Author blaze5 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 I have to admit i am feeling a bit anxious for her to call.. i keep wondering will she even call? and if so how long? but i was starting to do fine without talking to her so i can do it again. I cant act like her phone call never happened but i can just do the same thing i have been doing and just try to ignore it. and if she calls she calls, even then..what do i do..yknow? Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Well thats my whole point, I mean if she was going to contact you, what for, a nice friendship, where she could tell you her problems with her new guy or whatever. And even if she does decide she wants you, do you want her now? I mean its one thing to leave and be confused and not know what to do. Its completely another to be with someone else. I guess my point is, I wouldn't wait. I would take this time to decide if YOU even want to be with her at this point. I mean you don't want to jump back in only to realize that you can't handle it because of what she has done. I seriously don't think that anything that may be started right now is going to be real healthy, meaning trusting and caring and loving. But only you can decide for yourself if you would even be able to do this. I only advised what I did, because ex's are so good putting you on the string, calling and then never really saying anything, putting you in the friend zone, and confusing you, and they will do this for months and months. I've seen dozens of people on this board, who's ex's call them, and they are being freinds with them, and then the ex after months of friendship says "I still don't want to be with you." Personally I am the type if your going to call me, it better be for reconciliation or nothing. At least at this point. If she called you a year later or two years later after you both are healed, then maybe you could concieve of a friendship. But this kind of stuff is manipulative, and I am not sure why ex's do that. I actually am glad my ex never contacted me, at least not for "friendship". Truth is, if she wants a friend, she can go to her new guy and tell him her problems. She may have just been calling to see if you still have feelings for her. And she may have even gotten an ego boost because you told her you care about her, but that will be short lived, becuase she will realize that you have just set up the paramaters of everything that is going to happen in the future, which is don't call me at all unless you want reconciliation. Which means no using you for friendship, and no playing with your mind to boost her ego. Just stay strong, know yourself, and what you deserve, do not take any cr**, and keep NC from now on. If she calls with in the next week, I would answer, after that, I would just decide, Im not goint to answer. This is not a game, she doesn't get to play with you, either she's activly deciding she wants the relationship and putting a lot of thought and heart into that, or she's not. And a week will probably tell you whether she is actually thinking about this or not. Set up your own time frame that you will give her to decide. At the same time, you be deciding what you want. You may decide that you really don't want her. Just my thoughts. I don't know if any of this helps or not. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Blaze, I agree with Calisto, don't be nieve, she very well could have slept with him, if she managed to sleep with you, she can manage to sleep with him, it only takes a few minutes ya know:) Just know it is always a possibility. Unless she is a virgin and has never had sex, then she may not have? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Blaze, like many others, I know exactly what you're going through. To make a long story short, my fiancée broke up with me on a Saturday (she was doing a guy in the club Friday night, which caused the breakup), and by lunchtime Monday the new guy had moved in. I know they hadn't planned it since I was the one who picked the club, and I didn't decide until we were on the road that night (that's right - I was there when she did it!). From what I know, they didn't even know each other before that night. Saying that I was crushed was a gross understatement. Fortunately, I had a handler during the initial stage (a friend who kept me out of trouble while I binge drank myself into oblivion). She kept me from doing what I really wanted to do at that point. Once I got past the initial betrayal, for the first year, I probably would've taken her back in a heartbeat. After that, I realized that I would, and could never go back to her. Ironically enough, I got the opportunity about 5 years later. She called me up under the pretense of catching up. I didn't show up, planning to get back together; I just wanted to know why she called. It turned out that she hadn't done a single thing with her life, had a 4 year old kid with the other guy (who would've been conceived within a month or two of us splitting up) and learned that he was an abusive idiot. It was quickly apparent that she was looking for a baby's daddy/white knight to come and save them. I had my life together, I was out living, and I had no interest in giving it all up for someone who gave me up. That second chance was EXTREMELY cathartic for me. For years, I always had her in the back of my head, wondering "what if...". Well, I found out my answer and decided I was better off without her. Blaze, as much as it hurts to hear, she did leave you for someone else. Say she does realize that you really are much better than she thought and comes back to you. She left you for someone once; what's to say she won't do it again? This is why I abide by the rule to never go back. Fresh starts are never entirely fresh, and promises mean nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Yeah i can see what your all saying, i really do need to think about if i even want to be with her as much as she hurt me and the things she put me through. But im glad i answered that phone because i know it would have bugged the heck out of me wondering what if i picked up that phone what was it she was going to say. As much as we had been through i thought she atleast deserves to tell me why it is she's calling which she didnt exactly do.. but the way she was crying i knew she was hurting. But what i plan to do is just wait it out, if she really is hurting and wanting to get back together, thinking about these things.. then she probably will call..and ill answer but be very cautious and want all of the answers. If she doesnt call then ill just move on like i have been doing i wont even bother looking back..and maybe even find someone else. Alot of people say im too nice and forgiving..maybe i am but its the way we are that effects our future. Link to post Share on other sites
