Another porn question...

[Jersey Shortie]

Well, it's a Catch-22 for most men. Our women look deep into our eyes and say "I want to be your soulmate, your best friend. Have no fear, be honest with me and tell me everything". And yet when we do, the reaction of some women is "You pig! How could you think that?". Maybe the military has the right idea - Don't Ask, Don't Tell .

 

I'm sure that it is threatening for some women, just as women's nesting instinct is threatening to some men. Personally, I'd rather celebrate the differences than agonize over them...

 

Fair enough Mr. Lucky. I know that I really do want a partership where the man feels open enough to talk to me about anything. But that is difficult to do for either gender when you feel that you need to be defensive and have your guard up. I don't think looking at porn is the thing that makes women feel like they can be more open and vunerable with their partner either...to take your words a big: "Our men look deep into our eyes and say " I want to be your soulmate, your best friend. But turn around and masturbate to porn and think about the college coed that just walked by. Thanks hunnie..I'll see you later after I get done getting reved up by this porno. Damn that girls is hot with the fake ds." It's not exactly the thing that creates trust and security within a relationship either. Because for alot of women, looking at porn is an action he is purposely taking to look at and seek out over her at the present time he is looking at the porn. And no woman can compete wit hthe millions of porno images he is viewing or the millions of new girls he can gorge himself on. It's like men want women to be honest about their porn feelings only if it doesn't infringe on his own manhood about it. And if we are honest about it, we are stupid, silly or insecure to feel the way we do. That isn't exactly fair either.

 

How is women nesting threatening to men though? I don't understand.

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Let me ask you all something.

If a man has psychological erectile problems, both men and women (me included) will tell the wife to be patient, not to make a big deal about it and to do everything in her power to help him deal with it.

If a woman has psychological problems with porn – and, as a result, looses her interest in sex with her partner - both men and women (me excluded) tell her she is just insecure, it’s her problem and to ‘get over it’.

Please tell me what the difference is.

Both situations stem from insecurities.

Why people look favourably on male insecurities, but are so harsh when it comes to female insecurities?

Or maybe it’s nothing to do with gender?

 

 

Yeah, I don't get it either but I agree with this. I would also add that women are told all the time to approach the topic of porn with sensitivity. We are just suppose to welcome it into our lives with a sh*t-eating smilng on our faces and be so sensitive to his desire to watch Housewives Sl*ts 500. The compromise is that women jsut accept it and shut up about it because it doesn't matter if a woman is hurt by it. And when women get upset about porn, we are "insecure". It's said like a four letter word. Like we are bad, mean, evil for actually being bothered by the man that says he loves us watching other women with perfect bodies, who are refered to in degrading names. When to me, it seems like it's perfectly natural for women to feel hurt or insecure about the man in their life using porn. Especially when yo uconsider what porn is. Porn doesn't respect women. It really sucks seeking so many men enjoying something that doesn't exactly treat women like the deserve to human beings. Add on that that most porn is limited to the age group of the girls in it, and the body type. Of course this is going to cause natural insecurities. Women want to feel like the are beautiful and special. They want to trust in their partners and hope that they have loyalty from them and give loyalty in turn. For alot of women, porn takes all those things away. And instead of having the men support their SO, it seems that men support the porn more. How are women suppose to be open, vunerable with their man if he is bringing the exact thing into their lives/home, that 's about treating women less then people? It's a serious question.

 

Add into the fact that there is just so much more porn out there today. And so many more men looking at it much more. What do you expect a woman to think.

[Starman]

It is always amusing to see these threads pop up over and over again, the same complaint from women who feel that porn should be considered the 8th Deadly Sin, and those that defend porn as nothing more then a visual stimulus to aid in a natural activity (masturbation).

 

I've always felt that a person's "security" or insecurity" depends more on their own actions then that of someone else. It is amazing how many women derive all of their insecurity from another person's actions, as if they by themselves have no control over their own feeling of self-worth.

 

Because that is really what this porn issue is all about, women with low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity feel much better about themselves if they know their men are not looking or fantasizing about other women. Even if their man is loving, caring, and compliments them, the fact that he looks at porn negates all of that.

Women who don't have a big issue with porn are almost always self-confident, have a high self-esteem of themselves, secure in knowing that their man isn't going to run off to become the next Dirk Diggler.

