carhill Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 My opinion: If your feelings and thoughts of him fade from the fore remarkably during this time of NC (the first month), then it was infatuation. If you were truly emotionally in love with him, it would take much longer. The reality that you didn't consummate your feelings, in concert with fading, lends even more credence to infatuation. Unrequited feelings of love are amongst the most difficult to shake, IME. I've experienced both and can say that infatuations usually fade in a month or two and, in some cases, I've gone on to have healthy platonic friendships later, with no residual desires or regrets. That's the difference, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
SnowWhite924 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Thanks Carhill. I'm thinking you are right. Time will tell, I guess. I've read your posts and think you are very insightful. Hope things work out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mending1985 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 My ex and I broke up almost 2 years ago. I made some mistakes and fair enough, he fell out of love with me. We continued to see each other, and have sex, and go places together, but he never wanted to get back together with me even though I begged, and tried to change, and tried everything I possibly could. Recently, I had a mini breakdown about the whole thing and have now cut off all contact with him. Today is the third day. Have tried to do this before with this particular guy but have never been successful. I think a NC Buddy is a fantastic idea!! I'd love some NC buddies too, and would be more than happy to be a NC buddy to other people :-) Maybe I can stay on the "wagon" this time! Link to post Share on other sites
BurningRoses Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Okay, I am on day 4 NC, I guess. I was on day 7, but tried calling friday evening. Thankfully I got voicemail and had the sense not to leave a message, but still I tried. My story I already posted but long and short, I broke NC after five years, thought everything was fine, though LD and platonic, and he spazzed out of the blue. I am still puzzled why but I am detirimined to be NC until such time as a) he stops the childish and emotionally unstable behavior b) I completely erase anything but faded images of him from my mind. It has been very difficult to resist temptation today for some reason, and I am aware for those of you who read my post about the backstory that it may sound a bit flaky, and I am very angry at myself for feeling as strongly as I do, but any support is welcome. And hey though I may suck at taking my own advice I would be happy to be an NC buddy . Link to post Share on other sites
Mending1985 Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Just thought I would actually post my email for anyone who wants some NC support :-) [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
aloneatnights Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 Hope you don't mind me joining you all, fantastic idea for a thread..... We still loved one another, well he said he does... but things aren't changing and he's not making the effort, it wasn't really going anywhere, i gave it my all and he gave little in return. Day 10 no contact for me!! same situation a month for me i made it impossible to contact him by deleting numbers, he was never on the computer so thats easier for me. only way is by showing up at my door but he wont. wasnt proactive then, wont be now. a day at a time, then a week then hopefully a month, then maybe nothing. also i got rid of any pictures and stuff i had of him. no reminders and nothing really to look back on/at Link to post Share on other sites
Lmaiden Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 I was unsuccessful after 13 days... I feel so weak Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla87 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 i was doing really good. NC with best guy friend for two months, then he IM's me out of the blue the night after he dropped off his gf at college, which is 15 hrs away, and he was drinking and told me he was depressed and I offered a virtual hug to him and he told me he doesn't know what he needs. So now I haven't talked to him since the 17th and I'm doing good. The reason behind this is I've openly admitted my feelings to him, well not all, but enough to tell him that I want more then friendship and more then something physical with him. I've known him for 8 years and been friend with him for 6 1/2 and we're both in our twenties. Its soo hard because we connect to well and we get each other better then most people do and we don't have to say anything and we just know what the other is thinking and so much more. I'm trying to go longer, but I get this feeling, being he only lives about 20 minutes from my house and about 10-12 from where he works, that he'll get bored one night call me up after he is done with work and want to hang out because he is lonely, which isn't the first time he has done that. The only reason we hung out last time was that he was bored, it was after 9pm, and I was having guy issues and he wanted to help me out and make me feel better, which led to making out 3 hrs later. I'm 21 and he is 23, we're mature adults, yet we can't keep our hands off one another when left alone for more