Refrain Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Girls don't like it too easy. You were too available and so she is over you that fast. Let it go. I know it hurts but do it. Now let's start over: you have life, haven't u? If not, let's get you one. There are so so so many activities you can do from rock climbing to spoon bending. Sign up to meet up and start doing everything that comes into your thick head. That should help you to cope better with your break up and will also shape you better as an individual. BTW, there you most likely would meet new people including girls. Be social, go out. And try to go out alone. Say hello to at least 10 strangers every day in order to start feeling at ease with people. At that point you can approach any chick you want and just talk about ANYTHING. Make sure to be different and not to say things like, " Hey, what's ur name?!" Ask her if she've seen you parked pink elephant :-) What city r u in? Look for PUA community. here is a good site to start http://www.fastseduction.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 well..this is probably gonna suck because i keep thinking is she gonna call or not. Ive stopped myself from calling, emailing or trying to talk to her to see.. but i dont know what to do.. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 This is why talking to them is soo bad. Okay heres what I want you to visualize to help you understand, remember back to a time when she was chasing you. When you had an argument, or something, and she came after you. Did she know how to get what she wanted then???? Some times we make excuses for our ex's, that they are confused, they don't know what they want. But the truth is, our ex's do know how to get what they want and what they need. She showed that by calling to try to get you to be her shoulder to cry on this week. She had a need, and she tried to fullfill it. Don't make excuses for her. Do not under any cercumstances call her, it just makes you weak in her eyes, please believe me on that, and gives her yet another ego boost, "Yeah, he's still sweatin me".......no do not do that......no no no no no!!!!!!!!!! She is not confused, he heart knows already what it wants, its just a matter of whether its you or not. She knows how to get you if she wants you. Stop making excuses for her. You want to believe so badly that she loves you, that you are not willing to consider the fact that maybe she really doesn't and this was just a way for her to make herself feel good. I know I am being harsh right now, but this is what helps me keep my head on strait. She is not some scared confused little waif, she knows how to get what she wants and needs, she has proven that to you in your time together already. Sit back, and know in your heart that no matter what, you are going to be okay. If her love is real, she will make it known to you. If it isn't than it is not worth wasting your time on. I know how bad this hurts you, and how hard it is to get through this because you did love her. But chasing her will change nothing. It will not change her heart. She feels how she feels. I hope you are okay, and will not hate me for being so honest, as hard as it all is to hear. I just know that some of what held me up so long with my ex is thinking, he's confused, he doesn't know what he wants, he's angry, he can't get over all the stuff that happened, bla bla bla. Nooooo, that is not true, they do know how to get what they want out of life. Period, no if ands or buts about it. Look at how she ran into another mans arms to fill her void, she knew how to make herself stop hurting right? She made sure her needs were filled. If she needs you and loves you, she will make it known to you, and you will have to do nothing to make that happen. I hope your hearin me.:bunny::) Link to post Share on other sites
YoMamma Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Wow, Stlnsmile couldn't have said it better! I need to get out of this mindset where, I would want to intiate contact. I know I know, NC is the only way to be but... could I tell him Happy 4th of July? But then I think, well hell, he isn't going to be sending me any emails, calling me, or anything of the sort. Why should I give a flying rat's ass about him? Blaze5, do NOT, I repeat do NOT give her the satisfaction by calling her back. Be the bigger person in this... dude, she broke your heart, why would you go running back to someone who has hurt you so? This is what I tell myself all the time when I want to make contact. If she honestly and truly loves you, she will make the effort to show you somehow. Keep your chin up Blaze5, people don't know what they have until it's gone, and for some it takes years to realize that. But don't wait around for her, move on friend, life has bigger and better things in store for you! Link to post Share on other sites
arian_ma Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Well guys, I just read all of this. My ex is with another guy, I knew it, she wanted to be friends and I was just so angry at her. I told her "How can you feel right kissing somebody else already? Did this even mean anything to you?" and her response was "I am not doing anything wrong, stop making me feel bad." You know, now I wish I had said "Neither am I, and this phone call is making me feel bad, so don't call me again." I went on her Facebook account yesterday and she put up a picture of her and her new boyfriend. Gad damn that hurt, so so much. I have been a wreck since and don't know what to do. I can't even talk to anyone about it which is the worst part. Anyone have any advice for me in the midst of blaze's thread? Sorry dude for the high jack, your story has inspired me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 25, 2008 Author Share Posted June 25, 2008 the best advice anyone could probably say is keep