What is the best thing to do?

[RogueK]

So she still calls and i don't know what to do. She doesn't call constantly or anything like that, but she does call every now and then and lately i haven't been answering the phone.

 

She broke up with me but it wasn't necessarily a bad break up (there's still feeling there and she doesn't hate me or anything). I never treated her horrible it's just that i had a bit of growing up to do that unfortunatley happened only after losing her. I know she still has feelings for me even though she's with her rebound at the moment but heres my problem...

 

 

I can see a possible future with her down the road. I'm not holding out for her or anything right now but i don't want to screw up if there IS a possibility of a second chance in the near future.

 

So what is the best course of action when she calls? I mean we've spent more than 5 years of our lives together and i'm assuming she's calling to talk about "things". The guy she's with i'm sure is nice but i know she still thinks and feels for me and there are things going on in her life that she should probably share with him - if it's serious - rather than calling me to talk about them.

 

Do i talk to her? If so what should i say? How should i act? I don't want to start going on about how i miss her and think about her...i don't want her to get turned off by hearing that or give her the idea i can be strung along until (if) she's ready to "give it another shot".

 

I care about her DEEPLY and worry about her from time to time. I can't blame her for ending it so i don't want to just not answer the phone (thats what i've been doing to help myself deal with the break up - i blocked her emails too).

 

Now i don't think any of this is going to happen anytime soon. I'd rather it not yet anyway, i have stuff in my life i need to take care of before i think about dating anyone anyway (although i'm not exactly going to chase someone away should the oppurtunity arise).

 

Is there any way of seeing if there is a future? Again i'm not sitting here praying she calls and hoping tomorrow she'll want me back - it won't happen. It's just i can't help but feel a window will open in the future and i want to be ready for it if it happens.

 

Ideas?

[RogueK]

I mean IS there a way to win a woman's heart back after you've lost them? OTHER than hoping the person they are dating turns out to be a complete tool?

[Leikela]

Yes, you can win a woman's heart back after you've lost them. It's a matter of proving to them that you have changed for the better and want to make another go of things.

 

Ignoring her phone calls and blocking her e-mail isn't going to help things. Open communication is the key. Tell her about your progress, but don't mention anything about reconcilation. Just go with the flow and continue to be friends.

 

If she's choosing to talk with you about private things that she doesn't talk to her current boyfriend about, then that's a good sign! Talk to her about these things. Be there for her. She'll begin to realize that you do so much more for her emotionally and maybe start seeing you in a different light again.

 

You have to treat this situation with kid gloves though. Don't mention anything about your previous relationship and definitely make sure to talk to her about your life as well and all the positive changes you're making. Have tons of patience in this matter and if she comes around, great! If not, then it wasn't meant to be from the start but hang in there and don't give up!

[stewh]

Unfortunately I don't think you can win back a loved one once you have split up and they have moved on with someone else.

 

I agree with what everyone here used to tell me that you have to leave them alone and let them work things out for themselves. If they really loved you then these feelings will again begin to show over a period of time and you never know you may get that second chance.

 

I however have now come to the conclusion that it is not worth waiting for this to happen.

 

My ex is currently on holiday for the week with her new chap in Tenerife. Whilst I have been at home baby sitting the dog. Whilst she has been away has been brilliant for me. I have had proper space to look at what has happened, how she has treated me, and think about what I should be doing next.

 

In myself have been a whole lot better. More relaxed than ever. The reason? Because I knew there was no chance that I would bump into my ex or the new tosser, that I would'nt receive a text message late a night, or that an e-mail would'nt appear on my computer at work. This week helped me out a lot.

 

My house sale is going through now and should be complete within 4 weeks. Then I am cutting all contact with the ex and her family for my own sake. I know this is completely opposite to what I was originally going to do. But that was when I was very upset, I have now composed myself and the brain is back to work 100%

 

I have loads to look forward to. A holiday to Ibiza at the end of August. My profit from the house sale to buy new clothes and upgrade my car. And then I have got to look at getting my own place which will be fun and something I am really looking forward to now.

 

You have been with your ex for 5 years mate, I was with mine for 9. They are just messing us both about. I don't think either of us deserve that. You need to stop contact with her, honestly it is the best way to go. I can see that now. It will be interesting as well to see how they handle that complete loss. Not having you there for what they need from you. I think we may both be surprised over time. And that is what you need, time to get over this and put it behind you.

 

If I got back with my ex tomorrow then although I say I would'nt. I would be pissed about what has happened and it would hamper our chances together after a while. We both need space to reflect, see what happens and you never know hopefully we may get back together. I certainly would'nt say no and she has told me that she never said never. But in the meantime I am going to look around and if someone comes along, see what happens with them.

 

One thing that did annoy me in all this is when she said to me "If I had'nt met him then I would be back with you now." lol did she think that was going to make me feel better.

 

Anyway, you have to be cruel to be kind to yourself. Stop the contact with her and let fate deal with the rest.

 

I could talk all day. Today is really slow at work.

[stewh]

Actually guys, forget that last post.

 

What a load of rubbish.

 

Open communication is key mate. We have to hang in there!!!

 

I prefer your post Leikela.

[RogueK]

I have no problem cutting off communication. It's just that i want to be sure that i'm doing the right thing if there is another chance.

 

The break up was my fault. I have changed. Sometimes it takes something painful in order to change (i have learned that the hard way). The bad thing is i don't know if i would have been able to do the "growing up" i needed to do if she hadn't left me. Had i been in this frame of mind then we would still be together.

 

Life is too short. I don't want to go on thinking i gave up on another chance with someone who loved me and cared for me the way i wanted.

 

I just need to know what the best course of action is.

[stewh]

I agree with how you look at yourself mate. If this event had not have happened I would not have gained this invaluable experience. It has changed me for the better. And I know honestly that given a second chance things would have been fine. Problem with her now though is the what if syndrome. What if I got back with you? What if I stay with him?

[TnT]

Well, i was kinda in the same situation not long ago. I was with my ex for over 5 yrs, i broke it off, and its been over a yr since. We are now both with other ppl and in love. Not long ago, maybe 2 weeks or so, we met up for a chat and to catch up (we are still friends, but it took about a yr to get to that point) anyhow, we were talking and something happened that made us both realise that we still have a connection. I am deeply in love with my new man, but i was confused as to what happened with the ex. I am not going to run back to him in the hope it would work out, but i know it could if we wanted it to.

 

I think u should communicate openly with her. Tell her how u r feeling, tell her how u have changed, and if u still love her, tell her that u do. Leave this open so that if she does want u back, she knows where u stand.

 

Its hard to let go of something like a 5yr relationship. I know i have done the right thing in my life. I doubt there is any chance i will get back with him, i am into my new man way to much. But when i found out how he felt, i guess i did consider it for a min or two. If u love her still, and u dont want to let her go, then tell her how u r feeling. On the other hand, sometimes its better just to let it go and be friends. I wouldnt cut all contact with her, cos then u wont be able to heal ur heart. You need to understand y it happened and move on.

 

Hope all that made sense somehow!!

[kscholze]

Unfortunately I don't think you can win back a loved one once you have split up and they have moved on with someone else.

 

My ex got beck with her ex