Should I call her?

[Robert]

it's been almost two weeks since my girl told me that she didn't want to be in a heavy relationship right now, but she still wants to talk and be friends. should I give her a ring or should i just totally let her go? i like her more than anything. help!

[Nicky]

it's been almost two weeks since my girl told me that she didn't want to be in a heavy relationship right now, but she still wants to talk and be friends. should I give her a ring or should i just totally let her go? i like her more than anything. help!

Hi!

 

Well, it doesn't sound like she's trying to cut you out of her life, which is good.

 

She said she doesn't want a heavy relationship. To me, that means she either has so many things going on her life, that she can't cope. OR she doesn't want a heavy relationship- with you.

 

If the latter is the case, I think you should get to the bottom of why she ditched you. Maybe you can change things so the relationship will work. I think you can give it a try, but if she is adamant about not going out with you, then I say get on with your life. You can't always get people to change their mind.

 

good luck!

[Shirley]

it's been almost two weeks since my girl told me that she didn't want to be in a heavy relationship right now, but she still wants to talk and be friends. should I give her a ring or should i just totally let her go? i like her more than anything. help!

 

Hi

 

Are you talking about a friendship ring, or an engagement ring. A friendship ring is fine. She want to be friends with you, and if that's okay with you too, go ahead and give her the ring. And if you give her a ring, does that mean that you expect her to date you exclusively? If that's what you expect, then don't give her the ring. She needs time to think about her feelings for you. You should sit down and talk to her. And ask her how deep her feelings are for you. The purpose of dating is to have fun. To go out with different people until you meet someone that you fall in love with. When that happens, it's a natural feeling to not want to date anyone else.

[Robert]

No not a ring, a phone call sorry for the confusion.

Hi Are you talking about a friendship ring, or an engagement ring. A friendship ring is fine. She want to be friends with you, and if that's okay with you too, go ahead and give her the ring. And if you give her a ring, does that mean that you expect her to date you exclusively? If that's what you expect, then don't give her the ring. She needs time to think about her feelings for you. You should sit down and talk to her. And ask her how deep her feelings are for you. The purpose of dating is to have fun. To go out with different people until you meet someone that you fall in love with. When that happens, it's a natural feeling to not want to date anyone else.

[Tony T]

Shirley doesn't know what she's talking about. DON'T EVEN THINK OF GIVING HER A RING OF ANYKIND AT ALL!!! If you really care for this girl, DO NOT call her for a while. Not hearing from you will drive her nuts. It sounds like the relationship may have been getting a little stale for her. There is nothing that burns the fires of desire more than not hearing from someone.

 

If you call her too soon, it will turn her off even more, helping her realize you are no challenge. Women want a man who is strong and one they know can move on if need be. When you do call her, be cool and don't get mushy....then don't talk to her for a while again.

 

As far as being friends, you set yourself up for real heartbreak because if you have feelings for her at all, when she finds another love interest she will spit you out into the wind and crush you even more. If you disagree with any of this, print it out and check it out with some of your trusted friends, male and female. And good luck!!!

[Shirley]

No not a ring, a phone call sorry for the confusion.

Hi!

 

Well, I was confused, wasn't I. But anyway, yes, call her. Ask her out and just spend time having fun with her. Don't think about a long-term relationship right now. Let her see that you enjoy being with her and having a good time. Don't try to start heavy conversations that involve deep feelings right now. If she sees the fun side of you, she will be less likely to get the impression that you are trying to pressure her into a serious relationship. Even though that's what you want, you don't want her to feel pressured. Give her some time to develop those feelings on her own.

[Totally Confused]

The "Let's be Friends" speech. It's the worst line, because we don't mean it. We kind of do, but not really. It's a nice way of telling you that we don't want to be in a romantic relationship with you, but I'll let you think you can still be a part of my life, so that the pain of me leaving you won't be unbearable. The thing is, if you do call us, we'll get annoyed. We don't want you to call us to remind us about how much we broke your heart. It makes us feel guilty. We also say let's be friends, because if we ever bump into you on the street, we don't want to have an awkward confrontation.

 

I hate to be blunt here but it's not that she doesn't want to be in a serious or heavy relationship, she just doesn't want to be in one with you. Would you ever tell a girl that you were in love with that you wanted to be just friends and that you needed time? NO WAY. Well same in this case or with anyone. If you call her, she's probably going to be a bit distant to you, kind of like, "what do you want and why are you calling me" attitude. Everyone in this entire world wants to be in love with that special someone. It's an incredible feeling. You do also. This girl breaking up with you is not a personal knock or a rejection of you in any way. It's not that you're a horrible person. It's just that she felt you two weren't perfect enough for each other - and that's not bad. She felt there was someone out there who could fulfill the two of you more, than the two of you together. You won't see that now, but in time and when you meet the right girl, you'll see that she was right. She knew she could never give you what you want and love you the way that you need. If she couldn't give you that, then she's not for you, cause you want that. I know you want it from her, but you can't squeeze water out of a dry sponge and one day when the right girl comes along, you'll get down on your knees and thank God it didn't work out with this one. All in time, you'll see.

 

In the meantime, while dealing with this one, if you don't call her, she's going to start getting a little upset. She broke up with you and gave you the friends speech trying to spare your heart. Well if you walk away and don't call or care, she's going to wonder "What I wasn't worth hurting or pining over? He was able to just walk away from ME without even a flinch or a tear or anything? What's up with that? He makes me so angry? Is he over me already...how can that be?" Then she'll start to feel rejected and you'll get a phonecall from her wondering if you're alive. Playing it cool, will probably spark her interest in you again. I know, it's wierd, but so are people. We tend to want what we can't have - so don't let her have you. Just say to yourself "Oh yeah, she doesn't want a relationship with me, well I don't want one with her." Keep saying that to yourself until it finally sinks in.

 

Good luck, and I know you'll be just fine.

[Tony T]

Your essay about women who say they just want to be friends is absolutely phenomenal and the most brilliant and truth-filled disertation about the subject I have ever read. I hope EVERYONE will print it out for future reference. You should send it in to Ann Landers or Dear Abbey. I have no idea who you are but you are RIGHT ON TARGET IN EVERY WAY on this subject!!!