busy, keep in NC and dont look at the facebook.. it may be hard but you can do it. Everytime you look at it its just going to end up hurting you alot more. As for my situation..its funny how i look at her "considering taking me back" because i did nothing wrong in the relationship..she was the reason we broke up and she had said that. If anything i would be taking her back.. i dont know i think i will just have a talk with her if she calls and gives me an answer.. try to get her to see how it is i feel about this whole thing and that i wouldnt be getting a second chance...she would be. Why do some girls always try to make it their partners fault.. i dont get it.. anyways im not entirely shure if i would take her back.. of course it has its ups and downs but i really just need to talk to her more before i can make a final decision. I know things arent going to be the same but if me and her actually tried working at it they could be good again.. im not so much worried about this "guy" because she met him online and they never did anything together..not even meet. But the biggest question i would ask her is...why would she want me back?.. I also have to let her know that im not going to get into a relationship with her again if shes just going to leave me in the future anyways. What to do.. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Well guys, I just read all of this. My ex is with another guy, I knew it, she wanted to be friends and I was just so angry at her. I told her "How can you feel right kissing somebody else already? Did this even mean anything to you?" and her response was "I am not doing anything wrong, stop making me feel bad." You know, now I wish I had said "Neither am I, and this phone call is making me feel bad, so don't call me again." I went on her Facebook account yesterday and she put up a picture of her and her new boyfriend. Gad damn that hurt, so so much. I have been a wreck since and don't know what to do. I can't even talk to anyone about it which is the worst part. Anyone have any advice for me in the midst of blaze's thread? Sorry dude for the high jack, your story has inspired me. I agree with Blaze, the best thing to do is NC. It just gives you time to heal and get your head on strait. The part about "Im not doing anything wrong, stop making me feel bad: sort of supports what I have said before about people who are breaking up do not want to feel quilty in anyway. Which to me is so funny, because in truth, they already do. They know what they are doing is messed up. All I can say, is give yourself time to heal, don't look at her face book, and talk to the people on LS. They will support you. Everyone on here has gone through the same heart ache and they understand......believe me....they understand. Its the worst feeling in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 .. try to get her to see how it is i feel about this whole thing and that i wouldnt be getting a second chance...she would be. Why do some girls always try to make it their partners fault.. i dont get it.. anyways im not entirely shure if i would take her back.. of course it has its ups and downs but i really just need to talk to her more before i can make a final decision. I know things arent going to be the same but if me and her actually tried working at it they could be good again.. im not so much worried about this "guy" because she met him online and they never did anything together..not even meet. But the biggest question i would ask her is...why would she want me back?.. I also have to let her know that im not going to get into a relationship with her again if shes just going to leave me in the future anyways. What to do.. I think if she hasn't actually been with the guy it does sort of change things. Maybe you can call it an emotional afair. It still is not right. So keep that in mind. I am not going to be one to say do not talk to her if she calls. I know you have a lot going through your head right now. I can't imadgine. You have to do what you think is right. Link to post Share on other sites
arian_ma Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Lovin' this community more and more everyday. Thanks for the advice guys. blaze5, btw, I do not think you should take her back, or at least make her work for it. If you make yourself easily accessible and let her know that you are still willing to take her back at the snap of a finger, she will go right back to the way she was. You have to be stern, let her know she hurt you, let her know you can't trust her as much, and therefore make her work for your trust back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 Well.. its over now, she kept saying she was so confused and didnt know what to do because she did want to get together..and didnt. So i just said no for her. I feel crappy at the moment but i probably did the right thing. A girl who can have that much control and effect on my life is trouble anyway. Ill just try my best to look at the bright side of life.. and as for girls.. ive never been good at trying to get one to like me so ill just wait till one likes me. If she were to call again.. i dont know anymore Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Well.. its over now, she kept saying she was so confused and didnt know what to do because she did want to get together..and didnt. So i just said no for her. I feel crappy at the moment but i probably did the right thing. A girl who can have that much control and effect on my life is trouble anyway. Ill just try my best to look at the bright side of life.. and as for girls.. ive never been good at trying to get one to like me so ill just wait till one likes me. If she were to call again.. i dont know anymore So sorry to hear that blaze, I do think you have done the right thing. Sometimes in life we just have to call our own shot. Its not fair for anyone to play games. To toy with our emotions. Either people are there in your life or their not. I've sort of realized lately myself, that my ex never really cared about me, he didn't really know me, he didn't really understand me, and he really didn't understand my family. He never wanted to. He based all of his decisions about me on lies he made up in his own mind. I guess my point is, he wasn't really there in the trenches so to speak with me, even though his body was there, his