It's over, I'm not attractive....

[Habibti]

2 weeks before we were supposed to finally meet in person,2 weeks before all my friends and family knew I was leaving the state..he ripped the spine from my body. Although he has seen me in photographs (both face and body), last night I went on webcam for him, he didn't like what he saw, apparently.

 

It's weird, how full of **** he turned out to be ; he always told me what was important to him was the person underneath ; that looks are only temporary they will fade etc etc. Yet he's willing to throw away everything we had over a shoddy webcam experience. We had what I can only describe as the greatest connection I've ever been a part of in my life. We agreed on so many things, we shared so many values, views, etc.We spent almost a year..talking nearly every day on the phone, we shared the big things..and the little..we watched movies together, played games together, slept on the phone together (intentionally!). I'm so confused, I never found him physically attractive either but that didn't matter to me; he became attractive to me because of who he was on the inside and I thought it was the same story with him. I'm at a loss of words.

 

How does someone tote that phrase so much and when it applies to their own lives poof, it means squat. It makes me feel ill to think if maybe I'd been 30 pounds lighter, he would want to meet me and love me and be with me. It's a little gross. He knew I'd been trying to lose weight, I guess he wasn't half as supportive of me as I thought.

 

I can't believe that last night happened, this feels so surreal. He couldn't even call me to end things, had to look me up on a stupid messenger of all things. I was graceful about it, despite the fact that again- my spine was just ripped right out, along with my heart.Big old Mr.Mack Truck there ran the whole thing over, backed up and played ping pong quite a few times.

 

I don't know, I'm at an extreme loss for words. He is just not who I thought he was. Wow.

[Lookingforward]

2 weeks before we were supposed to finally meet in person,2 weeks before all my friends and family knew I was leaving the state..he ripped the spine from my body. Although he has seen me in photographs (both face and body), last night I went on webcam for him, he didn't like what he saw, apparently.

 

It's weird, how full of **** he turned out to be ; he always told me what was important to him was the person underneath ; that looks are only temporary they will fade etc etc. Yet he's willing to throw away everything we had over a shoddy webcam experience. We had what I can only describe as the greatest connection I've ever been a part of in my life. We agreed on so many things, we shared so many values, views, etc.We spent almost a year..talking nearly every day on the phone, we shared the big things..and the little..we watched movies together, played games together, slept on the phone together (intentionally!). I'm so confused, I never found him physically attractive either but that didn't matter to me; he became attractive to me because of who he was on the inside and I thought it was the same story with him. I'm at a loss of words.

 

How does someone tote that phrase so much and when it applies to their own lives poof, it means squat. It makes me feel ill to think if maybe I'd been 30 pounds lighter, he would want to meet me and love me and be with me. It's a little gross. He knew I'd been trying to lose weight, I guess he wasn't half as supportive of me as I thought.

 

I can't believe that last night happened, this feels so surreal. He couldn't even call me to end things, had to look me up on a stupid messenger of all things. I was graceful about it, despite the fact that again- my spine was just ripped right out, along with my heart.Big old Mr.Mack Truck there ran the whole thing over, backed up and played ping pong quite a few times.

 

I don't know, I'm at an extreme loss for words. He is just not who I thought he was. Wow.

 

 

So sorry habibti, but better now than after you met, right ?

 

If he is so shallow that he isn't aware webcam is hardly the same as real life, then you don't need him in your life.

[Habibti]

Yeah, it is what it is. I'm floored, I'm devestated, I'm sick. But, I know I'm a great catch. I know I have a lot of really great qualities and it is his loss, because he had someone who had a big heart, a big brain, and a wellspring of creativity and humor and cleverness, who accepted him just the way he was, and loved him..and that's a tremendous thing to lose.

 

Me on the other hand, obviously..didn't have that in him, so I am not losing it.

 

Whole

[Lookingforward]

Yeah, it is what it is. I'm floored, I'm devestated, I'm sick. But, I know I'm a great catch. I know I have a lot of really great qualities and it is his loss, because he had someone who had a big heart, a big brain, and a wellspring of creativity and humor and cleverness, who accepted him just the way he was, and loved him..and that's a tremendous thing to lose.

 

Me on the other hand, obviously..didn't have that in him, so I am not losing it.

 

Whole

 

habi, you know that webcams don't portray most of us in the best light (literally) LOL - I tend to avoid them like the plague unless it's a vid conference in a well lit office or if it's from home just my family and rl friends who know what I look like in rl anyway....

