EMBeee Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Well, last night I was able to talk to him longer than the week prior... He wasn't as tired as usual. But for some reason this time on the phone with him I just felt like I was being a nuissance (spelling) to him. I don't know why i am feeling so negative like I think that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me... I think it's because we didn't talk much within the week?? I am so unsure of how he feels for me, even though he still tells me he loves me and what not. I just have such a low-self esteem right now I guess. I just don't feel as worthy to him as I did when we first started talking intimately. I guess I really miss the way he used to tell me that he "needs" me and that I'm "special" to him and how he called me his "angel"... and how he wishes I would be driving home to him... he doesn't say these things to me anymore and I guess I miss that and it makes me feel worthless and un-important to him. So last night when we talked... he just seemed to be a bit cocky, not towards me, just seemed a bit cocky. He had his jokes and what not, I didn't mention anything about his cockiness because I was just glad to hear his voice and being able to talk to him without him falling asleep. We've known each other for 17 years but early Feb. this year is when we became intimate and was concidered "offical" in April when I went to see him. Is this normal?? To feel so unsure? Is it because we're far away from one another? Why do I feel so negative? Is it low self-esteem? I don't have any feelings of him finding anyone new... that's not my worry... my worry is that he doesn't want me anymore. I feel like I sacrificed so much to be with him and was even planning on moving there... so far I have been the one to visit him, August will be my 3rd time going there. I feel like I do so much for him and get nothing in return. I felt like this before I went to see him in April, but April made our bond "stronger" -- is what he told me. He told me he's really falling for me. Then when I came back home, we talked everyday -- then just 3 weeks ago is when things started to fade. He says he's very excited to see me in July - 26 days now to be exact. i told him the time will go so quick and he said not quick enough. I love him so much! I don't doubt his love for me... I just wish he'd make me feel like he used to, with all of his sweet talks with me. I want it to be like it used to be, the butterflies in the stomach type of thing, but he doesn't talk to me like that anymore, and it's only been 4 months since he talked to me like that... I'm sad Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 The guy sounds like a jerk. You sound like you're hanging on desperately. No, it's not normal to feel so unsure. You should seriously consider getting out of this R. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 The guy sounds like a jerk. You sound like you're hanging on desperately. No, it's not normal to feel so unsure. You should seriously consider getting out of this R. Wow! What a ray of sunshine you are, kizik! EMBeee, sounds to me like you're feeling insecure because it feels like you're doing all the work in the relationship. So, every call/contact is a "test" of sorts. You so desperately want him to say/do those things that make you feel special, and every time he doesn't, it makes you doubt yourself or whether he really loves you. I know what you mean about missing all those special feelings, thoughts and words that characterized the beginning of your relationship, but it's normal things settle down after the first rush of excitement when everything was so fresh and new. The fact that your guy says he's looking forward to seeing you and "time won't go by fast enough" is a good sign. Try not to worry. If you don't mind me asking, is there any reason why you're the one that does all the traveling to see him, and why you were considering moving to his town, rather than vice versa? I wonder if he were to shoulder the load for maintaining your relationship a bit more that that would eliminate some of the doubt in your mind? Regardless, be thankful you have just a few weeks until you have a chance to see each other again. Lots of people here would give their right arm to have a reunion looming on the horizon so soon! Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Author EMBeee Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 Wow! What a ray of sunshine you are, kizik! EMBeee, sounds to me like you're feeling insecure because it feels like you're doing all the work in the relationship. So, every call/contact is a "test" of sorts. You so desperately want him to say/do those things that make you feel special, and every time he doesn't, it makes you doubt yourself or whether he really loves you. I know what you mean about missing all those special feelings, thoughts and words that characterized the beginning of your relationship, but it's normal things settle down after the first rush of excitement when everything was so fresh and new. The fact that your guy says he's looking forward to seeing you and "time won't go by fast enough" is a good sign. Try not to worry. If you don't mind me asking, is there any reason why you're the one that does all the traveling to see him, and why you were considering moving to his town, rather than vice versa? I wonder if he were to shoulder the load for maintaining your relationship a bit more that that would eliminate some of the doubt in your mind? Regardless, be thankful you have just a few weeks until you have a chance to see each other again. Lots of people here would give their right arm to have a reunion looming on the horizon so soon! Best, TMichaels Well, the reason that I am the one to go there and am the one considering moving there is because I left an abuser of 10 years. This ex of mine is dangerous and the reason I was planning to move there was because I feel safer being gone and away from the ex. My therapist also told me that that would probably be a good idea especially now. And since my LD bf is also a longtime friend of mine, he and his family had open arms for me