on-dating Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Hi guys, I have a questions which I have been think about it lately: We all know that 99.99% guys pay on the first date. And when a couple start to date seriously, I think that its fair enough that 50-50. In my situation I'm 23 and my date is 31, and I may be honest that I have the minimium payment and 'm planning on start school again. Do you guys think that its ok that I let him pay most of the activities cost (30-70). He's an engineer. Even though he have said anything yet, still I feel bad/wrong about it sometimes (I just can afford to those thing, though its good to get to know each other in out/fun activities). What do you guys think? Will it bother him that he have to pay 70% of our activities cost (movie, dinner, etc.)? Should I talk with him about this? I'm confused about this ....what should I do? I'd appreciate your help -thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 I dated a guy once that paid for the first date and after that everything was 50-50. I was reemed at by my friends saying this is completely wrong and rude. Now, i think that it is ok to let him pay for the first 5 dates approximately and then after that, you pick up the tab here and there. if you dont want to pick up the tab, do something nice for him- buy him a present here or there. thats my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 I think it's only right that the man pay for everything on dates, your meal, your movie ticket...whatever you are doing...he should pay for it. If not then I think that he may be a little cheap. He should NEVER expect you to pay for anything. I mean, if you WANT to pay for something and offer, then it's ok if he lets you, but he shouldn't expect you to. I don't know, I am just all for chivalry..I think it's very romantic and I would be really turned off if a guy asked me to pay for anything. My husband payed for EVERYTHING every time we went out for like the first 2 years we were dating. I never even thought about paying and I never felt bad about him paying, I just thought that was the way it worked. Whatever happened to the days when dates were as follows: The guy comes and picks the girl up and her doorstep, brings her a flower, they go to a nice dinner (he pays, of course) and they go see a movie (he pays, of course) and then if it's not too late, they go for a walk in the park and then he takes her home and they end the date with a kiss on her doorstep. Nowadays it's more like this: The girl drives to town to meet a guy (her "date), they go to the liquor store (in her car or his) and they split the cost on a fifth of vodka, they go to a wild party and get drunk, then leave the party totally lit at 2:00am and drive to lover's lane and get busy in the cab of the truck or the backseat of the car or whatever and then he takes her home and she sneaks in so her parents won't hear her and she crashes and they don't talk for days. It's awful, I tell ya. Dating would be so much more fun if it was like the old days. I am just glad I dont have to worry about that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 I think there's nothing wrong with a guy paying on the first date, of course the gal shouldn't expect champagne and caviar. After the first date, if things are going well, I see nothing wrong with taking turns to pay for things. Women have fought for years to be seen as equals, but that should suddenly (and conveniently) be rescinded so that the poor guy has to always foot the bill? Not in my line of thinking. Of course, I'm very independent and I believe in equality and I'm not some helpless female who needs a man to buy me things. If you have trouble affording paying 50-50, maybe just suggest doing things that won't cost so much. Dates don't HAVE to always cost money. A guy works as hard for his money as I work for mine so I can see no reason why I'd expect a guy to always be paying for me. I think that's pretty rude to expect this (not saying you think this way). I say if you've just started dating, to just play it cool and see how things go...don't worry about this now or at least offer to pay your share. For me, I've dated guys who refused to let me pay and others, we agreed (it was unsaid) to just take turns...not to be all "I'm keeping track" anal retentive about it...but keeping a mental note. If one pays for the movies, the other pays for the snacks. That kind of thing. I think most men like independent women who show they're responsible enough to have their own money and aren't stingy with it. Just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 Originally posted by on-dating Hi guys, I have a questions which I have been think about it lately: We all know that 99.99% guys pay on the first date. And when a couple start to date seriously, I think that its fair enough that 50-50. In my situation I'm 23 and my date is 31, and I may be honest that I have the minimium payment and 'm planning on start school again. Do you guys think that its ok that I let him pay most of the activities cost (30-70). He's an engineer. Even though he have said anything yet, still I feel bad/wrong about it sometimes (I just can afford to those thing, though its good to get to know each other in out/fun activities). What do you guys think? Will it bother him that he have to pay 70% of our activities cost (movie, dinner, etc.)