 

Somehow though, I have a feeling there was more to his reactions than just the webcam, sounds more like second thoughts and cold feet - I don't think it was you at all

[Habibti]

I'm starting to think that also. Guess I will never know. Maybe he had something to hide, maybe he thought I would reject him, I don't know. Never will now. I would like to think a reason like that would make much more sense than throwing in the towel over one night on a webcam.

 

ESPECIALLY the fact that he did what he did over a messenger, isntead of calling. He also said he wanted us to remain friends and still be in eachothers lives. I passed on that option.

[Meaplus3]

Yeah, it is what it is. I'm floored, I'm devestated, I'm sick. But, I know I'm a great catch. I know I have a lot of really great qualities and it is his loss, because he had someone who had a big heart, a big brain, and a wellspring of creativity and humor and cleverness, who accepted him just the way he was, and loved him..and that's a tremendous thing to lose.

 

Me on the other hand, obviously..didn't have that in him, so I am not losing it.

 

Whole

 

Your right in saying it's his loss and it 100% is. If someone can not love and accept every part of you just the way you are they are simply not worth your time.

 

While I know this is tough right now you are far better of without a person like this in your life. Perhap's one day he will wake up and say "Gee, I let the best thing that happend to me get away".. and by that time it will be to late. Hugs.

 

AP:)

[Trialbyfire]

If he saw pics of you as you are now, I'm surprised that webcam would have made a difference. More likely, webcam made you too real, scaring the crap out of him.

 

Anyways, you're lucky not to have met him. Imagine meeting and fully investing in someone, then coming to the realization that they're all about the superficial. Now that would be tragic.

[Habibti]

Yes, the pics he has seen are all recent. You're probably right on the "too real" part. Though, this was already too real for me, I thought I'd marry him, that he was the one for me. All these plans had been made..and now nothing.

[Lonelystar]

I said thank goodness you found out now instead of traveling so far to meet this man. He sounds very shallow, and you need someone with more depth. Maybe he was just insecure with himself, and thats why he was scared to meet you. Did he tell you he didn't like what he saw, or did he just end it? I just don't understand some people, and you're lucky you found out his true nature. Whatever the case is, you need someone who will love you for all that you are. I'm sorry you're in pain, and I hope you feel better real soon.

[Habibti]

Thankyou all,

 

here is a blog I wrote about it. I thought it would be good to vent my feelings.

 

Also, to the girl who asked me- he said I was very pretty. Then he said he didn't know if he wanted to meet me. He said he'd call me back, he didn't. He got online on a msgr, told me there.

 

Destroyed

Today you killed me. You ripped my dreams from my soul as a predator rips a spine from a body. Part of me is optimistic, I want to move forward, I visualise myself taking steps, bettering myself and improving myself. The other part is so stricken with grief she can't move. She can't eat, she doesn't sleep. I can't help but think if I lost 30 or 40 pounds this wouldn't have happened. What's the most sad to me though is that I KNOW this wouldn't have happened. Try as I might, it's going to take me a long time to forgive you for that. It would be one thing if you had been honest with me. If you hadn't told me you liked my body and that you loved me for who I was, regardless of what I looked like.If you hadn't told me that looks fade and what matters is what's underneath that, I wouldn't feel so betrayed by you. I wouldn't feel so lied too. But I do now, because you're a liar. You pretend that you stand up for good things and important things but when they apply to your own life you don't live them. I'm sorry for you for that. You're going to lose a great girl and several great joys in your life because of that. I can lose weight, I'm not stuck to it. I can't believe you're letting 30 pounds take away everything. An entire year, gone- flushed down the toilet. An entire year wasted, I wish I could say I don't regret meeting you and what we shared, but I do. I regret that I gave myself so unselfishly and wholy and completely to someone who was willing to throw me under the bus for what? You're really unbelievable. I don't know what's next for me now that I've been destroyed. I guess I will start to pick up pieces, put them back together.God give me strength to even find them again.

[Lonelystar]

I hope writing will make you feel better. I know it has helped me, and writing is a good way to get all the emotions out. How do you know it has anything to do with looks? Maybe he just chickened out, and was just scared that everything was coming down to it. Sometimes it is easier for people to have LDR because they do not have to really be there. Just keep your head up high, and I hope you feel better soon.

