Overreacting?

[alasia]

Hi, bit of history; I live with my partner who is 45- I'm 25 in august and we have a 10month old baby boy. I'm also pregnant again and we're both looking forward to the birth in 2 months' time.

 

We've had a fairly rocky relationship in the past; we moved too quickly at first and broke up quite messily at the end of 2006, were on and off last year and have recently got things back on track; we've been back together for 4 months now and things are going well, we're getting on better than ever etc.

 

While we were broken up last year,my partner got chatting to a customer on one of his buses (he's a bus driver) - she's 59 and he's always says he's not interested in her; they just chat and he was getting lifts home from her sometimes (we don't have a car at the moment). They texted each other- I never saw any 'dodgy' or flirty messages but I hated the fact he was texting her; mainly because she seemed as though she was attracted to him (he never seemed to reciprocate).

 

He got a new number a few weeks ago and by this time, my partner was telling me he loved me more than anything, wanted to be with me and our children; saying and doing all the right things,and he said he didn't have this woman's number. I asked why he didn't give her his number again seeign as they'd been friends before we got back together, but he said "why would I do that? I don't want her to have my number and I don't need hers".

 

I believed him. Then last night I checked his phone for the first time since we got back together - I just had a hunch there was something on there; and in his sent messages folder, I found a text he'd sent saying Ring Me,from the day before while he'd been at work. The number looked like that woman's number.

 

So I asked him about it,and he admitted it was her number.

He wouldn't say why he'd texted her asking her to phone, or why he'd lied about her having his number. He got quite defensive at first, but said he wasn't interested in her, they just talk, that nothing was going on etc. Then he asked me to get back into bed (it was 2am!) and seemed to just want me to forget it.

 

The thing is,I can't get it out of my mind and it really annoys/upsets me that he lied.

Today he said that he's asked her to phone him because he wanted to ask for a lift home after work today; but he hadn't had a reply - I don't believe that because if it was the case, why not just ask her in a text message?

 

Anyway I'm not sure what to do; if there's nothing between my partner and this woman, then why delete her text messages?

I don't think he's cheating, but I do wonder if there's some interest there. He knows I don't want him talking to her - but amI being unreasonable? He should be allowed female friends after all.

 

He's still affectionate towards me, tells me he loves me and all that, although I'm not convinced that he's told her we're back together (he used to confide in her when we had split up).

 

Should I drop it and just trust him? Or am I right to be upset about this?

[Tripper]

A, given the fact that you have 1 infant and another on the way, you have a right to know that your partner and you have a stable relationship and that there is trust and commitment from both parties.

 

Unfortunately he has lied to you, albeit, a small lie, but nonetheless it does shake your ability to trust him.

 

Is he cheating?? Well, he may be having an EA.. or not.

 

If you are not comfortable with the "relationship" he has with this woman, you need to specifically discuss it with him and make your feelings clear. Maybe it is simply a friendship and nothing more. The big question here is why did he lie about having her number??

[LakesideDream]

While not in a relationship at present, I might have a couple of insights to share.

 

 

I'm 58, and I have no qualms about having female "friends". I have on friendship of 5+ years with a gal who I am not attracted to sexually. She's a great gal. After we met, and shared a few dinners she moved to another state. When she came back to visit her kids and grandkids we would try to share a nice evening, dinner or drinks and catch up. This is a friendship I wouln't give up lightly. Oh.. her number is in my cell phone memory as a "favorite".

 

Ditto a friend of 40 plus years. She was the GF of a high school friend of mine. We never dated, or had a relationship of any kind. We reconnected accidentially when I ran into her husband and her on a vacation. We exchanged phone numbers and exchanged Christmas cards and occasional phone calls. When email was invented more communication ensued. We probably exchange emails monthly, her phone number is in my cell phone. Again never any romance, just a friendship. We co chaired a HS reunion committee once, and began Exchanging emails occasionally and phone call also occasionally. Oh, her husbands a great guy, I have chatted with him on the phone before handing it to her!

 

Life is to short and fleeting to abandon friendships. I don't intend to abandon mine. I would go to considerable effort to make any woman I was in a relationship be comfortable with my friends.