 

This issue will not be resolved in our lifetime, for as long as men and woman are different, they will view this issue quite differently. The same arguments are made on each side, with each side sure that the other is completely bonkers for feeling that way.

 

Personally I like porn, I like watching attractive women getting it on hot and heavy, and once my business is done I turn it off and go on about the rest of the day. Still love my wife (although she is one of the porn haters like some of you) and still love making love to her, even if it isn't pornstar style, cause reality and fantasy will never be the same in our house. But I sure wish my wife was a lot more open to even discussing such things, but insecurity is a terrible disease to deal with.

 

Some couples have that though which is great, nice to be able to share fanasties and desires with one another without the other getting so angry and jealous you learn to keep it all to yourself for fear of causing a major fight. (whoops, sorry for discussing my issues w/ the wife here, lol)

 

Good luck to you all though, which ever side you take....for me I'll take a nice big slice of porn!

[ahah2322]

i'm a woman and i want a nice big slice of porn too. people view this issue differently- not to say any view is more right than the other.

 

i love porn. my bf loves porn. he watches it for variety and excitement- to see other hot women getting their kink on. i don't get bothered by the 'variety' he wants to have. i'm sure he doesn't need them but it sure is nice for him to have variety in the 'fantasies-porno' realm as long as it doesn't cross over into the real world.

 

it's always exciting seeing new, young and MANY women get it on. it's perfectly natural and logical. i can understand it and i am not bothered by it at all. on my own, i will strive to keep myself fresh and interesting too, not to compete with porn stars because i'm real (the only woman in his life) and they're not, but for myself, for my significant other and for our relationship.

 

i'm sure my bf thinks the same way too. i don't think he gets too bothered by my sexual-appreciation of very very hot men.

 

this works for us. and i hope, OP, you will achieve a common understanding with your SO.

[Starman]

i'm a woman and i want a nice big slice of porn too. people view this issue differently- not to say any view is more right than the other.

 

i love porn. my bf loves porn. he watches it for variety and excitement- to see other hot women getting their kink on. i don't get bothered by the 'variety' he wants to have. i'm sure he doesn't need them but it sure is nice for him to have variety in the 'fantasies-porno' realm as long as it doesn't cross over into the real world.

 

it's always exciting seeing new, young and MANY women get it on. it's perfectly natural and logical. i can understand it and i am not bothered by it at all. on my own, i will strive to keep myself fresh and interesting too, not to compete with porn stars because i'm real (the only woman in his life) and they're not, but for myself, for my significant other and for our relationship.

 

i'm sure my bf thinks the same way too. i don't think he gets too bothered by my sexual-appreciation of very very hot men.

 

this works for us. and i hope, OP, you will achieve a common understanding with your SO.

 

A perfect example of what I was talking about. A confident, sexy woman who knows her bf isn't going anywhere and doesn't feel threatened by porn at all, instead embraces it.

 

Good on you ahah2322. Sure wish more women were like you, mine included! LOL!

[Got it]

Fair enough Mr. Lucky. I know that I really do want a partership where the man feels open enough to talk to me about anything. But that is difficult to do for either gender when you feel that you need to be defensive and have your guard up. I don't think looking at porn is the thing that makes women feel like they can be more open and vunerable with their partner either...to take your words a big: "Our men look deep into our eyes and say " I want to be your soulmate, your best friend. But turn around and masturbate to porn and think about the college coed that just walked by. Thanks hunnie..I'll see you later after I get done getting reved up by this porno. Damn that girls is hot with the fake ds." It's not exactly the thing that creates trust and security within a relationship either. Because for alot of women, looking at porn is an action he is purposely taking to look at and seek out over her at the present time he is looking at the porn. And no woman can compete wit hthe millions of porno images he is viewing or the millions of new girls he can gorge himself on. It's like men want women to be honest about their porn feelings only if it doesn't infringe on his own manhood about it. And if we are honest about it, we are stupid, silly or insecure to feel the way we do. That isn't exactly fair either.

 

How is women nesting threatening to men though? I don't understand.

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Yeah, I don't get it either but I agree with this. I would also add that women are told all the time to approach the topic of porn with sensitivity. We are just suppose to welcome it into our lives with a sh*t-eating smilng on our faces and be so sensitive to his desire to watch Housewives Sl*ts 500. The compromise is that women jsut accept it and shut up about it because it doesn't matter if a woman is hurt by it. And when women get upset about porn, we are "insecure". It's said like a four letter word. Like we are bad, mean, evil for actually being bothered by the man that says he loves us watching other women with perfect bodies, who are refered to in degrading names. .

