Is her flirting acceptable?

[Great Grey Owl]

I found this forum and hopefully some of you may have some great insight into my current situation and how I can deal with it, or even if its not me thats the problem!

My wife left me quite of the blue last year as she felt the marriage had broken down even thought I had not anticipated it and it was a complete surprise. There were a few issues around money and we were doing our own thing wuite a lot (mostly because she was so I did too). Anyway to cut a long story short we did a lot of talking, she didn't feel we coudl work it out and we started going our seperate ways.

This was June 07 but in Sep 07 she suddenly told me she had been completely wrong, made a big mistake and wanted to come back (we were still in same house at this time). After much talking about this we decided that her moving out for 6 months (which was already imminent) would allow us to ensure we worked on getting back together in the right way and over that period things were quite good. So in April she moved back in and thats were the problems started. Despite being very tactile, caring and committed to us whilst away, now that she is back her life is focussed on her almost to the exception of all else. She salsa dances 2-3 times a week generally late night or all night organised parties and makes no qualms about how she flirts with the men there, she also has no qualms telling me about how she flirted outrageously with this person at this work do or that person at that party, she seems to be obsessed with parties and thinks that it should be quite acceptable for her to be like this adn be able to go to them at short notice and with no anticipated return like a single person. This makes me feel incredibly insecure and also somewhat nervous that she really needs someone who is into the same things or who does not feel threatened by her flirtacious behaviours. Its making me quite ill and depressed, especially as I really thought that the way we were when apart would be mirrored when we were back together.

But I then question whether it is me that is the issue as I have always been insecure with her going clubbing etc. Maybe I'm too controlling. I don't want to stop her having fun but not fun that seems a threat to our relationship

 

Help!

[45Reverse]

You're being gamed...Dump the 8itch.

[Bryanp]

Why in the world would you put up with this? Her behavior is totally unacceptable. She is acting as if she is single and tells you how she parties and flirts with other men. What you have described is not a marriage. She is using you as a safety net while she parties all night long flirting with men. I don't think you need to have a piano to fall on your head to realize she is playing you for a complete fool. Clearly she does not respect you and your marriage whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? It is time to seek an attorney and end this farce.

[Untouchable_Fire]

But I then question whether it is me that is the issue as I have always been insecure with her going clubbing etc. Maybe I'm too controlling. I don't want to stop her having fun but not fun that seems a threat to our relationship

 

It sounds like she took your "Man Card" away and tore it up. You need to start working to get a new one.

 

What man on this planet would put up with that kind of behavior from his wife? Oh yeah... the kind with no testicles. Unless you want to wake up in a year and find yourself a Eunuch, start taking action.

 

Personally, I'd write her off and start dating other women while I filed for divorce.

[Trialbyfire]

Do give her complete freedom...straight out the door! Make sure her luggage follows close behind but do give fair warning so she has time to salsa out of the way, when it flies by.

[theobserver]

Sorry buddy we can all see what she's doing to you, but hey if your cool with being a cuck who are we to judge? Pretty soon she's going to be coming home to tell you about a good pounding she got. This isn't being harsh mate this is being REAL.

 

She's using you. Get her out of your life and sort yourself out. I'm not going to go ahead with the your not a Man bla bla you just have a simple case of blind love, SNAP OUT OF IT!

 

Good Luck.

[mark982]

hey, why are you sitting home while she has all the fun?? jesus man. turn the tables on her for awhile. THEN toss the bitch out.

[MrsHellnoFire]

Yeah after she rode some guy hard and it didn't work out, she came back on her knees a couple months later. Sounds like she's still single and looking for the "right one" to ditch you with again. GL>

[Krytie TV]

Do give her complete freedom...straight out the door! Make sure her luggage follows close behind but do give fair warning so she has time to salsa out of the way, when it flies by.

 

I do love your tact. You're always good for a smile. All that, and you're completely right.

[Trialbyfire]

I do love your tact. You're always good for a smile. All that, and you're completely right.

Thanks Krytie. It's nice to see that someone else shares my twisted sense of humour.

[Great Grey Owl]

Thanks all.

I feel a complete donkey now that I sit back and think about how I get treated - like a safe harbour when the sea gets a bit rough.

 

Time to do something about it.

[Krytie TV]

Well, as a sign of growth, after you dump her change your name to Great Grey Donkey. But you have to promise to change it back if you ever take her back.

[misternoname]

My wife started doing a lot of "girls night out" stuff starting back at the beginning of the year. She admitted to sitting at the bar, getting hit on, dancing, exchanging phone numbers. Her spin was that it was all innocent and nothing would come of it.

 

Lies, lies, lies...woman that put them selves "out there" are playing with fire. I discovered through a little detective work that her "innocent" flirting resulted in her having a full blown affair with some player she met on one of these ventures.

 

Commited people do not put themselves in these situations. To buy into that explanantion is akin to someone saying they're going fishing but they're not going to use bait. Last I checked, I don't know anyone who fishes without bait!

 

Run my friend, run.

[LakesideDream]

GGO, It sounds to me like your wife stopped seeing you as her long term mate in July '07. The seperation didn't work probably because she wasn't ready yet to face life alone, by herself.

 

It also sounds like she is out there, in places with romantic possibilities, casting her lures in the sea of possibility. Chances are good that she has, or will find someone she is willing to chance facing the future with.

 

It's not wrong for you to feel insecure. You are not in a committed relationship any more. The two of you are no longer a couple. IMO you should be steeling yourself for the most likely outcome of your situation, that your wife is going to walk away soon.

 

Keep posting, use LS for a resource, there are tough times coming.

[bish]

She salsa dances 2-3 times a week generally late night or all night organised parties and makes no qualms about how she flirts with the men there, she also has no qualms telling me about how she flirted outrageously with this person at this work do or that person at that party, she seems to be obsessed with parties and thinks that it should be quite acceptable for her to be like this adn be able to go to them at short notice and with no anticipated return like a single person.

 

Maybe I'm too controlling. I don't want to stop her having fun but not fun that seems a threat to our relationship

 

Help!

 

It isn't what she is doing that is a threat to your relationship. SHE is a threat to your relationship in general.

 

Why are you with someone that blatantly and flagrantly disrepects you? What she is doing is in no way acceptable.

 

You are not controlling. You just expect your wife to act like a wife and not some single partying bimbo. Maybe she doesn't need to be your wife any longer and you need to find someone less trampy.