Q_A Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 A while back i had a crush on a good friend of mine and i confessed my feelings to her and she told me that she didn't want a long distance relationship (both going to schools at the opposite end of the state). Anyway I essentially dropped contact and went on my own way and tried to get over her. I dated other girls, hooked up, etc but was never really able to completely get over her. Anyway during the end of summer break we hung out a few times and since then we have been in constant talking talking atleast twice a week through ims/text/calling (her friend believes its because we were friends but I don't believe knowing someone for a few months prior constitutes constant checking up). Then Spring break she took a plane back home and she needed a ride so we ended up spending essentially the whole week together hanging out (with mutual friends, her friends, and alone quite a bit). Anyway I think on the last day of her break she may have tried to kiss me; wasn't sure at the time cause i was slightly drunk and she is an incredibly awkward person but in hindsight it did raise some questions. Its kind of disheartening because any person who has seen me and her together can almost immediately tell how I feel about her..... yet she can't tell so it gets discouraging. Also they pretty much agree that she is a hard book to read and her thoughts are pretty much unknown to them (male and female). Now here are some of the things she does that are odd: 1. I've noticed that when she thinks I'm not looking she will glance at me and kinda check me out 2. When I make eye contact when she is looking she turns away. 3. With her guy friends she gives them all a little hug when they hang out and when leaving..... well everyone except me. 4. I was hanging out with a mutual friend and he was surprised to see me without her being around. Also at a party another mutual friend asked if we were currently dating. 5. She seemed to get jealous of a flirty female friend I had till I told her that was how the friend was and I wasn't interested. 6. April fools I went into a pseudo relationship with a friend and I was bombarded with questions pertaining to the relationship 7. She seems to be protective of me. If i don't put sunblock on at the beach she will yell at me and if there is a spray on can hose me down with what she considers adequate protection. She will also tell me to get home safely if I'm going to a party with alcohol, etc. 8. Sometimes she will be over eager to talk to me and other times she will just ignore me completely. 9. She will always try to sit next to me and if i don't sit next to her she will make a joke about how i want to be far away from her. 10. If she makes a joke about a cute guy she will immediately add on a "kidding" or explain how he prob wasn't her type, shes not interested, etc. 11. If i make a joke about a guy interested in her she will either dismiss it or give me the "are you serious" look. 12. if i tease her she will tease me right back (thats kindof how our flirting works) or give me the look. 13. She will do these favors for me and doesn't want to get paid back. 14. She knows my whole history essentially; where i used to live, my parents historys, my siblings, etc. And I have met her family 15. Tells me her future plans like where she wants to live when she grows up, the kind of wedding she wants, etc. I kinda feel that we fell into a boyfriend/girlfriend pattern even though we are only "friends." I know for a fact that she is not currently dating and that the only date she had this year was on valentines day. The answers that I come up with is that she is 1) incredibly awkward and inexperienced towards boys so doesn't know what to do but likes me 2) Doesn't like me but wants to stay good friends ( like how we were for years) and hopes i don't open pandora's box, 3) enjoys having the attention of someone who likes her, or 4) likes me but is only holding on till she finds something better. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I think you both should get together as a couple. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I think you both should get together as a couple. I agree. You're friends but there doesn't seem to be indication that you're in the friendzone. Take a shot, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
missdeathwish Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Eh, give her a kiss and see what she does. Don't go straight for the tonsils, though. A kiss on the cheek is enough to see whether she's okay with it. If she turns bright red and starts smiling like the dickens, you can go for the lips next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Q_A Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 I agree. You're friends but there doesn't seem to be indication that you're in the friendzone. Take a shot, dude. really? I thought that we were so i didn't want to make a move lol. i mean she rejected me and wanted to just be friends.... would that not be the friend zone? But hopefully you are right. The next time I see her I will try to kiss her on the cheek to see how she reacts. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 really? I thought that we were so i didn't want to make a move lol. i mean she rejected me and wanted to just be friends.... would that not be the friend zone? Well, if you are in the friendzone, those 15 things that you listed doesn't seem to have the "perks" that come with being in the said zone. See, if you had things like: -If she has a personal problem, she turns to you for help -She talks about other guys -She says you're like a brother to her If you had signs like those, then you're most definitely in the friendzone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Q_A Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 Well she used to talk to me about her problems though as of a few months back she stopped. never mentioned guys to me but she would talk to me about the stress of school, feeling unloved, homesickness, etc. Believe me if I didn't think i was in the friend zone i would have made a move a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