 

Oh for goodness sake, no you aren't but you are suppose to stop being a victim in your life, take responsibility for your priorities and make sure you are clear in your communication in the beginning!!

 

Other people can not hurt your feelings, only you can allow your feelings to be hurt. You are not a victim of porn unless you allow that. You hate it? Think it is awful? Then divorce your husband and stop crying over it!

 

For God's sake if I am with someone that makes me feel insecure, that makes me feel bad about myself, well I realize that this isn't the relationship for me and I leave. I do not try and change them as I don't want them to change me.

 

You don't like porn, that's fine, other's do. But stop cramming your beliefs ad nausem down everyone's throats and move on. Same goes if someone is trying to do it with you. Stop being a victim in your life and have some accountability.

 

And I am a woman that is fine with porn in general. I am also a woman that is clear about my needs, clear about my dislikes, and do not negate myself to have a relationship. I've done that in the past and I am done. I am geniune to myself first and everyone else second.

[electric_sheep]

What is it with men and porn and their consistent dedication to it? Why don't men "just get over it" and put the porn down for a change.

 

Yeah... I'm actually a guy who looks at porn, but I can see a womans point of view on this.

 

I mean, I believe a lot of these guys that look at porn would actually be quite disturbed if they busted in on their girlfriend rubbing it while watching a Brad Pitt video.

 

This entire idea that we would find other human beings sexually desirable can be threatening to the more idealistic and romantic notions of love that we all learn growing up. The fact that it's "pretend" doesn't change anything.

 

I mean, the fact is, a lot of girls out there would leave their boyfriends for Brad Pitt (probably mine included... but maybe not, I like to think), but seeing your girlfriend rub it to Brad Pitt is sort of an insulting reminder of this.

 

I believe it's a "myth" that we can all focus our sexual desires like a laser beam on one person for the rest of our life. It may be a "myth", but it's a nice myth, in that it makes us feel good and cozy. Sort of like God.

 

So, my take is look at it when your SO isn't around, and try and be discrete about it. It only takes a little effort to cover your tracks and try and hide the stuff. And for women... STOP looking for it so hard! You'll probably find it if you look hard enough. We'll promise not to bug you about what you were fantasizing about the next time we find your vibrator sitting out.

[Ruby Slippers]

I really appreciate your post, electric sheep. It gives me some hope that men and women are not from totally different planets and can actually communicate!

 

I believe it's a "myth" that we can all focus our sexual desires like a laser beam on one person for the rest of our life. It may be a "myth", but it's a nice myth, in that it makes us feel good and cozy. Sort of like God.

 

So, my take is look at it when your SO isn't around, and try and be discrete about it. It only takes a little effort to cover your tracks and try and hide the stuff. And for women... STOP looking for it so hard! You'll probably find it if you look hard enough. We'll promise not to bug you about what you were fantasizing about the next time we find your vibrator sitting out.

I used to believe in "absolute honesty". Now I'm not so sure. My boyfriend has been completely honest with me about his porn usage and desire to check out other women, and for the most part, since it does unsettle me quite a bit and make me feel doubtful about the lastingness of the relationship, I think I would be happier not knowing, and what I don't know would probably never hurt me.

 

I am starting to think maybe there is a certain amount of white lying men and women have to do with each other just to peacefully coexist. But I hate that thought! I want to believe that having everything open and out on the table is the best way. I'm just not sure anymore.

[Starman]

I really appreciate your post, electric sheep. It gives me some hope that men and women are not from totally different planets and can actually communicate!

 

 

I used to believe in "absolute honesty". Now I'm not so sure. My boyfriend has been completely honest with me about his porn usage and desire to check out other women, and for the most part, since it does unsettle me quite a bit and make me feel doubtful about the lastingness of the relationship, I think I would be happier not knowing, and what I don't know would probably never hurt me.

 

I am starting to think maybe there is a certain amount of white lying men and women have to do with each other just to peacefully coexist. But I hate that thought! I want to believe that having everything open and out on the table is the best way. I'm just not sure anymore.