[Habibti]

I hope writing will make you feel better. I know it has helped me, and writing is a good way to get all the emotions out. How do you know it has anything to do with looks? Maybe he just chickened out, and was just scared that everything was coming down to it. Sometimes it is easier for people to have LDR because they do not have to really be there. Just keep your head up high, and I hope you feel better soon.

 

I know it was about looks because he said so, he said I didn't make the right first impression looks-wise.

[burning 4 revenge]

I know it was about looks because he said so, he said I didn't make the right first impression.

Were those his exact words or is this emotional interpretation

 

What did he say exactly

[Habibti]

His exact words were...

 

"I need a day or two to think about it" Me: "Is it because you're not attracted to me?" him: "You're pretty..you just..it's that whole first impression thing." He later got on yahoo msgr, went just like this..

 

him: i don't know what to say hun me : we are all adults here, it seems like you don't like me. him: you are the best girl I ever met in life, we can be friends. I am so sorry.

 

I'm the best girl he's ever met in life...but not good enough to at least go ahead and meet and see what happens in person based off 10 minutes on a webcam..riiggght.

[HisLove]

Oh Habibti I was just gutted as I read your post.

 

What a shallow a.s.s.hole...... ... Aren't you angry at him? I am. Let me find a letter I once read somewhere so you can send it to him.

 

BRB.

[Star Gazer]

I really don't think he meant anything about your attractiveness, but about the chemistry. Honestly, you can sometimes determine that you do NOT have chemistry through a webcam. You can. A person can be as gorgeous as Cindy Crawford in the late 80's but if you don't have chemistry - that special somethin' - there's nothing you can do about it.

[TMichaels]

I really don't think he meant anything about your attractiveness, but about the chemistry. Honestly, you can sometimes determine that you do NOT have chemistry through a webcam. You can. A person can be as gorgeous as Cindy Crawford in the late 80's but if you don't have chemistry - that special somethin' - there's nothing you can do about it.

 

Rubbish.

 

The guy spent a year with her talking on the phone, watched movies and played on-line games together had exchanged accurate photographs. TWO WEEKS before they were to meet in RL, he decides "the chemistry's all wrong?"

 

Give me a break.

 

And, while we're talking about ridiculous statements: "A person can be as gorgeous as Cindy Crawford in the late 80's..."

 

HUH? The woman is STILL absolutely gorgeous. Or, is she guilty of not having that special somethin' because she's no longer 22?

 

<shaking head>

 

TMichaels

[NeverLetMeDownAgain]

How does someone tote that phrase so much and when it applies to their own lives poof, it means squat. It makes me feel ill to think if maybe I'd been 30 pounds lighter, he would want to meet me and love me and be with me. It's a little gross. He knew I'd been trying to lose weight, I guess he wasn't half as supportive of me as I thought.

 

What an ass, to put it bluntly. I'm so sorry this happened to you, hon. I know all too well how it feels to be rejected for such a shallow, blind reason (I'm overweight - not just a little, either), and that's one of the major things that I have a fear of, too.

 

I know that it probably doesn't help right now, but whenever I've been rejected due to a weight issue, I just tell them - "Hey, I'm fat and you're ignorant. I can diet - what's your excuse?"

 

I'd be shell-shocked, too, if the person that I thought I knew well turned out to be someone else, deep down, and I know that's what you're dealing with right now. Take heart - there'll be someone out there that doesn't have these issues and knows that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

 

(((Habibti)))

 

I really don't think he meant anything about your attractiveness, but about the chemistry. Honestly, you can sometimes determine that you do NOT have chemistry through a webcam. You can.

 

I have no doubt that you can, but then explain why this guy stuck around for an entire year - then 2 weeks before they're supposed to meet up, he pulls this? Especially when they've exchanged pictures, they know what the other looks like, etc.? I mean, to me that's just the epitome of cruel.

 

The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

[Habibti]

Oh Habibti I was just gutted as I read your post.

 

What a shallow a.s.s.hole...... ... Aren't you angry at him? I am. Let me find a letter I once read somewhere so you can send it to him.

 

BRB.

 

Angry doesn't begin to do it justice. I feel like I was lead on for an entire year. Angry? No, doesn't even cut to it. I made him paintings, home made love cards, I baked him his favorite goodies, I made him care packages when he was sick. I am smart, I am clever and funny. Everyone who knows me in person is absolutley FLOORED. They all think I'm beautiful, in every way. I gave so much love and heart into a person who never really loved me and just lead me on for a year. Yeah, angry doesn't do me ANY justice...

