i cheated on my boyfriend..

[PRECIOUS91950]

i have been with my boyfriend for a little over three years..our relationship felt like a fairytale until he started getting very jealous and controlling. i was 100% faithful for three full years... i didnt do anything i knew i wouldnt want him doing. hes finally starting to trust me..or so it seems (although he still doesnt want me at the clubs without him)...i've been able to hang out with my friends without any drama or him blowing up my phone...

 

throughout the time i had been with my bf ..a sort of *ex-boyfriend* had been trying to get in contact with me (he realizes what he lost)...id ignore his calls, or if id talk to him it would be a very innocent, pretty brief, and friendly conversation.. nothing inappropriate.

 

just this past week, that ex-boyfriend just moved back to california..and i started talking to him over the phone...we reminisced on old times and stayed on the phone from 1am to 6am.. he ended up telling me he missed me a lot ..

 

I ended up seeing him..nothing happened. i just wanted to let him see what he missed out on...how good i looked and what not. after he seen me he told me he still had feelings for me.. over the phone he told me he loved me and wants to be with me.. i told him about my boyfriend from the start...so i didnt really consider it cheating. however, i like talking to him... its weird.. i dont want to be with him but i enjoy our conversations...even if i know he flirts with me,etc. when i compare him to my man...my man is better in every way..but when i talk to this other guy, im happy..i enjoy it..

 

today i seen him and we kissed..and i dont feel as guilty as id thought id feel..i love my boyfriend and dont want to be with this other guy...but i dont know if i still feel that chemistry with my man..he is a very handsome man...so what is wrong with me??can someone please help???

[Javelin]

so what is wrong with me??can someone please help???

 

It doesn't matter if you wanted to be with your ex-boyfriend! I think you still have feelings for him and by keeping in contact with him you were not capable of moving on, because you still had something to prove. Unfortunately for you, you've played right into his game and you've just put your current relationship at risk of break up.

 

The thing for you to do now is to realize your mistakes and come clean to your current boyfriend! Tell him what's been going on and just be honest with him about the way you feel. Secondly you need to cut off ties with your ex-boyfriend, they're called ex's for a reason sweet heart and honestly no matter how you justify it.. There's no reason to keep them in your life, unless there are kids involved!

 

My advice isn't the best, but I hope it helps!

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing to you what you are doing to him?

[theobserver]

You became emotionally involved again with your ex. Women feed off emotion and men know this all too well. It's very text book of your ex to contact you again remind you of the good ol' days (how about you remind yourself now of the bad ol' days) your being played well. It's possible your ex-bf still have true love for you but if he did he would not allow you to disrespect your current boyfriend a true gentleman would tell you how he feels not cross the boundries and then the decision is yours. Now you've kissed him who knows what will happen now. I would not be surprised if he tries to blackmail you if you decide to stay with your boyfriend AND not tell him possibly for sexual favors etc etc.

 

You have a clear choice to make. First decide now if you are willing to destroy your current relationship (which might now already be broken due to your cheating) either way then the time is to tell your boyfriend what happened if you have any respect for yourself and if you have any love for him HE HAS TO KNOW.

 

It will then be his decision to decide if he wants to forgive you or leave you and no doubt if he decides to forgive expect to cut contact completely with your ex and know that the trust he once had in you will never be back especially considering his distrust of you in the past and for good reason I imagine. I will bet that when your ex was calling your bf was aware and you told him it's not a big deal and ignored the calls. The correct decision would fo been to talk to your ex infront of your boyfriend and tell him not to contact you. As said before conversing with ex's is a big no no unless both of you in the current relationship are ok with it. Your boyfriend clearly did not approve. Now you have been drawn into an emotional affair with your ex that has become physical.

 

Best of luck with whatever happens next Please tell your boyfriend what happened because it's better he hears from you then your ex.

[Trialbyfire]

If you value your existing relationship one bit, get your head out of your arse and stop feeding your own ego.

 

As for exes getting back in touch, most of my exes have done this. Don't play games with them, like randomly responding or giving them any hope of something being possible. You shut them down hard right at the start. If they understand this but are only coming back to be friends, this is okay if you can handle it.

 

It's too late in your situation though unless you stop feeding your ego and step back hard. This includes giving yourself a smack up the backside of your head for allowing this to go as far as it has. Smarten up or you could easily lose someone valuable to you. If you can't smarten up, then let your existing guy go. Apparently he had something to be concerned about, in reviewing your existing situation...

[carhill]

today i seen him and we kissed..and i dont feel as guilty as id thought id feel..i love my boyfriend and dont want to be with this other guy...but i dont know if i still feel that chemistry with my man..he is a very handsome man...so what is wrong with me??can someone please help???

