I need a NC buddy.

[allthingsarepossible]

OK I started NC to Day 1. This is going to be hard as we are still in the same house and have to talk about the kids. But other than that its NC.

[stillstrong1]

My ex texted me on 4th of July- "Some days are harder than others". Now I have an overwhelming desire to text her back- "It was your choice".

 

Please, someone, talk me out of it.

[fancofu]

OK I started NC to Day 1. This is going to be hard as we are still in the same house and have to talk about the kids. But other than that its NC.

 

 

I feel your pain. I really do. I don't live with my ex but because I live with someone that is very sick, I have to go to my ex's house pretty much everyday for the kids.

[stillstrong1]

My ex texted me on 4th of July- "Some days are harder than others". Now I have an overwhelming desire to text her back- "It was your choice".

 

Please, someone, talk me out of it.

[allthingsarepossible]

stillstrong: be like your name and be strong. I know you feel bad now but how will you feel if you text her back and she does not respond?

 

Day 2: I came home she told me she was going to her aunts. I stupidly asked which vehicle she was using. She answered and said "do you have a problem with that" I just shut my mouth and walked away. She tried some small (very small talk) but I just ignored it and played with my son.

[celinedion1]

oh my god. he said those things to you??? holy... wow girl... i don't know how you didn't give this guy a beating... what a loser this guy is. the online chick is in for a nasty surprise...

 

Yes he said those things to me. Also to make it worse after telling me that he loved me he would call his gf and tell her the same thing. I think that they'll both be in for a nasty surprise when they meet each other. She'll find out what kind of a guy he is and he'll get used for whatever money he may have. He's been sending his online gf money for the past 2 months (i've been single for a month).

 

The only good that come out of this whole situation is that I've become a very strong person and I know exactly what I want in my next relationship when the time comes, which is pretty much the exact oppisite kind of guy of my ex bf. As time goes on it gets easier and I'm so happy that I don't have to deal with his crap anymore. My life is very full of travels, I also have a great family so I'll get through it. It'll just take some time. I have my good days and my bad days but I just try to take one day at a time.

[opheliaapplegate]

Hi guys - I sure could use a NC buddy & could've used one years ago. I am still in the process of getting my life back together after a LTA with a co-worker. It is so hard because I have had to have at least LC with him for work purposes and it sucks big time. We were together for many years - both of us married and both of us supporting each other - we became very good friends and truly loved each other but we knew after some very grueling years of rollarcoaster riding that it needed to be over. Hence we are both working on our persepctive marriages (at least I am) he still comes around looking for me pulling at my heart strings making me feel insane. I have been in IC and MC for awhile which has helped tremdously but I still feel sick every so often and get the urge to call. Anyway - I made it my point to have NC at all with him. As it turns out his calls started to become personal again and I started falling into that old trap. I told him last month to please leave me alone and that trying to be friends is not working for me and that I want to have NC with him what so ever. He resisted and kept loooking for me, calling me, trying to make up "work" reasons to see me UGH! So I made it my point to ignore him and told him very sternly that I did not want to hear from him under any circumstances, if he called I would hang up, if he emailed I would delete it if he came by I would shut the door in his face. I even went so far as to have my secretary be present anytime he came into my office. It was hard, I cried but knew it was the absolute right thing to do.

 

He finally became so fed up with me that I haven't heard from him. It has actually been three full weeks since our last conversation. This is the first time in years that we have not spoken to eachother for this long. It hurts but yet it feels good. I finally feel that I am giving my H & marriage what it deserves, I needed to do this for my integrity and sanity. There are times when I am alone that are hard but i keep thinking of how much stronger I am becoming the more time that goes by.

 

Anyway thanks for the support. Good luck to everyone - just keep trying it is so worth it. Remember that which does not kill us only makes us stronger!

[Katherineos123]

Im on day 14 of No Contact. Its weird. Sometimes, I think Im going to be ok. "Im fabulous, I dont need him! If he wants to right his wrongs then he'll call me!" Then theres other days, like last night where I cant even stand it. I cry myself to sleep and wake up just to do it all again. Its not so much that I have to fight myself not to call him, because I know eventually he will be calling me (we left on good terms) its moreso that I miss the companionship so much, and the lonliness is overwhelming. I just want him back so badly. He said when we split that "it might be worth another shot, but we need to do this right now" Last time I spoke with him he told me, shaky voice and everything, that he really misses me, that this is really hard on both of us, then why is he saying it MIGHT be worth another shot!? I know he misses me! What the hell is that all about?? Ugh, I dont even know anymore.... Im just trying to hold it together.... This is a great support system though, Kudos to the inventor!