[Trialbyfire]

He created a fantasy woman in his head, of how you would look and act in real life. When your body language didn't line up exactly to his precise image, it put him off.

[Habibti]

He sent me an email saying he would like for us to be friends someday.

 

Here is what I sent in response; it was the things I didn't get a chance to say when he blind sided me.

 

have been going through a lot of emotions trying to process all this. This is the last time I will write you for awhile, I just need to say a few things for closure. You picked looks over something extremely great and I don't know why, at least not when it was you who used to always say that what is important is who a person is inside because will make them beautiful. When it applied to your own life however, it became a different story. It's hard for me to think that if I had been thinner you would have accepted me, and let's face it; you would have. I was never physically attracted to you, but I never overlooked your for it, instead I gave you a chance because of who you are and that made you very attractive to me I thought the same thing went for you because you always talked about believing in that. Not that it matters, I could have still been as thin as when I met you and what if I would of put on the weight 3 months down the road? You would have kicked me to the curb, EVEN knowing I am trying to do something about it, it is afterall only temporary. See, that's what is so hard about it, I didn't think it was like that with you. You never represented yourself that way. I want to forgive you for causing me so much unecessary pain.After all we have shared you wouldn't even at least meet me face to face which is SOO much different than a webcam, JUST to see.Instead you pass that up because of a shoddy webcam experience? Really? But this isn't about looks, or a webcam experience, when you love a person you accept them.I know that because I loved you and accepted you no matter what.I'm not sure what you felt for me but it wasn't love (This is not something I am saying so you'll respond and try to convince me you did)Now I am struggling with so many things because along with losing our relationship, I lose who I thought you were because you turned out to be completely different. I'm trying to figure out where this guy was for the last year, hidden under all his talk about accepting a person if they lose a limb or gain weight, etc etc. If I would of known you weren't really that way, If I would have known that the most important thing to you is looks, and make no mistake- it is. You just threw away something amazing because you couldn't get past something physical-hell even something temporarily physical at that. If you really didn't know that about yourself, here is the time to take a note. Then I wouldn't be surprised and hell I probably would of ended it myself when I gained weight knowing that you couldn't get past it.

 

Anyway, I'm not looking for a response. You degraded me in the worst way possible, you told me how I was one of the best girls you've ever known in life, but what ? Because of something about the way I looked on a webcam I just wasn't worth the time of day? C'mon now. You didn't even have the guts to call me and tell me this to my face. It's hard to think that after all the time spent and everything I have put in, I don't even know you. I guess though, that's the reality. I still pray for you, I pray for your well being and I pray to forgive you.

 

That is all.

[Habibti]

He created a fantasy woman in his head, of how you would look and act in real life. When your body language didn't line up exactly to his precise image, it put him off.

 

This wasn't about body language. It was about not looking a certain way. He is an extremely successful businessman, maybe he decided it would be shameful for him to sport around the fat girl instead of the barbie in front of his friends and associates.

[Trialbyfire]

This wasn't about body language. It was about not looking a certain way. He is an extremely successful businessman, maybe he decided it would be shameful for him to sport around the fat girl instead of the barbie in front of his friends and associates.

You're putting way too much onus on weight. He has seen you in current pics so your weight can't be the driver.

[burning 4 revenge]

You're putting way too much onus on weight. He has seen you in current pics so your weight can't be the driver.

I agree

 

Something else is going on here. He already saw her pictures and 30lbs above average is no big deal so something is off

[Habibti]

I agree

 

Something else is going on here. He already saw her pictures and 30lbs above average is no big deal so something is off

 

No, he didn't like the "side view". 30 pounds might be any big deal for some people, for others it obviously is. He knew I had changed my eating and was excersizing and working on losing the weight regardless. I know plenty of people are going to disagree with me here, but looks change, people gain weight, they lose weight. People could get in a car wreck, have a scarred up face. I have heard plenty of people talk about how they lose their attractiveness for a partner bc of something with looks, but that isn't love people. I will defend that to the death. If you love someone, you will think they are beautiful no matter what- I know this is possible because I've been there. I've been with someone who wasn't at all physically attractive to me, but what we shared made him beautiful to me. I don't care how old you are, how much you think you know ; that's what love trully is. Anything else, no matter how "love like" it may seem isn't love. It may be strong feelings, but it isn't true love. People are going to argue and say "you have to be physically attracted!" That is what I'm telling you; when you really love a person the physical attraction IS very much there, no matter how good/bad/change they look.