shanny Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Those are all signs that she is into you. I agree that you just have to make a move. You told her your feelings awhile ago and she is still hanging out with you so she is probably interested. If a guy told me he liked me and I didn't return the feeling I would blow him off just because hanging with him would be totally awkward. Make the move and let us know what happens... Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Well she used to talk to me about her problems though as of a few months back she stopped. Well, there you go. Time to make a move, mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Q_A Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 yeah i don't know anymore..... I went clubbing with her and her friend last night.... and it may be different to them but to me i was essentially there to be a purse/a make **** dancer when one or the other was dancing with a guy or there were no guys in sight. It was good when we got there we danced quite a bit but then as it started getting more and more crowded it went down hill. She started booty dancing with other guys (which I was completely fine with cause its in a club and they want to dance), but they started to really get on my nerves. 1). For one anytime I would start dancing with a girl or a girl started dancing with me they would pull me away from her and pull me into that girl group dance; 2) Then when she and her friends were dancing with guys it meant i became the third wheel, but if i went to dance with another girl 1) occurs; Then she gave this guy her number and started getting real close (like affectionate.... no kissing that I saw but affectionate looks and such) to this random guy and eventually gave him her number too. That was kinda the last straw for me, as since she was killing my good mood pretty rapidly I decided to move elsewhere and managed to get a girls number (though I'm pretty dissapointed in myself cause I wasn't really attracted to the girl, it was more of ego soothing/spite/jealousy acting). I come back to find that she and her friend were looking for me. She tried to dance with me after that but since I was still pissed I avoided eye contact and dancing with her unless she was like directly in front of me and i was unable to move elsewhere (even then I avoided eye contact at all costs). And the most of time that I was with them she seemed to be looking at me, even when she was dancing with other guys. I don't know at the moment I really don't care. When we were leaving her friend asked if I managed to get any numbers (jokingly). Still pissed I told them yes and the girl I liked sounded kinda depressed and her friend (who knows I like her friend) dissapointed. Did I act childish? Probably. Hypocritical? Most likely. Jealous? hell yes. But the way I see it if there was someone I really liked and I specifically asked them to go clubbing with me, I would pay more attention to them and wouldn't go giving/getting other random girls numbers. But i really don't know. I know that there are three sides to every story (his side, her side, and the truth) and I'm still jealous/upset/depressed about it so i'll wait till I'm thinking with more rationally and less tired before I start thinking about it. Though at this particular point I can pretty much easily say that all confidence in my situation that has been built here and my willingness to try to "get the girl" has been pretty much shot and is flat-lining . There is another female friend who may have a mild crush on me (but loves someone else and is pretty much in the same exact situation as me) and a cute female co-worker who I am interested in (not to the degree of the girl but still interested nonetheless), and I think I may start flirting with them both and seeing where it goes (gonna try to stop keeping all my eggs in one basket, something something more than one fishing rod, other random expressions for saying that I'm not gonna rely on one and only one thing). Well thats my rant. It was mostly so that I feel better (which i do now ) and I would really like some more advice since you guys seem to be real good with it. Link to post Share on other sites
missdeathwish Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 It's good that you're not putting all your eggs in one basket. (Sorry you had to be wing/purse man.) I still say you should give her a smooch sometime. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Q_A Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 well i saw her today and i told her how i felt..... turns out she doesn't feel the same . According to her I'm nothing more than a good friend to her and she just doesn't about me that way. She also hopes that in time we will be able to pick up the friendship to where it used to be before I developed feelings for her. We were friends before so hopefully we will manage to be friends after. I guess that is all there is too it, just a cliche ending..... Oh well..... what can i do? Oh and btw thanks for all the completely inaccurate advice Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Well, good on you for trying, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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