[carhill]

39 days and many Xanax

 

Best strategy for me is processing the connection (my situation's a bit different than most NC here) and I'm making inroads in that regard. I'll post some of the psychological tricks I'm using in my journals.

 

The net effect for me is no ambiguity; the clearing of emotional fog. Still difficult, but the lows are much less lower now....

[rawkwell]

In this day and age where we're so inter-connected with one another, are you all finding it hard to keep NC? I tried deleting him from my phone, but I know his phone number when he calls and texts. I have an app on my phone that's a "loopt" app that shows where the other person is all the time, and I haven't found the courage to take it off my phone yet. I block and unblock him on my ichat all the time, and even tried deleting him, but he got through because I didn't block and delete him.

 

20 years ago breaking up and keeping NC would have been so much easier!

[carhill]

Even with technology, NC can still be easy. In fact, I test the waters by leaving all e-mails intact, all phone numbers listed, all past communications fully accessible, all social networking identities extant. I just choose, each minute of each day, to not avail myself of any of those temptations. Look the devil (not her, but rather my emotions) in the face and say "today I will get better".

 

This path is not for everyone, but it has allowed me to make remarkable progress. I'm also using transference techniques which move emotional energy to a dispassionate object (say like a platonic friend for whom I have no romantic interest) and dissipate it that way, within myself.

 

I don't focus on other's actions, rather specifically on my emotions and thoughts and actions. This is the essence of NC, working on and healing oneself.

[Katherineos123]

Ok, but riddle me this.

 

Say that you really want to give the relationship another shot... not now, but eventually, and youre pretty sure that the other party will too. How long should you keep up the No Contact Pact?

 

And what if both people would like to talk to each other, but are both trying not to? Isnt that just some sort of a prideful NC stalemate?

 

How long is the window of opportunity there?

[carhill]

IMO, for myself, the "pact" or my initiative can be broken when I can initiate and/or accept contact without the emotional content which pervaded the relationship or precipitated the breakup. Again, NC is about healing the person initiating it, and no more or no less...

[kizik]

When making contact no longer makes you nervous, you are ready to make contact.

[mma_j]

Ok, but riddle me this.

 

Say that you really want to give the relationship another shot... not now, but eventually, and youre pretty sure that the other party will too. How long should you keep up the No Contact Pact?

 

And what if both people would like to talk to each other, but are both trying not to? Isnt that just some sort of a prideful NC stalemate?

 

How long is the window of opportunity there?

 

The prideful NC stalemate is a great description.

 

I don't think there is a specific window of opportunity. But this article is awesome: http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=79835&page=1

[Ingenue]

I had 17 days of no contact with my ex. I didn't respond to any of his 3 emails. And then I broke NC, to inform him via email that I was going no contact and wanted some time to myself to heal and gain emotional distance.

 

I've deleted his numbers off of my phone and deleted his email addresses. I'm not sure when I'll be ready for contact with him again, but when I do, it'll be on my terms when I'm ready.

 

Some days are better than others for me. Nights are the hardest.

[mma_j]

I had 17 days of no contact with my ex. I didn't respond to any of his 3 emails. And then I broke NC, to inform him via email that I was going no contact and wanted some time to myself to heal and gain emotional distance.

 

I've deleted his numbers off of my phone and deleted his email addresses. I'm not sure when I'll be ready for contact with him again, but when I do, it'll be on my terms when I'm ready.

 

Some days are better than others for me. Nights are the hardest.

 

It is difficult, but you'll get through it.

[sedgwick]

He called me on June 13, I told him I loved him but to take a hike, and then on July 23 I sent a text to which he didn't respond. Prior to June 13 it was 9.5 months NC. I'll be glad when I've built up a year. That's the goal from this point.

 

Let me tell ya, guys, you DON'T WANT TO BREAK NC. You just don't. It puts you right back at the beginning. I've bounced back a little quicker this time, but it still hurts a lot. I look forward to breaking that 9.5 month record.

[babes23]

Hope you don't mind me joining you all, fantastic idea for a thread.....

 

We still loved one another, well he said he does... but things aren't changing and he's not making the effort, it wasn't really going anywhere, i gave it my all and he gave little in return.

 

Day 10 no contact for me!!

[WiseOne1]

He called me on June 13, I told him I loved him but to take a hike, and then on July 23 I sent a text to which he didn't respond. Prior to June 13 it was 9.5 months NC. I'll be glad when I've built up a year. That's the goal from this point.

 

Let me tell ya, guys, you DON'T WANT TO BREAK NC. You just don't. It puts you right back at the beginning. I've bounced back a little quicker this time, but it still hurts a lot. I look forward to breaking that 9.5 month record.

