So Tired of ducking and hiding...

[Confused4Now]

Fixing yourself by having an exit affair with a married woman...

 

Fixingf yourself by introducing her as your mistress to your mother at someone else's wedding.

 

You call us hypocrities!!!!!??

 

C'mon man smell the coffee!!

 

I'm young but I dont have skeletons in my closet, y? because I know right from wronfg and aspire to do right in my life. not destroy my life like you have. What makes it worse is that you know it's bad and yet you continue to do it.

 

Now that your wife came clean about her affair? what have been going on since then? have you come clean about what your doing?

 

First of all we were both Married when it started....she is getting out of her situation.

 

Second of all MW met my mom not a wedding but at many weeks before the wedding. It was a private matter between my mom and MW.

 

Third ....like angel said why bring it up now? We are divorcing.

[twice_shy]

Again with a lot of hypocrites around here... I can guarantee everyone has skeletons in their closets...yes its sad and pathetic and that's why I'm trying to fix myself.

 

Do I have a skeleton in my closet? Ya...I stole a pack of Bubblelicious when I was 8.

 

As far as cheating or sleeping with someone elses gf or wife....nope..never happened.

[Confused4Now]

2 things....

 

MM told her husband marriage is over and she didn't love him anymore and she wants a Divorce. He's packing his stuff and moving out. He was busted with posting Craigslist ad and messing with escorts.

 

My wife which I'm divorcing just confessed to me she had an affair back in January before I told her it was over. She was certain I knew about it but I didn't say anything.

 

Wow I'll remember 7/23/08 forever.....stay tuned

 

I actually spoke to soon but was to embarrassed to post another update. So even though MW told her husband it was over he had his bags packed but he ended up not leaving cause of some valid excuse which had something to do with her son going away to check out a college which he had scholarship funds.

 

The agreement was when the hubby came back they would revisit the conversation and looks like they've choosing to keep silent and sweep it under the carpet and not saying anything for the time being. So if you've been following this thread she has given me the time frame of August prior to the her anniversary ..but that date if fast approaching. She's already told her daughter about whats going to happen as well as her live in sister.

 

I notice she's really feeling the pressure and its affecting her health as well as mine. I'm just trying to be supportive however I can feel her talking less and less about her plans....I have a feeling she will get out..but just not until I go full NC.

 

Stay tuned as I feel my next posting will be trying the NC for good.....

[whichwayisup]

There will always be a reason for her not to leave..

 

Go read stampdaddy's threads in the OW/OM section. Seems you two are in very similar situations..

[Confused4Now]

I finally came clean with my soon to be ex wife today about OW. She knows OW is the reason I got the ball rolling finally. Whew!!! that was huge for me!!!

 

I told her that it wasn't going to change how I was going to proceed with divorce and that it's quite possible that OW might not even get out. I let her know that it was an emotional affair that went physical. I told my wife that I'm in love with this woman still.

 

She took it well told me she still loved me and she still wanted to work on our marriage. I told her right now I'm trying to just find myself. What I did today was huge and i feel like another big boulder was lifted off my back....

 

stay tuned.....

[Angel1111]

I finally came clean with my soon to be ex wife today about OW. She knows OW is the reason I got the ball rolling finally. Whew!!! that was huge for me!!!

 

I told her that it wasn't going to change how I was going to proceed with divorce and that it's quite possible that OW might not even get out. I let her know that it was an emotional affair that went physical. I told my wife that I'm in love with this woman still.

 

She took it well told me she still loved me and she still wanted to work on our marriage. I told her right now I'm trying to just find myself. What I did today was huge and i feel like another big boulder was lifted off my back....

 

stay tuned.....

 

Well, if it was bugging you then I'm glad you finally talked to her about it. But I'm really surprised she persists in wanting to be in a marriage with you when she knows you're in love with someone else. I'm always amazed at people's persistence and inability to face the truth.

 

I still think OW will leave her marriage. There doesn't seem to be any way she can stay in the situation she's in. But I can see how the timing may be bad. It's too bad that she set a deadline because now the pressure is on and that always makes a person pull away. I think if I were you, I would tell her to forget about the deadline and that she needs to leave her marriage only when she's ready. Then let her know that if you're still around if/when she makes that decision, you would love to be with her.

 

I don't know about going NC because you're probably not going to be able to follow thru with it. But I would recommend that you back off a lot and let her remember what her life feels like without you.

[twice_shy]

I told her right now I'm trying to just find myself.

 

What does that mean? People always say this, but to me it is meaningless words to avoid admitting what is really happening.

[whichwayisup]

She took it well told me she still loved me and she still wanted to work on our marriage. I told her right now I'm trying to just find myself.

 

She still loves you and wants to work on the marriage, but from what you've said so far, it seems you don't love your wife and you don't want to work on the marriage. Set your wife free because you know if you DO end up working on your marriage and the OW becomes free at some point, you'll end up leaving your wife at some point to be with your OW.

 

I told her right now I'm trying to just find myself.

 

TS is right, it seems like you're stalling by saying this. Stalling in the sense of waiting to see what happens with the OW and her marriage so you could then decide what you want to do. There are TWO of you in the marriage and to keep your wife on pins and needles isn't fair to her at all, especially since you really only want your OW.

[Confused4Now]

As most of you have followed my story. My MW is in an emotional abusive marriage. She has given me a date and made plans...but its getting increasingly obvious that she was just doing it to satisfy my requests. It's getting pretty bad right now with hubby and me....she can see what its doing to me and she feels it not fair. We've talked about no contact several times but she wants me in her life.

 

I know I will have to get to a point when we go NO contact. I feel it will be soon.

[Angel1111]

What does that mean? People always say this, but to me it is meaningless words to avoid admitting what is really happening.

 

It's not meaningless when a person feels this way. It means they feel lost and need to re-connect with themselves before they can please anyone else.

[Angel1111]

She still loves you and wants to work on the marriage, but from what you've said so far, it seems you don't love your wife and you don't want to work on the marriage. Set your wife free because you know if you DO end up working on your marriage and the OW becomes free at some point, you'll end up leaving your wife at some point to be with your OW.

 

TS is right, it seems like you're stalling by saying this. Stalling in the sense of waiting to see what happens with the OW and her marriage so you could then decide what you want to do. There are TWO of you in the marriage and to keep your wife on pins and needles isn't fair to her at all, especially since you really only want your OW.

 

He and his wife are divorced. After they were divorced, he told her about the affair and she also admitted to having an affair while they were married. I think it's safe to say he's not going to be working on his marriage.

[Angel1111]

As most of you have followed my story. My MW is in an emotional abusive marriage. She has given me a date and made plans...but its getting increasingly obvious that she was just doing it to satisfy my requests. It's getting pretty bad right now with hubby and me....she can see what its doing to me and she feels it not fair. We've talked about no contact several times but she wants me in her life.

 

I know I will have to get to a point when we go NO contact. I feel it will be soon.

 

I'm sorry to hear about this but I really don't think it'll last. I was in an abusive relationship before and I don't really understand her reaction because I would've jumped at the chance to be with someone else. I think she may be in fear of him, of what he'll do if she leaves. Hang in there - she cannot be serious about staying with this guy. But, yeah, NC may be the thing to shake her out of this fog she's in. Right now, you're there for her. I think she's just comfortable with that, knowing you'll always be there.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why are you encouraging his bad behavior angel??? I seriously question your compassion for others by enabling this man to enflict pain on his wife and others through his actions?

 

but to confused we reap what we sow my friend. This OW in the end will do to you what she does to her H.

[Confused4Now]

Well we are at the end of August and here has what has transpired. MW has had the second conversation with H that marriage is over and she wants a divorce. She's asked him to leave 2 times and he continues to stay. Let me remind you that he is emotional abusive. She's asked him to sleep in another bedroom till they can figure out what to do.

 

So even though we are at the end of August she has taken baby steps but is still cohabitating with the H. When I talk MW the conversations with the H does not sound like people getting a divorce. She's done things like setting boundaries which she hasn't done before. I'm trying hard to be a support person but if she had started all of this back in June we'd be alot further. When she gave me August I saw H out of the picture completely. Well I guess I was wrong. I know we have things planned out in Sept. and at some point I'll just cancel those plans.

 

One thing I did do was I finally got a full STD panel and it all came up clean. I've communicated to the MW that I want to keep it that way and if she continued having sex with her hubby knowing he's messing around with excorts I want no part of it. So basically I've stopped the Physical side of our relationship.

 

So now we wait...all i can do is be a friend and be supportive. She continues to say the same things to me to give me hope. but at her pace I don't see us together for the holidays. I am getting stronger everyday and I know at some point it I'll either grow tired of it or I'll lose whatever that keeps me there.

[whichwayisup]

She's asked him to leave 2 times and he continues to stay.

 

If she is so serious about ending the marriage, why doesn't SHE leave him? Why should he leave if she's hellbent on the divorce. Something isn't adding up here.. I mean, she wants you, right? So why not just go and make it easier by leaving him?

 

Let me remind you that he is emotional abusive. She's asked him to sleep in another bedroom till they can figure out what to do.

 

Again, she can move into another bedroom, why should he be the one to move out of their bedroom?

 

If he's THAT emotionally abusive, why isn't she staying with a friend, or a family member?

 

You can't be part of their process, the separation and divorce. Hearing of all the little steps here and there mean nothing until he or she moves out and gets the ball rolling with paper work etc.. Have they seen lawyers yet? Drawn up any papers? Staying and hoping is only going to prevent YOU from living your own life. Focussing and waiting on her for updates, your life becomes a stand-still..Not a way to live.

 

if she continued having sex with her hubby knowing he's messing around with excorts I want no part of it. So basically I've stopped the Physical side of our relationship.

 

IF she is still having sex with him, then she isn't going to leave him.

[Angel1111]

I agree that instead of expecting him to move out, she needs to do that. It takes the control out of his hands. That's what I did when I left my verbally abusive husband. He would've dragged it out forever and I didn't want to deal with it. I don't know what's holding her back, even though I know that abuse does funny things to people. But if I had a guy that I loved and wanted to be with, there wouldn't be anything in the world to keep me with a jerk. Yeah, taking that leap alone is hard, but when you've got a soft place to fall, then that makes it much easier.

 

I don't know, there's really nothing you can do to make her leave him. And even if you could, you don't want to be responsible for that. She needs to make the decision on her own. All you can do is act on her decision. And I think you've done the right thing by stopping your physical relationship with her. Even if she told you they aren't having sex, you know how that can go with married people who are still living together - they're there in the same house and it's just too easy. I don't think this has anything to do with how much she loves him or how much she doesn't love you. I think she's afraid of something - I'm just not sure what.

 

Thanks for the update. It's good to hear from you. I was wondering about how things were going. Honestly I think she'll get sick of this guy, plus she knows she'll lose you eventually. I don't think she wants that.

[Confused4Now]

Husband moved out today and will stay with Dad for 3 weeks till he finds a more permanent solution. Both of them sat down with 18 and 22 year old kids and let them know what was happening. My divorce is progressing well however since my W is bitter she let my kids know about the MW. So I had to sit down with my kids and let them know what was going on. They took it quite well. They support me and told me they loved me.

 

My only concern is that MW was asked by H if there was another man and she told him no. Well I think she will come out in time or it will come out in time. I think it was best that she did that since he is very abusive person. So even though I'm happy and excited I know she will be going through some grieving issues happy and sad. Again all I can do is support her.

 

The light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger.....

[Angel1111]

Well aren't you just dancing on air by causing so much pain and destruction. You should be very proud of what you have accomplished.

 

Give it a rest....please.

[Angel1111]

Husband moved out today and will stay with Dad for 3 weeks till he finds a more permanent solution. Both of them sat down with 18 and 22 year old kids and let them know what was happening. My divorce is progressing well however since my W is bitter she let my kids know about the MW. So I had to sit down with my kids and let them know what was going on. They took it quite well. They support me and told me they loved me.

 

My only concern is that MW was asked by H if there was another man and she told him no. Well I think she will come out in time or it will come out in time. I think it was best that she did that since he is very abusive person. So even though I'm happy and excited I know she will be going through some grieving issues happy and sad. Again all I can do is support her.

 

The light at the end of the tunnel is getting bigger.....

 

I'm so glad to hear this. I'm know there are some people on this board who would prefer that MW stay with an abusive man but I'm not one of them. So did you tell your kids about your wife's affair? Probably not, huh? I'm glad they're taking it well.

 

I think it's a good thing that MW didn't tell her husband about you because abusive men are nuts. He'll probably act all wounded and hurts if 6 mos down the road he thinks she just met you and is dating you. It probably won't all be easy but at least you'll have each other. Best wishes to you!

[Confused4Now]

I'm so glad to hear this. I'm know there are some people on this board who would prefer that MW stay with an abusive man but I'm not one of them. So did you tell your kids about your wife's affair? Probably not, huh? I'm glad they're taking it well.

 

I think it's a good thing that MW didn't tell her husband about you because abusive men are nuts. He'll probably act all wounded and hurts if 6 mos down the road he thinks she just met you and is dating you. It probably won't all be easy but at least you'll have each other. Best wishes to you!

 

I believe MW is handling things the right way...knowing how the H can be it's the right thing. Yes I would love to start my life right away with her. At least he's been removed from the house. I have not disclose my wife's affair to my kids. I really don't believe it serves any purpose to tell them and my kids know I'm not like that. I don't bad mouth their mom to them at all if anything I support them to keep a relationship with her. In time my MW will work me into her life when it is time.

 

What's sad is my family and kids are ready for her with open arms. My family and children know of the marriage I was in cause they saw it. They also know that this person I'm in love with is very much like me and we both have a lot in common. So I'm certain she will be well received by my kids.

 

I want to thank all those who supported me through all of this. I know this has been one of the toughest things I've ever done in my life. 45lbs loss later and medication for anxiety issues and depression. I feel this part of it will be behind me. I know I have a major challenges ahead of me and MW and I will have to work on issues. We both agreed its something we both need to do. Thanks again for LS

[bish]

Give it a rest....please.

 

What BNB said was perfectly applicable.

 

Give your homewrecking, cheating defense a rest....please.