Screw second chances. Read If you've been hurt

[loomis]

So you got dumped...your probably looking at this forum to see if someone has a situation similar to yours and that you can try and figure out a way to get that person back.

 

Well this isn't that kind of post, But This will be a very helpful post for a lot of you so I suggest you read on....

 

 

 

My ex just called me and asked for a few things of hers that she left at my house. I told her that was fine and she could come and grab them. Then in a very timid voice she asked for a piece of art work that she drew for me, and gave to me! for xmas the first year we were dating.

 

For some reason when we broke up I still loved the art work. It didn't make me sad to look at it. I wanted to keep it and I didn't think she would even have the nerve to ask for it back. When she did I was f*cking pissed. I told her that It means a lot to me and that I want to keep it. She tried giving me the "why do you want it. It just reminds you of me" I said "no It doesn't. It makes me happy because its beautiful. Your not getting it back. You gave it too me, stop being so selfish" Well she wouldn't listen and was being a total bitch saying **** like "well it's my drawing and if you made something for me I'd give it back to you. Oh wait you never gave me any art work" That p*ssed me off so bad. Im a musician and she knows that, my art is in my music. NOT EVERYONE CAN DRAW YOU BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!! So then she trys to act all cool and like nothings wrong telling me "I don't want things to be awkward when I come over, so just let me have it. I don't want to fight" (she would always say crap like that to undermine me and make me feel stupid, like she was more mature)

 

So she shows up and I finally say all the **** I'd been wanting to say forever. She's all awkward. before when we had seen each other she would say bitchy things like "why are you so awkward? you are different now" (maybe because you broke my heart into a thousand pieces you f*cking bitch) So I said that to her when she came over "why so awkward?" She says "i'm not why are you?" this immatureness went on for a while. She then goes "SOOO have you been on any dates with cute girls?" attempting to try and be my friend I said "I'm not talking about this with you. why do you bring that kind of stuff up?" she goes "oh well it doesn't bother me at all" I said "well it bothers me"

 

Lets skip to the good part, some of the **** wouldnt fit in her car so I had to follow her to her house. I dropped it off and she took it I said "I'm sorry but I'm really bothered that you took back my picture, and I just want you to know that I'm not happy" she looks at me with a stupid look on her face "i'm....I'm....sorry" Here comes the best part I said..........

 

"don't call me and don't talk to me anymore"

 

She then walks over to me and looks at me and I said

 

"I'm not playing this game anymore. I can't do this. Don't call me to tell me that your not dating anyone (which is what she did) don't tell me about your life or anything"

 

and she said "ok" and I got in my car and F*cking drove the **** out of there

 

I'm sorry but all those people like her. Stop IT! Leave your ex alone! They want to be with you, they love you, they miss you. BUT you f*cked up! unless you have any intention to be back with them you do not deserve to talk to them. I'm sorry but they deserve better then you

 

A lot better

[badbrit]

Right well you created this situation with your attitude, not her.

 

You were the obnoxious one, the annoying one, the one with anger and with your pain tattooed on your forehead.

 

She dumped you and that is horrible, everyone on these boards know how it feels, I got dumped after five years and lost my house, disabled son, friends (as they were all mutual but really hers), my life, the lot. So what, s**t happens.

 

Her not wanting to be with you does not make her a bad person, it just means she does not want to be with you. That is called life my friend.

 

You have a lot of anger and are causing your own pain, she wanted some stuff which is reasonable and you are lingering over a piece of art, big deal, let it go, a lot of other art in the world for gods sake.

 

She wanted her stuff and you took opportunity to wind her up, be aggressive, she appears to have tried to remain calm and you are now annoyed because none of your anger tactics worked. Well they won't work. None of it would make anyone feel attracted to you or make them think, "god why did i dump this mature, wonderful man."

 

Look, sorry for your pain but you are making it worse and blaming her is not right. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you feel about it.

 

She dumped you and did the 10% and your attitude is the 90%

[sultry33]

hi just wanted to say that i thought anger was a "stage" in lossing someone..

yeah its not helpful, good but its a stage non the less

 

if the art was a personal gift i can see the attachment but as above personally id give it back.. it would hurt me to see it..

 

maybe the post would have been better in the post here instead of contacting your ex.. not in the second chances.. as your pain can not be the same as someone elses.. we all have hope and need advice.

 

stay strong loomis x

[flosslight]

I'm surprised that you gave the art work back. I would have never given it back. When someone gives a gift, they should not expect it back. She gave it to you as a Christmas gift which now means it is yours.

