sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 To those of you who know my story...he texted me. I was performing tonight and when I came out and checked my phone he had sent me a message. All it says is, "Talk?" WTF DO I DO?!?!?!?!?!? (sorry I haven't been on lately, my dance company has been traveling and performing the past couple of weeks) Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 To those of you who know my story...he texted me. I was performing tonight and when I came out and checked my phone he had sent me a message. All it says is, "Talk?" WTF DO I DO?!?!?!?!?!? (sorry I haven't been on lately, my dance company has been traveling and performing the past couple of weeks) I thought he dumped you??? Talk to him when you are not busy and traveling. Don't want his contact to ruin your performances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 He did dump me. And I'm still in love with him. That's why I'm freaking out. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Oh Sedge... I'm so worried that talking to him could set you back. I guess it depends on what you would want out of re-initiating contact with him. If it's just closure- That could be a good thing... but if it's a reconcilation- I fear you could do harm to your recovery process. Did you answer him? Link to post Share on other sites
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Oh my Gosh, Sedgwick!! I have been following your story!!! I'm sorry to be of absolutely no help, but I have no idea what you should do! I am just surprised to read this because I know you said you thought he would never contact you again. WOW!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 I neeeeeeeeeeeeever thought he would contact me again. Not in a million years. The fact that he still has my number freaks me out a little bit. Why would he still have it? I texted back, "Sure." But it's up to him to call me and I'm still not sure I'm going to answer if he does. I have zero interest in being friends with him. It's all or nothing. And I can't imagine he wants me back -- I mean, after all, I'm still not a musician! What the f*&k could he possibly want to talk to me about??!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Oh my god, he called and I answered and he was all, "Hi! I've decided not to be such a recluse! I wanted to call some people I haven't talked to in a while and you were first on the list!" I said, "You know how I feel. I love you and I always will. It's all or nothing." He said, "Well, I can't give all." I said, "Well, I don't want to be friends with you." He said okay. I said, "I love you unconditionally, always, for exactly who you are." He said nothing. I said bye and hung up. Link to post Share on other sites
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Oh my G-d, Sedgwick. Are you okay??? I can't believe the way he started his call...wtf? Ay! This is very confusing, eh?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Oh, he actually LAUGHED! He was all, "I just wanted to call some people I hadn't talked to in a while and you were first on the list!" And then he laughed like we were old buddies. I'm just shaking, basically. I'm not crying. I just see that nothing has changed. I didn't grovel. I told him I'd spent the past year hating on everything I did for not being music and that I'd cried more in the past year than I'd ever cried in my life. He had nothing to say. He did the thing he always does, which is to just sit there and be silent. He hasn't changed. He's exactly like he used to be. And he doesn't want to apologize to me or get back together with me, he just thought he'd catch up with his old buddy. WHAT THE F*&K?!?!?!?!?!?! Is he really just TOTALLY clueless? He didn't even offer up any kind of apology. If I'm worth so little to him, why did he want to talk to me?!?!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 To those of you who know my story...he texted me. I was performing tonight and when I came out and checked my phone he had sent me a message. All it says is, "Talk?" WTF DO I DO?!?!?!?!?!? (sorry I haven't been on lately, my dance company has been traveling and performing the past couple of weeks) Omg omgomgogmgomggomgogmg wow! Congrats! I'm glad to hear. You must feel reborn again, ha? To hear his voice. Wow. That was pretty gutsy to tell him what you did just like that. Good luck, hope you continue to talk and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 (Btw, Denver guy and the gf broke up. Maybe I'm next??? ) Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 (Btw, Denver guy and the gf broke up. Maybe I'm next??? ) Is he carrying his cell phone right now Link to post Share on other sites
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Damn. I was really hoping for you that this would be a decent conversation but it seems like he's back to his old tricks. It reminds me of when you posted about how he would send you these lame texts/postcards (I forget which) that sounded like they were written to an Aunt. He sounds completely clueless but at the same time, I would think he would at least have some indication of what was going on and how it could potentially affect you, especially considering the fact that he knew you didn't want him to text you 'till after your book was published. He seems like such a freaking airhead. And to actually laugh all casual-like? He seems like the type that says/does awkward things to attempt to stifle the awkwardness, but it just comes out wrong and mean. It reminds me a tiny bit of the last phone call my EX and I had together. He was talking about the blossoming relationship that his best friend and his best friend's new girlfriend were having. He said it so casually and as if I would be so happy to hear about someone else's relationship going fantastically. He laughed, too. That's when I finally pulled the plug on any semblance of a "friendship". Hell NO. Link to post Share on other sites
