discovered e-mail exchange between my wife & her brother in law ...

[bluerosekiller]

Well, technically, I guess he's my BIL as well, but I've never thought of him as such. Even though my wife & I have been together since 1999, I've only this in law & I have only spoken to one another perhaps a handful of times. He's basically monosylabic & reclusive. At least when I'm around.

But, whatever ...

 

What this thread is about is the e-mail that I found from my wife Vicki to her brother in law Eric & his reply to her. Which I discovered accidently while going into her e-mail account to check on our Netflix account. Something I've always done. So, it was no big deal. It wasn't like I was "spying" on her or invading her privacy. Both of our e-mail accounts have been open to each other. With ,supposedly, nothing to hide.

 

Even though we've been separated for four years now.

But, we were both ( I thought ) working toward a reconciliation the past few months. She even had sexual relations with me for the first time in three & a half years. So, I thought we were well on our way toward a real marital reunion. You know?

 

But, then I came across that e-mail exchange & it's been nothing but confusion ( for me, anyhow ) since.

 

Some history on the two of them though before I go into the contents of said e-mail however ...

 

Vicki & Eric have a long, convoluted history with one another going back to when they were just kids. LITTLE kids from what I understand.

They grew up together & became boyfriend & girlfriend ( & eventually lovers ... ) in their teens. A relationship that became an intermitant thing between them throughout their lives. I'm not sure how many times they were a couple or how often they were lovers, but it was several times before, during ( I don't know about during her first marriage, but she's admitted to me during conversations that she slept with Eric during the latter stages of her second one while it was headed toward divorce ... ) & after her first two marriages. They even lived together at times.

 

Anyhow, they've got a LONG, complicated history together with both of them closing in on 38 years old. Infact, it's sort of bizarrely incestuous in a way, since he began dating her sister & married her in 2005 ...

 

Now, supposedly Vicki & Eric are just close friends & family. Which I niavely believed until discovering the e-mail.

 

In it, she laments missing an opportunity to clandestinely meet him for what I can only imagine was a planned sexual encounter in a parking lot somewhere. In signing off on this e-mail my wife then closed by proclaiming her love for him & saying how much she wanted & needed him.

His reply was brief & actually seemed to indicate that SHE was the initiator of this latest relationship turn between them!

 

So, naturally I confronted her about it & her explanation to me was that the whole thing was some sort of an elaborate prank that the two of them cooked up to catch our 18 year old daughter Jessica ( her daughter from her first mariage ) sneaking into Vicki's e-mail account & reading her stuff. Supposedly conconting it to freak Jessica out so much that she'd have to admit that she was doing so.

 

An explanation that I almost fooled myself into believing, because I didn't want to believe that our ongoing reconciliation was a sham & that my wife was capable of betrayng her own sister like that. A sister that's already going through a crisis with her apparent inability to get pregnant. Something that her & Eric have been trying to do for a couple of years now.

 

I just can't imagine Vicki being THAT selfish & cruel to her own little sister. But, then again there was a lot of resentment there as they were growing up regarding preferential treatment from their parents. So, who really knows how deep those feelings still run? How entitled Vicki might feel about Eric concidering the length of time that she's been involved with him in one way or another?

 

But, despite the apparent rediculousness of her explanation & the huge holes in logic regarding it, I actually made myself fall for it because I wanted to SO badly.

 

But, that was two weeks ago & now, I've reconsidered. Or, come to my senses if you will ...

 

After denying it to myself for these past two weeks, I finally took notice today of my wifes "off" behavior. And the fact that Eric picked her up for a "doctor's appointment" this afternoon sent off big time alarm bells. Of course.

 

She was only gone with him for a couple of hours, but that's obviously PLENTY of time for two individuals to do anything they want.

 

To be continued ...

[bluerosekiller]

So, what do I do? Continue to try to believe in her crazy explanation for the e-mail or confront her again about how I feel about this?

 

I know, I know. I must be coming across as a complete & total idiot, but I'm actually fairly intelligent. Just naive & delusional when it comes to my wife whom I love madly.

So much for having an IQ of 141 though. At the end of the day I'm as stupid as a brick when it comes to the things that matter most.

[whichwayisup]

You can confront her and let her know that whatever it is that's going on between them is totally wrong and inappropriate. You can quietly ask a trusted friend to follow her to see where she goes and what she does.

 

I know you love her, but she IS up to no good. You're not an idiot, you're a man who loves his wife, trusts her and SHE is the one who's an idiot for betraying you this way.