 

Im trying to do NC from this day on, regardless if she still wants to be best friends, we were best friends for the 5 years before we got together. But I told her that she has to replace me with her current bf, that she needs to give him the bond and everything that we had.

 

Thats it. Im only 1 day of NC because she contacted me yesterday.

[HopeDiesLast]

My ex gave me the all time favorite line "i dont know what i want" on june 8th. i havent talked to him since july 11th.

he told my july 3 he thought this was the right decision. i took my stuff back, dropped off his with a final note after he text me for it a week later and kindly adding "how are you doing?".

as if he really cared and wasnt trying to make himself not seem like an ass.

everyday i fight with myself not to call him and ask "how can you just walk away and not even text me once to see how i am?"

WHEN DOES IT GET EASIER?!?!

[Lmaiden]

NC just began yesterday so 1 day and counting we have actually been broken up for 2 months and 2 weeks... I've actually allowed myself to stay in contact with him and even became sexually involved with him on several occasions. Our break up was very complicated we shared 6 years and he cheated and produced a child... I feel so foolish every time I involve myself with him again and again but for some reason I just can't let go. I promised myself yesterday that I will not contact him: I've blocked him from texting me and deleted him from my MSN messenger... I've even thought about changing my home phone but I'm never home so it won't hurt! When I saw this bulletin I actually thought it was a good idea because you all understand how hard it is to basically cold turkey your ex... but I'll keep you posted and hope everything works out for you all

[SnowWhite924]

I'm on day 7 of NC with my exMM.

 

Brief history...we are both married, and had an A for 11 months. I really did 'fall in love' with him. It was INTENSE for both of us to the point where we talked about how we could leave our spouses, when we would do it, but at the end, we both decided now was not the time because of our children.

 

Right after we decided now was not the time for us to be together, my feelings began to change. I wanted 'out' of the relationship. I did not want to be part of an 'A' any longer. I was and still am happily married although during the intense part of our relationship, I withdrew from my H and blamed him for the 'A'. He never found out about it.

 

I then switched gears and started to get back in the game with my H knowing me & my MM weren't going to be together.

 

I'd break if off with my MM on a monthly basis but always found myself back in his arms. I think because I liked the feeling and also because it was comfortable and maybe even a habit. We would spend our entire days communicating either on the phone, emial, txt, IM, or would see each other. It was endless.

 

The past couple of months, I decided I wanted the 'A' to end, I wanted to live happily ever after with my H and couldn't do it as long as my MM was in my life. I was DONE. Keep in mind, although I felt I fell out of love with my MM, I do care about him. Our relationship was more of a friendship than anything else.

 

A few weeks ago, I told my exMM I was done with the 'A'. I was done with the lying, cheating,betraying, selfish acts, etc... But he somehow persuaded me to 'just be friends' with him although to him that meant we could hold hands and kiss.

 

Last week, my MM & I were supposed to meet before he went on vacation, I couldn't bring myself to break up with him in person so I did it via text. He told me if I want to talk when he gets back, I know how to reach him.

 

He's still away on vacation. This morning, he sent me a txt of the Sun rising and said 'Just wanted to say Hi'. When I saw that, I thought, 'what a nice pix' but I had NO DESIRE to text him back.

 

I've been wondering, with everything me & my exMM have been through, why and how can I just walk away from him like this? I cried once for him, woke up a few times dreaming of him, think about him occassionally during the day but never want to reach out to him.

 

Was I really in love with him? Was it infatuation? Any ideas?

[carhill]

Was I really in love with him? Was it infatuation? Any ideas?

Based on what you're writing here, I would opine infatuation. How long did you know him prior to beginning the A?

 

I cried once for him, woke up a few times dreaming of him, think about him occassionally during the day but never want to reach out to him.

IMO, if it really was a deep connection, dissipation would be much slower and more tortuous. Also, if you were and are truly "happily" married, that also lends credence to infatuation.

 

Perhaps, thankfully, your journey will be much shorter and less painful than for some others. One can hope

[SnowWhite924]

He was/is my daughter's softball coach and we hardly spoke at all during the season prior getting together. I honestly think I was going through low self-esteem because I was just about to turn 40 yrs old and was wondering if I was still attractive to men.

 

I would go to the ball field and he was the best looking man there. I'd stare at him and before I knew it, I had a crush on him. We spoke one on one a few times. Then one day, at a party at a mutual friends house, we started flirting together, played footsies under the table, and that's how it started.

 

At the intense time between us, I did feel I was head over heals in love with him and I wanted to be with him. I just don't feel it now. What I feel for him now is that I deeply care about him because we got soo close (more as friends than lovers).