trying to fix a big mistake

[GatorChomp]

I'm going to copy/paste this from yahoo answers since i asked there too, but im sure ill get more and much better help from you guys here

 

For my birthday, everyone from my work took me to a strip club. Theres a girl there that I'm friends with and i've liked her for a long time. I good guy and all and chit chat with her and we're just friends, but I always know in the back of my mind I wish it were something more. At the strip club, as a teenager with a big crush for someone, i hung around her a lot and kept a close eye on her. Unfortunately (i remember most things from the night), i was like overbearing and they said I was all over her the entire time and it was not very good. One person I work with told me shes totally turned off by me and the general consensus message ive gotten is to back off. Now, during this whole thing, I had a 5 dollar bill out. I thought about it and said to myself, do i really want to piss this money away on a stripper? instead, i thoguht it was a really nice gesture to give it to her, who i care way more about and means more to me than a doll with her boobs hanging out..

 

So i gave her the five dollars and told her that shes amazing, classy, and way hotter than any skank in that club. i thought i was being nice and sweet and would earn a few points in her book, but apparnetly ive done quite the opposite. ive been told that it would make anyone uncomfortable and it was a terrible move. nonetheless, its in the past and I cant change that. Today, the day after, weve had superficial conversation but thats about it. Looking back at everything and thinking about it, I personally think its the best and healthiest (for a friendship to still survive) thing to do is call her after work and set it straight. i dont want this looming over and us knowing what happened and not talking about it. i really want to set her straight and make it be known that i only had the best of intentions and if she felt uncomfortable, im terribly sorry and ill give her her space. ive been told by most people that that would be a bad move and i shouldnt bring it up. What should i do!?!?

 

 

To clarify:

 

the girl I gave the $5 to is the girl i work with. I thought it would be something nice to do. I'm confused as to why it was such a bad move? Can anyone explain that?

 

Also, I'm giving up on anything romantic with her. I don't want her falling into my arms or anything by apologizing, theres no ulterior motive. I just want to iron things out and try to get back on the same or similar level of friendship that we had before this, so think this would help or hurt it?

[Nevermind]

No. Big no no.

 

 

It was not a nice gesture.

 

You basically said "Hey, you're to buy. And this is how much I value you." It was not classy, nor nice, nor romantic or funny.

 

You were probably drunk, and behaving like a needy jerk. Blunt honesty here.

 

My advice? Back off. Leave her alone for a few days. Think about what you did. Offer her a sincere apology in a public place/ work place. Leave her alone again after that. She most definately won't "fall into your arms".

 

She doesn't want you.

[shanny]

All you did was tell her that you value her as much as a stripper. Bad move. I would leave her alone for awhile. Don't go over the top with apologizing. This is gonna sound mean ... but you don't seem to have it down yet what makes girls happy and what offends them. An over the top apology could be another opportunity to stick your foot in your mouth.

[missdeathwish]

I agree with what's been said. The best way to tell her that you'll give her space is to show her. That is, don't do anything. Back off. When you two have a moment alone, offer her an apology. That's all. Don't try to explain unless she asks. Don't make excuses. Just tell her you're sorry, you didn't mean to offend her.

 

Giving her the money made no sense at all to her. She was probably embarrassed, especially if you gave her a spiel about how she was classier and prettier than a stripper. Nobody wants to be compared to a stripper, even positively, unless they know the person well enough to know that it's a compliment or a joke.

 

In short, back off. Fast. Retreat. Abort mission. Apologize later. But definitely not now. And don't grovel. Offer an honest, "I am so sorry for my behavior that night. It was inappropriate and I just wasn't thinking. It won't happen again." And that's all.