Crush Crushing Me

[johan]

I have a thing for someone. But she's taken. I just keep hoping, because it seems like her relationship has gone bad. I can't decide whether I should pursue her or not. There are lots of reasons why it's a terrible idea, but the remote possibility of the big reward if I do.

 

I just keep wanting her to make more moves. Assuming that what she has done so far can be classified as "moves". I'm pretty bad at reading signals.

 

I was doing just fine before all this started up. Now I'm feeling tormented and full of doubt.

[Lizzie60]

I have a thing for someone. But she's taken. I just keep hoping, because it seems like her relationship has gone bad. I can't decide whether I should pursue her or not. There are lots of reasons why it's a terrible idea, but the remote possibility of the big reward if I do.

 

I just keep wanting her to make more moves. Assuming that what she has done so far can be classified as "moves". I'm pretty bad at reading signals.

 

I was doing just fine before all this started up. Now I'm feeling tormented and full of doubt.

 

 

Hum... I was under the impression that you were soooo against cheating.. and cheaters...

 

maybe I'm wrong..

[johan]

I'm not proposing to cheat. I'm just dealing with this crush and hoping she has me in mind when she wraps up her relationship, if she does.

[D-Lish]

What are the signs you are getting from her J?

Does she know you are interested in her?

[carrotgirl]

I'm not proposing to cheat. I'm just dealing with this crush and hoping she has me in mind when she wraps up her relationship, if she does.

Johan, the very best thing you can do if you like her is to give her space and time to figure out her sit. If, she's worth the wait to do things right?

 

Some other ifs for your consideration:

 

If she shares any crush like feelings of her own while she's in her current sit, you're going to have a hard time trusting her later.

 

If she feels like you're influencing her, she may just have a hard time trusting you later.

 

If she needs an excuse to walk away from the current guy, is that really the substance you're after?

 

Here for ya,

Carrot

[johan]

I get calls out of nowhere to go have lunch with her. Every couple months or so. More recently she invited me out with some friends last weekend. And little touches on the arm and leg and lingering handshakes have started up, and now we're at the hugging stage.

 

She makes remarks about her relationship that it's not that great and they live separate lives. They have dated/lived together for a long time, but no marriage.

 

Any of those things would invite unwanted attention, I think. Unless the attention was not unwanted. But like I said, I don't read signals well. All I know is that she seems to like me.

 

I've done pretty much nothing, because I have a professional reputation to consider and because meddling in someone's relationship, even if you think it's not going well, is a bad idea.

 

Now I just wonder if I just stay quiet, or if I let her know I wish she was single. It seems like we could have a great time together. The more I know her, the more I like her.

 

To be honest, even if she was going to get out of her relationship, the whole thing is going to take months of moving, arguing, crying, recovering. I don't think there is a place for me while all that is going on. And afterwards, her priorities could be completely different.

 

The other side is she may have dealt with the emotions already, and the breakup is just a matter of logistics. In that case, if I keep quiet, she might be concluding that I'm not interested.

 

The torment for me is that I even think about this stuff. I have no idea what's going on in her life, and I'd be better off just forgetting about her. I've seen women seek out connections with other guys only as a way to gain leverage in the relationship they are in. And I definitely don't want anything to do with that.

[johan]

Some other ifs for your consideration:

 

If she shares any crush like feelings of her own while she's in her current sit, you're going to have a hard time trusting her later.

 

If she feels like you're influencing her, she may just have a hard time trusting you later.

 

If she needs an excuse to walk away from the current guy, is that really the substance you're after?

 

Yes, you're right about that. I've given that some thought. Those are reasons just to let it go.

 

Except for the first one. I wouldn't hold it against her if she had a crush of her own. That can happen. I would only have doubts if she actually acted on it.

 

I guess I'd like to get a call from her someday where she tells me she's single and suggests we go do something together. That's the only appealing scenario.

[Leia]

Just ask me.

 

Oh wait... you had lunches with this woman. You weren't talking about me.

 

Damn.

 

Just show a bit of interest but not so much that she'll think you'd have an affair with her. I know you're not the type to cheat.

[carrotgirl]

That's really the crux, even telling the other "I've got a crush on you" is a come-on.

 

Carrot

[johan]

That's really the crux, even telling the other "I've got a crush on you" is a come-on.

