Infidelity Forums making me Jaded toward Women

[shakenandstirred]

This is what is helping me. Some of the threads here go nowhere. What I mean is, the OP presents their problem, gets good advice, and then ignores it. When you find yourself on one of these threads, just leave and let it go. The OP will fix themselves at some point, but not now. Don't waste your engery there. It's like banging your head against a wall. Also, some posters, and you probably know who they are, are either very negative and/or nasty. Ignore them. Don't respond to them. I know it can be hard to resist entering a fight with them, but it will only make it worse for you.

 

I think one thing that might help you now, is to leave this thread. I see many negative comments bieng made here and it's only going to make you feel worse.

 

Thank you angie..I have seen those negative comments too.All from women. Fuels the jadedness. I'm not going to respond. I appreciate you trying to help me.

And I thought the guys on here could be brutal...sheeesh.

[shakenandstirred]

Being successful in career, doesn't make you successful in all aspects of life. Your bar should be set sky-high for you, emotionally and intellectually. You define yourself.

 

In cheating, you've lowered yourself. Now you seek to lower an entire gender. Is this a form of self-justification?

 

I've never cheated and will never cheat. This includes getting involved with any previously committed third parties. This is the bar I set for myself. Truth be told, this is the bar I set for any prospective partner. This includes crushes on previously committed persons, etc., etc.

 

My bar for a prospective partner has increased in height, since being cheated on. From what I've seen, most people aren't able to meet this bar, which is fine. I can be very patient in finding a partner, since I'm in no hurry to settle down, nvm having a relationship with anyone.

 

Having said all this, it doesn't make me blanket negate an entire gender. I have faith that I will find someone else who is of similar mindset and valuation of what a solid, lasting relationship should entail.

 

Nevermind...

[Trialbyfire]

That bar is pretty high...You might as well get married to Jesus.

Nope. I know what I want and know it exists. Seen it in evidence more than enough times and am willing to wait. Worse case scenario is that I never settle down with anyone. Not a big deal.

[shakenandstirred]

Nope. I know what I want and know it exists. Seen it in evidence more than enough times and am willing to wait. Worse case scenario is that I never settle down with anyone. Not a big deal.

Good luck to you..honestly, I mean that

[angie2443]

Thank you angie..I have seen those negative comments too.All from women. Fuels the jadedness. I'm not going to respond. I appreciate you trying to help me.

And I thought the guys on here could be brutal...sheeesh.

 

The comments are from some of the men also. I don't want to mention screen names because I don't want to be flagged. Just remember, anytime you see a generalization like "all men cheat" or "all women are sluts", that the poster is most likely jaded, angry or bitter. Ignor the comments and move on.

[shakenandstirred]

The comments are from some of the men also. I don't want to mention screen names because I don't want to be flagged. Just remember, anytime you see a generalization like "all men cheat" or "all women are sluts", that the poster is most likely jaded, angry or bitter. Ignor the comments and move on.

 

Point taken. I know of whom you speak, but I also would like you to see my response to those comments. I have my own opinion and no one can influence me if I do not agree. I came here to just express what I've been feeling since coming here. If you notice...none of the men really attacked me. It was the women making demeaning and unsupportive remarks. You along with a couple others have been helpful. The rest have laid a proverbial hammer to the male cajones.

[45Reverse]

Despite what we read on these forums.. I am still 150% convinced that MOST men cheat.. and MOST women DON'T...

 

The gap is huge.. women have less opportunity to cheat.. they take care of the kids, the house, etc.. Sex is not on their mind as much as men... that's a fact..

 

I have never cheated ...

 

You're deluding yourself then...

[45Reverse]

I agree that most affairs start at the work place.. but I'm still convinced that women, in general, can resist temptation much more than men can...

 

Sorry Lizzie, you're very wrong about this. Women are equally suseptable to temptation if not more so.

 

In terms of cheating- The primary difference between men and women is that women are much more adept at hiding and obscuring it. Society "frowns" more on women than men when it comes to infidelity. Women know this instinctivly and will go to great lengths to hide it...Much greater legnths than the average cheating male will.

 

I've seen it with my own eyes too many times to believe otherwise.

