blaze5 Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 my girlfriend dumped me about a month ago and ive been feeling so depressed, miserable and have a hard time sleeping at night. ive tried to get her back but nothing worked.. even when i told her how i felt and all of that. Its only been 1 month and she already has a new boyfriend! wtf. it hurts even more now. i know i need to try and get over her but nothing is working, its really hard for me to meet new girls because of my shyness and i dont know how to break out of it a little bit. i dont even know where to go to find a girl.. im 18 so my options arent that much but..anyone have any ideas/suggestions. what should i do.. Link to post Share on other sites
arma8ia Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Blaze5, I can imagine how you must be feeling... Don't lose prespective... You don't know whether this is a rebound reaction, and your shared past will always work in your favor. In fact, embrace the idea that this might actually be better for any future reconnection. It is not irreversible. Let it run its course, and in the meantime do try dating a bit yourself. Nothing serious, just force yourself to get out there and enjoy the company of other people. It will make you feel a lot better, a bit taller in your shoes, if you know what I mean.. I suggest setting yourself a date 1 month from today,and initiate contact with your ex then. Avoid ALL contact with her during that time, and including phonecalls, places she might be, her friends, etc.... Take advantage of that time to recuperate, and get rid of the desperation you are currently feeling. Reassess your feelings when the month is over.... and take it from there... Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 She probably had it going on before she broke up with you.. or not. She's on rebound. It's not going to last. You shouldn't bother yourself with it. You're better off without her. Link to post Share on other sites
CailinPig Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 Don't worry about it, babe. My boyfriend dumped me after a 2 and a half year relationship and he had a new gf five days later!! You're going through a grieving process now, You gotta understand that. It will get better, I was in your situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 thank guys reading your comments helps me feel better. is there any thing i can do in the mean time to just..forget about her. ive been going to the gym and movies and try to keep myself entertained. ill feel happy for a bit then get all sad again. any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
justaman99 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 My ex had a new guy in her back pocket the day she broke off with me. She can't break up with someone without someone else to fall into. It's kind of sad. It didn't surprise me. I was in her back pocket when she broke up with her last guy. If that's how she wants to deal with life and relationships so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
v33 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 My ex had a new guy in her back pocket the day she broke off with me. She can't break up with someone without someone else to fall into. It's kind of sad. It didn't surprise me. I was in her back pocket when she broke up with her last guy. If that's how she wants to deal with life and relationships so be it. Yup my girl too. She would have left me months before she did if the first guy she had in mind would have had her, but he just used her a few times. She held on till she found a guy who she knew wouldn't leave her and she dumped me for him as soon as she felt safe with him. It's sick, and she will never learn and grow as long as she keeps this up. This is her 3rd time doing things this exact same way. Link to post Share on other sites
wareagle Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Wow v33 your girl and mine sound just alike! Yes it is very very sad Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 the worst part is that she met him over a game.. and she found out he also lives in the same state and he had confessed to her how much he liked her and stuff when we were together. she told me about it and i got upset but i didnt take it out on her or show it.. so this guy must have been chasing after her for some time and finally got her.. Right now ive been in NC for almost 2 weeks and im going to try to keep it that way.. people should never make a promise they cant keep, or say things they never mean. Or even say they never want to hurt you and do one heck of a job at it.. My heart is feeling so broken, i wish sometimes i could just go back in time and change things. Its gonna be really hard going on without her because life seemed so easy. I just hope theres another girl out their who will be more honest, open and make me feel even better. Being single is never great because you will always feel alone and want that special someone to be with. I just hope i find mine. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahT111 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 wow blaze I know how you feel!! The same thing has happened to me TWICE!! I was with my ex for 2.5 years and he left me for another girl who he was with about 4 hours after breaking up with me! My life was destroyed! I didn't eat or sleep for months. I have never ever been in so much pain. My heart ached everyday and it was so strong! I just wanted to be dead. I was convinced my life was over and it would ALWAYS be like that. Well it didn't last. His new 'gf' dumped him after 2.5 months. While he didn't come back to me ever I moved on with life just. Things improved 4 months later when I met someone else. We were together for about 2 months and I finally felt happy again. BUT two days ago he broke up with me. Yesterday he got a new gf!!!!!!! So i really know how you feel and it is so horrible. You ex gf is probably just with this new guy as its new and exciting. It wont last. Once she gets past the honeymoon phase and reality sets in she will realise what she had with you but by then I hope it will be to late for you to take her back. It sounds like she wasn't appreciative of what she had with you. There are millions of more mature girls out there who don't just jump from relationship to relationship just for that high feeling when you first meet someone. As for now I know its terribly hard. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it ok but there really is no magic cure. Just hang in there and I can promise you it WILL get better. It doesn't feel like it now but it will be ok again and you will be happy again. Its going to be VERY hard tho but you can do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 the best thing to have is friends that can help you get through things like this. even just saying something to try and cheer me up helps more then alot of people realize. it feels good to finally talk to people who can relate to what im feeling and going through and just talk about these feelings and getting them off my mind. it helps alot Link to post Share on other sites