then 2 1/2 - 3 hours. And the worst part is the new IM system on facebook and seeing when someone is online and when we're on at the same time, I get tempted to IM, but I hold back because he NEEDS to make the move, not me, because for years I was always contacting him, and he would respond back and do now work, except about 5 other times, 3 of them we're texts, one was cell phone and the other was home phone and all those times we're when he was single, over 20 hrs away on base or over seas in combat. The more complicated part is that we both secretly had crushes on one another back in hs and we "friend zoned" one another and then kept flirting for years. So its complicated. And then it doesn't help that we hooked up 3 years ago and then made out as mentioned above this past year. We have strong attraction towards one another and the worst part is we could have dated this year, but serious situations came up and he got really busy and it just never happened. It sucks, cause he is a close personal friend that I hold dear to me and I just can't stand feeling conflicted on - off for the last 6 1/2 years. I'm having a catch-22 and it sucks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tripped up Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I would also like to share my email. For anyone who wants to vent, look for advice, or just act like I am their EX please email me. As long as you dont mind getting some venting back. [email protected] Long long story about the email address.... I'll share it sometime. Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Day 2. Need NC buddies. Mayday. Mayday. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I'm here. I haven't spoken to my ex since I saw her 2 days ago, so I'm in the same boat. Be strong!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jimmymat87 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 broke up for the first time on new years eve... so much drama since then i am actually going insane im so depressed... did no contact for about a month and a bit... saw her out one night and it ended up in sex... now its all gone to sit again .. havent spoken to her since sunday night wen we decided not to talk to each other ever again... but wat am i suppose to do.. we live around the same area know alot of the same people and goto alot of the same places... im going to keep bumping into her... this is never ever ever going to end grrrrr it is ruining my life Link to post Share on other sites
CherishG Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Its been almost 1wk since the break up, I was doing pretty good 5 days into NC, but then I got weak and broke it one week after the break. And since my first contact after breaking NC, I can't seem to stop calling him, or trying to get a hold of him. This is really driving me insane, and it hurts so bad. I have so many questions in my head, and I just cant seem to control my dying heart. How can they just disappear and act like you never existed in their lives? Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 Today was very difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
jimmymat87 Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 Day 10 of no contact.... going orite Link to post Share on other sites
CherishG Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I can't stand this pain anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I can't stand this pain anymore... Remind yourself why you're going NC. Go back and re-read some of your old posts. Link to post Share on other sites
BuccMan Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I can't stand this pain anymore... I hear you Cherish, the pain is intense. I broke yesterday after 4 days of NC. I called and she talked to me like I was trash (after 28 years). The pain was worse and it was very difficult. Hang in there... I am new here. After the pain I experienced yesterday, I decided to go complete NC. My inital goal is 21 days (one day at a time). They say that is what it takes to make something a habit. It will be hard and I could really use a NC buddy.. Link to post Share on other sites
alwayssme Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Its been almost 1wk since the break up, I was doing pretty good 5 days into NC, but then I got weak and broke it one week after the break. And since my first contact after breaking NC, I can't seem to stop calling him, or trying to get a hold of him. This is really driving me insane, and it hurts so bad. I have so many questions in my head, and I just cant seem to control my dying heart. How can they just disappear and act like you never existed in their lives? i wonder the same thing...but my theory on that, if they can do that, then no matter how much we're hurting, we shouldn't show it anymore than we already have...my ex knows how much i love him and hurting over him, im trying to stop worrying about him cause he sure isn't hurting over me..he's out there living his life happy while i live everyday with the constant presence of heartache...what im saying is u cant change how u feel, i guess we're gonna feel this way for awhile...just dont give in to calling...it will only hurt you more... Link to post Share on other sites