[clairebear]

we're human beings, and because of that we ALL have the capacity to make the wrong judgement and do the wrong thing, hurting people as a result. it isn't about gender, and when people look to create conflict between the genders or to put one of them down, (woggle declares he hates women...how acceptable would it be if he declared he hated a different race? i pity his wife, so much, and any poor women he comes into contact with)then it is no different from racism in my book. we are ALL human beings and not one of us is better than the other. and if the OP forms his opinion on women from a message board, i think he really needs to get out more!!

[Lizzie60]

Sorry Lizzie, you're very wrong about this. Women are equally suseptable to temptation if not more so.

 

In terms of cheating- The primary difference between men and women is that women are much more adept at hiding and obscuring it. Society "frowns" more on women than men when it comes to infidelity. Women know this instinctivly and will go to great lengths to hide it...Much greater legnths than the average cheating male will.

 

I've seen it with my own eyes too many times to believe otherwise.

 

 

Well good for you if you believe this.. but I've seen otherwise.

[clairebear]

me too lizzie. a guy i unfortunately know well is a serial cheat - we call him a chaser - and he is a master at hiding it. he has a loving girlfriend and two little girls, whom he proclaims to love, funnily enough!!!

 

this whole blanket, misogynist attitude towards women from a few posters on here is THEIR issue, THEIR problem, not women's. women are not responsible for how jaded a few men might feel. each person is responsible for their own feelings.

[OWoman]

:laugh: Lizzie according to your criteria I must be a man! I think of sex far more than any man I know or know of, and I certainly do not resist temptation when the craving strikes! And on the wanting it ASAP - yes that too! Though not just any, it's got to be great - mediocre sex to me is worse than none at all.

 

Right, I'd best go check inside my underwear to see if something that wasn't there before has sprouted... and get myself reclassified down at Home Affairs. ( Does this mean I've got to give up multiple orgasms, too?)

[clairebear]

lol OW nothing wrong in thinking about sex...some of the best sex i've had has been in my imagination boohoo!!!

[Lizzie60]

:laugh: Lizzie according to your criteria I must be a man! I think of sex far more than any man I know or know of, and I certainly do not resist temptation when the craving strikes! And on the wanting it ASAP - yes that too! Though not just any, it's got to be great - mediocre sex to me is worse than none at all.

 

Right, I'd best go check inside my underwear to see if something that wasn't there before has sprouted... and get myself reclassified down at Home Affairs. ( Does this mean I've got to give up multiple orgasms, too?)

 

I never thought about you as being a man.. just a woman with a sky high libido.. like me.. I think I have more testorerone too than most women and even some men...

[grogster]

Sorry Lizzie, you're very wrong about this. Women are equally suseptable to temptation if not more so.

 

In terms of cheating- The primary difference between men and women is that women are much more adept at hiding and obscuring it. Society "frowns" more on women than men when it comes to infidelity. Women know this instinctivly and will go to great lengths to hide it...Much greater legnths than the average cheating male will.

 

I've seen it with my own eyes too many times to believe otherwise.

 

Based on my limited experience, I agree. My lone, long over affair was with a woman married then for about 10 years. She had 2 children, one of whom was just 3 months old when the Affair began.

 

She was the aggressor: invites to the Four Seasons bar, dancing at firm events. It was as if she picked me out. By the way, at that time I felt happily married.

 

She loved the sport sex, the expensive champagne and the elite hotel accommodations. She (we) had fun. (She had emotional connection issues with her husband, who seemed like a nice guy and a great dad).

 

The MW was much better than I in concealing the Affair. Many men suck at deception over the long term. Not so much women. There must be some evolutionary explanation.

 

I eventually ended the Affair--too late to save my marriage. The MW? She remains , I believe, married and a mother. Women are often very adept at relationships. And what is an Affair but a relationship.

[Lizzie60]

You have a penis too?

 

does a strap-on counts for one..

[Lizzie60]

Don't tell me your boyfriend/husband likes a strap on to be used on his ().

 

 

WOW.. just WOW .. no comments..

[shakenandstirred]

and if the OP forms his opinion on women from a message board, i think he really needs to get out more!!

Another attack,

 

You're probably right.. I do need to get out more. I believe that the majority of the stories on here are from real people. I do form my opinion on that account.

[shakenandstirred]

It seems that the women are trying to thread jack and make this thread a joke . Go ahead if you wish. The fact of the matter is that I have drawn my own conclusion by many female posters on these threads. Some on this very one. Thanks to the ones that were helpful. To the others good luck in the future. We can talk statistics until the sun turns blue, but the conclusion on this matter is that, in my opinion, women are no better than men in the cheating aspect. They can be just as ruthless and twice as devious. They can be much better liars and can compartmentalize to where they can even live 2 lives. I'm not excluding the men I never have.