 

You're young. I feel it (didn't read any backstory). Do you want to be in a committed relationship?

 

I agree with TBF that this has signs of an ego feed...Note:

I ended up seeing him..nothing happened. i just wanted to let him see what he missed out on...how good i looked and what not. after he seen me he told me he still had feelings for me.. over the phone he told me he loved me and wants to be with me.. i told him about my boyfriend from the start...so i didnt really consider it cheating.

 

BTW, unless your current BF is up on all the details and has met this guy, it *is* cheating (known here on LS, at minimum, as an emotional attachment/affair). Been there, admitted it, doing the very difficult steps to heal myself.

 

This is what I'd do. I'd be honest with my current BF, break up with him, and put full force into deciding if the former BF is the one for me. Giving one's all will usually effect a final result. This way everyone is on the same page and is respected. Try it

[twice_shy]

i have been with my boyfriend for a little over three years..our relationship felt like a fairytale until he started getting very jealous and controlling. i was 100% faithful for three full years... i didnt do anything i knew i wouldnt want him doing. hes finally starting to trust me..or so it seems (although he still doesnt want me at the clubs without him)

 

I agree with him. You can cheat anywhere, but clubs are a more condusive environment.

 

 

just this past week, that ex-boyfriend just moved back to california..and i started talking to him over the phone...we reminisced on old times and stayed on the phone from 1am to 6am.. he ended up telling me he missed me a lot ..

 

I ended up seeing him..nothing happened. i just wanted to let him see what he missed out on...how good i looked and what not.

 

If you still didn't want him, you truly wouldn't care what he is missing out on.

 

 

today i seen him and we kissed..and i dont feel as guilty as id thought id feel..i love my boyfriend and dont want to be with this other guy...but i dont know if i still feel that chemistry with my man..he is a very handsome man...so what is wrong with me??can someone please help???

 

Well for one thing, whether he knows it or not, you validated why he was jealous in the first place. You earned his trust over time, and then do this?

 

I'd tell you what is wrong, but I'd get an infraction for being truthful. So I will have to suppress the truth a little here.

 

What is wrong is that you are not fit for a committed relationship. What is wrong is that you aren't into you man. So you need to set him free.

 

Then you can club hop and talk with other guys til 6am all you want.

[Spectre]

I like how you said you didn't feel guilty about cheating on your boyfriend, yet then claimed you love him.

 

Damn, ain't love grand? What a lucky guy.

[bish]

Maybe you should break up with your bf. And think about getting a different handle, "precious" isn't approriate.

[Untouchable_Fire]

i have been with my boyfriend for a little over three years..our relationship felt like a fairytale until he started getting very jealous and controlling. hes finally starting to trust me..or so it seems (although he still doesnt want me at the clubs without him)...i've been able to hang out with my friends without any drama or him blowing up my phone...

 

So... your cheating is all HIS fault for not trusting you enough?

 

Newsflash! He doesn't trust you because your NOT TRUSTWORTHY. How does that fact escape you?

 

throughout the time i had been with my bf ..a sort of *ex-boyfriend* had been trying to get in contact with me (he realizes what he lost)...id ignore his calls, or if id talk to him it would be a very innocent, pretty brief, and friendly conversation.. nothing inappropriate.

 

So... what did he lose? Cause the way I see it... if your BF dumped you today... he wouldn't lose anything.

 

Ok... so you think that your BF should trust you... but the whole relationship you've been stringing along an ExBF?

 

I ended up seeing him..nothing happened. i just wanted to let him see what he missed out on...how good i looked and what not.

 

Listen... grow some self esteem and you wont need this constant validation from others! Why do you need so much attention?

 

...so i didnt really consider it cheating. however, i like talking to him... its weird.. i dont want to be with him but i enjoy our conversations...even if i know he flirts with me,etc. when i compare him to my man...my man is better in every way..but when i talk to this other guy, im happy..i enjoy it..

 

Yes... you like the attention. Yes, it is cheating... even if you don't think it is. So, how do you rationalize it?

 

today i seen him and we kissed..and i dont feel as guilty as id thought id feel..i love my boyfriend and dont want to be with this other guy...but i dont know if i still feel that chemistry with my man..he is a very handsome man...so what is wrong with me??can someone please help???

 

Of course you don't feel guilty. Your self centered, and a complete attention whore. I just don't understand why you can't see this about yourself. Your busy living on planet SkeezyHo... come back to planet Earth and then you can make a good descision on how to proceed.

 

Advice: Tell your BF everything that has happened. Yes it will be tough, but it is also the right thing to do. Also... YOU MAKE CHEMISTRY! If you walk through life thinking it just falls from the sky... your going to hurt yourself and others.