Happy2Bsingle Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I split up wiv my ex 16 days ago. 9 days after we split he went on a date with som1 else. did i really mean that little to him that he can relace me that quickly?? Life sucks somtimes. I know its hurting to know shes with som1 else. xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 it does hurt and theres nothing i can do about it.. she pretty much said i dont love you anymore and it breaks my heart when she says that because we were together for so long, did everything together. and now i feel miserable..sometimes i even feel like it was my fault for not trying hard enough to keep her. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 it does hurt and theres nothing i can do about it.. she pretty much said i dont love you anymore and it breaks my heart when she says that because we were together for so long, did everything together. and now i feel miserable..sometimes i even feel like it was my fault for not trying hard enough to keep her. Blaza, exact same age, exact same situation, exactly replaced just as you were. me 4 weeks later. All I can say is there are girls like me out there who would never do something like that. In a relationship, mine was a long one, I never looked anywhere for other men, I would never do that. So don't loose hope. There are nice girls. Darn I wish I could find a nice guy???? I don't think there are any left in the world:) Link to post Share on other sites
CailinPig Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 stlnsmile, I don't think there are any nice lads around either I thought my ex was the sweetest guy ever but I don't think so anymore. The more stories I hear from my friends about men, the more I wanna go into a time machine and just get my babe back and get my life back. im so depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 trust me there are alot of good guys left they are just really hard to find. especially since alot of them try to act like someone their not.. i guess im unique because i dont care what other people think and i never have any intent of hurting any girl.. i just wish maybe my ex would have given me a chance to make things right. i dont even know what it was i did.. i always treated her so well, and i know i made her very happy.. what happened.. maybe she thought that i really was a great guy, and she wasnt a great girl and didnt deserve me.. i remember sometimes her saying stuff like that.. and i always comforted her and made her feel happy and safe again.. sometimes i just wish i had her back. Or atleast find someone else who could make me even more happy then i was with her Link to post Share on other sites
CailinPig Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Blaze, I beleive that if you're a good person, you'll get your rewards. You seem like a good person, you'll find someone else definitely. Soemtimes relationship break ups have nothing to do with the perosn you break up with. Sometimes, they're due to personal issues. You can't blame yourself or try to find blame Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Well let me just say Blaze, you are in a great situation belive it or not. Good guys are obviously hard to find. Good girls are much easier to find, there are many more of them around. Any girl who ditches you like that and that fast after having a long meaningful relationship, obviously was not being honest at some point in the relationship. I heard somewhere relationships are like movies, theres the beginning, the middle and the end. If the end is horrible, then the movie wasn't all that good. I think this is true about relationships, if it was all good, and the end sucked, well the end is what you have to look at. It wasn't a good movie. In my case, I'm not sure my ex ever loved me, at least not to the degree that he needed to. It was way too easy for him to walk away. I tried everything that I could, and he still left. I will never know for sure if it was his new gf or not. I have a feeling in my case it was. But I don't want someone who can walk out of my life, who doesn't feel I am worth the work that relationships sometimes take. I don't think you did anything wrong, just like I don't think I did anything wrong. I really was an awesome gf. I did everything for him. I think sometimes thats the problem, when you do everything for them and treat them sooo well, they loose respect for you, because they think they can walk all over you. But this is the thing, that shows an unhealthy mind. Anyone who takes advantage that way, who thinks love and niceness equal weakness, is not right to begin with. Don't beat yourself up. So many times we think it has to do with us, when in reality, more often it has to do with them. Their innability to commit, immaturity, lack of committment minded ideals, not being honest with themselves, feeling like they are not worthy of love deep down...a lot of things go into someone being unable to really attach to someone else, but I don't think that has to do with us, it has to do with them. I mean would you ever treat someone the way you have been treated? Would you be able to do that to someone you care about? NO...why...because you are ready to be what someone needs, a loving, compassionate, caring person. Our ex's obviously are not. Take some time to remember who you were before the relationship, the confidance you carried, and how you felt about yourself and your life as a whole, get used to being on your own for a while and liking yourself that way, and when the time is right, some really nice girl who has a brain is going to scoop you up. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 it does hurt and theres nothing i can do about it.. she pretty much said i dont love you anymore and it breaks my heart when she says that because we were together for so long, did everything together. and now i feel miserable..sometimes i even feel like it was my fault for not trying hard enough to keep her. Yeah, my ex said "I'm not feelin it any more, " and "I don't love you like that"...this from a person who said he would never hurt me, never break up with me, wanted to marry me, bought me a promis ring, and said repeatedly he wanted 8 children with me. This from a man who said, I was what completed him, there was not him with out me. And yup, 4 weeks later has a new squeeze??? Do you think it was my fault, the girl who gave him a back masage everytime he finished at a game, the girl who made him breakfast and gave it to him on the bus, the girl that made him brownies every day of his darn life just to be nice....do think it was my fault the relationship ended....NOOOOOO.....and its not yours either. I often wondered should I call, should I try, should I chase him...but I always feel and still do....you tell me you don't love me...then it definately is your job to do any reaching out that must ever be done. I'm not going to chase someone who said those words to me...because any other words can be taken back....but not those. And when someone says that to you, in my opinion they are trying to be cruel, and FINAL. They don't want to leave ANY doors open to themselves or you. Its one thing to say, Im stuggling, unhappy, miserable, need some time to think and work through this, not sure it will work, whatever...but "I Don't love you", theres very little to be able to take back when you say those words to someone, and no, I don't think its your job after that to run after that person??? Why, so they could say it again? I don't think you have done anything wrong, and in fact, probably have grabbed a bit of your dignity back by not chasing her. Link to post Share on other sites
ianandris Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I know exactly what you're talking about. My ex said the same thing. She said she never really loved me. Of course, I was crushed. Marriage plans, letters sent back and forth laden with intensely powerful promises, rings, the whole nine. Though there's that part of me that still wants to be her friend, I'm not about to chase her at all. I spent months chasing her only to be told that her feelings, though real at the time, were inauthentic. If she somehow figures out that I'm an important part of her life and she really does love me and wants to be with me, she'll have to work very, very hard to convince me of that fact. It'll take time and significant effort. She'll have to show me by her actions and by her persistence that she is sincere. I don't trust those words from her anymore. Though I love her, the responsibility for the relationship is entirely on her shoulders now. My effort is better invested elsewhere now. Link to post Share on other sites
v33 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I think sometimes thats the problem, when you do everything for them and treat them sooo well, they loose respect for you, because they think they can walk all over you. If I had treated my ex the way she treated me she would have left me long ago. My own insecurities and fear of being without her made me stay in a relationship where I gave and got nothing in return for many years. As weak as she seemed to me she ended up being strong enough to leave. If I had made a stand perhaps she would have treated me with more respect, or at the very least the relationship would have ended back when it should have. Instead I let it drag on until SHE couldn't take it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 As hard as everyday seems i try to keep strong, be optimistic, exercise etc. when im all alone i get the feeling like maybe no one really does want or need me. so then i try to block out those thoughts and do something else. when im ready how will i know if a girl is interested in me?.. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 That always cracks me up when guys ask that question. Girls are soooo obvious when they like someone. She will be happy to be near you, she will enjoy being near you, she will accept going out to places (even with friends), thats just so she can be near you:) She will smile at you, flirt a little bit, say nice things to you like, "I like your shirt", she may touch you. She probably will laugh at all your jokes and seem a bit nervous around you, but not always...depends on the girl. She won't try to avoid you, avoid being around you, she won't tell her friends your stalking her:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 not exactly what i meant . i was meaning like..someone who you dont know a random person..how would i start something? Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I know, this is harder because you are shy as am I. The one thing loosing my ex did for me, was help me be more out going. And you may find that is the case for you too. i would say just saying hi at first. It depends on where you meet and how you meet. At school, through a friend? If you met someone through a friend for example you could get a chance to see said potential girl by going out in a group to do something. If she is random girl in hallway at school, thats a bit harder, you have to start saying hi to her, waving to her, and then try to get the courage to talk to her, or find out if anyone you know, knows her etc....if you are in a class with her you can start by asking, can I borrow this or that, I had some guy do that every day...he wanted to share my book with me every day because he "forgot his". I didn't like him though. Obviously its summer, so the best way to meet girls is going outside of your house and going places and going to friends houses and trying to make new friends. I've been having good luck with texting friends...just got invited out with a really amazing guy because one of my friends knows him. The three of us are going to a movie, which I like because it takes away my nervousness about going out with him the first time alone. I don't like going out alone with someone I really don't know. Guys are probably different about that. If you don't have a lot of friends, which sometimes is the case, you can do what I did, pick two friends, invite them to go somewhere, and have them bring a friend....keep doing that until you make more friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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