 

Absolute honesty is a great thing......expect when one party in the relationship doesn't like hearing the other be honest. That is where the problem begins. Many women romantize the notion of complete honesty in a relationship and the first time the guy is 100% completely honest with them the woman blows a gasket when she finds out what he is really doing/thinking etc.

 

Some people are secure enough with themselves that they can be 100% open and honest, receive the same honesty in return, and not let it bother them in the slightest. Others have in their own mind what their partner "should" be doing/thinking and when they find out differently they get hurt/upset/angry about it. That's not fair to your partner if you want them to be honest with you....a sad fact I know all to well first hand.

[electric_sheep]

I am starting to think maybe there is a certain amount of white lying men and women have to do with each other just to peacefully coexist. But I hate that thought! I want to believe that having everything open and out on the table is the best way. I'm just not sure anymore.

 

I know exactly what you mean. It bothers me too. I have all sorts of idealistic notions I am quite fond of, and life would a lot easier if "reality" would accommodate them a little better.

 

Only the most idealistic amongst us can ignore pragmatism for long. Life has a way of forcing it on us, whether it be politics, relationships, or whatever.

 

I saw a cool quote on here the other day... "We all either end up boring or mentally ill eventually." I think you could say the same thing about idealism... in the long run, we either end up compromising, or we go totally crazy. Each has it's advantages.

[electric_sheep]

Absolute honesty is a great thing......expect when one party in the relationship doesn't like hearing the other be honest. That is where the problem begins.

 

Oh man, I have a good story about this. One night, back when my girlfriend and I first started dating, we we're being stupid and asking about things we shouldn't have been asking about, and I was stupid enough to ask her who sex was better with, me or her ex?

 

Well... her answer wasn't exactly what I was expecting. Apparently, "making love" to me was better, but sex with him was better. Of course, I interpreted my triumph in the "making love" department to be a sad attempt at softening the truth. I'm sure it was.

 

Apparently all of us guys think that we are better in bed than anyone else.

 

Anyway, you better believe that was a little bit of honesty I wasn't ready to hear.

 

I know it sounds stupid, but that was almost enough to end the whole thing, right then and there.

[Starman]

Anyway, you better believe that was a little bit of honesty I wasn't ready to hear.

 

I know it sounds stupid, but that was almost enough to end the whole thing, right then and there.

 

Yep, that old saying "Be careful for what you wish for cause you just might get it" has a funny way of biting you right in the ass sometimes!! LOL!!

 

Now, why is porn bad again??

[Jennifer26]

Now, why is porn bad again??

Imagine yourself being pretty horny most of the time (which as a guy I'm sure isn't hard to do). Now imagine that your wife was using a vibrator to get herself off pretty much anytime you left the house or were asleep, and as a result only slept with you 1-2x a week but was self pleasuring herself everyday, meanwhile you were feeling as though you would enjoy more frequent sex but she isn't as into it as you because of this 'habit' of hers.

 

While the two of you do have sex, it isn't as fulfilling, because she is accustomed to orgasm through the vibrator and now has a harder time with you as a result.

 

And for myself being a woman, my man having a harder time with me means a harder time maintaining an erection which makes sex pretty difficult and certainly not as fulfilling.

 

Now I know not every man out there viewing porn has sexual issues in the bedroom as a result. Some can do it occasionally and not let it grab hold of them. Some can do it all the time, but still have the libido to sustain their sex life as well.

 

But for those women out there, like myself, who are not being sexually fulfilled as a result of the porn, what do we do?

 

I've tried bringing it up to my husband MANY times, and all he'll do is go further to lie and hide it from me. He has shown an unwillingness to change and frankly, I am not going to live the rest of my life sexually frustrated. I always hear men complaining their wives won't put out enough - and here I am practically begging for more. It frustrates me to no end.

[Mr. Lucky]

And no woman can compete with the millions of porno images he is viewing or the millions of new girls he can gorge himself on.

Jersey, that one sentence right there sums up our fundamental point of disagreement. Neither my wife nor I consider an image or fantasy of another women to be competing for her affection. Does a picture of a steak compete with a delicious home-cooked meal? Does a picture of Hawaii in a travel magazine compete with the experience of laying on the beach, tropical breezes blowing and a Mai-tai in your hand? I would think that most people would understand and deal with the difference between fantasy and reality...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Meaplus3]

What IS it with women and porn ? As long as your guy is still into you and isn't substituting masturbation and porn for real live sex with you - get over it already

 

Exactly! Very good point.

