I need a NC buddy.

[Ricky01]

I wont bore peopel with the detailed story of my last break up, but it is nearly a year and for the past 6 months I have been doign well, you can even say I am back to normal more or less.

 

However, the day is coming up where my ex and I broke up, and its only remembered because it was practically on my birthday, and now I am stuck remembering (As if tattoos, heartache, and financial crisis wasn't enough to remember this by)

 

Basically, the woman that I was with was a child hood friend, I am talking of the age of 15 or so, not buddies like girl next door, but romantic, partying, flirting.

 

I left for the army for 5 years, and basically lost contact with her, even though time to time we'd see eachother. Amyways, I get out, I move to FL, she lives there, and we talk, I move again, and we become a couple.

 

I'm not going to say I am a Romeo, but I have had my fair share and then some... especially being involved with the Adult Film crowd.

But I fell completely, solidly, head over heels for her. When she cared, it was the best feeling I ever had. I felt at peace within myself, despite all of my crazy tales, journies, and experiences.

 

I even attempted to cheat on her, but I couldn't. She seemed so meant for me, like one of them cheesey chick flicks, of the child hood friends, living lives apart then coming together.

 

Until I had to leave for Iraq again, as a defense contractor. As you may guess by now, just by that title, I am extremely hard headed and peculiar when it comes to my (then) line of work.

 

Call me naive, but I believed her completely when she told me, "nothing can break us apart." I had given her the no judgements choice, of us going our own ways, long before I left. I was already concerned about my own well being having emotional baggage while in combat situations. I explained to her, I will become a different person for a little while. She acknowledged and gave me her full support, I never felt so loved before.

 

I have seen my story happen before, many times in my travels in the military and such, but I sincerely thought this was different. We had a rough patch while I was away, and I wont mimick her emotions or feelings she had, because despite my situation, I respect the hardship she endured with me being there despite her still being in the USA.

 

It was when I came back,

In a very childish and selfish manner, I decided to go straight from Baghdad to Orlando FL to see her, I missed her so much. the first week was sheer bliss.

The Second week was not, I had not accounted for the toll, my journey had taken on me or the mental exhaustion I was yet to confront head on.

I began to have symptoms of PTSD. I wont bother goign through them, but basically I NEEDED to be alone to get back together, but I wasn't man enough to to tell her to go home. She then witnessed my transformation of a man she thought she knew the majority of her teen to adult life become a man she never even witnessed before.

 

She had no experience in military living, little less her bf being such and still going to the war as a civilian. We had our confrontations, and I sincerely didnt want them to happen, and wanted to just get things put back together the way they were before I left.

 

the last week has several akwards times, including me not having sex with her, which was suprisingly more offensive to her than I thought it could be.

Well I got on the plane back to where I worked (we also did this long distance, but high frequency of visiting at any expense)

 

Just to see we were done, several weeks of heart wrenching pain of how she could let me go so easily. I since have had time to think of why we were so different. All I thought about out there, was her, aside from my mission. In retrospect, that wasnt fair, I can see. At first, I wouldnt accept it, and I am sure this whoel ordeal had scared her.

I had spent time with her family, I had taken care of her expenses, I had planned ahead for us, and I was amazed it can all go away so easily.

 

That took me to the deep end, I was physically ill, and immensely depressed for MONTHS. I then had panic attacks, I used different types of drugs to ease myself from this terrible heartache, I physically felt the pain in the palms of my hands when I thought of her.

 

For a guy of my nature and profession, I felt worthless. I felt like a victim, and I felt like a pansy. This made me so embarrssed with myself, that it made me into this miserable sap. I needed her as if I needed a drug. Needing change, I left to South Korea.

 

I slowly began to phase her out, though I never really have.. but made it possible to at least keep busy with work, and women.

When I returned a month later, I somehow returned to same damn feeling I had before, crying, heartache. I had to rid everythign I had of her. Then decided to move back to FL, but Miami (where i lived before) On the way we met up, and that was the worse thing I could of done.

 

Not only do I find she has a new guy, but he gives her issues about being out, and I see she calls him "baby". This guy that I dont even know, has my ex acting nice and all, while he sacrificed nothing as I did. (so i felt).

We talk, I did need to talk to her to let her know somethings, and we spent the night together. It felt so back to normal, but as it does; the next mornign came up, the alchohol weared off, after an awkward moment in the morning, we went our separate ways. We text messaged one another for a bit, I had fooled myself into thinkign this would work, it was just a phase before we reconciled. I never felt the want to hurt a man before in my life as I did for the guy that replaced me(the guy she was with). He felt so substandard to me, and I let her know. Just to find out that she "had feelings" for him.

