was i wrong?

[e.clipse]

i don't have kids. thank god. i've also never really been around many kids for long periods of time, so aside from the fact that they are ****ing annoying, i don't really know much about them.

 

anyway, i have two little nieces i want to ask about. one is almost 3 years old and the other is 7 months. they are sisters. okay.

 

so the big one is super spoiled. probably because she is the oldest, i don't know. the truth is that she does have more things than her baby sister. and that a lot of the things that are her baby sister's are hand-me-downs, like toys and stuff. i remember that when the oldest, Nancy, was a baby, her parents would buy her tons of stuff; the little one, Angie, not so much.

 

it's also readily evident to me that her dad pays more attention to Nancy. his excuse is that Angie is little and doesn't understand things yet (as much as Nancy), but that he loves them both just as much.

 

the latter i don't doubt, but the former seems like BS to me.

 

today, i went out and saw a little plastic ball (like a mini beach ball) with some Hello Kitty crap and a little bell inside of it. or something that makes it make noise when you roll it. i thought it was super cute and bought it for Angie. i thought about buying two of the same, maybe in differing colors, but then i realized that Nancy would probably play with it in her yard and pop it really soon, so i decided to get her a small stuffed Nemo fish thing instead. i also thought that was cute. plus, i've noticed he likes those kinds of things.

 

so, i took them over. and as soon as i went inside, Nancy headed for the ball, but i said No, that it was for Angie. and omg, she cried SO loudly. just crying and yelling and jesus christ. i kept trying to give her the little fish but she would yell NO! and try to grab the ball.

 

all this time, her mom was there, just watching. eventually, i gave her the ball, but i was pissed because of her tantrum and because i didn't think it was fair, since it really was not for her. Angie ended up with Nemo.

 

i told her mom that i didn't think she would act so bratty. and she responded: "Well, I guess you didn't know. You shouldn't have brought anything." i was actually quite offended at this because i bought them something because i thought they were cute and figured they would like them.

 

i told her that with an attitude like that, then yes, i will not be buying them anything in the future. i also told her that, pardon me, but she is 3 already and she should understand that No is No, and not make such a Broadway show.

 

then she said that i clearly like Angie more and that the thing i bought Nancy was so tiny. so i got even more pissed. i told her that the size of the gifts are not--and should not ever be--a problem. that a gift is a gift and should be appreciated; that the problem is that she, Nancy, is so spoiled.

 

so i left.

 

**** that.

 

i felt kinda bad though because i get along with the mom really well. maybe she is right, i don't know. but i don't think so. is she?

 

****ing kids.

[Geishawhelk]

I don't have much time for spoiled children, and even less for their parents, I'm afraid.

FWIW, I think you did absolutely the right thing.

[Storyrider]

I'll be completely honest with you. I'd probably be thinking, "Oh, great. Two more foot hazards that I'll be stepping on and tripping over when my kids leave them on the floor."

 

Still, I always appreciate the thought on the part of the giver. The kids do sound spoiled. Who knows what was going on earlier that day to set up the dynamic. Kids are so moody.

[Ronni_W]

You behaved like any loving and thoughtful aunt, IMO.

 

Both parents sound as if they can use some help with developing positive parenting skills, though. Perhaps next gift ought to be a set of DVDs of the 'Super Nanny' TV show?

 

They are setting up Nancy to be an unlikeable child, and Angie to feel "less than" her sister. More likely than not, both kids will end up with low self-esteem topping a whole long list of issues.

 

If you want to maintain relationship with the mom, then you could say something like that it wasn't your intention to create havoc with the family dynamics and you're sorry for the fall-out. (Basically, sorry that the family is already dysfunctional...NOT sorry that you acted from kindness.)

 

Like the other poster, I put it squarely on the parents, whose responsibilities include teaching their kids how to be sociable human beings and interact appropriately with siblings and others. It starts at birth, IMO.

 

But yes, I also find it difficult to relate to kids (and grown-ups) who act like Nancy did.

Hopefully the parents will smarten up, and you'll be able to enjoy a life-long positive and rewarding relationship with the girls.

[Trialbyfire]

I see some identification and projection happening with Angie.

 

Right or wrong I woudn't have given Nancy a gift not intended for her. I would have let her have a full on tantrum. If the parents won't do anything, that's their problem. They can accept the consequences for their leniency towards the older child.