 

AP:)

[Starman]

But for those women out there, like myself, who are not being sexually fulfilled as a result of the porn, what do we do?

 

I've tried bringing it up to my husband MANY times, and all he'll do is go further to lie and hide it from me. He has shown an unwillingness to change and frankly, I am not going to live the rest of my life sexually frustrated. I always hear men complaining their wives won't put out enough - and here I am practically begging for more. It frustrates me to no end.

 

Your situation is different in the fact that your husband is disrupting your normal sex life in order to watch porn and masturbate. I don't think any of us on the pro-porn side of the issue would say that is good or healthy at all. In fact it's guys like that that give the rest of us normal porn users a bad rap.

 

Your husband has a deeper problem then just porn, IMHO. He is failing to give you the intimacy you need, even when you are begging for it. The porn is just a visable symptom of a deeper issue here. If your husband won't listen to you then counseling may be needed. Sorry to hear about how your husband is ignoring you. If he refuses to acknowledge your physical needs then some big decisions may need to be made.

[JerseyShortie]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]It is always amusing to see these threads pop up over and over again, the same complaint from women who feel that porn should be considered the 8th Deadly Sin, and those that defend porn as nothing more then a visual stimulus to aid in a natural activity (masturbation).[/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]No one is saying that masturbation isn’t natural. I just think it’s ridiculous to defend porn as being natural and completely ignore the consequences that can come from porn that are equally natural. I actually agree and think it is “natural” to a degree for men to want to masturbate and look at porn. I however just ask for more “self control”. That doesn’t seem to be something most men really want to engage in. I find irony I defending the natural aspect of masturbation and porn and not being honest and realistic enough to admit that super imposed images of a harem of never ending women doing crazy stuff, isn’t going to cause women to question their men or their place in their man’s life. I don’t think you are being honest, fair or realistic to not recognize that or understand it. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[Jennifer26]

Your situation is different in the fact that your husband is disrupting your normal sex life in order to watch porn and masturbate. I don't think any of us on the pro-porn side of the issue would say that is good or healthy at all. In fact it's guys like that that give the rest of us normal porn users a bad rap.

 

Your husband has a deeper problem then just porn, IMHO. He is failing to give you the intimacy you need, even when you are begging for it. The porn is just a visable symptom of a deeper issue here. If your husband won't listen to you then counseling may be needed. Sorry to hear about how your husband is ignoring you. If he refuses to acknowledge your physical needs then some big decisions may need to be made.

We've tried counseling, he was resistant to go, went once upon my insistence and then refused to ever go again.

 

If you were to ask him, he would say there is no problem. He thinks because we have sex once or twice a week we're fine. Which, I suppose it not that bad. But I want to have sex more than once or twice a week, I could go at it once or twice a day! I'll be 28 in a couple months and my libido has shot through the roof lately.

 

If he wasn't masturbating on the side, and 1-2x a week was all he was up for, I guess I would be more understanding. But he masturbates more than 1-2x per week, so it is getting more of his time than I am.

[JerseyShortie]

It is always amusing to see these threads pop up over and over again, the same complaint from women who feel that porn should be considered the 8th Deadly Sin, and those that defend porn as nothing more then a visual stimulus to aid in a natural activity (masturbation).

 

 

No one is saying that masturbation isn’t natural. I just think it’s ridiculous to defend porn as being natural and completely ignore the consequences that can come from porn that are equally natural. I actually agree and think it is “natural” to a degree for men to want to masturbate and look at porn. I however just ask for more “self control”. That doesn’t seem to be something most men really want to engage in. I find irony I defending the natural aspect of masturbation and porn and not being honest and realistic enough to admit that super imposed images of a harem of never ending women doing crazy stuff, isn’t going to cause women to question their men or their place in their man’s life. I don’t think you are being honest, fair or realistic to not recognize that or understand it.

 

I've always felt that a person's "security" or insecurity" depends more on their own actions then that of someone else. It is amazing how many women derive all of their insecurity from another person's actions, as if they by themselves have no control over their own feeling of self-worth.

 

The truth is that we all do things in a relationship that either builds the security of the relationship, or takes away from the security of the relationship. For some women, porn takes away from the security of the relationship. For a vast amount of equally “natural” reasons. We all do things in a relationship to either make our partner feel more secure in the relationship, or we do things that take away from that bond. For some women, porn takes away fro mthe bond. And again, that is something else that is perfectly “natural”.