 

Carrot

 

That's the point. You can't really do anything at all without crossing the line. The ball can't be in my court as long as she's not available.

[Leia]

*still hoping johan is talking about Leia*

 

*fingers crossed*

[burning 4 revenge]

I've seen women seek out connections with other guys only as a way to gain leverage in the relationship they are in. And I definitely don't want anything to do with that.

Oh brother tell me about that!

 

You have a gift with self expression. I've had that done several times and I suspect many guys have, but I don't think I ever ut my finger on it exactly like you have. I think this is something many women do and I don't even think they know they're doing it. Its a move in their complicated emotional chess game

[carrotgirl]

*still hoping johan is talking about Leia*

 

*fingers crossed*

Honey! Get in line!

[Nemo]

they live separate lives.

She's wanting to find another branch to grab on to before she completely lets go, and you're it.

she may have dealt with the emotions already, and the breakup is just a matter of logistics.

I agree with that part. The hugging thing is to indirectly probe for whether you have the substance she's looking for. Since she keeps hugging you, she must like what she's feeling.

 

Just tell her that you agree with what Alpha always said, and that it's time to stop the pretense. Or just shut up, be supportive, and make pain your friend. It's your choice, but either way should eventually get your rocks off. I like the first one, though, if you want it to happen quicker.

[burning 4 revenge]

There was some wisdom in what Alpha said sometimes even if he was merciless in his mode of expression

[carrotgirl]

The hugging thing is to indirectly probe for whether you have the substance she's looking for. Since she keeps hugging you, she must like what she's feeling.

either way should eventually get your rocks off.

Agree.

 

Carrot

[LikeCharlotte]

The torment for me is that I even think about this stuff. I have no idea what's going on in her life, and I'd be better off just forgetting about her. I've seen women seek out connections with other guys only as a way to gain leverage in the relationship they are in. And I definitely don't want anything to do with that.

She is not available and even if she were there is the risk that she just needs validation right now. I'm sorry but you should really look elsewhere. If she's interested she will be when she is not in a relationship.

[Nemo]

There was some wisdom in what Alpha said sometimes even if he was merciless in his mode of expression

No other member was a greater purveyor of Truth, in my opinion.

 

Anyway, there are no shortage of women on this site that are seething to rip off his pants, and massage his nether regions with their tongue. If he isn't having the same effect on his crush, then I'd be very surprised. So, you see, the real torture could be hers.

[carrotgirl]

Anyway, there are no shortage of women on this site that are seething to rip off his pants, and massage his nether regions with their tongue. If he isn't having the same effect on his crush, then I'd be very surprised. So, you see, the real torture could be hers.

Fucckety Nemo! Now I've got sex on the brain again!

[Citizen Erased]

 

Anyway, there are no shortage of women on this site that are seething to rip off his pants, and massage his nether regions with their tongue. If he isn't having the same effect on his crush, then I'd be very surprised. So, you see, the real torture could be hers.

 

Too true.

 

I think you should do whatever will ultimately make you happy J. I doubt you would ever go over the line when she is still in this relationship, but has she given any indication she is thinking of leaving him? Or even if she views you as anything other than a guy to have a little flirt with to make herself feel better about going home to her partner and their crappy relationship?

 

It's okay Leia, if he was talking about anyone on here it would be me. I kid, I kid.

[johan]

Ok. This has helped. I'm not going to do anything. Maybe when/if she ends things with the guy she's with now, she'll think of me. But I really can't actively encourage that and not turn myself into a jerk. Or reveal that I already am one.

 

(feeling sorry for myself here) DAMMIT!! The world wants me to be alone.

[johan]

God hates me. Obviously.

[Nemo]

The world wants me

It's a curse, for sure. Maybe you have too much magnetism for your own good? I mean, you're at least one reason why I just know I was always meant to be gay.

[Citizen Erased]

Ok. This has helped. I'm not going to do anything. Maybe when/if she ends things with the guy she's with now, she'll think of me. But I really can't actively encourage that and not turn myself into a jerk. Or reveal that I already am one.

 

(feeling sorry for myself here) DAMMIT!! The world wants me to be alone.

 

Poor Johan. (((hugs)))

 

You already know my opinion on the women around you. Complete morons.

[Ariadne]

I'm just dealing with this crush and hoping she has me in mind

 

What do you like about her, Johan?