What does time and space mean in this situation?

[JJCPassion]

Ok will try to make a long story short. I had a boss that I worked with for two years. We had an attraction but nothing ever happened; I am married, he has a girlfriend, and we were co-workers. Our friendship was always hit or miss; we could laugh and talk for weeks and then stop talking for a week or two. Sometimes I wondered if it were the tension that caused this but it always came full circle.

 

Now in the beginning of the year he left the company to start his own business; in which for the first month or so we talked occasionally but not as much as he said we would. This was heart breaking. But then things started to increase. We started talking on messenger and on the phone almost every day. He is aware of how unhappy I am in my marriage because of the extreme lack of affection and attention. My husband and I have never had any of that passion or sparks from the get go (which is a whole other psychoanalysis you don’t want me to go into). This friend/ex-boss also feels that he is lacking substance in his relationship of 7 years.

 

Just a quick note I have separated from my husband 3 weeks ago; not as a result of the emotional cheating but because I know I can never get what I need from him on an emotional level. I have had some people ask that if I didn’t get the emotions from my friend would I have left and I always say yes because on occasion when my friend would become aloof and take away the attention it would make me want to leave my husband even more because I so want that to be a part of my life even if (as much as it hurts) isn’t from the one friend.

 

Ok back to point. Friend and I got very close that we started fooling around with webcams (we will leave at that and yes I never thought I would be one to do that but oddly love can make you do strange things; and yes I say love as if it were a measly infatuation it would have died out a long time ago and I would not of had these feelings last for two years). Well he is a sweet talker and says some of the nicest things a woman could ever want to hear such as “you are the perfect woman” (which he said in reference to marrying the perfect woman as he already meet her; and he said over and over again in random conversations that he would never get married and to this day hasn’t even though he has been with gf for 7 years), “you are beautiful, strong, and born to succeed”, that he can’t “even though he wants to make love to me in the worst damn way he can’t because he will fall for me”. So you can see why I am even more smitten than ever.

 

Well the plot goes like this: we were on messenger with the webcams on (only boobies showing, nothing else not even my face) and he got caught. I did not know it till the next day as we had messenger problems and when signed back on he wasn’t there. The next day he called me and insistently asked if I got voice mail and text message (which the text I never did get) and told me that they had a fight and that she was at the store and upset (which I totally understand the poor girl). He said not to call him for a while as he needed time and space to get his life together (he has been very worried about the business, relationship not going well which it hasn’t for a while as he has cheated on her in the past with another woman also).

 

Right as he called me and said all that, I had just sent an email which he hadn’t read at the time (too soon). Email basically said that I think the business has been a strain on his relationship and that he would of done this stuff with another woman; that it ain’t me. I also told him that he made me feel wonderful and that I wish he were mine as on top of the physical and mental attraction we have started a new emotional one that is excellent. I told him that I wish we had what Johnny and June Cash had (we are both big fans of the passion between them).

 

]He did reply to the email that night saying that he “would respond to it in person hopefully soon” and “thank you…for everything”. He did sign on that night to proceed to tell me that “You’ve been medicine for my soul” and that “he would be dead without a conversation with me”. He also told me that his gf and him hadn’t really talked since the ordeal and that it “didn’t matter much” as there was substance lacking somewhere. He also said “YOU do realize one thing right?” “That I signed on to see you; at least talk to you” and he also said he was sorry

 

Well since then I haven’t talked to him except for a couple of exchanges of emails. One I sent was a s**t gram because I started thinking and visualizing how it all went down and his voice mail and it made me feel pretty hurt, especially the voice mail. I got a visual in my head of what it looked like from another perspective and it made me feel like trash; trash that got discarded pretty easily which then made me think that all the nice things said were bs which then made me feel pretty miniscule which of course made me hurt and hence sending the s**t gram “You know the more I think about things, the more I get pissed off and I don't even get the option to yell at you to feel better..... screw you...”