 

Because that is really what this porn issue is all about, women with low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity feel much better about themselves if they know their men are not looking or fantasizing about other women. Even if their man is loving, caring, and compliments them, the fact that he looks at porn negates all of that

 

That isn’t really the whole story. But yes, part of the issue is insecurity. No matter what we do for our men it's never good enough. A bouncing 23 year old with implants out does it all.

 

How difficult is it for men to understand that here they have a billion dollar industry that caters to everything men like, that is on a never ending supply, where they can see beautiful women doing crazy things in crazy situations, and that a woman isn’t “naturally” going to feel a little put out. That is just as natural as a man getting turned on by porn. However I find that most men do not want to be honest about that respect. They want to defend their “natural” quick impulses but they have no sensitivity and heart to a woman’s natural impulses and reactions. The amount of things that men expect women to be okay with his over whelming. We are suppose to be okay with everything from porn, to him thinking everyone from the college coed down the street to our sisters. It’s over whelming, and yes it’s threatening and yes it causes insecurity and concerns about what are men are *truly* * really* about. I am sorry that you don’t want to be honest about that, but from a woman, that’s about as honest as it gets

 

Personally I like porn, I like watching attractive women getting it on hot and heavy, and once my business is done I turn it off and go on about the rest of the day. Still love my wife (although she is one of the porn haters like some of you) and still love making love to her, even if it isn't pornstar style, cause reality and fantasy will never be the same in our house. But I sure wish my wife was a lot more open to even discussing such things, but insecurity is a terrible disease to deal with.

 

Are you in turn open to discussing such things with her? Or do you try to make her feel bad about her dislike for porn? I’m just curious because you don’t seem very open to the female side of it and I know when I have tried to talk to me about it I have closed up because it was very obvious where his loyalty lay. And it wasn’t with me. It was with the porn. So at the end of the day your wife ends up with a man that beats it off to porn behind her back.

 

A perfect example of what I was talking about. A confident, sexy woman who knows her bf isn't going anywhere and doesn't feel threatened by porn at all, instead embraces it.

 

Good on you ahah2322. Sure wish more women were like you, mine included! LOL

 

I wish there were more men that treated their wives girlfriends like they truly deserved. Gave them the loyalty they truly deserve instead of giving it to porn. There should be more men like that, that’s for sure! Not more men that spend more time looking at more pornography and making their wives feel bad about it.

 

Now, why is porn bad again?

 

It's not bad for men. It's great for men. Men can have their cake and eat it too and don't have to make any kind of real commitment to the woman they claim the love.

 

Porn isn't about what women want from men. It's easier for men to accept porn because porn is about all the ways men wished women were. All the ways men obviously find real women lacking and need to have this whole world where they can have exactly the kind of woman they really want why they settle for their "real life" women. So yes, porn isn't bad for men. Porn isn't calling men names and degrading them. Porn is great for men. All those men out there, fathers, brothers, husbands, lawyers, doctors, who have loving women in their life and it's never enough for men. Because at the end of the day, men need porn.

 

When I go out in public and I see a man with his family, the real truth is behind that is a man that wants to watch 18 year old with implants have sex. That is the sad truth and alot of women are on the side lines paying for it. You can love a man, try to meet his needs sexually and emotionally, have his children and at the end of the day it's never enough. Porn is what men want. Porn caters to men and what men wished women were. Not what women wished men were. So yes, porn is great for men. men aren't the ones being degraded and used and substituted. Men aren't the ones being told they aren't good enough.

 

if you can't discuss your fantasizes with your wife, perhaps you haven't created a bond or environment that makes her feel safe in expressing things.

[JerseyShortie]

Jersey, that one sentence right there sums up our fundamental point of disagreement. Neither my wife nor I consider an image or fantasy of another women to be competing for her affection. Does a picture of a steak compete with a delicious home-cooked meal? Does a picture of Hawaii in a travel magazine compete with the experience of laying on the beach, tropical breezes blowing and a Mai-tai in your hand? I would think that most people would understand and deal with the difference between fantasy and reality...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm not a piece of steak or a travel magazine. I'm a human being. i would hope I held more weight then your comparisons. Pictures of other naked women that are goregous and that your man is thinking about..that your man could even be thinking about while he is intimate with you isn't the same as the non-sexual comparisons you are making. They don't hold the same threat because they aren't of the same nature. When you add something like sex, love and relationships into the mix, it's a different can of beans.

