Insecurities

[MrsHellnoFire]

I went out of town for 4 days while she was staying with us. They dated for 6 months something like 10 years ago. I figure 10 years of nothing but friendship even during the times both were single means it is a legitimate friendship. Plus, I'm a details person and can read behavior; he knows it. If anything had gone down while I was gone, he would be hard pressed to hide it.

My post was in response to someone wondering what kind of relationship I would be in to give the advise I gave. And the further point is that there is no clear cut code of conduct guaranteed for people in a relationship that will make it last the long haul. So jumping all over the OP about how wrong it is to give guys compliments while in a relationship is ridiculous. If that is how she is and her BF is not, it would indicate they are not compatible.

 

But you see, she's not actually giving the guys compliments.. she's saying all of this junk to her S.O. I can see how a person would find it demeaning and feel like more of a loser when his girlfriend continues to tell him all of the "Cool" things these guys are doing with their lives. Do people really go on and on about how great other men are to their spouses? Now this sounds like a frequent event here.

 

I also find it a little ridiculous to tell your bf about all these guy friends, the crushes they have on her, and then proceed to tell him she will be hanging out with them alone. He has low self-esteem and issues, but she also has some issues of her own.

[MrsHellnoFire]

could be, but we really don't know.

 

But lets say he is saying those things to get back at her. I would think that her complimenting of other men would have to be pretty bad for him to tell her he'd "do" another woman that he finds attractive.

 

It's more than just complimenting. She hangs out with male friends who her S.O. knows like her and are interested in her. She doesn't have any respect for him or the relationship.

 

Yes, that is enough to say and DO much worse things than that.

 

Well I agree it is inappropriate to hang out with alot of guys, but I don't think she is rubbing it in his face. I think some people just don't realize how it looks from their SO's point of view.

 

 

How is it not rubbing it in his face? He knows how these friends feel about her and she continues to see them. That's bad enough.

[MrsHellnoFire]

I think this guy has very poor self-esteem and the lady in question is an attention-seeker which do not mix. If he's so horrible, I wonder what she saw in him in the first place or what is keeping her there. Afterall, according to her, she's "gorgeous" and men continue pining over her. Classic beauty and the geek will not keep a man at ease.

 

 

I'm going to leave him or that I don't love him anymore.

 

Say that you don't love him anymore?

Why not a BREAK!? It doesn't have to be so definite either way at this point. He's too attached to you anyways. He needs his own sense of identity rather than being soley the "hot chick's loser boyfriend who will soon be railroaded".

[sally4sara]

But you see, she's not actually giving the guys compliments.. she's saying all of this junk to her S.O. I can see how a person would find it demeaning and feel like more of a loser when his girlfriend continues to tell him all of the "Cool" things these guys are doing with their lives. Do people really go on and on about how great other men are to their spouses? Now this sounds like a frequent event here.

 

I also find it a little ridiculous to tell your bf about all these guy friends, the crushes they have on her, and then proceed to tell him she will be hanging out with them alone. He has low self-esteem and issues, but she also has some issues of her own.

 

I'm talking about the couple they were hanging with at the pool. The guy of that couple was not a friend of her's that expressed an interest in her and she told the guy it was cool that he was training to be a Navy Seal in front of her BF. He threw a fit....most likely later when no one else would see his hissy fit.

[MrsHellnoFire]

I'm talking about the couple they were hanging with at the pool. The guy of that couple was not a friend of her's that expressed an interest in her and she told the guy it was cool that he was training to be a Navy Seal in front of her BF. He threw a fit....most likely later when no one else would see his hissy fit.

 

 

She said she mentioned this man's accomplishments to her boyfriend. She never said she complimented the Navy guy in person or in front of her boyfriend.

 

The guy of this couple happens to be training to be a navy SEAL, which I thought was cool. I mentioned this to my boyfriend who replied with, "Oh, well I'm sorry, but I think he's taken. Maybe you can find it in your heart to settle for me.

[sally4sara]

She said she mentioned this man's accomplishments to her boyfriend. She never said she complimented the Navy guy in person or in front of her boyfriend.

 

The guy of this couple happens to be training to be a navy SEAL, which I thought was cool. I mentioned this to my boyfriend who replied with, "Oh, well I'm sorry, but I think he's taken. Maybe you can find it in your heart to settle for me.

 

Pardon me then, I miss read and it sounded like they were all hanging around the pool.

It doesn't make it any less ridiculous.

[theobserver]

Pardon me then, I miss read and it sounded like they were all hanging around the pool.

It doesn't make it any less ridiculous.

 

I have to agree here. I picture her coming home telling him how the day went and mentioning this random guy she met and how awesome it was he was training in the Navy seals.

 

Depending how she delivered it and I feel she did it in an annoying way I would feel like she's hinting something to me in what she wants me to do with my future. Maybe to do something better with my life. Maybe her boyfriend does need some sort of push maybe that's why she can't help doing it but hey if he's not making an effort why are you still with him?

 

On the other hand maybe she is just being extremely unfair, I do think OP you need to do some comprimising.

[porter218]

I'm in the type of relationship where we've been together for 4 years and are getting married and we both can compliment people of the opposite gender, even ones we have history with, without thinking it means more than someone did something cool and one of us is acknowledging it. Even to the point of letting one of his ex's stay with us for a month while she took a class to teach English over seas because the class was in our town and we thought it was cool that she was trying to accomplish it. She helped him pick out the engagement ring.

I agree that hanging out with people who have shown an interest in you while you are in a relationship isn't the greatest idea because it can seem like encouragement to the person who voices the attraction BUT - The way OP's BF is handling the compliment things is making it a bigger problem than it ever needed to be. If it ever needed to be a problem at all.

 

OK, that is nice that you guys are like this. But this is nothing like the immature way this girl is conveying her interest in other men to her bf. And this R you have is by far not the norm. I think you are assuming the way she is conducting herself is like your R, but you need to go back and read her post again. Your R and hers are worlds apart.