She wants to be best friends, but that's hard to do when I have feelings

[yagottahelp]

Hello, I have posted a few times about different things with me ex gf and I. We dated for over 2 years, and are in college together. We had a great relationship except for a month or so before we broke up with each other-we are also best friends, and this plays a part in it a little bit later.......anyway.......i started feeling that we were both being unfair to each other when it comes to allowing each other to do other things.

 

For example, if I went to a party while she was maybe doing something else, she'd be upset that I didn't come home and see her instead, or if I was maybe watngin to go to dinner with some friends, she wouldn't be mad, but say things that made me feel bad about going.......

 

I think she kind of felt the same way at times, I was always very encouraging of trying to get her to do other things, which she did, but if we went to the movies and maybe her friends were doing something, sometimes she'd wonder what it would be like to be with her new friends instead.......

 

So in the end we broke up, I would love to get back together, but she seems to want to basically not be in a relationship. Feeling she has eliminated the need to call, or feel bad about being with her friends, because we aren't bf and gf.

 

She still wants me right by her side (but i kind of explained that that's not how it works) and says she just needs to be secure with herself and grow up like i did a little and make a few mistakes in life maybe and that she hopes that I'm the one she spends the rest of her life with, and tells me she knows it will be.

 

Here's the thing, she wants to be best friends, don't get me wrong, we are, but that's hard to do when I have feelings for her. I know she too has feelings for me, difference is, she doesn't want a relationship.

 

We've talked about it and everything was ok, we were very close for months, and still are, we acted like bf and gf the whole summer minus the intimate things, I just lost it a few nights ago though, I wasn't mean, but was frustrated and said that this wasn't fair for me, we acted together, we have fun, never argued, did our own thing, everything was fixed.

 

so when i asked her if she'd thought about anything about us, she's like no i haven't had the chance, we've acted like it still-and i was like doesn't that tell you something??????? She's like i know it's ok now, but it's school i'm worried about. I tried to ask how come she fights the way we act, why fight the fact we click so good? I was like the things you naturally do unfairly lead me on, it's not intentional stuff, it's you-she's like well anything i do just tell me, i'll stop i don't want to-i'm like you don't understand, you do it naturally-it's not like she's intentionally being a cocktease, it's how natural and comfortable we are around each other, and how great we get along-it's like she's not willing to allow love to take over

 

I know she feels about being smothered, I think it's a space issue definately, like she's basically tied down, I know she loves me with all her heart (it's one of those things that when I'm gone, she'll realize it), and always will somehow, she said she wants to not have to answer to someone, or feel bad about doing what she wants to do-basically not have a bf, but she still wants me to be so close. She wants her cake and eat it too.

 

I told her that I can't do that anymore, that i love her and care for her, and am not mad at all-i understand she hasn't had a chance in college away from home to do her thing (i did for a year because she wasn't at my school, i wasn't with other girls, but i still went as i pleased places).

 

It's weird also, she seems insecure, I was supposed to go visit her tomorrow where she moved to, and I told her I didn't know if that was a good idea, she was so upset, said she was hated herself for f***ing everything up, she asked me like 12 tinmes about coming and why i should, it's like the minute I pull away and am like no, it's gonna be my way this tiume-she freaks out, i mean if she says i miss you and i don't say it back, she freaks out.......it's because of these things I know she cares and may react if I just go my own way for a while and let her know I'm not gonna be there as her crutch while she does what she wants.

 

I know that if it's meant to be, we'll be back together, I know that sometime this indiviuality would come out, better now then at the church or something on wedding day or if we got married. I tell myself it'll be ok somehow either way, that we're at school together, it's ok for us to date a little to meet others, not be in relationships necvessarily, but learn about people and ourselves, and we won't lose contact since we'll see each other so much still.

 

Can anyone offer any kind words, in my mind I know this has to happen sometime, but in my heart I'm crushed.......I decided that instead of waiting, I have to move on somehow, maybe not stop loving her at all, but be happy with being me and not be upset about her maybe seeing someone else. I will not have a steady gf for a long time, but I do need to be myself. I'm going to put a lot of our stuff in a box to keep for later in life sometime maybe, my friends that see it happening say it's obvious she still loves me, she's just really confused, and the best thing for me to do is to show I can move on, and maybe when I do, she'll realize what she lost-and that nobody was as good to her as I was-because i know i was always there to pick up the pieces when her life went astray-