probably fond ones. Just keep doing nc until thoughts of him are no longer torturous in any way. Do it for you.
kizik Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 Yes. And it might take my current ex that long to realize she was wrong. You want to rush it. But all you can do is move on without them. Find friends. Maybe one of those friends will become a lover.
Author selena_cat Posted June 9, 2008 Author Posted June 9, 2008 Yes. And it might take my current ex that long to realize she was wrong. You want to rush it. But all you can do is move on without them. Find friends. Maybe one of those friends will become a lover. hi,i have been doing my best to be more sociable, even if this town is challenging. Also I like that maybe one of these friends will be a lover,but have to be a guy friend of course! Also Kammile, in reply to your question, he broke with me,tossed me aside for someone else,then wanted to push for friendship i said,no way jose! I did that and all it did was create false hope while he played more games and became unbelievable disrespectful . lesson #1 do not be friends with ex, especially if they dumped you,since they see you'll stick around for their table scaps,all respect is lost. Its just i'm still angry,our last contact very unpleasant and he was verbally abusive .so i maintained strict NC, it just feel like unfinish business,especially when i didnt get a chance to tell him off like i should. lots of regrets. Did you say 18 months of NC? wow i knowi shouldnt be hopeful.
Kamille Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 The 18 months nc: the break up was mutual (failed LDR). I had written to him after two weeks because I missed him and wanted to know how he was doing. He replied an angry e-mail, telling me I was messing with his mind. I replied: "I apologize, please get in touch with me when you feel ready". He replied: "Thanks. probably never". 18 months later he got in touch with me. He was doing way better, had met someone new, and, if I got it correctly, basically wanted to check in on me before he really got serious with this new person. The fact is though, you don't need closure from your ex. I think closure is a delusional concept. I spent 9 months trying to get closure from another guy I was dating and I really only got it the day a friend of mine explained to me that that guy was never going to be able to answer my questions or hear me out. That, basically, the guy didn't want to give up his position as the one with all the power, the one who broke my heart. You will get over your ex. And like Kizic said, that is likely precisely when he will get in touch with you.
kizik Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 The 18 months nc: the break up was mutual (failed LDR). ...you don't need closure from your ex. I think closure is a delusional concept. I just had a mutual breakup that was the result of a failed LDR, Kamille... spooky. Yeah, closure is weird. What is it? It seems that what it is, is an acceptance of what has happened during which you realize you did all you could. Closure comes from within, and means you've learned about yourself and what you want from a partner. And you're glad for the good times and lessons your last partner taught you, even if they did so inadvertently.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Kizik, why did your Ex-Ex contact you? What did she say? Was it just to say "hi" or did she have something to tell you? Just curious. It seems a bit odd that she contacted you after all of that time. Interesting!
orangehose Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 It's possible, though unlikely. I've certainly known people who've gotten back in touch with exes after years and years. Sometimes to apologize, sometimes to be friendly, sometimes to gloat, etc etc. With the internet it's more easily done. Part of me finds it oddly healing to make the assumption that my ex will contact me in a couple of years, preferably with an apology. Then I stop wondering, 'will he ever contact me?' and just go about my business.
kizik Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Back to Black, here's the short story about the XX: ran into her at a bar in Feb. 08. Didn't wanna talk to her. Sent her an angry email. Later, wrote her back apologizing for it. Well, two nights ago she wrote, basically, "You don't have to apologize, I will always regret the way I wasted your love." The breakup situation was that she joined AmeriCorps in 2002. We were supposedly gonna make it work. Well, she cut me off. Didn't answer my emails or phone calls. A coward's break up. So of course I was super pissed. Cut to 2008, and the above information.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Well, two nights ago she wrote, basically, "You don't have to apologize, I will always regret the way I wasted your love." [/Quote] What a loser...the fact that she couldn't even break up with you in an honest fashion is just horrible!
Francesco Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Well my ex left me nine months ago and we have had VERY LIMITED contact in that time. Yesterday I got a message saying "Hey, I was thinking about you the other day and wanted to know how you are doing." My advice is sit tight and do nothing but move on...I was a fool and broke NC the first month of our break up and it only pushed her further away. She even told me months ago that if I had just listened to her and given her space and time, things would be different. Thats probably BS on her part and she probably only said it to make me feel guilty, but after 8 months and me dating a new girl, she decides to check in and contact me. Just dont worry about it because nothing you say or do will bring him back, so contacting him is pointless. Of course he thinks about you, but not enough to make him go out of his way. One day he might, but it will be on his own.