? Should I talk with him about this? I'm confused about this ....what should I do? I'd appreciate your help -thanks! I think each situation and each couple should be considered separately and not generalized as to what is acceptable. In this particular situation it sounds like, since the guy is older and makes more money, he would probably be fine with paying for things. But if it really bothers you, I don't think it would hurt to bring the subject up at some point and let him know what your situation is and how you feel. Tell him that you would like to maintain some independence and pay what you can but that you just can't afford to pay 50/50. If he really likes you and wants to continue dating you, I'm sure he won't have a problem with it. Since you're only 23 and don't make much money yet and are planning to go back to school, I don't think whether you pay half or not has anything to do with whether you're independent, helpless, responsible, stingy or anything else...it's just reality. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
jessicakicksbut Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 During the early courtship stages, I believe that the man should pay until more serious dating is evident (i.e. monogomous relationship boundaries established). Whether it is 5 dates or 55 dates depends on the both of you. At that point (that is, if/when you get serious) if he really cares about having a real relationship with you, he will understand that you make less money than him, and he should pay for most things. Link to post Share on other sites
RogueK Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 Is 75/25% acceptable? In the beginning i'm all about paying but i think it's nice to see the woman want to pay everynow and then. I mean why is it ALWAYS up to the guy EVERY birthday, valentines day, "sweetest day", Christmas, anniversary...etc to make the plans and pay for every "special" thing that comes along. I see nothing wrong with a woman wanting to show how much her guy means to her by taking him out every now and then. I mean when my ex and i went out i really didn't like her to pay too much. I usually felt it was my job, and had no problem with it. It's just it would be nice to see that it's not something that is taken for granted by taking ME out once in a while. I see so many women expecting CONSTANT special treatment while the guy is "traditionally" left with nothing. I don't know, it's not about money or anything. Guys don't admit it but it feels good to be appreciated and that our efforts in thoughtfulness aren't merely "expected". Link to post Share on other sites
on-dating Posted July 25, 2003 Share Posted July 25, 2003 I think I have an idea of what I should do and I'm glad that I asked you guys about this, since you guys have given me so many good & different opinions - thanks guys!!! Wish the best for all of you and have a wonderful weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
Chris Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 ....Women did not have an income so the men paid for everything. Now, women are making just as much money as men. It would not be fair for a couple to be making money and still have the man pay for everything! Money spent on dates together should depend on how much money each person makes. I am an enginner myself so I dont have any problem paying for alot of things......but I would feel taken advantage of if I was dating someone for an extended period of time who earned and income and never paid for anything. The best way to do it is who ever asks the other on a specific date pays for it! I was dating this girl one time who invited me on a trip and she expected me to pay for it! Go figure! Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 If things are tight as far as money wise, why don't you do stuff that don't cost alot of money. Going to the beach and having a picnic, going to the park, rollerblading in park, walking, hiking, etc. I consider myself an odd one when it comes to who pays. I don't like it when a guy pays right off the bat. If you start dating I think it is a nice offer, but I really think it should be where you pay your way and he pays his. Every once in awhile when lets say you can't afford something, or to help out, then have him do it or vice a verse. But, it should not be where you always have him paying for everything. If that is the case, then do things that don't cost money, or do that anyways. Don;t always have him paying. Once in awhile go out to dinner, and contribute what you can or maybe you can take turns with who pays. I don't know how guys feel. But going out all the time gets very expensive, and it should be split or even where he pays for one time, then you pay for another time of going out. That is how I feel about the whole who should pay and what have you. But if you want to go out all the time, to the movies, to dinner, maybe you should hit up a bank on the way. I find that 50-50 is a good way to go about this, even if your a college student. I understand that money is tight, but contribute all you can, and have him contribute too and things will work out. But too some men like to pay, but I can't see them complaining if you flip the bill. Hope this helps. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts