Oh My God He Texted Me!!!!

[Nevermind]

sedge:

 

this thread makes me glad. Not because of his words (obviously), but because of your reaction. For the first time you opened you eyes and looked at your ex like he is. His behaviour is insensitve (no apology, nor question about your well-being), egoistic (talking about his tours the entire time) and rude (having "a list" to call you).

 

What was he thinking? Nothing. I believe he himself is the centre of his universe and he is incapable of thinking outside of it. How you could not be absolutely fascinated by his tour and news is probably beyond him. He didn't drop you because you were not a musician. He dropped you because it stroke his fancy.

 

You moved on, you're bigger, better and stronger now. He is the same old self-neglecting, insensitive bastard he used to be.

 

Maybe this call will help you get over him. I remember you said that you finally got over the 13 year heartbreak, when you met this ex again.

 

You handled this extremely well. I am very proud of you.

[borelandkaren]

sedge:

 

this thread makes me glad. Not because of his words (obviously), but because of your reaction. For the first time you opened you eyes and looked at your ex like he is. His behaviour is insensitve (no apology, nor question about your well-being), egoistic (talking about his tours the entire time) and rude (having "a list" to call you).

 

What was he thinking? Nothing. I believe he himself is the centre of his universe and he is incapable of thinking outside of it. How you could not be absolutely fascinated by his tour and news is probably beyond him. He didn't drop you because you were not a musician. He dropped you because it stroke his fancy.

 

You moved on, you're bigger, better and stronger now. He is the same old self-neglecting, insensitive bastard he used to be.

 

Maybe this call will help you get over him. I remember you said that you finally got over the 13 year heartbreak, when you met this ex again.

 

You handled this extremely well. I am very proud of you.

 

DITTO!! DITTO!! You go girl!!! I'm proud of you Jungle Jane!!! I completely love that you had the guts to do this. And you've freaked out that you coudn't cope without him, etc, etc. OMG Sedg!!! You're a bloody legend!!! How many achievements have you not had since you broke up with him??Who was it that you missed?? Whatshisface??!!!!!

[PhoenixFromTheFlames]

Hi, I don't really have any advice on your situation, but wanted to say that you handled it well.

 

Your posts have always helped me, and you've come so far. Some people just can't deal with emotion, they just shut down and run. It's no reflection on you, other than he obviously still thinks about you. Be proud of yourself for handling it so well.

[Citizen Erased]

I must admit I groaned when I read the title of this thread. I thought this was the absolute last thing that you needed.

 

I'm glad I was wrong. No surprises as to how he handled this (all about him) but you haven't broken down, you haven't allowed him to control this. You have done yourself proud sweetie!

[LikeCharlotte]

I honestly think he's just completely and totally clueless. Whether it's due to a personality disorder or autism or whatever the hell, he has some serious deficits in his people skills. I am exhausted from trying to figure him out. I'm glad to know he doesn't hate me and hasn't forgotten me. Because I know that, I feel like maybe I can let go of trying to understand him.

I'm glad he contacted you. You needed to see him as he actually is again. That little refresher on what a cold unevolved person he is wil help you be less compassionate about him in the future. You got to reject him this time. You told him "all or nothing" which is basically saying "you aren't ready for what I want so piss off!"

Now sedgwick, let's meet someone new ok? You are in NY right? I think you can do it now. I'm not sure why, I just do.

[CailinPig]

Sedgewick,

I hope you feel ok after all of this. No doubt different thoughts and theories are twirlin around your mind about this issue. I hope this is the wake up call you need to move forward.

you dealt real well with it

[sedgwick]

I'm glad he contacted you. You needed to see him as he actually is again. That little refresher on what a cold unevolved person he is wil help you be less compassionate about him in the future. You got to reject him this time. You told him "all or nothing" which is basically saying "you aren't ready for what I want so piss off!"

Now sedgwick, let's meet someone new ok? You are in NY right? I think you can do it now. I'm not sure why, I just do.

 

I definitely see what kind of person he is and it feels great to have rejected him. This time around he has to be the one not getting what HE wants. I got to say what I wanted to say, namely, that he hurt me a lot and made me question my talents. I'm glad he knows now how much I've cried in the past year. I hope there's at least some tiny part of him that feels like a real ass right now.

 

I'm still not interested in meeting anyone new, but I do feel like I let go of him a lot last night. I've wondered all this time if he hated me or had forgotten me, and now I know neither of those things are true. It would also seem that he's not with anyone else. If he is, he had a chance to tell me that last night. If he had some sexy musician gf he really loved, I think he would have said something. I've been all worried that he's found someone else and she's better than me and he's able to be a good partner to her. Now I know that's not the case. It helps a lot to know these things.

 

I don't miss his poor communication skills. I've done a lot of growing in the past year, and it would seem that he's still the same fu*ked up person he was. How would I be feeling right now if I'd been through another year of his inability to take care of himself or show compassion for others?

[carrotgirl]

You're totally awesome!

 

Carrot

[stlnsmile]

Oh my God Sedge, thats all I can say. I can't believe he called you, after all of this time. Now I guess I'm the only one with out "the call"..haha! I am so proud of you, maybe this will help you let go for good? Maybe it will be empowering for you? I mean obviously he is thinking about you, or he would not have picked you first. I am in utter shock and just don't know what to say for once in my life.

[YoMamma]

HAHAHA!!! I believe a lot of us LS'ers have been rooting for you since the beginning. You go girl! He contacted you? Ha! You know, I've heard that your ex will contact you when you least expect it... and I guess this was your call And doesn't it feel so good to see how and who he actually is? And I'm proud that you get to say what you wanted. Psh, I'm glad that you realize you are awesome and wonderful and deserve so so so times infinity much better than that douche! Love isn't conditional, you can't say you don't love somebody because of their profession in life, that's just retarded. Is he retarded? lol You are an inspiration to us all, keep us updated honey! Now I am NOT going to wait for the call from my ex cause quite frankly, I can do without, let's move on together ladies and gents, if we are the kind, thoughtful, good people we portray on these forums, I wish everyone the best of luck and God Bless! Here sedgwick, you deserve this ... *HUG* !!!

[sunshinegirl]

I definitely see what kind of person he is and it feels great to have rejected him. This time around he has to be the one not getting what HE wants. I got to say what I wanted to say, namely, that he hurt me a lot and made me question my talents. I'm glad he knows now how much I've cried in the past year. I hope there's at least some tiny part of him that feels like a real ass right now.

 

I'm still not interested in meeting anyone new, but I do feel like I let go of him a lot last night. I've wondered all this time if he hated me or had forgotten me, and now I know neither of those things are true. It would also seem that he's not with anyone else. If he is, he had a chance to tell me that last night. If he had some sexy musician gf he really loved, I think he would have said something. I've been all worried that he's found someone else and she's better than me and he's able to be a good partner to her. Now I know that's not the case. It helps a lot to know these things.

 

I don't miss his poor communication skills. I've done a lot of growing in the past year, and it would seem that he's still the same fu*ked up person he was. How would I be feeling right now if I'd been through another year of his inability to take care of himself or show compassion for others?

 

I'm so proud of you and happy for you!!!!!!

 

Oh, how I would love to have a similar experience as yours a year from now. To know that he hasn't forgotten me entirely, to be reminded that he hasn't changed and still has *****e communication skills.

 

What wonderful confirmation for you, sedg. I hope this helps you truly start a new chapter in your life.

[Ariadne]

I was really hoping for you that this would be a decent conversation but it seems like he's back to his old tricks.

 

It sounds like he's a pretty fuccked up man.

 

I think he is a coward and that is why the conversation on his part was so disappointing.

 

What an arse. Sounds like an ego boost call, a weak one at that.

 

Sounds to me like he has anti social/narcissistic and should be avoided at all costs.

 

His behaviour is insensitve (no apology, nor question about your well-being), egoistic (talking about his tours the entire time) and rude (having "a list" to call you).

 

You guys are just so weird to me.

 

People here have asked me what world I'm from... I think the same thing when I read stuff like that.

[Nevermind]

So, HOW do you see him and his behaviour?

[Ariadne]

So, HOW do you see him and his behaviour?

 

Like someone calling to catch up. And telling her what he's been up to for this time.

 

Normal stuff.

[sedgwick]

I don't think it's normal to really, really hurt someone, and have that person tell you how much you hurt them, and end your last conversation with them crying, and then ignore a text message from them and an email they sent to your friend, and then suddenly a year later call and act like nothing's up and you're just old pals. That was a conversation that needed to begin with, at the very least, him acknowledging that he hurt me and expressing some iota of remorse. If he's that clueless about human interaction, I can't deal with having him in my life. Being buddies with him would hurt me, and he doesn't get to hurt me anymore.

 

It seems you feel that I'm being unreasonable and his behavior is normal. If that's the way you need to view it, I can't stop you.

[Nevermind]

Sedge, I am really amazed at the giant steps you're taking! You are doing so great!

[Ariadne]

It seems you feel that I'm being unreasonable and his behavior is normal. If that's the way you need to view it, I can't stop you.

 

No, I think you were ok.

 

I just don't get those other posts.

 

And the hurt part and apology, he couldn't help moving away at that time.

 

It was the right thing to do for him at the moment.

[oasis]

Like someone calling to catch up. And telling her what he's been up to for this time.

 

Normal stuff.

 

 

Agree! The other stuff will come later.

 

It is always good to start off light when an ex connect and let things progress naturally.

 

To come off with strong emotions in the first few conversations, will surely work to deter the ex and kills any future contacts.

 

It is an ebb and flow situation.

[Nevermind]

 

And the hurt part and apology, he couldn't help moving away at that time.

 

It was the right thing to do for him at the moment.

 

Huh? Giving her a fake excuse and dumping her was the right thing and he couldn't help it? How so?

[carrotgirl]

You guys are just so weird to me.

 

People here have asked me what world I'm from... I think the same thing when I read stuff like that.

Calling it like I see it. They last spoke over a year ago. The parting was unpleasant. Calling and behaving like they are pals without acknowledging anything else (like why he's been out of contact for the last year) at all is fuccked up. It's immature. It's manipulative. It's self-centered. It may well be without malicious intent, but it's fuccked up behavior even if they had only ever been pals to begin with.

 

Carrot

[Ariadne]

Huh? Giving her a fake excuse and dumping her was the right thing and he couldn't help it? How so?

 

He didn't feel it anymore and had to break up.

 

Yes, Sedge was hurt, but that's just a consequence.

 

Things happen.

[Ariadne]

is fuccked up. It's immature. It's manipulative. It's self-centered. It may well be without malicious intent, but it's fuccked up behavior even if they had only ever been pals to begin with.

 

Dayumn!....

[kizik]

he had sent me a message.

 

All it says is, "Talk?"

 

 

I have a couple reactions here. One is the title of this thread "OMG He Texted Me!", which indicates a level of almost hysteria after hearing from an ex. While I understand being surprised, I think this giddiness represents you still being on that "string" he has you on.

 

Gotta get off the string. Remember, he is just another person.

 

Reaction 2 is that his text merely says "Talk?" OK, that's plain rude. How about something with balls like, "Sedg, could we get together and talk?"

 

This guy sounds like a total douche. I think you need to work on getting him off that pedestal, Sedg.

[Ariadne]

"Talk?" OK, that's plain rude. This guy sounds like a total douche.

 

Wow!!!......

[sedgwick]

Okay, Ariadne, he's the greatest guy in the whole world and it was totally cool of him to leave me the weekend we were celebrating my book deal by telling me I just wasn't a musician. It was okay for him to leave me sobbing on the bed. After all, he just didn't feel it anymore! And it was okay for him to ignore me for a year -- he just didn't feel it anymore!

 

Well, now I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like being friends. He got to act on his feelings, now I'm acting on mine.

 

I'm sorry to those of you who think I should have just been all cool and happy-go-lucky when he called, and given him the chance to ease into knowing me again. He had that chance. He had a time when we got to know each other over a period of six months or so, and then we dated for a year. He earned my love and my trust, but he very easily tossed it aside. I put up with a lot from him. I put up with coming second to music, with his not knowing how to contact me, with his not inviting me to meet his family. I put up with the nights when he was on the road but was too distracted to call, and I fell asleep telling myself, "Surely he didn't fall asleep at the wheel and have a wreck or anything." I gave and gave and gave and he couldn't be bothered to give back.

 

Well, now I can't be bothered to give anymore.

 

Ariadne, you always come into my threads and do this weird devil's advocate thing. You've made it clear on numerous occasions that you disagree with me, about basically anything I say. You have blatantly put down my study of psychology and you've stood up for my ex over and over again.

 

For whatever reason, you really seem to need to win. Okay, I'm letting you. I suck and he's awesome. Psychology is all a bunch of bullsh*t. All of us are aliens for thinking there's anything rude or unusual about his behavior. Now seriously, please, just leave me alone. I will no longer respond to you. I'm going to step away from this conversation and I'm going to refuse to feel bad about myself even though the things you say lead me in that direction. I respectfully ask you not to comment on what I write any longer. If you do, I will not respond.

 

To those of you who have supported me and expressed faith in me, thank you so much. It really means a lot. I feel like I finally stood up for myself with this guy.