Author selena_cat Posted June 10, 2008 Author Posted June 10, 2008 Well my ex left me nine months ago and we have had VERY LIMITED contact in that time. Yesterday I got a message saying "Hey, I was thinking about you the other day and wanted to know how you are doing." My advice is sit tight and do nothing but move on...I was a fool and broke NC the first month of our break up and it only pushed her further away. She even told me months ago that if I had just listened to her and given her space and time, things would be different. Thats probably BS on her part and she probably only said it to make me feel guilty, but after 8 months and me dating a new girl, she decides to check in and contact me. Just dont worry about it because nothing you say or do will bring him back, so contacting him is pointless. Of course he thinks about you, but not enough to make him go out of his way. One day he might, but it will be on his own. Just like Kamille and Kizic i to had failed LDR,it is spooky i heard of the term a watch pot never boils, so i dont want to seel as tho i'm waiting for him to contact me (even tho i am but not as bad as in the begginning) NC does make a big difference in healing!however its interesting hearing people stories, also question, when you finally do meet someone new, does the ex sense that even if you never tell them and contact you. justwant to know if its true if anyone experience this. youre fransesco right worrying is pointless Fransesco but yo said after 8 mos and you with another girl she checks on you,wonder why?
Francesco Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Just like Kamille and Kizic i to had failed LDR,it is spooky i heard of the term a watch pot never boils, so i dont want to seel as tho i'm waiting for him to contact me (even tho i am but not as bad as in the begginning) NC does make a big difference in healing!however its interesting hearing people stories, also question, when you finally do meet someone new, does the ex sense that even if you never tell them and contact you. justwant to know if its true if anyone experience this. youre fransesco right worrying is pointless Fransesco but yo said after 8 mos and you with another girl she checks on you,wonder why? I think in my case, my ex had heard that I was dating someone new and decided to drop a line and check in and kind of feel me out. The first month of the breakup I was calling her, emailing, etc...She got sick of it, I got sick of it, so it stopped. I think it took her a few months to get used to not hearing from me before she was able to start thinking about me, at least thinking about me in a not so negative way. After a month of dating someone new, I think she has either 1) realized I've moved on and and now she feels like its safe to talk to me because we can talk without me questioning about our relationship 2) is genuinely curious about my life or 3) is kind of jealous about me dating before she is and is now trying to get a feel for what my relationship is like now. whatever the case may be, she has decided to be civil towards me. and I know she wouldn't have contacted me if I wasn't dating someone new. I think all ex's get some feeling of minimal regret when the person they left ends up happy with someone new. It makes them curious, and you can bet on them asking around to see who the new person is and to see how you are doing. its human nature.
justine4 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 My ex (and first love) who I was with for 4 years contacted me 3 yrs after we separated telling me the girl he was going out with was boring and didn't match upto me at all. I had a chat with him and explained I was going out with someone else and wasn't interested in getting back together. The ex then went on to marry the girl and, 13 YEARS LATER he emailed me via Friends Reunited website to see how I was doing. I don't think theres a time limit for people to 'get over' their ex's, especially a first love. Memories are something that no-one can take away.
mistie03 Posted June 10, 2008 Posted June 10, 2008 My ex-bf and I broke up around the holidays. We went 3 months without talking. He did contact me about some stuff he still had stored here. When he came to get it, we talked about general topics and he talked about himself. That's it. Nothing earth shaking. I didn't hear from him for a few more months, now he has asked me to lunch a few times this week. I'm not sure why. I went and we don't talk about anything deep. There are no romantic overtures. It's like two old friends going to lunch. Luckily, he gave me some time without contacting me and I was able to get over him. As far as the lunches, I draw a big ? My ex-bf is an enigma.
0hpenelope Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Lawrence kept contacting me. ...Until I told him to stop. Friendship is not going to work out between us because Lawrence the best friend and Lawrence the boyfriend are one and the same person: Lawrence. I've forgiven him - I can't fault him for his feelings changing - but it doesn't mean we have to stay friends. Walk out on me, stay gone. I don't want drama, I don't need it, Life is eventful enough as it is already - good and bad. Exes never forget. You cross his mind from time to time... just not in the way that you expect him to. Same goes for me here: I know I cross Lawrence's mind from time to time. I think of him everyday... and I miss him everyday, too. But going back to that hell of a place that I was in a few months ago is definitely not worth it at all. I'm thankful for the good memories. His chapter in my life is done now and in the immediate future. If it stays that way, I don't know. I just know what I have in my present. And it looks good. I think I'm on my 2nd month of NC... I'm not sure anymore, I lost count. It doesn't matter. I'm happy. Not happier without him. Just happy again. That's all I've wanted.
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