 

I did not ask for any gifts back during my break up. Next time, be strong and say "It is mine and you have no right to ask for it. And you asking for it, does not mean you get it. Next time, think about your gifts and what you plan on giving. If you want it back in the future, then you are not giving a gift but a loan". It seems to late to get it back now.

[loomis]

Right well you created this situation with your attitude, not her.

 

You were the obnoxious one, the annoying one, the one with anger and with your pain tattooed on your forehead.

 

She dumped you and that is horrible, everyone on these boards know how it feels, I got dumped after five years and lost my house, disabled son, friends (as they were all mutual but really hers), my life, the lot. So what, s**t happens.

 

Her not wanting to be with you does not make her a bad person, it just means she does not want to be with you. That is called life my friend.

 

You have a lot of anger and are causing your own pain, she wanted some stuff which is reasonable and you are lingering over a piece of art, big deal, let it go, a lot of other art in the world for gods sake.

 

She wanted her stuff and you took opportunity to wind her up, be aggressive, she appears to have tried to remain calm and you are now annoyed because none of your anger tactics worked. Well they won't work. None of it would make anyone feel attracted to you or make them think, "god why did i dump this mature, wonderful man."

 

Look, sorry for your pain but you are making it worse and blaming her is not right. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you feel about it.

 

She dumped you and did the 10% and your attitude is the 90%

 

hahaha your right, I was immature, the whole situation isn't on here so I think it's hard for you to make that judgment of myself. How do you know she wasn't obnoxious? Immature? or angry in the past? Like I said I was annoying and I agree but I felt she deserved it.

 

Over the last month I've gotten farther and farther away from wanting her back because of her immaturity towards me. telling me how drunk she gets now and all the guys she is hanging out with now. Also telling me how happy she is by not being with me. I'm sorry but is that all that mature? Like I said all the details aren't on here. I break up with someone I leave them alone. I was never going to be the bigger person by just sitting there taking it and Letting her have a firm grip on my balls. There comes a time when you have to realize, as you said that she didn't want to be with me. It's life, so I cut all possibilities of us getting back together. It feels great, I'm totally happy.

 

This is judgmental and all, but you must not really care to much for art work. Obviously by saying there's tons of art in the world. Very true but Lol for some people certain art work is meaningful. Which this was and she knows that, Plus it was a gift to me, It wasn't hers to ever take back so she has no right for it back. You know what I mean?

 

Thanks though like i said I'm not trying to be a dick but you probably think I am

[TrustInYourself]

Why would she ask for it back? Sounds like a sh*t test. You failed due to your anger and immaturity. Strength of character.

[Trialbyfire]

There's no doubt you were aggressive OP but then, what a bitch for asking for a gift back. I would have said "No", with no explanations and let her stew in her own inability to affect or control you.

 

I would say you're well rid of someone like her.

[carrotgirl]

You're all much nicer than I would be .... or have been.

 

A Carroty division of assets:

If I like it, it's mine.

If I can take it from you, it's mine.

If I rip you apart, the shreds are all mine.

If I am bored with it, it's yours.

If I want it back, it's mine.

 

Carrot

[mark982]

why in the name of pete, would you help haul her stuff? that's just f'ed up.

[Template]

Hey Loomis,

I'm proud of you man. It sounded like something that you needed to get off your chest. I view these emotions as healthy on the road to recovery, and to be honest, a lot of guys here (debatable) would love to have that opportunity for expression that you've done. Most of us here would just stew in our emotions until it consumes us. Good work, you took a big leap, and you should realize the value in that.

[loomis]

Hey Loomis,

I'm proud of you man. It sounded like something that you needed to get off your chest. I view these emotions as healthy on the road to recovery, and to be honest, a lot of guys here (debatable) would love to have that opportunity for expression that you've done. Most of us here would just stew in our emotions until it consumes us. Good work, you took a big leap, and you should realize the value in that.

 

Thank you so much Template. I was childish in it but your right it was something that I needed to get off my chest. It was the final straw and I could tell it was keeping me from moving on. I feel a great sense of relief. You have no idea how nice it is to just stop wondering if they want you back. It's awesome.

 

lol I think I posted this is the wrong spot, because I think people are thinking I want to get back with her and that I was trying to by being rude and aggressive. I don't want her back though. I'm so happy. It was in fact the bottled up anger for her that was keeping me from moving on. I don't need someone who isn't supportive of me in my life. I can do so much better.