 

But like a certain poster said, women do not make men become misogynist, they do it on their own. I disagree,

that man formed his opinion on things that were done to him by a woman..It was a woman that made him hate women. I find it hard to believe he came up with this on his own. I'm not a misogynist just drawing a conclusion.

[t_veron]

Do you think people come onto this site to say "my life is happy and I am not a cheater"?

 

You're despondent because you are hearing the negative stories. People don't lament when things are good... People "dish" dirt- not success.

 

Women cheat- men cheat... people do some horrible things. The horrible things are often more interesting to read and write... because that is what people want to hear!

 

I have never cheated... does that mean anything? Probably not.

I would never start a post saying "I am not a cheater"... but regardless- that is a reality for many of us in the way we treat life and relationships. It just wouldn't make for interesting fodder...would it?

 

If Maury Povich did a show on "really good people with a perfect track record"... who would tune in?

 

 

Ding ding.... D-lish hit the nail on the head. When people are doing great they don't need the internet. You only hear from them when they have a problem. People that are weak, self-obsorbed, selfish, immature, blah blah blah will always do the wrong thing. Sometimes we get scared with good people because we are also held to a higher bar. I think that higher bar is like the price of admission to a happier and more satisfying life.

[Lizzie60]

It seems that the women are trying to thread jack and make this thread a joke . Go ahead if you wish. The fact of the matter is that I have drawn my own conclusion by many female posters on these threads. Some on this very one. Thanks to the ones that were helpful. To the others good luck in the future. We can talk statistics until the sun turns blue, but the conclusion on this matter is that I've found that women are no better than men in the cheating aspect. They can be just as ruthless and twice as devious. They can be much better liars and can compartmentalize to where they can even live 2 lives. I'm not excluding the men I never have.

But like a certain poster said, women do not make men become misogynist, they do it on their own. I disagree,

that man formed his opinion on things that were done to him by a woman..It was a woman that made him hate women. I find it hard to believe he came up with this on his own. I'm not a misogynist just drawing a conclusion.

 

Lizzie60..please do not post on this thread anymore. I find your comments neither helpful nor constructive.

 

Ha-hem.. no one can tell others to post or not to post on their thread.. this is a public forum.. therefore if you think that my comments, advices (from my own experience) are not constructive or helpful... there is nothing I can do.. others might find them constructive.. it's not all about you.. this is a PUBLIC forum..

[clairebear]

shaken - go get therapy!! you have obviously no idea what it is to love someone of the opposite sex, respect them, and want to protect them. i'm a girl and i love women AND men - i respect everyone as part of the human species!! you need help - you lash out at women coz of your own insecurities and rock-bottom self esteem!! like a lot of men do, sadly.

 

but word to the wise...us women don't take that c*ap anymore...we're far too empowered...so take your pity party to your nearest counsellor, and get the therapy your poor soul is crying out for dood!!!

[Lookingforward]

For the most part, you won't find people (of either gender) who are happy in their Rs posting on the infidelity board, so I think you're allowing a very small cross section to warp your judgement regarding women, frankly.

 

Hell, I could say the same thing - after reading numerous threads I could come to the conclusion that men are on the whole a bunch of total idiots who don't seem to have the insight to choose to marry women who will meet their needs.........and then spend their marriages looking for a woman that can and will.

[clairebear]

exactly LF...if i were to go by this thread, i could easily let myself think that men are petty, simple-minded wimps - luckily i'm not that easily influenced!!!

[shakenandstirred]

shaken - go get therapy!! you have obviously no idea what it is to love someone of the opposite sex, respect them, and want to protect them.

Obviously you don't know me nor have you paid attention to any of my postings. If you would have read them you would have seen that I do respect women.I was taught to honor and cherish them. I only became jaded because of what I read here. So you have just become hypocritical. You told me If I based my opinions by a message board I need to get out more. However you have come to a conclusion that I need therapy just from reading this thread. So now you know my whole life by this thread and conclude that I need therapy.

Interesting....

You have become"empowered" your empowering is going to lead you to either some man you can boss around or some man who is not going to take your crap. Either way you are going to wind up lonely