heart and mind was not. This girls heart and mind is not 100% there with you. I think you know what I mean. You know it, in your heart, when you want to be with someone, no one has to tell you and confusion does not play a part in that. Don't let her play anymore, you deserve someone who's 100%. No less. You can never marry or stay long term with someone who's not. It just would never work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 I know what you mean, as much as i really wanted to be with her i knew things werent going to be nearly as great as they used to be. The fact that she broke up with me in the first place would always be in the back in my mind and it would bring up problems like.. She broke my heart once and left me.. whats stopping her from doing it again. I told her flat out that i dont want to ever be her friend and after her final decision.. i let her know she wont hear from me ever again.. i didnt even say bye.. i just hung up. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Yeah, I think thats what hangs over my head too, I know it can never be again, you can never really trust that person again. You know it just would never ever be the same. Too much water under the bridge, too much has happened. Well if you ever get PM I'll give you my myspace. Try not to hurt too much about it, it does get easier, I promis. I actually feel glad now that my ex and I broke up. I know there are better things out there:) Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 it can never be again, you can never really trust that person again. You know it just would never ever be the same. Personally I'd like to hear from her, just to know that she cares... but I wouldn't want to be with her again. She's a superbitch and I see the light more clearly with each day that passes. I miss being in an R, more than HER... in fact, I'm not sure I miss HER at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 -to stlnsmile if you look at my contact info you'll find my email address so you can send me your myspace from there. i know deep down inside that things will get better, i try not to think about my ex and think about something else or go do something else that takes my mind off of her. Ive already stopped myself from looking at her myspace and i havent bothered to get a hold of her or anything. Im going to keep it up as best as i can.. and i guess one day i will find someone better, i guess im just impatient because i wish that day were soon Link to post Share on other sites
arian_ma Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 -to stlnsmile if you look at my contact info you'll find my email address so you can send me your myspace from there. i know deep down inside that things will get better, i try not to think about my ex and think about something else or go do something else that takes my mind off of her. Ive already stopped myself from looking at her myspace and i havent bothered to get a hold of her or anything. Im going to keep it up as best as i can.. and i guess one day i will find someone better, i guess im just impatient because i wish that day were soon You don't guess hommie, you know. What are you scared of? The fact that you may never find someone else? Someone as good as her? Come on now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 hehe well actually i am.. im just really shy so i never start up any conversations with girls.. even the ones i think are cute. But i know that maybe she wasnt the girl for me because of all the things she did that really bugged me all the issues she had. I just hope i find someone to care about like i did her soon. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMamma Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Personally I'd like to hear from her, just to know that she cares... but I wouldn't want to be with her again. She's a superbitch and I see the light more clearly with each day that passes. I miss being in an R, more than HER... in fact, I'm not sure I miss HER at all. I agree with this statement Kizik. I'm not really sure if I miss my ex anymore, yes I did love him... I loved him a lot actually to the point that maybe this person was the one I was going to build my life with and maybe this person is someone who I can have kids with... anyway, I talked to a good friend and she says that I probably miss having a boyfriend and not necessarily him. I would like to hear from my ex just to see if they honestly did care like he said he did. haha superbitch, I'm starting to see myself that we weren't RIGHT for each other at all. He's an ass and probably will never change. Good freakin' riddance. He can contact me if he wants, but I don't want friendship from him... I don't want anything from him. As far as I concerned, he's dead to me. and i guess one day i will find someone better, i guess im just impatient because i wish that day were soon Oh dearest Blaze5, a lot of people are in the same boat as you are! Some people suggest hooking up or casual dating.... I rather not do either. We both need time to heal from our relationship. Because it seems apparent to me and everyone here that you are genuine and you're sincere. You'll find someone new! There are plenty of girls who would die to get with you! And it will happen, sometimes in the most unexpected way. Just enjoy life as best as you can, we're only young once! I'm still fragile from my relationship (NC 3 months strong!) and I'm not sure if I could ever love someone like I did my ex. But I'm pretty convinced that there are better men out there who would treat me right and reassure me of his feelings and loves me unconditionally. I don't know when that day will happen, but I'm waiting and good things happen for those who wait And by that time, ex who? I can't wait to love and be loved, that would be nice Enjoy this time off Blaze5, I sure am! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 Hmm..right now i feel like crap. I keep wishing she would call me again and say she made a mistake and she does want me back.. but i know its not going to happen. I really wish she never would have called me in the first place or else i wouldnt feel so sad again Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Oh cr**, Im sorry you feel bad. Im sending that e-mail...trust me:D Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts