trust Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Is that really true? If so why did you let her do that? I can certainly agree with comments to not want her back after she cheated. And I can agree with comments that I will find someone else and be happy. And maybe I can even agree that spending blocks of alone time with the kids will bring me closer to them. But I think it's sour grapes for me to try revisionist history and say I wasn't happy in the marriage - just like I don't like my STBXW re-stating history. The fact is that I was really happy in our marriage - until I found out she was cheating. That doesn't change the fact that I was happy the rest of the time. Oh, and regarding the lack of conscience thing...the only difference between a serial killer and your wife is... she didn't kill anybody. She did something more culturally acceptable - she cheated on you. You can thank Hollywood and the general level of emotional retardation of her mother and friends for being the catalyst. Nice to meet you by the way. Sorry you are going through that crap. I'm here for you man. Link to post Share on other sites
v33 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 n9688m - Two possible explanations. When people become emotionally connected with a third party, their thoughts and emotional ties are redirected to OM/OW. The spouse becomes completely absent from the picture. They rationalise their actions through rewriting the history of their relationship, by foregrounding conflictual/unpleasant events/interactions with their spouse, at times even distorting the truth. Another possible explanation is to suppress any guilt they may have by focusing on the reaction of the BS to the breakup. If the BS reacted in a resentful/angry, that becomes the justification for the decision they made. This is brilliant and really helps me understand why my ex could leave me with no emotion when she is usually overly-emotional. She would cry daily over the littlest things but felt no compassion for me and showed no remorse over her cheating. I wish I had understood this back then. Not to keep her, but just so she would not have any excuses or way to blame me. Maybe then she would have to wake up one day and realize she made a huge mistake. But since I freaked out when she cheated and left me I gave her just what she needed to ease her conscience. As it stands she actually hates ME now (and SHE was the cheater and the drunk) and will never speak to me again. Link to post Share on other sites
trust Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 This is brilliant and really helps me understand why my ex could leave me with no emotion when she is usually overly-emotional. She would cry daily over the littlest things but felt no compassion for me and showed no remorse over her cheating. I wish I had understood this back then. Not to keep her, but just so she would not have any excuses or way to blame me. Maybe then she would have to wake up one day and realize she made a huge mistake. But since I freaked out when she cheated and left me I gave her just what she needed to ease her conscience. As it stands she actually hates ME now (and SHE was the cheater and the drunk) and will never speak to me again. v33: Welcome to the words of wisdom by nomad1. More wisdom for you to swallow: you said, "not to keep her, but just so she would not have any excuses or way to blame me." Uh, no. You're a guy, right? Because you're a guy you have a need to make sense. A woman isn't going to let a little thing like "sense" f'up their argument. They're in it for *distance* and *irritation*. (borrowed from the wise Chris Rock - "love and relationships" - watch it on youtube it's only 6 minutes and it's hugely funny...and true) I had that wisdom while my wife was doing what she was doing...and I was dumb enough to do what you were suggesting. But think about it for a second... if she were at that level of emotional maturity to actually understand all of this...she wouldn't be doing what she was doing to begin with. It's an endless cycle of craziness when they are at that point. The only thing left for you to do is - get out. Not stand there and "try to talk some sense into her." You can try as I did, but you'll only learn that lesson the hard way. Please see the quote in my signature made by this super-cool guy. I'm going to repeat this a thousand times if I have to - become an expert in being a great judge of character, improve your own emotional development, or keep going through this mess over and over. This won't guarantee you a non-cheating spouse, but your ride will definitely be a lot smoother. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Oh, and regarding the lack of conscience thing...the only difference between a serial killer and your wife is... she didn't kill anybody. She did something more culturally acceptable - she cheated on you. You can thank Hollywood and the general level of emotional retardation of her mother and friends for being the catalyst. Nice to meet you by the way. Sorry you are going through that crap. I'm here for you man. lol...emotional retardation of her mother...beasty Link to post Share on other sites
trust Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 lol...emotional retardation of her mother...beasty Where do you think these girls get their scripts? Much of their basic behavior comes from the people who raised them. Girls typically have close relationships with their mom's. Even if it's not a healthy relationship, it will have bearing on her behavior. That's why I look to a girl's mom's behavior while I'm dating her. If the mom is a nut-job the daughter inherited some of that behavior. It's my job to figure the degree of the insanity and come up with a forecast of whether it's something I want to roll with or not. My ex's mom is a complete nut-job. I was hoping that it would skip a generation. Look where wishful thinking got me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6OaRcsfnY4 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I enjoy MILFs. ROFLCOPTER. Link to post Share on other sites
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