Writing a book and need your stories

[Luvinlij]

Hey everyone, I'm half way through my Long Distance Relationship guide and would love some quotes, tips and trick and stories about what it takes to make things work. Things Im looking for are:

 

The most important part of the Long Distance Relationship

 

Stories on how you keep things going

 

Why communication is important to you

 

How to build trust without seeing your partner

 

Anything like that would be greatly appreciated, thanks for your help!!

I look forward to reading your stories.

 

-Ashli

[jonesec]

When you are visiting with your partner, right before the visit is over, decide on a rough estimate of the next time you will see each other so you have something to look forward to.

 

The most important part of my LDR has been the surprises that come in between phone calls and visits. We always try to send each other cards and small packages to each other. Inside jokes and funny presents ALWAYS put a smile on anyone's face. The easiest way to accomplish this is with a cell phone. Funny or romantic texts and pictures are easy and get the job done. These small surprises always make me feel loved and adored, and let me know he is thinking of me even when we aren't talking on the phone.

[jonesec]

When you are visiting with your partner, right before the visit is over, decide on a rough estimate of the next time you will see each other so you have something to look forward to.

 

The most important part of my LDR has been the surprises that come in between phone calls and visits. We always try to send each other cards and small packages to each other. Inside jokes and funny presents ALWAYS put a smile on anyone's face. The easiest way to accomplish this is with a cell phone. Funny or romantic texts and pictures are easy and get the job done.

[jonesec]

When you are visiting with your partner, right before the visit is over, decide on a rough estimate of the next time you will see each other so you have something to look forward to.

 

The most important part of my LDR has been the surprises that come in between phone calls and visits. We always try to send each other cards and small packages to each other. Inside jokes and funny presents ALWAYS put a smile on anyone's face. The easiest way to accomplish this is with a cell phone. Funny or romantic texts and pictures are easy and get the job done. These small surprises always make me feel loved and adored, and let me know he is thinking of me even when we aren't talking on the phone.

[TalkNerdy2Me]

The most important part of the Long Distance Relationship

I believe the most important part is trust. Trust that the other person is committed to the relationship and willing to put in the effort to make it work. Trust that both partners are always doing was is best for the realtionship. In a long distance relationship, you have no way of knowing what is going on in your partners life except for what they tell you. If the trust is not there, this could drive you crazy. That's why it is important to know your partner is trustworthy, and know your partner trusts you as well.

 

Stories on how you keep things going

We try to see each other at least two times a month but with the price of gas/plane tickets this is getting harder.

 

Mostly we communicate by phone. It is sometimes hard to reach him due to where he is posted as there is no cell service and no internet. Sometimes we mail each other random things, like a fallen leaf that we thought was neat, or an article that the other would enjoy; I've even mailed treats for his pets.

 

We both have jobs that are somewhat risky, so we make a point of checking in everyday. We have managed to talk everyday, even if it's only for a couple of minutes to let each other know we are doing ok and we miss each other. The longest conversation we've had has been twelve hours (yes, we took bathroom breaks)! We probably average four to five hours a day. He doesn't get a newspaper where he is so I will sometimes read him the local one. We also read books to each other on the phone and often will get into heated discussions about the topics.

 

A problem that we often encounter is that we work shift work so when we are on opposite rotations, it can be hard to catch each for a decent conversation. Mostly we end up leaving funny messages on each other's machines when this happens. We both enjoy this because it's nice to hear their voice when you can't call. Once, when I went to visit him, he asked me from the back room to listen to his messages for a phone number. This woman's voice comes on the machine (and from the tone of her voice it was obvious that she knew him well), "Hey, it's me. Just calling to see how you are doing and how your day went. Give me a call when you get home!"...needless to say my knee-jerk reaction was instant jealousy but it was short lived as a second later I recognized it as my own voice! Did I ever feel dumb! I told him about it and he had a really good laugh...That's when I found out he tends to save messages from me.

 

We've also made a point of taking pictures and videos of each other when we do see each other. When I really miss him, it's nice to look at pictures of him or watch a video of him being a dumb*ss. I really enjoy the videos as it captures more than pictures can.

 

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...and there's always the phone sex..... A necessity to any long distance relationship! But I'm not going into details on that topic, I will leave it to your imagination.

 

 

Why communication is important to you

Even though he is physically far away from me, I feel that he is the closet to me in every other way. I believe this is because we have excellent communication skills. You need these for any kind of successful relationship! If you are unable to verbalize what you want or need from a relationship, you will be left feeling empty everytime you get off the phone. If you are unable to fulfil what your partner needs, they will also feel empty.

 

How to build trust without seeing your partner

I don't think there is anything you can do in a relationship to build trust per say, like call to check in every day at 10:00pm. You have to work on yourself instead: You personally have to develop the skills to trust and to build trust which is much easier said than done.

 

I think that letting your guard down is the first step in building trust. You have to accept what the other person says as absolute truth. You cannot do this without trust, and you cannot have trust unless you allow yourself to let go of your fear of being hurt and insecurities, and you have to truly believe that the other person has your best intentions at heart. You have to dedicate yourself to the relationship, and that means not doubting the other person's intentions as well. This also works both ways as it is a two way street. If that person lets you emotionally in unburdened, you must also have the other persons best intentions at heart. Are you willing to put them before your own? A wise man once said, "You must first have your hand open in order to receive."...This is how you build mutual trust.

 

Personally, I think we were already at an advantage when we first met as my close friend was marrying his close friend (yes, we met at a wedding) so we both came with a "background check", so to speak. Once getting to know him, I knew that he was the type that believed strongly in integrity, which is what really interested me in the first place. That, and he has a really off-beat sense of humour and a laid-back attitude. But knowing that integrity was so important to him, and that he expresses this in everything he does, I knew that I could trust him. I believe him when he says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and that he loves me. I do not ask that he prove it in some way (buying gifts, etc.), because I already know it to be truth.

 

I personally work on building trusting relationships with people everyday in my career. Often I see people at their weakest and most vulnerable. The amazing thing is that this is part of his career too. We are both excellent at building trust with others, but at some point in our lives we realized that while it was ok for someone to trust us, we had difficulties trusting others. We both tend to be guarded people, but we have learned to trust those who are close to us. We have learned to show vulnerability and realize it is not a faliure on our part. What I am trying to say is that trust takes A LOT of work. It's easy to say you trust someone, but do you really? I think long distance relationships really put a magnifying lens to this area of a relationship because you don't have the "checks" that you would living in the same place. You can't stop by their place as a suprise. You don't have friends that could tell you if they saw your significant other going to dinner with another woman. So building trust is really a two way street, but it takes work and you have to put the effort into learning how to trust and how to build trust. And sometimes it's as simple and as hard as just putting yourself out there. Yeah, you might get hurt. But you might find someone that is worthy of your trust - that you wouldn't of found otherwise!