At that point, in fear of what I would do, I had to stop contact. For men like me, it would be too easy to make a mistake that would ruin my or several peoples' lives. In the fear of killing this guy, I had to leave the country again... this time to Australia.

 

I am no longer in Australia, I am no longer in Florida either, I sent her family an Xmas Card, I really did love them also, and I acknowledge our "friendship" by sending her a Birthday card as well. I have settled in my own, but I am still very vunerable to her, so I avoid her with all possibilites. I had her on my bank accounts for months, because I didnt want to ask her to call the bank to remover herself (bank policy).

 

She wanted us to become "friends" again, admirable, maybe even cute. But, perhaps I am selfish... I can't play a fascade of being a simple friend, as I see the life I had hoped for with her fade away with others.

 

It has affected me in my ability to be with women, first off, I dont even entertain the idea of relationships. I am a tad militant even when it comes to woman hating with the guys. But this doesnt make anythign easier.

Periodically, I still think of her, miss her and her family, being that blissful naive couple we were not so long ago, but might as well have been a lifetime ago. I know, I am in love with a fantasy, a moment in the past, and each day I plan to move a lil farther, but then days like this come back... moments, anniversarys, and I wonder how could all of it ended.

 

In the end, I have accepted respnsibility for our separation. Being involved with several women with spouses in affairs have shown me, that no one is who they seem, and not all foul situations were foul in mind.

 

I like to think there was no fault in this, because I am not satisfied by making her into a villian, she isnt.

I love her too much still to this day to ever see a hair harmed on her or experience anything less than perfect for her and I know she knows.

 

But in this, I cannot be around her, it scares me how another person can effect me on such a level to where I change completely.

 

All in all, I just have a couple anchoring upsets that just can never leave me be:

 

Why, did she have to pursue me so hard to be hers in the first place?

Why was her need to move on stronger then her need to understand me, when I needed her most (PTSD).

And finally, a comment I can never forgive, even though she apologized, "I don't feel like working on us."

 

even now, remembering sombers me and i feel it in my palms again.

I feel damaged and I want to talk myself out of it, but theres always this relapse. I just need this time of year to pass on, quickly.

 

Thank you for your time, I didnt even mean to write thsi much. I dont remember the point of this.

[exclusive.]

I am currently on 10 days NC and I feel a lot better than 10 days ago I tried contacting her and HER MUM, not her - but her mum rang my parents to tell me the deal was we wouldnt talk to each other anymore.

And my ex was the dumper! what a coward.

 

Anyways, I feel so much better - I have practically deleted everything including mutual friends on Facebook. Recently I have had to teach myself not to check for tagged photos or her writing on peoples walls. I am 3 days into that and I feel a lot better for not hurting myself with content I know will upset me.

 

I have a party tonight and another tomorrow, its time to get my swagger on and go fishing! Trust me people NC hurts the most, but heals the quickest. No lie, this is coming from a guy who almost did something stupid to himself.

 

Keep it going, if anyone needs to email me or send me a message do so, I know how much it hurts.

[missinshadow]

I have tried NC several times. I am such a failure at it. The longest I've gone was a day. I called him this morning when I passed him on the road but he didn't answer. We aren't fightning he may seemed he was running late for work so maybe that's why. So I guess today cold be the start of day one.

 

What if he calls or texts me? Should I answer?

 

I need to do this. I feel it would help my situation and maybe wake him up to what he is losing.

[stovepipe]

I'm not sure where I am as far as days with NC. We tried being friends. I was actually doing ok with it. I know it wasn't the right thing to do, I knew it would just make me feel worse trying to be her friend because we were best friends before our relationship. She decided that she couldn't be my friend, she wasn't satisfied with the friendship I was able to give to her.

 

When that day happened I began NC. Probably 2 or 3 weeks ago I'm not sure. She tried contacting me, telling me she said some things she didn't mean, she was sorry. I didn't crack, I almost did but I kept it up. I've felt better since going NC. There have been some moments where I almost contacted her but I didn't. She hasn't tried contacting me since last Tuesday and I'm thankful for that.

 

NC is what you need to do to heal. If anyone needs a NC buddy I'm on AIM, yahoo messengers all the time.

[Ricky01]

3 hours...

 

The only reason I am this keen on where to find support for NC, is because the actual discontinuation of the affair I was involved with was n my mind days before we decided to end it.

 

I had already been through the forums, seeking support for when this really went down.

 

I am fine now, but I know my personality.

I will get needy, and I wont seek a new mate due to how vunerable I feel. You'd be suprised by my appearence by the way I talk and type in these forums.