 

I guess I wanted to show people that things do get better and you don't need your ex to be happy. Another will come along, I promise

[Lookingforward]

I wouldn't have given it back - it was a GIFT, she had NO right to expect it back

 

Yes, you were angry and aggressive, but reading between the lines she was playing her own little passive aggressive game in the first place......so if you don't want to catch a fish don't bait the damn hook girly - she was upset - too bad, so sad.....

[D-Lish]

A mature person does NOT ask for a gift back.... that's just retarded and designed to cause intentional friction. In my opinion she created a situation she knew would create a particular reaction in Loomis. She dated him- so she knows how to get to him... and asking for the pic back was a way to get to him.

 

You helped her move though babe... lol. WHY?

haha

[loomis]

A mature person does NOT ask for a gift back.... that's just retarded and designed to cause intentional friction. In my opinion she created a situation she knew would create a particular reaction in Loomis. She dated him- so she knows how to get to him... and asking for the pic back was a way to get to him.

 

You helped her move though babe... lol. WHY?

haha

 

 

hahaha because I wanted her out of my house as soon as possible, and I didn't want her to ever come back lol. I know I should have just left in on the door step, that would have been better.

 

Thank you, Thats what I was thinking a mature person doesn't ask for a gift back. She's (and I'm not trying to be derogatory) a total bitch though.

 

Good riddance!

[WiseOne1]

Man you have every right to act the way you did, your right **** them.

 

BadBrit, guess what, its life. Its life when someone breaks up with you and thats fine, they're there own person and they have there own life and they could do as the please.

So if someone wants to not be your friend do they have that right? "YES" the answer is yes, and just like she can take away the relationship, loomis has every right to take away the friendship.

 

Just like she might have broken up because its not working, loomis has everyright to breakup the friendship because its not working! Just like D-Lish said a mature person doesnt take a gift back. loomis said he tried to be friends, alot of our exs like to say the feelings changed, well what did he do? His feelings changed.

 

Bassically all im saying is hes not a ******* or hes not inmature for standing up for the what he believes,and how he feels and i congrats to him because i only wish i had the guts to tell my ex to **** off.

 

Im pretty sure she whatever the reason for her breakign up was for her best interest, and he has to look out for his also, hell we all need to!

Its time that dumper learns that just like they can end things the dumpee can to.

[badbrit]

Why does he have anger, why do you feel the need to shout at the ex and tell them to f*** off? Because they dumped you (well us as I was dumped too) and that makes them a terrible person that deserves to feel your wrath? Give me a break, they do not want to be with you anymore, big deal, thats life, they do not owe you jacks**t.

 

Your own anger is your own issue and what is anger? Fear turned inside out.

 

Well I am not angry that I was dumped, I am sad that I have lost a girl that meant a lot to me, my family life, being a full time father to my son, that maybe we could and should of worked it out, but it did not turn out that way. Big deal. Thats life, move on.

 

Does it make anyone really feel better to tell the ex to eff off? Not at all, the ones that want to say that are the ones that when honest would admit that they want the ex back. If you did not care anymore than you would not feel the need to be angry.

 

I stand by my post and I do not know if i am right or wrong about life, all I know is my happiness comes from within me, I do not need anyone to make me happy, but I would PREFER to have my ex in my life but I am fine without. I respect her own feelings and not being with me is how she feels today, maybe it will be also tomorrow. But I never burn bridges out of immature spite. I try to get along with everyone and am mindful of how the actions of today may impact on tomorrow.

 

Take the higher ground, be happy, let an ex do what they want, live how they want, say what they want. Do not let it affect you.

[sid3]

You're all much nicer than I would be .... or have been.

 

A Carroty division of assets:

If I like it, it's mine.

If I can take it from you, it's mine.

If I rip you apart, the shreds are all mine.

If I am bored with it, it's yours.

If I want it back, it's mine.

 

Carrot

 

This is an awesome reply.....Carrot rocks:D

[badbrit]

Blimey this forum just drips with all the bitterness doesnt it??!!!

 

being dumped is not the end of the world, hell we have all probably at some time in our life chosen not to be with someone we have dated and have been the shock horror, omg, the dreaded dumper.

 

It happens, were we/are they bad people? No, we just decided that the person we were with were not floating our boat anymore and why should we continue to date someone who does not lit our fires, fill our emotional needs or make us happy?

 

Should we / they be with someone that they do not love just to not "hurt" someone? Sometimes we dump someone and are unsure if it was the right thing and have that funny thing called, mixed emotions, and so will give out confusing signals. Should we / they be dragged over the coals for this?

 

Well keep swallowing those bitter pills, I however will be happier because I understand that as much as my emotions, feelings, thoughts can bounce all over the place, so can the ones of the person who dumped me and so will give a little leeway.

