BELLAONE1 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I Am 33 Years Old And Have Been Dating My Boyfriend For About 5 Months Now We Were Introduced Through My Cousin. He Is Still Married But He Told Me They Have Been Apart Since 2005 They Have A Little Boy Together Who Is Seven Years Old. We Live Together And His Wife Lives With Her Son At Her Sisters Home. They See Each Other Only When He Picks Up Their Seven Year Old And The Wife Still Has To Walk Their Son To Our Car And Buckle Him In And It Makes Me Feel Uncomfortable When He Is Quite Old Enough To Do It Himself. Anyhow His Family Seems To Be Strict Catholic And I Do Not Forsee A Divorce Ever Happening Because Of This And His Mom And Dad Still Have Their Wedding Photo On The Wall And That Tells Me They Still Feel They Are Married, I Know His Family Does Not Like Me Or Accept Me Especially When His Sis In Law And Sis In Law To Be Are Friends With The Wife And The Wife Is To Be In His Brothers Wedding In August In Which I Do Not Feel Comfortable Attending Because Of This. I Feel Like He Will Go Back To Her Anyday Because They Are Still Married And I Do Not Think He Has Any Intensions On Divorcing Her And Only Tells Me He Loves Me And Has Me Here Because She Does Not Want To Be With Him Anymore. He Has Two Tattoos One on His Arm and one on his back both With Her Name And Has No Intensions On Covering Them And Its Not A Money Issue Cause His Uncle Does Tattoos And Can Cover Them For Free. The tattoos are just a constant reminder that she is still a part of him and a part of his life. I Can Go On And On Forever But I Will Stop Here. I Just Dont Know What To Do? Any Suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELLAONE1 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Sunshine Girl Leaving Him Is Easier Said Then Done. I Love Him And Do Not Want To Give Up And Walk Away But At The Same Time I Dont Want To Stay And Get Used And Then Kicked Aside. I Didnt Know He Was Married Until We Started Dating Or I Probally Never Would Of Started A Relationship With Him, But At The Same Time I Let The Realationship Continue Even After I Knew He Was Still Married. Is There Anything Else I Should Do Before I Call It Quits? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 I Do Not Think He Has Any Intensions On Divorcing Her And Only Tells Me He Loves Me And Has Me Here Because She Does Not Want To Be With Him Anymore. He Has Two Tattoos One on His Arm and one on his back both With Her Name And Has No Intensions On Covering Them And Its Not A Money Issue Cause His Uncle Does Tattoos And Can Cover Them For Free. The tattoos are just a constant reminder that she is still a part of him and a part of his life. I Can Go On And On Forever But I Will Stop Here. I Just Dont Know What To Do? Any Suggestions? So you're the plan b girl. He'll keep you around to stop himself feeling lonely, but his heart is with her and he'd return in a heartbeat if she'd have him. Right? So... exactly what ARE you getting from this, apart from your self-esteem torn to shreds? Link to post Share on other sites
guessjeans Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 You have been dating your separated BF for 5 months and you are living together already? I dont get the rush ppl do with their relationships. Why would you move in with him when you saw enough Red Flags to stop an Indy Race! I know you love him..but do you really believe he is in love with you? Have you ever heard of rebound relationships? And this is exactly what it is. How long had they been married? They say you need 1 year for every 4 years a relationship was together. They have been separated now since 2005 and it sounds like he is just not ready to let her go. Is she dating anyone? I would move out, and leave the relationship because I think you know where this is going to end. I believe you believe that he is going to get a divorce eventually, then ask you to marry him. Sorry..but that isnt going to happen anytime soon, if ever. Why would you be with someone who is not committed to you, except to fill his emotional and physical needs? Do you not think you are worth more? If you are on here, its because the cracks in the relationship are starting, and this is only the beginning. My EX is living with a woman from work that he has known for about 3 yrs and she just left her husband in October, and now living with him 8 months later. What a fool! Playing house with ppl that arent emotionally healthy. Everyone needs down time after a relationship goes sour. Its a necessarity to become the person that you were before the relationship began. Its getting to know yourself again, gaining your strength, your independence. Men dont like to be alone! Remember that! They hate being alone, more so than women. You are simply his companion until he figures out if he wants to go back to his wife or not, or until he gets emotionally healthy again and ready for a committed relationship. You are worth so much more. Dont ever let your feelings for someone compromise your self worth and dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELLAONE1 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Well I Thought About All Of This And Sat Down And Talked To Him Last Night When He Got Home From Work, He Said It Is Over With The Wife And He Is Going To Start The Divorce Proceedings. He Talked To His Mother And She Is Contacting Her Lawyer To Get The Divorce Started, He Said He Has Put It Off Longer Than He Should Have (they Were Married In 2000 And Only Stayed Together For 3 Years Before The Seperation). He Said They Got Married For All The Wrong Reasons. I Hope This Will All Be Over With Soon. Link to post Share on other sites
whereisthelight Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 even if they do get divorced...she will be in your life forever. nothing will change. its only a piece of paper at this point. wise up... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELLAONE1 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 I Know You Say It Is Only A Peice Of Paper, But It Is Better Than Living With A Man That Is Still Married. I Know She Will Still Be In His Life Because They Have A Child Together. I Love My Bf Enough To Stick The Bad Out Until All Of This Is Over, But I Will Love Myself Enough That If There Is No Divorce Papers By August I Will Walk Away And Not Look Back. I Just Dont Want To Invest Wasted Time Any Longer. I Am Not Looking To Get Married To Anyone Just Looking For Closure.... Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I Am Not Looking To Get Married To Anyone Just Looking For Closure.... What sort of closure are you looking for? He'll show you the divorce papers? So that you can maintain the lifestyle you've become accustomed to? ORHe still loves his W? You know he will never admit to it which is why he hasn't D her yet.Any thoughts on OWoman's... So... exactly what ARE you getting from this, apart from your self-esteem torn to shreds? Anytime a married woman or man say they're going through a divorce or seperation but not yet divorced and STILL haven't acquired a "separate" address, but are quick to jump into a relationship should be a "red flag". Link to post Share on other sites