SnowWhite924 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Guess today is Day 2 of NC since I've kept in touch with him. I questioned whether or not I really did love him or was it infatuation. CARHILL, where are you? You are sooo insightful and I hope to get feedback from you. It turns out, at this point, I still feel very much happily married and don't want to ruin my marriage by seeing my exMM. I know the A was a huge Mistake!! Never to be repeated. I guess I'm trying to figure out how I really feel about the exMM. I want to know was it love, infatuation? Do I love him now??? YUK! The only reason I question it and want to know is because I continue to think about him. Like I've said before, I don't want to see him, I don't miss him and I can say from my heart that I don't feel LOVE for him!! As a matter of fact, I am glad the A is over,that we don't see each other, and hardly communicate. I don't really care about him at all! My question to you is, if the above is truly how I feel (which it is, I think!), then why, why, do I still think about him? Although, when I do, it's negative stuff like... he's a piece of crap, he's not worthy of me, I don't care about him, etc). And WHY do I continue to look at my email to see if he's contacting me? Sometimes I respond to his emails and sometimes I can't be bothered. Please help me figure out what's going on with me? Is this normal? Will the thoughts of him fade?? I hope! Link to post Share on other sites
SRV Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 It has been a week of NC with my ex. We have a daughter together, she will not even answer the phone to let me know how my daughter is doing. I had suspicions that she was seeing someone else, I think this just reinforces that notion. We went at it pretty bad a week ago and said nasty things, I miss her already and wish I could have her back, and take the things I said, I miss my daughter even more. I need some advise. Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 its friday afternoon here. having a bad day with this. i was ok yesterday and this morning. i dont know what happened! day 5 NC here. we would always go out after work on friday. that is all i can think about now. feel like i am dying. Link to post Share on other sites
Sysyphus28 Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 its friday afternoon here. having a bad day with this. i was ok yesterday and this morning. i dont know what happened! day 5 NC here. we would always go out after work on friday. that is all i can think about now. feel like i am dying. I feel the same way in alot of ways!!! We used to hang every weekend and go to shows and bars.... You know what I did today(friday)............I called a bunch of friends today and I am going to invite people over my place to drink some beers and hang out. I am trying to go out and be more social.....I am faking it until I make it, and I will make it. My ex is horrible for not calling me and doing the low down crap she did. I want to call her and curse her out for an hour!! I am so angry. Remember what they did to you. Just think about it. Go another weekend without them. Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted October 5, 2008 Share Posted October 5, 2008 It's day 7 of NC for me and 4 weeks since the split. I still feel awful, have gone through all the anxiety tablets the doc prescribed me (Xanax) and am contemplating going back on anti-depressants-I quit them in June, but wasn't expecting this. I veer between trying to talk things through with her, promising myself to never speak to her again, and constantly moaning to my friends. I never thought I was a jealous guy, but I keep thinking of what a great time she may be having which is stupid. 21 days sounds like a plan...... Link to post Share on other sites
d2darow Posted October 6, 2008 Share Posted October 6, 2008 Hey there guys.. I hear you're all going through this NC process together. Real good idea. It has been around 2 months now since my ex broke up with me. It's a real long story (If you wanna read it, --> Click <---) Long story short, she was unfaithful, broke up with me over a small matter, and within a week was with another guy. I swore not to ever talk to her and basically go NC... Went well for a week or two.. Then when suddenly I listen to a song that reminds me of her.. I get so tempted to call/msg her. Plus, she was texting me on my phone and online as well. I stupidly replied to her online messages, but I replied cause I wanted to let her know I had moved on and was happy about it. I didn't say anything bout missing her, or about what had happened. But still, I felt terrible after chatting with her. So I pledged to go NC completely.. even on her birthday I didn't call or message her. She as usual, messaged me online, and she did the same just last night. Bish: "Hey" Me: "?" (after a long pause) Bish: Watched Heroes yet? Me: Ya lol.. I think she got the hint I didnt wanna talk to her, so she stopped messaging me. But then I did smth real stupid, I was at a friend's blog, and it has a link to her blog... I clicked it.. And there I saw posts bout her new guy. "Excuses to love you"... etc. And strangely, there was a poem as well.. "I miss you so much" and it wasn't about her current bf that's for sure. That ruined my day. Cause those mixed up feelins started returning.. so I pledged not to keep contact AT ALL! No replies (online/phone), No checking her Facebook, her blog... NOTHING! She ish dead to meh. Teh End! Link to post Share on other sites
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