and opened their home to me. I would not feel comfortable having my LD bf come here when the jealous, possesive, obsessive ex is here -- especially since my ex owns a gun and has threatened to do bodily harm to me and anyone who gets in the way. I'd much rather get away from here and try to start fresh in another location than having to deal with the mind games my ex plays. Also, I've been going there to see my LD bf to scope things out, looking at apartments, schooling for my girls and myself, jobs, just seeing if that's what I really want to do. I don't want to just "jump" into moving somewhere that I am unsure of. As far as my LD bf goes, he did call me last night and I did talk to him about some of my inseuriteis. He did asure me that he still loves me and misses me and can't wait to meet my kids and have me there again. He's just been really busy lately. So I do feel bad that I even thought that he doesn't want me anymore. I just have some insecurity issues coming from an abusive relationship that was controlling over me and lots of mental, verbal, physical abuse. My therapist told me that I am "unsure" of myself (and it's not just with the LD bf... but with most people -- I just feel like no one wants to deal with me and I just always have negative feelings that I am worthless) because of all the put downs I've had to endure for 10 years. My LD bf understands this all and I even asked him if he's sure he wants to deal with a wreck and he said he loves me and sees past my faults. Plus, his sister went through an abusive relationship and so he knows what to expect. I guess I am just so insecure about everything and that's why I am getting therapy. I feel bad that I am so demanding of his time I need to learn how to cut some slack I guess and not think so negative Link to post Share on other sites
NeverLetMeDownAgain Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I am so unsure of how he feels for me, even though he still tells me he loves me and what not. I don't doubt his love for me... Gentle 2x4 coming here - those two statements above contradict each other, hon. If you're truly not in doubt of how he feels about you, then you wouldn't be unsure. However.... I just have some insecurity issues coming from an abusive relationship that was controlling over me and lots of mental, verbal, physical abuse. My therapist told me that I am "unsure" of myself (and it's not just with the LD bf... but with most people -- I just feel like no one wants to deal with me and I just always have negative feelings that I am worthless) because of all the put downs I've had to endure for 10 years. First of all, congratulations for making what was probably a very difficult decision. I thoroughly respect you for having the courage to get out of the abusive situation that you were in, for you definitely deserve better. I salute you for that. I think that a lot of your doubt comes from the fact that you have been in that situation - you respond to being abused, and therefore don't know of any other way to feel. That served as your 'protection' for a long time - it helped when you were in that abusive relationship - the problem now is that you don't need it anymore. But you don't know of any other way to react. That's all it is. I guess I really miss the way he used to tell me that he "needs" me and that I'm "special" to him and how he called me his "angel"... and how he wishes I would be driving home to him... he doesn't say these things to me anymore and I guess I miss that and it makes me feel worthless and un-important to him. Well, let me ask you this question - and think about it for a bit - just because he doesn't say these things to you, do you know for a fact that he doesn't feel it? If so, where is your evidence of that? (Not being harsh, just want you to think about that for a second.) I feel like I do so much for him and get nothing in return. Again, a gentle question - do you tell him what you need? Do you let him know how you feel? Or are you afraid to do that? Are you afraid that if you tell him that you need things, he'll hurt you? Because it seems to me that maybe, just maybe, you might be projecting your fears from your past relationship onto this one. He says he's very excited to see me in July - 26 days now to be exact. i told him the time will go so quick and he said not quick enough. Sure sounds to me like he wants you! I guess I am just so insecure about everything and that's why I am getting therapy. I feel bad that I am so demanding of his time I need to learn how to cut some slack I guess and not think so negative Yes, I agree with that. You are a human being, and you deserve his time and attention. Don't feel bad to demand that! I am glad that you're in therapy. And again, I commend you for having the courage and strength to walk away from abuse. That tells me that you're a hell of a lot stronger than you think you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 You are moving there with kids? Who are school-age? And you just had sex with him in Febuary, and only become "official" in April? I know you have known him a long time, but you have hardly dated him any. He could be pretty scared of your expectations for his future, in terms of becoming an instant dad to kids whose dad is psycho. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EMBeee Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 You are moving there with kids? Who are school-age? And you just had sex with him in Febuary, and only become "official" in April? I know you have known him a long time, but you have hardly dated him any. He could be pretty scared of your expectations for his future, in terms of becoming an instant dad to kids whose dad is psycho. He and I have already discussed this. He LOVES kids... and if you only knew the guy (I've known him 17 years) you'd know why I love him No I didn't have "sex" with him in feb. we made "love" in april and that's when our feelings became validated and were able to accept the fact that there's a reason we are in each other's lives and have been for so long Link to post Share on other sites
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