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What's best for the kids?


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I have another thread detailling how in just a few weeks we have rocketed towards animosity, so I won't go over that. But I really need some opinions on something.

 

My wife told me today that she automatically assumes she will get custody of our kids and she wants them to live with her (she also told me she doesn't intend finding full time work to support them all)

 

I want them to live with me. We can't afford two 3 bed homes, and anyway somebody has to be the primary carer here in the UK.

 

I genuinely believe my 15yr old son not only would prefer to live with me, but would be better off living with me. Our 10 year old daughter would do well with either of us, but my son and his mum don't always get along and he and I have always been very close.

 

My lawyer has told me if he chooses to live with me he can, and moreover that in that event the courts would most likely give me primary custody of my daughter too. My wife doesn't know this.

 

So after she told me that the kids would be living with her and I had no say in the matter, I replied "what happens if xxx chooses to live with me?" and she looks at me like i'm the worst person alive and says "but you would never put him in the position of having to choose, how could you do that to him?"

 

But I genuinely believe that it would for the best for him, and what's more I think he would agree. If he's given the choice.

 

So there's my moral dilemma... is it better to not force him to make a terribly painful choice and let him end up living with his mother, or should i allow him to decide where he lives even though it will be difficult for him and will probably affect the outcome of everything else?

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