 

I am just hoping my XOW stays strong also, because I don't want to cave in. This is really for her benefit for her marriage. Its is difficult knowing the best thing you can do for someone is leave them alone.

 

I toyed with the idea of being "friends", but we are already friends, we didn't stop being friendly, it was discontinued by a mutual respect and appreciation. So in that aspect I am being the best friend I know how to be, staying away and allowing her marriage to get back on track.

 

For me, I need to grit my teeth in this little southern city. I don't fit in here, so it breeds boredom and time to think too much.

 

Funny time of the year,

Seems I can't get things together for my Birthdays, I think I have made this little miserable ritual of romantic short comings subconsciously. Am I a glutton for punishment?

 

Wow.

[Ricky01]

I knda messed that up, we chatted and shared emails yesterday.

She wanted to meet for coffee, to talk.

 

I dont think I can do this, my intentions were to help her, but now I am feeling liek the victim or something, I already miss her.

 

Its not that I was trying to prove a point or be cool, I just wanted to doig somethign right, by ending her back to her husband.

 

But now, I have no one to hug lol, she has her husband.

I was there when she needed the attention, and he's there for now when she needs the attention.

 

I need attention lol, but I already cut that off. And in these moments, I deffinitely don't look to meet a new affection buddy. You only attract snakes when you are in the need of affection.

 

this sucks.

[IcemanJB]

I'm 3 months NC to this day. All I can say is it was one of the best choices I've ever made. It saved me a ton of pride and dignity by doing it too. Up until I told her to not contact me, she was frequently texting me and wanting to meet up to talk. She had/has some issues she needs to address (I won't get into them), and because of this I've heard that she claims the breakup was mutual. I still feel she was the one who broke it off though. I've been dumped before, but I've NEVER seen a girl cry as much as she did when she did it; or try to I should say. She couldn't say the words, and I had to do it for her...hardest thing I've ever done or gone through in my life.

 

Anyways, I've started talking to other women, and that definitely helps. I'm at the point where my healing has plateaued a bit. In other words it won't get much better from here, considering the effect she had on me. I still think about her a lot, but it doesn't hurt. I hate burning bridges so I'm very seriously considering breaking NC today; or at the very least this weekend since it's her birthday. I think I'm fine with whatever response (or none at all) I get from her, so NC has run its course and done its job.

 

Just hang in there guys and try your hardest to stay NC...it's so difficult to do, but it's generally the right thing to do.

[wantoheal]

hello everyone. today is only my 2nd day of NC and I need lots of help I think I am going crazy. I don't really have a support in this situation and would aprreciate any support anyone could give me. I haven't read the rest of the posts on this thread but am going to now. This is a good idea-thank you. Right now I am trying to keep my mind on other things but it's hard..

[TheKingKopite]

I don't understand how you lot can do this .. I can't last a day without having to beg my ex back on MSN or something.

 

I tend to block her and then unblock her after 3 hours later.

[carhill]

De-tox'ing is easy if you swear of social networking and cell phones (except for essential contacts, like family or business) and e-mail for two months. Just don't go there. Actively suppress thoughts. Think of it as a psychological experiment

[allthewiser]

its been just over 3 weeks that i broke up with her (7yr r-ship), and i was up to day 7 of nc. however, i broke it last night when she posted on fb that her godmother-aunty had just died from cancer.

 

immediately i tried calling her..no answer so i left a voicemail stating my condolenses etc. then the caring idiot stepped in and told her if she needs to talk, she knows where to find me (she doesn't have my new number).

 

then i msg'ed her on fb telling her how i want to be with her, hug her and let her know that i'm there for her (the aunty and i got on really well), and sorry for not giving her my number still. she replied that she doesnt want my number, she thanked me for my concern and that she only wants to spend time with her family. i replied that i respect that and she knows where to find me.

 

perhaps the guy she cheated with, and her 'friend' now willing to give her a place to stay temporarily will be there for her. the betrayed part of me hopes not, and she'll realised what she has lost...me

 

i know (yet hope), that she DOESN'T come around. really don't know why i offered...i guess 7 yrs is a long time and if you still 'love' and 'care' for them, then it's hard.

 

i'm actually feeling ok since last night. not pining for her at all. just sad that we're not together..sharing this experience together.

 

i'll continue with nc on my part. for those who are finding it hard, it may get better (everyone handles things differently), but my first nc was 2 days, then 4 days, then the last 7 days (and only bc of a death)

[wantoheal]

so...it's 12:30 am here and I can't sleep. He dumped me 10 days ago now and I have been 2 days NC. what really gets me is I know he just has no desire to even contact me. That is what is just so hard to understand-after everything. I am so tempted to look at his stuff but I won't cuz I know it will drive me crazy.