carrotgirl Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 he called and I answered and he was all, "Hi! I've decided not to be such a recluse! I wanted to call some people I haven't talked to in a while and you were first on the list!" He had nothing to say. He did the thing he always does, which is to just sit there and be silent. He hasn't changed. He's exactly like he used to be. And he doesn't want to apologize to me or get back together with me, he just thought he'd catch up with his old buddy. WHAT THE F*&K?!?!?!?!?!?! Is he really just TOTALLY clueless? He didn't even offer up any kind of apology. If I'm worth so little to him, why did he want to talk to me?!?!?!? Sed, listen carefully, this one isn't about you. It's not even about him, but he doesn't know that yet. He let you know he's been a recluse. Likely, this is true. He may well have been functioning on auto pilot. Bottom line, he doesn't have the capacity to do more than tell you you were first on the list. Why did he do this? I think he probably said this because it was true. He also probably was speaking truth when he said he couldn't offer more. And for speaking frankly and saying he couldn't give all, instead of saying "maybe, we'll see" he is to be respected. Here's what counts. For you to value yourself, for you to take care of YOUR NEEDS FIRST! YOU are to be respected, and his lack of arguing, I think, can be considered to be respect for you in this case, not lack of feeling or consideration. It sounds like he's a pretty fuccked up man. I think it's time for you to reconsider that YOU really were the strong person in the relationship. You were the caretaker. You were the energy. It's also possible that he did you a gigantic favor by cutting you loose. It's kind of trite to read "He's just not good enough for you" on these boards but this is a case where he may not be good enough for you, or anyone and he might only have enough wisdom to know this about himself. So congratulate yourself and realize, this really was his problem. And now that you know, you can get back to all of the wonderful things you did and do. I'd really like to read your "Tomato Sandwiches and Other Organic Treats to Feed the Ridiculously Thin" cookbook. Love, Carrot Link to post Share on other sites
stepheine Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Hey Sedgwick, I have been following your story for awhile now and you have helped me when I needed it the most. I am glad he called you because even though the conversation was lame you can be sure he still thinks about you, you left an impression that if nothing else he will never forget. I think he is a coward and that is why the conversation on his part was so disappointing. For him it probably took a lot of courage to even call. You stay strong!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Carrot!! I was so happy to see your reply! I was wondering what you, specifically, would think. I called my brother and asked him to give me a male interpretation of what just happened. He said, "Okay, first of all, this guy is either autistic or a huge ******* or both. But either way he doesn't know how to deal with other humans." My brother also said that you don't just call up an ex you haven't seen for a year if you don't still have some interest in them. But it certainly doesn't seem like he has any interest in me. The weird thing is that I have made two attempts at contact since we last spoke, as you guys know. Once I sent him a text telling him I would like to talk to him in January after I turned my book in and that I still loved him. No response. Then I sent that email to his friend. No response. Did he just somehow not get either of those messages? What on earth could possibly make him think it was okay to just call me up and chat? What is WRONG with him?? WHY THE HELL DID HE CALL?!?!?!?! Did he REALLY not know how I felt about him? Did he just totally forget the part where the last time we spoke I was crying and told him he broke my heart? Am I losing my mind?!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 WHY THE HELL DID HE CALL?!?!?!?! Did he REALLY not know how I felt about him? Did he just totally forget the part where the last time we spoke I was crying and told him he broke my heart? Am I losing my mind?!?!?! He probably was curious to see how you were doing. And maybe, just maybe, he broke up with a gf or something and started calling back. (Say, he was distracted before and is suddenly single). In either case, that's pretty good. And it was his initiative too so that's even better. In any case, the one that acted like a freak was you. He said hi, and you said "all or nothing" (after you haven't spoken for a year). Well, I know that's the way you are and that's pretty cool, actually, but hardly conventional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 That's not the whole thing. He started giving me the rundown of where he was and what he was doing, blah blah, he's on tour, etc. I was giving him one-word answers trying to figure out what he was after. Finally I said why did you call me and that's when he gave me the recluse thing. I told him he had really hurt me and he said, "Yeah, sorry about that." Like you'd say sorry you ruined someone's favorite shirt, about the same level of sincerity. So that's when I said I couldn't be friends with him. He was just yattering on about his life like we talked yesterday, like he had no intention of apologizing for his behavior or even acknowledging that he hurt me. