Trust Issues

[Isis1808]

This is my first post, but i have been reading a few of all your posts for a few days now.

 

Ok this is what happened: I've been having trust issues with my BF b/c there are things that i know he hides from me. Recenetly i used his computer b/c my computer wasnt picking up on the internet. Since he has a Mac and im used to dealing with PCs, i just go straight to what i know which is the internet. I dont know what i pressed or how did i get to his old work emails. Since we used to send each other love and flirty messages i actually got excited b/c i thought he had kept all those emails. It turns out that when we were together i was right about him flirting with some other girl that we both worked with, while we were together. I used to tell him this all the time and he just kept brushing me off and telling me it wasnt like that. It was, so he lied to me. when i approached him about it and everything was out in the opened about me looking at those emails he turned it around and said that i was snooping when in actuality i wasnt, Honestly. At the end of the loonnnggggg discussion, he said that he wanted to see my email, i told him ok b/c i have nothing to hide, but i want to see your personal email as well. When i asked him to let me see his as well and ill show him mine, he started laughing and asked WHY. To me that seemed very suspicious. Being that i was only going to show him mine if he showed me his he decided that he didnt want to look at my email. He said that there was no reason for me to look at his b/c i already looked at it (mind you that was 2007 work old email). That just gave me even more suspisions that hes doing something stupid, or still flirting and hiding things from me. Usually when hes on the computer checking his email or myspace he leaves the room. WTF!!??

 

We live together and we have a child so i dont understand why he would be acting this way if he was really innocent. This is really bothering me and he just proved to me that he cant be trusted.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

I can relate to u becuse i also have trust issues...this is because my partner has cheated on me it was 2 years ago but i cheated on him afterwards like a few months after and recently i just found out that he kissed a girl after i had kissed that one guy...can u believe that??? it was a little more than 2 years ago and i find out until now that there was another girl! grrr......i think earlier this year he also went to "hang out" one day at this "hoe's" house with his brother supposedly and supposedly she kissed him......so u c i have many reasons not to trust him....and to b honest still now if he tells me anything i dont believe it 100% maybe about 10%...lol....but thats another story.......what i would do is confront him at one point but stay calm and have proof of what you suspect that way he doesnt try to prove you wrong....sneak up on him somehow and figure out his password to his email....(i did that lol)...then either print out the emails that are suspicios to you....and show him what you have and tell him to tell you the truth... if you do this try to avoid any arguments in front of your kid it isnt healthy for them....and you can also pretend your him and sent emails to the girl or girls he emails with and see iif you can find out stuff.....

 

I am a very revenge type of girl so you dont have to take my advice...this is what i would do if i was in your place lol......everything else its up to you...goodluck;)

[Isis1808]

WOW!! i dont know what i would do in your situation. Did you try going to a therapist? thats what i did. just to get the opinion of someone objective, but then again that hasnt worked either.. lol... Its hard for me to do sneak up on him b/c when hes on the computer and go by him he changes the page, thats what he did recently, that got me soo pissed he thinks i didnt noticed that he was just passing the mouse over the google maps page that we were looking at last night. He turned the tables around when i approached him about the emails. He said that i shouldnt be looking thru his personal emails and that i was snooping, and he says that he wasnt flirting or that he lied to me, he says that all that was innocent that then started to defend that girl, that knew we were together, by saying that she was being "young and playful". He told me that he felt like he couldnt trust me now either, and i told him that i can prove to him that im not doing anything, then he said so can i... So why in the world didnt he the first time it came up?? i would love to prove to him that im not doing anything, just to see his face drop and look stupid for saying that. lol.. I cant go thru his emails again and talk about it, he knows how to turn things around. And hes very Techy, so if i go thru his computer he can go to some Doc screen and find out the actions taken in his computer for the day. GRRRR!!!!!

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

im sorry my reply is kind of late lol..ok well to asnwer your question no i never went to a therapist but i do want to..i want to stop being so jealous because it doesnt just ghurt my relationship but it hurts me 2..but then again i was never like this until my bf did what he did...well anyways.. u say that ur partner turns things around but that is what liars tend to do lol.. well basucally everyone that is doing something like cheating turn the tables on someone else and so they wont get cought they try to blame everything on you so they will seem like the innocent ones and all the attention wont go to them.. and also since they have a guilty concience they feel as if you will do the same thing to them..the cheater doesnt like to get cheated on.i m not sayin your partner is cheating on you or lying to you we might be assuming things that arent even real. first we would need proof. but then again..you never know...i dont know how things may be at this point since when i read your post it was 1 month ago...but hopefully they turn out good for you..

[sandrawg]

I'm in a similar position. I had a gut feeling my bf was not being honest. He left his email cached...I read some of it-mainly, IMs btwn him and his ex.

 

I found out he had been dishonest w/me about their contact between each other. It's a little more complicated than that-he hooked up w/her when we were broken up for 2 months and IMMEDIATELY, I'm not kidding, IMMEDIATELY decided to get back together w/me (I guess she was lame in bed...hmmm....)

 

Anyway, I am now having serious trust issues. He's not playing the "you snooped" card too much. I was afraid he would. Thing is, you need to know if someone's lying to you. Sometimes the only way you can do that, is to snoop, and sometimes guys make it easy on you to do so.

 

I never snooped on anyone I trusted, but my bf is inconsistent-tells me diff things that don't jibe. So I felt the only way to get the truth was look at their correspondences.

 

Now we are doing couples counseling. It's the only way, I feel, that he will see my perspective, and maybe even tHEN he won't. If you bf will not come clean and admit he lied, you have nothing to work with. He will not change. And if he won't change, you can't stay, unless you want to drive yourself NUTS! Trust me. I am where you are.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

i am now in a worst position than i was before..recently i probably havent sed this but my bf has been acting weird with me and the thing is that i have been anoyed by him so i start acting like a bitch!...and well we havent talk that much or seen each other until 2 days ago. i wanted to talk to him about what was going on because i felt that he wasnt interested anymore in me. and guess what i was right!...well basically he told me that he didnt love me as much as he used to.. and that hurt....very bad..so then i asked him why and he sed that because of how things have been going so far these past days. he said i have ben acting like a bitch and acting anoying..well he has been telling me he wanted things to be like how they used to be when we started going out but i told him it was never going to be like that because the day he cheated on me will always be in my mind...

 

well i gave him to choose.. i told him either we brake this off for good and never talk again or see each other again...or we fix this but that i doubted that it was going to work....so he said i was being a bitch because i didnt even want to be his friend.. i could never be friends with someone i have been with for so long and see him with someone else...**** no!...that hurts even more..later he kept saying he wants me in his life and if we broke up it would hurt alot and it would be hard to let go because it has ben so lonng nd blah blah..so we didnt break up...but later on at night i didnt feel right and i told him that i am putting so much effort into being nice and not being a bitch and he doesnt seem like he is even trying...either he ignored me or was treating me like a friend...and so i told him about it. and he came up with something:

 

he told me that we should start being friends but not normal friends because i didnt want to..so basically we still go out but were friends and then he said we were going to go on a date next tuesday and we will see how things work and then we will be like before like normal bf nd gf...i almost said no because that is like being on a break sort of.. and i dont like that...but i wanted to see how he thinks of handling this situation...i want to follow his flow and see what happens...but recelty late yesterday night ii found out he has been talking to gurls for a while now and he has sownr to me that he doesnt talk to any one but me...so hes a liar like all guys...so i do not know what to do anymore...should i brake up with him for good.. or should i wait and see how things work out....???