 

I of course sent an email explaining why I sent it (the above reason) and apologized for not being the better person. I also told him that I did miss not being able to ask him how he and/or the business were doing; that I missed talking to him. He did respond saying that he didn’t understand why he was getting grief when he replied to my email and that he has more than a couple of things in life that have him screwed up right now. He also said that he respects me in all ways and always will that he would defend me and my feelings to anyone including him self and that he meant everything he ever said to me and ended it with “life is complicated

 

I did respond saying that I didn’t mean to give him grief but I just didn’t understand why I was so easily discarded when he hadn’t really said what the “more than a couple of things” are that have him screwed up and told him but I guess that is my problem and not his. He never did respond

 

I also just found out that instead of picking up his order on Wednesday morning (like he does 90% of the time in which sometimes we go to breakfast together; mind you still nothing physical ever took place) that he is having it delivered instead. I want to send him an email that it's ok to still come and get his stuff regardless that I am here. Talk about another blow to the heart.

 

I feel devastated. How can I be so easily thrown to the side when he cherished talking to me as I helped him feel better about life and vice versa. I get this mental image that him and his gf are doing great now because some enlightened understanding has taken place by him getting caught staring at breast on a webcam and now they are so important to each other (even though he has actually physically cheated on her in the past; just not with me so how can this change all of their problems.

 

I feel used/hurt/sad/depressed and he doesn’t even care enough to ask me how I am doing. I have lost so much in such a short amount of time and I know that things will get better in time and that I at least now know what I want in a relationship from a man but I can’t feel better about this at all. Is he really trying to get himself together or did he just throw me to the side? His voice mail that he did leave sounded so concerned about his gf being upset and that it wasn’t good and that he needed time and space; wtf is that supposed to mean to me? Why sign on that night to talk to me? Why don’t my feelings merit concern? My heart is so broken. He me made it seem that I was so important to him as he did say it numerous times; so why am I now not as important as anything else in his life? Why am I so easily pushed away especially if “I have been medicine for his soul”. WTF?!?!

 

And I am sooooooo sorry this isn’t as short as I had hoped to make it but it’s a two year picture that I had to paint for anyone to understand it….

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. How can I be so easily thrown to the side when he cherished talking to me as I helped him feel better about life and vice versa.

 

2. I get this mental image that him and his gf are doing great now

 

1. Because the relationship with you stopped working in his best interests. His best interests are: part time relationship with you, the rest for his girlfriend. When you were involved with someone else, he knew he didn't have to worry about you wanting more than he was willing to give. Now, that said - I'm sure that his feelings were genuine but only in the context of 'part time'. He let you go, because your relationship was too much of a threat to his existing one. Getting busted simply reminded him of that.

 

2. Doubtful. He is no doubt falling all over himself to 'make it up to her', and the second she lets her guard down, he'll contact you again to start up part time again (if he thinks you will accept that), if not he'll find someone else who will.

 

1. Is he really trying to get himself together or did he just throw me to the side?

 

2. His voice mail that he did leave sounded so concerned about his gf being upset and that it wasn’t good and that he needed time and space; wtf is that supposed to mean to me?

 

3. Why sign on that night to talk to me?

 

4. Why don’t my feelings merit concern?

 

5. My heart is so broken. He me made it seem that I was so important to him as he did say it numerous times; so why am I now not as important as anything else in his life?

 

6. Why am I so easily pushed away especially if “I have been medicine for his soul”. WTF?!?!

 

1. Both. He may be back, he may not be - it depends on how willing you are to accept 'part time' when the dust settles.

 

2. It is meant to show you his priorities: preserving his relationship with his girlfriend is more important right now, than preserving what he has with you. He isn't going to risk a full time sure thing for a part time unknown thing. Time and space means: I need to get things straight with my girlfriend first, and I need you out of the picture. He may or may not be back.

 

3. To make sure you will wait around for him.

 

4. They do. Just not as much as saving his ass and repairing the status quo does (for him, anyway).

 

5. You were important. Just in a certain context though.

 

6. Because the affair is only a small part of a whole - right now, he is willing to let that small part go in order to hold on to the rest.