bobenna Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Well I definitely wish you the best of luck! Just keep thinking positive. I'm with a separated man, too. His ex is the black sheep of the family though, and he's made it more than clear that he wants me and not her. I live with him and his mom. We've also been living together since day 1 if you can believe that! To anyone it would sound crazy, but you really gotta understand the situation. We've been together for just over 6 months and the only thing that's really slowing things down with the divorce is money for lawyers. Link to post Share on other sites
HYS Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 I Know You Say It Is Only A Peice Of Paper, But It Is Better Than Living With A Man That Is Still Married. I Know She Will Still Be In His Life Because They Have A Child Together. I Love My Bf Enough To Stick The Bad Out Until All Of This Is Over, But I Will Love Myself Enough That If There Is No Divorce Papers By August I Will Walk Away And Not Look Back. I Just Dont Want To Invest Wasted Time Any Longer. I Am Not Looking To Get Married To Anyone Just Looking For Closure.... Do you have any children of your own??? Be ready to be a part time mom! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELLAONE1 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 I Do Have Children Of My Own With My Ex, So Why Would I Be A Part Time Mom? My Ex Takes Care Of His Responsiblity With Our Daughter And My Boyfriends Son Is Not My Responsiblity My Daughter Is 14 Years Old I Have Taken Care Just Fine By Myself I Am Not Looking For Any Man To Take Care Of Her Or Be "daddy" She Has A Father. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELLAONE1 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Thank You For All Your Support Bobenna It Means Alot!! Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 He's separated, not divorced. I would be wary in that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELLAONE1 Posted August 24, 2008 Author Share Posted August 24, 2008 Well this is where we (my boyfriend and i) are at right now, since my last post he had both of his tattoo's covered up so no longer do i have to see his wife's name on his body which is a good thing, but the thing is still no divorce, how do i stress this needs to be done? He has been seperated from her since 2005, they got married in 2000 and i talked to her at his brothers wedding and she reassured she does not want him or does she ever want him back she is over him....what should i do to get the ball rolling in the divorce department???? I love him but i dont like that the divorce has not gone through with yet....please any "good" advice would be great, i dont need to be beat up anymore through all of this, just some good advise would be appreciated.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELLAONE1 Posted August 24, 2008 Author Share Posted August 24, 2008 Ok this is where things are now, like i said he had his tatto's covered but this is the problem.......we attended his brothers wedding two weeks ago tommorrow and i got really drunk due to his wife (who is friends with the bride) showed up at the wedding and i felt uneasy so i drank my ass off, so my boyfriends uncle drove me home, my boyfriend in turn stayed at the wedding and told me the next day he danced with his wife only because no one else would dance, should i get offended by this? I feel hurt and confused, she can come over to pick up his son and talk all they want, but i am not allowed to have my ex (we have a 14 year old daughter together and were together 16 1/2 years) call or come over for any reason even if it is to see our daughter.....is this right? Should i be upset cause i am told i shouldnt....please some good advise would be great, no mean comments please, i am torn enough, i am 33 years old and want the fairytale and feel i deserve it, i do his laundry, cook his meals, clean the house to perfection and feel its wrong that i am just the girlfriend while she carries the wife title and i will never have that, i am getting to old to just be the house wench!! I want all or nothing, is that selfish? What should i say what should i do....how do i demand a divorce and not be a bitch? I have disappointed my family, my daughter, and most of all myself for the last time.....i want respect.....help!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mscomplex Posted August 24, 2008 Share Posted August 24, 2008 Well I for one am sorry your heart and emotions are in such turmoil. Now that you are in love you will probably not be able to make decisions that are good and sound for and in YOUR best interest. All I can suggest is that you just ask him casually where he is at with the "divorce" thing. You can start by saying: I know you got the tatoo's covered and I really appreciate that but where are you at in all of the divorce stuff. Just see how he responds. On the other hand I do not think it's right that your daughter's father is not able to come by to see her etc. That is not fair to your daughter and is very selfish of your BF, then again he is being selfish by straddling the fence in your relationship as well. You need to start thinking about what you are getting in all of this and how this is going to end up. Even after he is divorced, lots of people are not really ready to re-marry soon thereafter. I know you say that is not what you want (marriage) but just know that as long as he is still married, he does not have to really fully commit to you. I have lots of guy friends who are in similar situations. Married but continue to date. They will date a woman for as long as she will let them but say they do not believe in divorce. Once one gets tired of the fence straddling, they find someone else. (sometimes returning to the wife in between relationships) You said in your original post that if no divorce papers by August you were walking. Did you tell him that? You have to be prepared to do what you say you are going to do otherwise he will not take you seriously. Ask him about the divorce. What's the delay? You have a right to know. If he is not really giving a straight answer...then you really have to look deep within and you have hence gotten your answer. Even if the ex does not want him back, she will never admit that to you. Hope my post was not too harsh. That was not my intention. Best wishes with your situation. I will be checking in for updates. Link to post Share on other sites
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