am I right...or wrong?

[Carrie]

Hello, I have been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months now. Lately I have noticed that I've been really stressed out. I have come to realize why: My boyfriend has alot of family problems at home, it's really bad. He doesn't have any friends to talk to about this and I end up hearing all about it. This has really drained me and I can't cope with being his therapist anymore. Plus, he has become so attached to me that whenever I want to do something with my friends, he wonders why he can't come along and he makes me feel guilty. I've told him how I feel. I'm only eighteen and I need some space and time to take care of me for a change. So, I called him the other day and said I wanted a break to think about what I need. Do you think I'm doign the right thing????? Any comments would be just great!

[Tony T]

When you go with your feelings, you are always doing the right thing. People who have a lot of negativity in their lives, in your case your boyfriend, will gravitate to positive people and suck every bit of energy they can out of them. That's why you are feeling drained. GET AWAY, DON'T WALK, RUN!!! Have compassion for him, tell him he and his family need to seek help in handling their problems, but be very frank in letting him know that you don't wish to buy into his baggage (tell him nicely). In time, he will get the message and work out his stuff so he will be good relationship material for somebody. You'll probably be married with three kids in college when that happens...but, for his sake, I pray it happens sooner.

[Nicky]

When you go with your feelings, you are always doing the right thing. People who have a lot of negativity in their lives, in your case your boyfriend, will gravitate to positive people and suck every bit of energy they can out of them. That's why you are feeling drained. GET AWAY, DON'T WALK, RUN!!! Have compassion for him, tell him he and his family need to seek help in handling their problems, but be very frank in letting him know that you don't wish to buy into his baggage (tell him nicely). In time, he will get the message and work out his stuff so he will be good relationship material for somebody. You'll probably be married with three kids in college when that happens...but, for his sake, I pray it happens sooner.

Yep

 

I agree. Other peoples problems can really drag you down. And as Tony says, if you're going with you're feelings , you're doing the right thing (Nice one,Tony, very true).

 

At some point in your life, I am sure you will meet a man, who when he has rough times, you will stand there by him through thick and thin. Just because this BF doesn't bring those feelings out in you, doesn't make you a bad or callous person. It's only natural to want the best deal for yourself, and it sounds like he's not it. Don't feel guilty about that. go out, and enjoy your life. You are not responsible for his problems.

 

All the best

[Carrie]

In response to your messages on "am I right...or wrong" I'd just like to thank you so much. Even if I don't know who you are, it made me feel great and alot less guilty for the decision I have made. When the time is right, I'm gonna tell my boyfriend that it's been hard being the only one he can count on. I think your comments will give me the boost I need to do it!!! Good stuff!

Yep I agree. Other peoples problems can really drag you down. And as Tony says, if you're going with you're feelings , you're doing the right thing (Nice one,Tony, very true). At some point in your life, I am sure you will meet a man, who when he has rough times, you will stand there by him through thick and thin. Just because this BF doesn't bring those feelings out in you, doesn't make you a bad or callous person. It's only natural to want the best deal for yourself, and it sounds like he's not it. Don't feel guilty about that. go out, and enjoy your life. You are not responsible for his problems. All the best