Sysyphus28 Posted October 6, 2008 Share Posted October 6, 2008 It's day 7 of NC for me and 4 weeks since the split. I still feel awful, have gone through all the anxiety tablets the doc prescribed me (Xanax) and am contemplating going back on anti-depressants-I quit them in June, but wasn't expecting this. I veer between trying to talk things through with her, promising myself to never speak to her again, and constantly moaning to my friends. I never thought I was a jealous guy, but I keep thinking of what a great time she may be having which is stupid. 21 days sounds like a plan...... I was contemplating zoloft to help smooth over some my more erratic thoughts............Its been a month since we "split", but she broke up with me on the phone last summer. I was in denial...but she was banging a new guy(her b/f) all summer long. She was so detached when I saw her, even a hug was awkward for her. I felt like a piece of living S$#%. It has been 2 weeks and a day NC. It is harder everyday as I feel my imaginary grip on what we had slip. In reality in slipped a while ago, but Being the "dumpee" you think about all the amazing times and look over the fact you were/are treated like a thrown away newspaper(old news). It a huge ego/confidence blow, and I am jealous that she is so happy right now....which she is by the way. We have mutual friends...I'm sure she knows I am saddish. She hasn't called to talk to me at all. I completely want to beak NC and say "I miss you"...."or remember when.........." "or...I love you"....blah blah blah I have to be strong for my sake though. Square one is an awful place to go back to. I have been dating other women, I still think of her though. This forum helps alot. Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Had nearly a year of NC with my MM. Relapsed, so to speak, after I had broken up with some other guy I had been dating during that time. Meant to be "platonic" friends with MM, was feeling lonely, missed him. Never works. Ten months later and we're sleeping together every week while I hold my misery inside imagining him with his wife and kids all weekend and all night long. What a life. Link to post Share on other sites
jolie78 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 lol.. I think she got the hint I didnt wanna talk to her, so she stopped messaging me. But then I did smth real stupid, I was at a friend's blog, and it has a link to her blog... I clicked it.. And there I saw posts bout her new guy. "Excuses to love you"... etc. And strangely, there was a poem as well.. "I miss you so much" and it wasn't about her current bf that's for sure. That ruined my day. Cause those mixed up feelins started returning.. so I pledged not to keep contact AT ALL! No replies (online/phone), No checking her Facebook, her blog... NOTHING! yeh. no checking his facebook, myspace, whatever. whatever you find won't make you feel any better anyway. sometimes, though, when we are actually happy, we stupidly think we are fine and at peace enough to check...just to see how things are going on the other person's end. not a good thing. who were you before the relationship? who are you outside of the relationship? and who was the person that he/she fell in love with? i think those are things that i'm starting to learn and remember and appreciate. the relationship stressed me out to the point that i didn't blog for almost a year. when i reread my blog, i was shocked that i was once a funny person. then i found my old self again. for like a couple days. then i keep losing my old self. i guess i'm just still in an emotional state right now - it's only my fourth week of being out of the house...and the second week of not seeing him at all. i really really want to find myself again. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurtling Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 sorry ime new what is NC? Link to post Share on other sites
i11 Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 sorry ime new what is NC? NC stands for no contact. Get more about NC F&Q: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ Link to post Share on other sites
d2darow Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Hey Jolie. That's so true. I actually thought I had moved on and checking it wouldn't bother me at all. And heyy! Funny thing about the blog. I stopped blogging while I was with my ex as well. Then, I was like it's time to start blogging again. I was reading through my previous posts, and laughed. I was much happier back then. Do pass me the link to your blog, would love to read it. Good news Jolie, you're well on your way to finding yourself. I learnt that by spending alone time with myself, I learn more and more about myself. Last time, everything was about my ex. I was living and breathing for her. Everythin I did was to please her. I neglected myself, friends and family.. Only now am I finally waking up and taking control of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