I had a guy that I used to be very interested before me and my ex got together call me the day after our break up and ask me to get together. I don't even want to. I have such low self esteem right now. I feel fat and ugly and just worthless and completely unlovable. Also, I just really don't want to even see anyone else-no one can compare to my ex... i just don't understand how he could have just totally cut his feelings off for me like that-and he did, completely. how??

[wantoheal]

well, goodnight everyone, I am going to close my eyes and try to sleep...

[wantoheal]

I am trying so hard right now not to look at my ex's online stuff. It is hard because I'm at work and at a computer all day. I just want to know what is going on...it has been less than 2 weeks and he has moved on while I just can not. I'm coming to LS instead and reading others posts and it is helping a little. I just need some support guys please??? I am still so in love with him. And I think i am right for him and don't know why he doesn't think so too. I truly think that thru our whole relationship he was never really "all there" with me. I don't know why..we were soo right together please..any words of encouragement? anything??

[wantoheal]

Now he has texted me twice asking for his stuff back. Should I reply or not? I really want to talk to him

[carhill]

Sure, give him his stuff back. "Send me a list". If it's small, ship it to him. If it's large, you decide when and have a trusted friend or family member be on the premises to release the items on the list. Do not invite discourse nor respond to any attempts on his part. Stuff only. If he appears to be using stuff (disputes) to engage you, cut him off. Keep records of your discourse.

[tomcathat]

A lot of guys make the huge mistake of kissing her ass or agreeing with everything she says when they first meet her. Women don't want you to kiss their ass, exactly the opposite. Remember kissing her ass or looking for her approval doesn't give her that challenge she desires. Women want a challenge and if you want her approval don't suck up to her and don’t kiss her ass. Treat her like ****, put her down and do it with style and you'll get that approval!

 

I know it sounds hard and cruel but if you want to be a success with women you cannot kiss her ass and you can not agree with everything she says. You have to learn how to capture her attention and how to seduce her mind. Seduction is a mental process, NOT a physical one. Seduce her mind and only then will you seduce her body

[seductress989]

Seeing how this is my third time around doing NC, I consider myself on the advanced level lol ..

 

But I do have MSN messenger...(yeah I know it's old school)

I would like a NC buddy to chat with on there.....I am only getting close to 2 weeks of doing NC which makes 60 days seem like an eternity away, and I would really like to share thoughts with someone

 

If anyone wants to chat with me send me a private message and I will give you my email for IM:bunny:

[lovelinefan]

How do I initiate no contact if we live together in a house that we co-own? We had a fight the other night about our relationship - she made it clear that she wants to run away, but I talked her into staying and continuing therapy.

 

I think she may actually break it off before our next session. I can tell she wants to remain friends, doesn't seem to want to move out, and seemingly wants me to take care of her still - I can't do that obviously, but it would be the most painful thing in the world to stop sleeping in the same bed, to not cook her dinner, to not hang out with her in my free time, etc, since we live together.

 

I guess the obvious answer is to ask her to move out, but that might kill me.

 

Please help

[lyadm]

Hi everyone. I am jumping right in here...it is nice to know I am not the only one going through all this. Although, I know our stories are all a little different to some degree, we are all hurting in a very real way. I have effortlessly engaged in NC in the past and he always came back. This time I am not going to give in, I don't want to think of him anymore, but I know I have to give myself time to get over this...a years worth of wonderful conversations just won't get out of my head as much as I want them to. I would be more than willing to talk to anyone who needs a friend right now, especially if you need one that knows where you are at emotionally. Feel free to contact me...I am going on 5 days now, and this time I am not looking back no matter what...even if it kills me.

[TheKingKopite]

Today is my 3rd day of no contact with my ex girlfriend and I been keeping myself busy and I still sometimes think about her.

 

I blocked her on MSN and she came on Facebook(which she NEVER does) and said "blocked me ave we" but I still managed to ignore her.

[andy2009]

3 days >break NC by sending SMSs > now 2 days......

 

If I can manage few more days then I will have to travel to another country for another 2 weeks....that make me feel better I guess

[EmperorR]

4 days NC

 

boy does it suck

[joop]

12 days into NC, and its absolutely killing me, Im soooooooo very tempted to sms/ph/email her, but trying to stay strong at same time but nothing is helping ... wht should you must do in this situation ...

[pinkpearls]

carhill,

how have things been going for you since you initiated NC? i am just starting out, on wobbly legs, after ending a 15 month affair and trying to rebuild my marriage and do the right thing. i am assuming you did not have the support of family/friends if your relationship was clandestine--as mine was. has it gotten any easier, any better? did you do the right thing? oh, the messes we get ourselves in...