 

it is called being human, and I will punish no one for being human

[WiseOne1]

Why does he have anger, why do you feel the need to shout at the ex and tell them to f*** off? Because they dumped you (well us as I was dumped too) and that makes them a terrible person that deserves to feel your wrath? Give me a break, they do not want to be with you anymore, big deal, thats life, they do not owe you jacks**t.

 

Your own anger is your own issue and what is anger? Fear turned inside out.

 

Well I am not angry that I was dumped, I am sad that I have lost a girl that meant a lot to me, my family life, being a full time father to my son, that maybe we could and should of worked it out, but it did not turn out that way. Big deal. Thats life, move on.

 

Does it make anyone really feel better to tell the ex to eff off? Not at all, the ones that want to say that are the ones that when honest would admit that they want the ex back. If you did not care anymore than you would not feel the need to be angry.

 

I stand by my post and I do not know if i am right or wrong about life, all I know is my happiness comes from within me, I do not need anyone to make me happy, but I would PREFER to have my ex in my life but I am fine without. I respect her own feelings and not being with me is how she feels today, maybe it will be also tomorrow. But I never burn bridges out of immature spite. I try to get along with everyone and am mindful of how the actions of today may impact on tomorrow.

 

Take the higher ground, be happy, let an ex do what they want, live how they want, say what they want. Do not let it affect you.

 

You are 85% right and i agree with you. But you take it as being mean, some people just cant help how they feel. Anything that makes someone feel better about themselves, anything that he or she needs to do to make themselves get over the sistuation.

 

So i see what your saying, but are you saying that someones a bad person for not wanting to be your friend?

 

Are you saying that someones a bad person or immature for trying to get over the ex to stop from getting hurt?

 

I had a ex 5 years ago and the best thing i ever did was stop being her friend. I got over her easily with NC, and it felt soooooo good to try being her friend again with no feelings involved, because i know i cant get hurt and anything she does is not gonna bother me.

 

You say punish someone for being human? Arent you human? Arent we all human? So why should a ex bf or gf stay friends when its only gonna drag them thru the coals?

[Kamille]

Oh my god, I don't think you acted childishly or were immature at all! who asks for a gift back? And you definitely handled her asking if you were seeing anyone maturely.

 

Honestly, I think you did the right thing for you.

[critter909]

I bet you feel a lot better after telling her off!

[Trialbyfire]

Sure, we're all mature about break ups. We do it to look good to the other person and because we're the best people we can be!!

 

NOT!!

 

Let it all hang out, baby!!

[daphne]

I can understand badbrit's point, however I really got a good chuckle out of the 8#@$#@!$, #!$#@ to obvious manipulation on your ex's part.

 

I don't think it was necessarily immature that she asked for the artwork back. I felt it was manipulative and selfish on her part not to accept no. She sounds very selfish.

 

I got the sense (and later posts confirmed it), that this girl has been sort of working you over post breakup and you've lost your cool. That you've been letting her whip you around a little, in the hopes that maybe there'll be a reconciliation. Maybe you're just asserting that you're not a wuss anymore. Maybe your actions were immature (well ok they were but both of you were)but it doesn't feel completely mean spirited. You just seem exasperated.

[loomis]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I like all the different views that everyone has. I feel amazing. Just so you all know it is great to just get your feelings off your chest. We all read on here about how people are nice, forgiving, try to be mature, you know though (especially with someone like my manipulative ex) It's just better to get it off your chest and have everything settled. It helps SOOOOOO much in the healing process as Wiseone said. I mean you miss your ex and everything, and even like what badbrit said, they aren't bad people for breaking up with you, BUT there comes a time when you need to end the games. You need to move on, you need to not prefer to be with your ex.

 

My break up was bad, it happened a day after we got home from Hawaii, where she treated me like we were a jr. high couple. No passion, very narcissistic, didn't want me in any picture with her. I knew it was going to happen. She turned very immature. It was almost bound that I would lose my cool sooner or later in this break up. She pushed and pushed my buttons. I finally, with all the physical and mental strength I had, knew I needed to end it once and for all. Too all those who want hope, there is. It's called finding happiness in yourself. You don't need mind games from your ex. Learn to do what's best for you.

[bish]

A mature person does NOT ask for a gift back.... that's just retarded and designed to cause intentional friction.

 

 

The only gifts I think are perfectly acceptable to ask back or should be given back would be an engagement/promise ring.

 

Because that was given with the understanding that they were to be together.