I have the worst case of jealousy

[thebunnybandit]

I love my boyfriend. We've been together for 3 and a half years. Thing is, the smallest thing triggers my jealousy. For example, our recent fight was about last week. He had a class project and he had to give out his number these girls. I know it's for school, but the fact that he just gave it out really ticked me off. I asked about how they look and if he thought they were pretty, just stuff I knew that would make matters worse. But i kept asking him. Then the next night at around midnight, she finally called. I found it weird how she couldn't have called earlier in the day, and why so late? Did he tell her to not call during the day so I wouldn't know? Just the fact that he even talks to girls or tells them, "hi" makes me so mad.

 

Another issue with me is when he hangs out with his friends. Now he's known his friends since kindergarten. But whenever he hangs out with them, he always stays out way to late and I always question who he's with what he's doing when he'll come back. I hate the fact that they all smoke (he smoked at one point but when I found out, he said he'd stop and he did) and drink a loooot. I drive myself crazy thinking up the worst things.

 

He's an amazing guy, and I want him to be the one for me. I'm pushing him away being the way I am, and I feel like I always have to make sure he wouldn't do anything to cheat on me. How can I get over this? I really want to be a better person for him and for myself.

 

[D-Lish]

One thing is for certain- you WILL drive him away with this behaviour.

I am glad you recognize this is a problem. You must control it, or he'll feel the relationship tightening around his neck like a noose- and he'll distance himself more and more until he leaves you.

 

Men hate jealousy. I have no doubt he hides things from you because he is afraid of rocking the boat with you. No one wants to be in a relationship where they walk on egg shells all the time... that will only build a huge wall of resentment.

 

Jealousy is a form of control. He needs the freedom to hang out with his friends- and he also needs the freedom to work on class projects without interference. You'll kill the relationship if you keep controlling him with your jealousy.

 

How do you deal with this? Talk to him about it. Tell him you want to change and you are going to make a concerted effort to do so.

 

Men truly do admire confidence in a woman- insecurity is a big turn off.

If you truly do want to change- you have to start keeping your emotions in check.

 

I'd start with asking yourself why you feel so insecure- that is what jealousy stems from. Once you get a better handle on why that is- you might be able to make some changes. SO, identify where the insecurity stems from, and work on changing that. I think that would be a good start.

 

Good for you for identifying this is a problem and wanting to do something about it. If you can change this- your relationship will be better- for both of you.

[Starman]

The behavior you have described falls in the category of being controlling, not full blown yet but you are on the path to this destructive behavior.

 

There will be some level of jealousy if he is working on projects with girls but you can't expect your bf to stop all contact with girls to make you feel better, cause it won't make you feel better. As a perfect example he goes out with his friends he's known for years longer then you, and you get made that he was out late. Are you his gf or his mother? Guys already have a Mom, and they had to live under them for years, the last thing you want to come across as is being like his Mom and grill questions into him everytime he goes anywhere. Nothing will make a guy run faster then that kind of stuff, especially since you guys are younger.

 

You are going to have to learn to be more trusting. When he is out with his friends what are you doing, visiting your friends or waiting at home wondering what your bf is doing? If it is the later then you need to find something to occupy your time or you will just get worse as the days/months/years go by. Recognize these issues now can save you and your bf and future bfs lots of heartache down the road.

[jes674jes]

heck yes please listen to these posts! I have jealousy that has been starting to become uncontrollable and i finally realized that if i keep telling my boyfriend im jealous of his friends that are girls and blowing up at every little thing then i am going to push him away. jealousy destroys relationships because he is going to start doubting that you trust him and if you're going to blame him for something he's not doing then he's going to do it since you're already blaming him, get what i mean? if he's already doing the time then he's going to do the crime! i had a huge fight with my bf this week about jealousy cuz he told a girl she has big hair (oh wow it sounds so stupid now) and after a long talk and much stress later I realized that if your man flirts it doesnt matter if he's not acting upon it. Don't second guess everything he does because he's coming home to you and he loves you! don't throw away a 3 and half year relationship because he gave a number out to a school friend. it's not worth it and you'll regret it. jealousy pushes people away not closer together. if you can't control your jealousy i strongly suggest a therapist (not because youre crazy but talking to someone who can help can change your life and attitude). Guys don't want to have to defend themselves about who they hang out with or about their friends, they'll start to feel suffocated and want to break free. Suggest you all hang out together if you're concerned or do something that makes you feel special while he's out with his friends. Get your nails done, visit your friends, go to the movies. once you get your mind to stop thinking negative thoughts you will get rid of the jealousy.