jolie78 Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Hey Jolie. That's so true. I actually thought I had moved on and checking it wouldn't bother me at all. And heyy! Funny thing about the blog. I stopped blogging while I was with my ex as well. Then, I was like it's time to start blogging again. I was reading through my previous posts, and laughed. I was much happier back then. Do pass me the link to your blog, would love to read it. Good news Jolie, you're well on your way to finding yourself. I learnt that by spending alone time with myself, I learn more and more about myself. Last time, everything was about my ex. I was living and breathing for her. Everythin I did was to please her. I neglected myself, friends and family.. Only now am I finally waking up and taking control of my life. hm. how can i send you the link without posting it in a public forum? i'd like to read yours as well Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I almost cracked, 20 days NC its thanksgiving here in canada I just want to say happy thanksgiving to you and your family BUT I WILL NOT CRACK Link to post Share on other sites
d2darow Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 hey Jolie. I'm not too familiar with this forum, but do they allow private messages? Well, the only other option besides that I can think of, ish Facebook. Yeah Emperor. Don't bother. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Belle28 Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Hi, I am on my first NC day. I am imposing it on myself not because of a brake up but because the guy I like is upset and I feel he needs some time without hearing from me. After being threatened by my ex he distanced himself even though he did not terminating contact alltogether. I sent him an email a couple of days ago suggesting that if he would want to stop this he would only have to tell me. He replied among other things that he was led to believe I was hidding something from him and that it was not fair to make him nervous by sending emails like that. He did not clearly say he wanted to terminate contact but now I am going to try NC so that things can cool down a bit - do you think its a good idea? I could really use a NC buddy because I dont want to talk to anyone else about this... Link to post Share on other sites
IcemanJB Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 I just want to say that things like Facebook make it so much harder to move on...I'm tempted to remove her from my facebook, but I honestly am not mad at her one bit. I don't want to hurt her, because I know she'd think I hate her or something... Day 5 of NC... Link to post Share on other sites
Belle28 Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 I deactivated my facebook account. He had joined to actually check my profile but he has no friends on it. Then when I added him he did not reply so I deactivated it - I was tired of having my life exposed for all to see... I really don't understand. If he wants to stay away what is the point of still knowing what I am up to??? Link to post Share on other sites
Just_dealin_with_it Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Im on day 19 of NC. Still hard at times. As far as facebook goes, I removed her from my friends list. I don't care if it hurts her or not, she's moved on with someone new, why would I want a news feed letting me know her status has changed? Plus I can't even be sure she's noticed or would care. This is all after a 2 year relationship that ended "mutually". You'd think I wouldn't even be here now, but you never know how you're going to react to a loss. Not really going so well for me Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I went through 25 days of NC, which involved me going to a therapist, going back on anti-depressants and being prescribed Xanax-I took it well as you can see:) Anyway, on Saturday morning (at 5am) I received a text from her reminding me when we met a year ago and asking if I was ok. It's funny, as soon as I read it I realized I was over her. I'd been in agony for weeks, but as soon as I read that mundane text when she was obviously drunk, I realized I'm not in love with her anymore, and even better, I don't care. NC has made me realize who I was before I met her, not the groveling guy who would drop anything to spend time with her, not the needy guy who used to ask for assurance to do stuff, but the easy going laid back guy I used to be. Even better it's made me question what attracted me to her in the first place? I mean if I met her now, I'm not sure I'd care to have a conversation or anything. I don't care anymore. My main embarrassment is fighting so hard to get her back-that's what hurts now, not her. I haven't replied to the text. My embarrassment over how hard I tried to pursue will probably prevent me from wanting another conversation in the future. It's history, and you know what? I'm finally glad it is. NC has helped me do this, and although I doubted it at first, is well worth the pain and torment. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted October 29, 2008 Share Posted October 29, 2008 I went through 25 days of NC, which involved me going to a therapist, going back on anti-depressants and being prescribed Xanax-I took it well as you can see:) Anyway, on Saturday morning (at 5am) I received a text from her reminding me when we met a year ago and asking if I was ok. It's funny, as soon as I read it I realized I was over her. I'd been in agony for weeks, but as soon as I read that mundane text when she was obviously drunk, I realized I'm not in love with her anymore, and even better, I don't care. NC has made me realize who I was before I met her, not the groveling guy who would drop anything to spend time with her, not the needy guy who used to ask for assurance to do stuff, but the easy going laid back guy I used to be. Even better it's made me question what attracted me to her in the first place? I mean if I met her now, I'm not sure I'd care to have a conversation or anything. I don't care anymore. My main embarrassment is fighting so hard to get her back-that's what hurts now, not her. I haven't replied to the text. My embarrassment over how hard I tried to pursue will probably prevent me from wanting another conversation in the future. It's history, and you know what? I'm finally glad it is. NC has helped me do this, and although I doubted it at first, is well worth the pain and torment. I'm glad you posted this robaday! I was nodding my head as I read your post - though I am not over my ex, and its only been two and a half weeks NC, when he attempted to contact me last night I was able to ignore it. I saw what his attempt at small chat as uninteresting, still painful now, but I am much further along the road than I was two months ago... when I was dying to make conversation with him. Link to post Share on other sites
IcemanJB Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 I'm on day 7 of NC...still really hard, but I'm hanging in there. I've even vowed not to even check my facebook for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
d2darow Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 The net has made NC all the more difficult to follow. Speaking from experience here, take the brave step and delete the insignificant other from Facebook, MSN, AIM or anything of that sort. Do NOT visit their blog, check their e-mail Inbox and such. This would only lead to further confusion and messed up feelings. If you do keep in touch with someone who has already moved on/found someone else etc, it'll only show that you're weak and clingy... Prove to the other person that you too have moved on, and can deal with it. Have your own life, only leave that ex of yours out of it. It's hard at first, but as robaday says, it's worth it, and trust me, it's them who'll come back messaging you, asking to meet up etc. Just happened to me yesterday and what did I do? I laughed, muttered "pathetic" and deleted the text message. Iceman, just push all thoughts of her out of your head. When a song that reminds of you comes on, change the track. Although I like to fo the complete opposite. I'll test my inner strength and just listen to the whole track and when it doesn't affect me at all, I know I've done it. Stay strong, all the best. We're here with you mate Link to post Share on other sites
Sysyphus28 Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I went through 25 days of NC, which involved me going to a therapist, going back on anti-depressants and being prescribed Xanax-I took it well as you can see:) Anyway, on Saturday morning (at 5am) I received a text from her reminding me when we met a year ago and asking if I was ok. It's funny, as soon as I read it I realized I was over her. I'd been in agony for weeks, but as soon as I read that mundane text when she was obviously drunk, I realized I'm not in love with her anymore, and even better, I don't care. NC has made me realize who I was before I met her, not the groveling guy who would drop anything to spend time with her, not the needy guy who used to ask for assurance to do stuff, but the easy going laid back guy I used to be. Even better it's made me question what attracted me to her in the first place? I mean if I met her now, I'm not sure I'd care to have a conversation or anything. I don't care anymore. My main embarrassment is fighting so hard to get her back-that's what hurts now, not her. I haven't replied to the text. My embarrassment over how hard I tried to pursue will probably prevent me from wanting another conversation in the future. It's history, and you know what? I'm finally glad it is. NC has helped me do this, and although I doubted it at first, is well worth the pain and torment. Please don't be embarassed of how hard you tried to get her back. SHake that off man. Seriously. ALOT of people did the same exact bull****. We ran ourselves ragged and scrambled to get her back into our lives. I called all the time and sent long emails.............texted like we were still together.....I just didn't get it. I sometimes still don't get it......... I was Nc for 6 weeks or so.........she called to check if my Granpa died........... I didn't call her back until two weeks later. She was a very mean person when I called. She was down right childish and talking to he made me feel like a worm........... thats right ..... a worm. I realized something. She isn't worth it. Nobody is man. NObody is worth feeling like a loser for. Someone who really cared about us would let us know in a real way. It hurts......this hurts. I am hurt........but I'll recover and I'll love again. Life isn't over. People move on after 10 year marriages w/kids. I have to go back into NC with her. Her table scrap emails.......and convos are embarrassing. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzyb6938 Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 My situations a bit different. We're on a break, not a break up. he wants to get back together in two months. I said some stupid things and hurt him, and now he's hurt me because he says he needs time to forget what i said that he can't be a good bf right now b/c thesis, he's going away etc and he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. he was crying when he said it. he doesn't want to be with neone else just space. I've stopped contacting him, he's messaged a few times and i just kept it short. I broke no contact today to congratulate him on finishing thesis and he asked how my assignments were. I stupidly said I missed him and he didn't write back. It's hard to know whether it's best to reassure him because I hurt him alot and kept saying I was going to leave (which I didn't mean) and he got really insecure or whether I should back off entirely. I figure no contact from now on. I told him I missed him so I'm just going to leave him to his own devices.Every time we speak he says he loves me so I just have to have faith and just let him have this space and just keep going with everything. God it hurts sometimes though. Day 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Belle28 Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Hi Lizzie, I understand exactly how you feel - I am more or less going through the same thing with this guy and I am not sure staying in touch and giving him reassurance is the right move at all. I try to stay in touch once a week and not more. He replies normally with one or two sentences but never refers to my emails. He only states that he is good, very busy to say the least and that he hopes I am happy and well. I clearly gave him the opportunity and asked him flat out if he wanted to sever all communication. I told him I would understand because lately I had been a nuissance to his life even though indirectly. He told me the first time he did not want to cease contact, only to distance himself from the situation which was tormenting him and a month later when given the chance again he did not refer to it in his reply at all. I will be visiting his town in about a months time and I am clueless as to what i should do right now. NC, let him know precisely when I will be there, call him when I am there? Dont know - he had invited me to come and stay at his place but after what happened I don't even have the courage to ask. He seems so distant... Link to post Share on other sites
Sysyphus28 Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 They are distant, A million miles away from your pain and longing. It is lame to be friends with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
pniggy12 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I'm glad i found this thread i'll put my 2 cents in to keep it going ,this thread should stay alive i'm in the moring of day 5 and again it's killing me to email her just to ask how she is doing or lets go for coffee she is in my building but diffrent floors lucky for me i'm pretty sure i can go one and never run in to her except the x-mas party is coming but i hope to be over this by then Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 55 days nc, did I ever think I could reach this day nope! I've regained myself back slowly but surely, I won't lie I was basically a doormat, I gave up all my friends becuse of my ex jealously, I did ebeything for her, worked overtime so she could go on a trip to see her grandparnts only for her to screw some guy she jut met 3 times. And yet like a idiot I was chasing, crying pleading for another chance, untill I finally did nc the hrdest thing I ever did. But every day I'm feeling a little bit better. I never got angry yelled even tried the dumb friends crap until I couldn't take the disrespect anymore. She text me on what would have been three years but I just deleted it, now any contact is more annoying than anything. I know we has a new bf but it doesn't bother me. I was basically living in bondage I couldn't weaR a hat, couldn't groW a beard, could not even go on vacation with my family, hell I almost wasn't I'm mysisyers wedding because she was jealous about me walking down the aisle with a girl. Yeah I was whipped, I was treated like dirt but I loved her more than anything If I can do nc, and have no family or friends to rely on for support You can to. Link to post Share on other sites
pniggy12 Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 AAArrrgggg !!! this is so hard ... I would pay the most obsene amount to forget that i knew this person , she did'nt even do anything that bad i just can't stand the silence ... worst part is i know exactly what will happen tonight i'm gonna drink and flirt with some girls and it will feel great like i forgot then the morning comes the hangover sets in and boom back to sqaure one .. it's killing me to not break NC Link to post Share on other sites
msjules Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 It really is hard. I'm only on day 5 (of this latest attempt) and it is terrible. We have been apart for 2 months now and I have been so pathetic that I've kept a log of the times we've contacted each other. It has not been more than 9 or so days that one of us didn't contact the other. But this time has to be it. His life is a total mess right now --- that's why he broke it off with me because he had too many problems to solve and maintain our relationship at the same time. I want to reach out so badly and see how he is doing but he is a very proud person and doesn't want me to see him down like this. I just have to make it stick this time. Link to post Share on other sites
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