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like that conversation needed to BEGIN with an apology, or at least some indication that he recognized he left me very upset. I was gentle but firm. I didn't cry or beg or anything. I just said that I felt he had chosen to give up something really good. Then I told him I loved him and I got off the phone. I feel fairly certain I'll never hear from him again. I have no idea why he called in the first place. I mean, last I heard, I wasn't a musician so he didn't want to know me. I guess he just needed to be reminded of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 That's not the whole thing. He started giving me the rundown of where he was and what he was doing, blah blah, he's on tour, etc. I was giving him one-word answers trying to figure out what he was after. Finally I said why did you call me and that's when he gave me the recluse thing. I told him he had really hurt me and he said, "Yeah, sorry about that." Like you'd say sorry you ruined someone's favorite shirt, about the same level of sincerity. So that's when I said I couldn't be friends with him. He was just yattering on about his life like we talked yesterday, like he had no intention of apologizing for his behavior or even acknowledging that he hurt me. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like that conversation needed to BEGIN with an apology, or at least some indication that he recognized he left me very upset. I was gentle but firm. I didn't cry or beg or anything. I just said that I felt he had chosen to give up something really good. Then I told him I loved him and I got off the phone. I feel fairly certain I'll never hear from him again. I think it went pretty well. Aren't you glad to know of his whereabouts? Awww.... Finally! And hopefully you'll talk again. He was making an excuse, kind of like, I was just in the neighborhood type.. So that's pretty good. And is not like he didn't care, he was just trying to keep it casual since it was the first time, and not leave it on a super heavy note. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 What an arse. *smashes yet another fiddle* Sounds like an ego boost call, a weak one at that. He might like to be treated badly. pfft...too bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Undies! Thanks for the fiddle-smashin'! xoxo Did he really think he could just call me up and be all casual? What on earth was he thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
borelandkaren Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Sedg, do you really, after all you've just spewed out about how the conversation went, think you could consider having a relationship again with this bloke????? I think in the 12 months since you have spoken to him he has suffered some kind of brain death! I'm not just trying to be rude to you or put him down. From the point of view of human sensibilities, you do not, after 1 year of not talking to someone, his choice not yours, just ring up and say, "Hey, how are you. Getting back in touch with people from last year, none of whom I've spoken to for that amount of time!!!" I really think you need (if you are not informed already, I'll dare say you are!) to look at personality disorders. Sounds to me like he has anti social/narcissistic and should be avoided at all costs. He has already put you through enough **** and I really think you need to look at this as a REALLY FECKING BIG RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!! Weirdo alert!!!! I know you loved him but I'd be taking this as my closure and WALK AWAY! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Thanks, Karen (which by the way is my mom's name!) I honestly think he's just completely and totally clueless. Whether it's due to a personality disorder or autism or whatever the hell, he has some serious deficits in his people skills. I am exhausted from trying to figure him out. I'm glad to know he doesn't hate me and hasn't forgotten me. Because I know that, I feel like maybe I can let go of trying to understand him. In the past year, I've made tremendous strides. This breakup really pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced me to grow as a person. I learned what I was capable of. I would never have run off to the jungle alone if he hadn't broken my heart, and now I know I can run off to the jungle alone. That's a major thing to know about oneself. I also know I can write a book no matter what. Even through tremendous heartbreak I have continued writing and dancing. I've learned so much about myself, and he's still touring like a maniac, just like he was when last we spoke. He still clams up when I try to talk to him. He hasn't learned anything about communication or taking responsibility for his actions. I really am baffled that he called at all. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Sedge, Some relationships force us to look at ourselves and grow. This can be one positive thing you take from this, and that is actually a good thing for you. He really seems clueless to me as well. I don't understand people that have to know (on some level) that they hurt you and then wait for some imaginary statute of limitations to transpire upon which they can just act like nothing happened. That is twilight zone weird. He will repeat his patterns. Be glad that it won't be with you, again. I know you wish he could be the man you need, but I just don't see him as strong enough for you. Or maybe anyone. Maybe this lack luster floppy bait line will be what you need to heal up all the way. Your brother is right on. pfft, if he calls back say you can't talk. You have a date with a more talented fiddle player. ..... Link to post Share on other sites
claycald Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 im to lazy to read all of the posts on here and i have no idea what has happened with yall but i think if u love someone and they are walking back to you you need to stop and listen to what they have to say. if u ignore him and what he wanted to say was im sorry i love you then ur gonna want to kill yourself if he says something fudged up then well he aint worth the time of day. so forget the people who have said not to speak to him and move on with ur life. give the conversation a shot Link to post Share on other sites
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