 

I understand the difference between fantasy and reality Mr. Lucky. I understand that porn women are the women men wished they could be with and real women are the women men settle for. That's the difference between fantasy and reality.

 

Just as porn is a mock simulation of sex that gets men excited, why don't you think it's equally natural for it to be a mock simulation for women to be concerned about the thoughts and intentions of the men that are watching it?

 

How about the women you see in the street that you think about naked? Are they in comparrison with your wife?

 

Maybe you don't make comparisons but it's clear that most men do. and most men apparently find their SO lacking. And then women are the ones made fun of for being "insecure". When the insecurity is caused by uncertainty in our mates and a very real action they are taking.

 

women don't sit around masturbating to 20 year old men to the same extent men do. And then men honestly wonder why women feel threatened? It's like no matter what we do we are never good enough.

[Starman]

 

When I go out in public and I see a man with his family, the real truth is behind that is a man that wants to watch 18 year old with implants have sex.

 

This one line from you is all anyone needs to see to understand your state of mind on this issue, 100% pure bitterness!! Quite the sad, twisted view of men that you have.

[Jennifer26]

This one line from you is all anyone needs to see to understand your state of mind on this issue, 100% pure bitterness!! Quite the sad, twisted view of men that you have.

Is it not true? For the majority of men at least?

[morelaugh]

Originally Posted by JerseyShortie

When I go out in public and I see a man with his family, the real truth is behind that is a man that wants to watch 18 year old with implants have sex.

This one line from you is all anyone needs to see to understand your state of mind on this issue, 100% pure bitterness!! Quite the sad, twisted view of men that you have.

 

What is so bitter and twisted about this line?

Most men look at porn, we all agree on that, don’t we?

If you see a man in public with his family, chances are looks at porn - at least occasiaonally.

[Mr. Lucky]

How about the women you see in the street that you think about naked? Are they in comparrison with your wife?

 

Maybe you don't make comparisons but it's clear that most men do. and most men apparently find their SO lacking. And then women are the ones made fun of for being "insecure". When the insecurity is caused by uncertainty in our mates and a very real action they are taking.

For men to achieve the visual fidelity and emotional chastity that you seem to want for us, we'd have to be castrated AND lobotomized. But then, maybe that's what you'd prefer? No wandering glances, no fantasizing about that good-looking secretary, we'd be docile and easily domesticated...

 

Mr. Lucky

[norajane]

Others have in their own mind what their partner "should" be doing/thinking and when they find out differently they get hurt/upset/angry about it. That's not fair to your partner if you want them to be honest with you....a sad fact I know all to well first hand.

 

Which is why porn use and any concerns about it should come up much earlier in the relationship than after marriage! How are all these couples getting married without knowing anything about each other's fantasy lives and masturbation habits and views?

 

More to the point, WHY would you get married if you can't or don't discuss your sexuality with each other????

 

Sexual compatibility is very important to the success of a marriage, clearly, and masturbation is a key component of everyone's sexuality. If you don't have the kind of relationship where you talk about it, then what compels you to marry someone like that? And if you do marry, then you really have no leg to stand on in terms of wanting to prohibit your partner from thinking or doing what they've done all their lives.

 

How hard is it to say to your bf when you're dating, "I've heard a lot of guys masturbate to porn. Do you?"

[Lookingforward]

Which is why porn use and any concerns about it should come up much earlier in the relationship than after marriage! How are all these couples getting married without knowing anything about each other's fantasy lives and masturbation habits and views?

 

More to the point, WHY would you get married if you can't or don't discuss your sexuality with each other????

 

Sexual compatibility is very important to the success of a marriage, clearly, and masturbation is a key component of everyone's sexuality. If you don't have the kind of relationship where you talk about it, then what compels you to marry someone like that? And if you do marry, then you really have no leg to stand on in terms of wanting to prohibit your partner from thinking or doing what they've done all their lives.

 

How hard is it to say to your bf when you're dating, "I've heard a lot of guys masturbate to porn. Do you?"

 

Talking first about sexual expectations after the wedding might cut down on the number of sexless M posts here as well - just a thought