[twice_shy]

So, naturally I confronted her about it & her explanation to me was that the whole thing was some sort of an elaborate prank that the two of them cooked up to catch our 18 year old daughter Jessica ( her daughter from her first mariage ) sneaking into Vicki's e-mail account & reading her stuff. Supposedly conconting it to freak Jessica out so much that she'd have to admit that she was doing so.

 

Ya right. There is a big load of bs right there. If there were even the slightest chance that were true, she would have told you about the "plan".

 

BS, she is wanting your BIL.

 

 

I just can't imagine Vicki being THAT selfish & cruel to her own little sister.

 

Thats a cheater for you. I'd do your SIL a favor and rat them out before she actually gets pregnant from her jackass husband. Let her make a decision of whether he is worthy to father her child.

 

 

But, then again there was a lot of resentment there as they were growing up regarding preferential treatment from their parents.

 

Oh boo hoo. Sounds like your wife is still a kid. She wants to one-up her sister by stealing the affections of her husband? And betraying you in the process.

 

Please don't make excuses for your sorry excuse for a wife.

 

 

But, despite the apparent rediculousness of her explanation & the huge holes in logic regarding it, I actually made myself fall for it because I wanted to SO badly.

 

thats what happens when alot of people first find out about an affair. its called the infidelity fog. You don't want your life shattered and want things to go back the way they were, so you will almost believe anything coming out of the lying cheater's mouth.

 

Luckily, as happened with me, that fog will lift and hopefully you will see things more clearly.....then rat them out to the family and get rid of her.

 

 

But, that was two weeks ago & now, I've reconsidered. Or, come to my senses if you will ...

 

After denying it to myself for these past two weeks, I finally took notice today of my wifes "off" behavior. And the fact that Eric picked her up for a "doctor's appointment" this afternoon sent off big time alarm bells. Of course.

 

She was only gone with him for a couple of hours, but that's obviously PLENTY of time for two individuals to do anything they want.

 

To be continued ...

 

So what are you going to do? Are you willing to stay married to someone that is untrustworthy and just unworthy in general?

[twice_shy]

So, what do I do? Continue to try to believe in her crazy explanation for the e-mail or confront her again about how I feel about this?

 

I know, I know. I must be coming across as a complete & total idiot, but I'm actually fairly intelligent. Just naive & delusional when it comes to my wife whom I love madly.

So much for having an IQ of 141 though. At the end of the day I'm as stupid as a brick when it comes to the things that matter most.

 

No, you are not stupid or coming off as an idiot. I was the same way. People will believe almost anything when they are in shock. Again, you will think more clearly soon enough.

[TrustInYourself]

Jerry Springer would kill for you to be on his show, lol.

 

Seriously though, get out and meet some women without a completely freaky incestous history. There are "normal" women out there. I think.

[bluerosekiller]

You can confront her and let her know that whatever it is that's going on between them is totally wrong and inappropriate. You can quietly ask a trusted friend to follow her to see where she goes and what she does.

 

I know you love her, but she IS up to no good. You're not an idiot, you're a man who loves his wife, trusts her and SHE is the one who's an idiot for betraying you this way.

 

Thanks much for the kind words & the understanding.

 

And yes, I DO love her to an incredible degree. That's what makes this all so difficult to deal with. I mean, even during our separation while she had relationships with three different guys, I remained completely devoted to her. For God's sake, I was celebate from August of 2004 until just this past April!

 

And, though you might picture me as being so based on this info, I'm not some pathetic little figure just following her around saying "yes dear" ... You know what I mean?

 

I mean, even though I'm "getting up there" a wee bit at 46, I'm a reasonably good looking man, who's a former professional boxer & a black belt in Hawaiin Kempo. So, I'm not a "wimp". At least not physically...

 

Emotionally, when it comes to Vicki however ? Who knows, maybe in that respect, I AM a wimp. She's definitely my weakness that's for sure.

 

But, damn it, I'm also stubborn & I have my convictions. I didn't marry her in 2001 in order to go through a brief, "disposible" marriage like her other two were. I actually MEANT my vows.

 

So, I spent the entirity of our separation working on getting back together. Even while she was seeing those other guys. Because I adore her & I believed that we belong together. If not only for the two of us, then for our seven year old daughter Autumn Myst most importantly.

 

That's why I was SO elated when we finally fell into each other's arms again two months ago & it seemed for all the world that we were getting back together. But then, THIS happens & I'm devastated all over again.

 

- Jim

[TrustInYourself]

Jim, give her some time and space to grow up. Also, I respect your devotion. Does your wife respect and treasure you for that devotion? It's time to be realistic with the situation. Treasure vows that are mutually treasured. Being so available and loving is allowing your wife to take you for granted.

 

Man up bro. Take that self discipline from martial arts and apply it to your love life. Good luck and best wishes.